Chapter 13: Fallen and Can’t Get Up

Night had fallen. I could tell, even without being able to see the moon or stars far above. I could still sense light. I could feel the absence of sunlight on my rooftop and in the garden. I was one with this Dungeon. I intuitively felt the plants yearn for the warmth. I felt the buzzing bees in the garden, laden with pollen, return home to their nest. I felt the nocturnal crickets emerge to strike up their violin songs.

And I didn’t feel tired at all. No rest for the wicked, huh?

I suppose there were perks to being a sentient rock without a circadian cycle.

Being able to hear everything in my Dungeon was a blessing and a curse though. It was easy to get lost in all the natural beauty of a small cottage garden, but I also found myself sometimes missing my hearing aids. Being able to turn those off was a nice feature when someone annoying wouldn’t shut up.

Like Jimbo-no. He was still blabbering on.

I realized I had tuned him out. Jimbo-no didn’t seem to have noticed.

“...which, once again, is why we should skedaddle,” he said. “We’ll find ya a new cottage! One with plenty of other skeleton slaves to keep ya happy.”

“Fine.” I said. “You make a good point.”

“Yes!” Jimbo-no started to walk towards my Core. He reached forward. “Come to papa.”

“After we fix the cottage.” To emphasize my point, I created a bundle of thatching into thin air using Gardencraft. It dropped right into his outstretched arms, halting him in his tracks.

“UGH. WHY?”

“Because, Jimbo-no, it’s the right thing. It’s what we should do! I can’t take on an army, but I can take on one little girl. One girl who lives in this house that we accidentally ransacked! We have to take responsibility. This may be a difficult concept for a Brigand to understand. And, frankly, I don’t care. If that brute of a man returns we’ll defend ourselves the best we can. In the meantime, we’ll do the right thing.”

I had spent too long in my previous life avoiding responsibilities and not taking accountability. That was a flaw of mine I was well aware of.

Of course, that flaw wasn’t all my fault. My Pappy tried his damnedest to raise me well. He was a good man at heart. Ehh, sometimes…. Actually, I take it back. At the end of the day, he was a stern, merciless man. Especially towards his children. When mistakes were made, sometimes it was best to pretend you hadn’t made them. Because otherwise you had to start running. That lesson had unfortunately followed me long into my adulthood. And now into the afterlife. Which was why I still felt confident in my ability to get out of this mess.

No more speeding off after fender benders without leaving behind my insurance info. No more pretending I had forgotten to bring a gift to the office white elephant gift party, but still participating in the gift exchange. God above had granted me a second shot at life. This time I intended to do it the right way.

Jimbo-no took a deep sigh. “What’s your Mana Renewal rate? It should be in your Status screen.”

“I don’t see what that has to do with anything,” I said.

“Just check it for me, will ya?”

There was a quiet moment of him staring at me while I fiddled around with my screens. In the background, we could hear Jellybee singing in the garden. He was tone deaf.

I squinted at my main status. I still hadn’t used some of these abilities. What was a Leyline and how could I knit it? What would a ‘Scrapbook’ soup even taste like? “Is Mana Renewal below my Powers? Wait, no, that says ‘Homewrecker.’ Well, I never! How dare they label me that! I’m not a homewrecker! Gertrude is the damn homewrecker! That lying, cheating… Oh, hey, never mind, I found it.” I cleared my throat. “Mana Renewal says ‘1.’ Is that how quickly I gain Mana?”

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He nodded. He hefted up the bundle of thatch I conjured in front of him. “And this batch of weeds? How much Mana did this cost to make?”

“Three Mana,” I replied. My avatar gulped when I saw how much I had remaining. Soul Stroll took up more Mana to maintain than I expected. I could have accidentally tucked myself in for the night with only a few more floorboards.

“Your Mana Renewal rate is shit. I’m guessing your capacity ain’t too high either, otherwise ya wouldn’t have been knocked out cold when ya dropped in to say hi to Sarge’s life. Our help ain’t gonna be enough to cut it. Look, lady, I know ya mean well. It’s admirable. But ya won’t have enough Mana to fix everything in time. We have maybe one interrupted night. Creating objects out of thin air costs a lot of Mana. You’d have to set up shop for a few days and eat a couple more houses just to fix this one. In the meantime, since your Core is above ground, you will be exposed to any lumberjack with an axe to grind.”

I pondered that over. “Then, I suppose, we go below ground.” I looked towards the open trapdoor to the cellar. I hated to suggest it. That idea honestly scared me.

Jimbo-no scratched the back of his neck vertebrae. “That’s not a bad idea. The next level has already been dug out for us. We can expand out from there. Should make it easier. Let’s go see what we’re working with.” The skeleton dropped the thatch bundle, dusted off his hands, and walked up to the trapdoor entrance to the basement.

Jimbo-no took a bow and motioned with both arms, “Grannies first,” he said.

“I can’t.”

“Need a push? I will. Gladly. Love me some granny tippin’ down stairs. Never gets old.”

“No, jackass,” I replied. “Just give me a moment.”

“Ooh, feisty!” Jimbo-no teased. “This must be serious then. I’ll wait.”

I was still cognizant of my previous experience of digging my way out of my own grave. Not only that, but there was that other minion of mine down there, Spinemess. Which, no, I hadn’t forgotten about. I was just, uh, feeling shy.

Okay, fine. Taking responsibility. Right. That meant I had to be honest with myself.

I could suspend my disbelief of magical talking skeletons when it came down to Jellybee and Jimbo-no. They were agreeable enough chaps that I could overlook this zombie-esque horror movie scenario. But Spinemess not being able to talk or fully walk, yet still being essentially alive?

That gave me the heebeegeebees.

It shames me to say it–speaking from experience as a magical talking rock–the idea struck a bit too close to home. If he was upset about the situation, would he be able to communicate his anger towards me? Or would he quietly seek out his revenge and destroy me?

I didn’t know how to confront this unknown. But confront it I shall.

“Okay,” I said. “I’m ready. Let’s go say hi.”

I descended the dark wooden stairs. Jimbo-no followed with a loud creak for every step he took.

Halfway down, we were greeted by what I knew would be there. But it was worse than expected: the terrifying sight of a humanoid figure slowly crawling up the stairs.

His emerald eyes shone like will-o’-wisps in the darkness and his white skull reflected eerily in my avatar's ghostly light. He reached forth with his hand, then grasped the edge of the next stair step. Using an arm ending in only a wrist-bone, he heaved himself up the step slowly.

Jimbo-no whistled. “Oy, Spinemess! There ya are. Ya had me worried. Yeesh! Ya doing alright? Ya ain't looking so good.”

I had to agree with him. Spinemess had clearly taken the brunt of my Aura multiple times while trying to climb back up the stairs. Possibly while trying to climb the stairs, judging off those fractures. I had seen my share of broken bones from falls. Not only was he missing a jaw, but he was also now completely missing a hand, both legs, and his hip bones. His skull was cracked in several places, causing the emerald torch light of his eyes to shimmer behind him.

Spinemess stared back. Then slowly, shakily, flipped off Jimbo-no with his middle finger.

Jimbo-no chuckled. “Good ol’ Spinemess. Always, the optimist. Attaboy!”

“Uh, hello, Spinemess,” I said. “A pleasure to meet you. I’m Ethel Merriweather. Your new, uh, employer.” I bowed. But not too far. I didn’t want to tumble down the stairs. That would be dreadfully awkward.

Spinemess, of course, said nothing. Instead, he glared daggers at Jimbo-no.

“Don’t give me that look, buddy. I thought ya were dead! And not because I forgot ‘bout ya or something! Pssh.” Jimbo-no chuckled. “Nah, we’ve been busy, ya see? I even got ya a new job. It’s a sweet gig. With uh, well, there’s not much in way of perks. Or benefits. Or pay. Anyways, we're heading down to check out the basement if ya wanna join.”

Spinemess looked backwards down the stairs. Then bowed his head.

“Oh, poor dear. He’s clearly had a rough day,” I said. “Jimbo-no, help me carry him up the stairs so he can rest.”

“Your granny ghost ass won’t exactly be much help hauling him up there. Besides, he’s almost there!”

Spinemess looked at me eerily. Then shook his head and pulled himself up another step.

“See? He’s got this.” Jimbo-no stepped over the other skeleton, then continued downwards.

“For pity’s sake. That man,” I shook my head. “Herding cats is easier than dealing with that ass.”

I really wished I had an actual hand to help Spinemess. “As soon as we get out of this mess we’ll fix you up, right as rain. I promise.”

Spinemess stared once again. Then shakily lifted up his hand and gave me a thumbs up.

I smiled back at him.

“Hey, lady! There’s a locked door here! Give me a hand?”