Kink looked between Jeremy and I. “Your favorite porn?!” he asked, his face incredulous. “Why the hell did you name Ray’s guild after a porn?”

Jeremy waved away the question. “Porn is an ugly word. Girls Gone Wild was more of a documentary than anything.”

“What do you mean, my guild?” I asked.

Jeremy’s eyebrows climbed his forehead, an annoyed look on his face. “Do I have to spell it out for you, Ray? D-A-M-S-E-”

“Yeah, I got that, you A-S-S,” I interrupted. “But it’s your guild.”

Jeremy snorted, looking to Kink and T for support.

“We kinda figured you would be the face of the guild,” T chimed in.

“Only thing that makes sense, with you being overleveled, and an actual fuckin’ Damsel,” Kink added with a chuckle.

I shifted my weight back and forth, distinctly uncomfortable with the thought of being the face of anything. “Umm, Jeremy? Remember how we were talking with Al about flying under the radar? This is, like, the total opposite of that…”

“Dick’s outta the boxer-briefs, bro,” Jeremy said with a shrug. He turned to the NPC-actor barkeep and gave him a signal for four drinks. “S&S Crawler stirred up the hornet’s nest, and every 2-bit clickbait piece of shit has run with the story.” The barkeep deposited the four beers in front of Jeremy, who handed him a gold piece. He distributed the drinks to each of us, and raised his mug. “Here’s to flying right into the fucking hornets. Damsels gone wild forever, baby!”

Kink, T, and I shared a look. Like we were all wondering the same thing: ‘why the fuck not?’ Together, we klinked our mugs together, and each took deep pulls of the beer. Surprisingly, the taste was really nice - hoppy and refreshing.

I took another smaller sip, then put my mug down on the counter. “If we’re gonna do this, we should probably have a game plan - like a charter or something…right?”

Kink nodded agreement, while T took another pull from his mug. “I’m not really into the responsibility thing,” T said behind his drink.

“Should we do a council or someth-” I paused as a notification caught my eye.

SnotPuppy has invited you to the guild Damsels Gone Wild (DGW) - Level 1.

(This guild is not currently at war with any other guilds)

I accepted the invite immediately, and a new tab populated in my menu. Before I could even open it up, another notification appeared.

SnotPuppy has made RayGun47 the guild leader.

“Okay, you’re the leader now - no take backs!” Jeremy said suddenly, causing Kink and T to bust out laughing.

“Wait, what!?” I said in shock. That wasn’t what I was expecting, or wanting, even. “Don’t you think you’d be better suited to organize things?”

Jeremy stood up from his stool, putting both hands on my shoulders. “Ray, goddamit, you’re the Damsel in Damsels Gone Wild. You’re also the most powerful player in the game-”

“I don’t know about that,” I said hesitantly.

“Guys, help me here,” Jeremy said.

“It just makes sense, Ray,” T said.

“Dude, just roll with it, okay? You’ve seen what happens when a certain cheeto-fingered individual is in charge of things,” Kink added, using his head to subtly nod in Jeremy’s direction.

Jeremy turned to Kink, puffing his chest out. “You got a problem with cheetos, bro?”

Kink put his hands up in submission, a smirk on his lips.

“Cheetos are fire, Jer - it’s the weird porn-inspired guild name that got us talking,” T said from behind Jeremy. “You’re out - Ray’s in. Long live the King…Queen?” He turned to Kink. “Help me out here?”

“What? Just because I’m gay, I’m the group’s fucking authority on gender norms!?” Kink asked indignantly.

Unauthorized use: this story is on Amazon without permission from the author. Report any sightings.

Jeremy head whipped around, inches from T’s face. “You didn’t vote me out! I gave Ray the guild leader position! Me! That was my choice!”

T looked around Jeremy, ignoring his apoplectic state. “Kink, don’t be weird about it, bro. Of course I’d expect a gay man to know more about that shit than me.”

I crossed my arms and cleared my throat, but no one paid attention. Kink was going at T. Then Jeremy found some reason to turn back and go at Kink. Then they were all shouting over each other, while I just stood there and watched my idiot friends argue about nothing.

So, I did my favorite thing when Jeremy was on some juiced up tirade - I became passive aggressive.

A few mental clicks, and I was in the guild menu. I fiddled around for a few moments, clicked accept, and waited for the fireworks.

Jeremy was the first to notice, and stopped mid-shout to turn to me. “Ohhhhh, you think you’re so fucking funny.”

Kink, who had just been weathering Jeremy’s verbal assault, had a confused look on his face. “What? What did he do?” he asked.

T’s eyes were glazed over as he perused his own menu system, the corner of his mouth turned up in a smile. “Check your guild role.”

I pulled up my own guild roster to examine my handiwork:

Player

Role

Class

Level

Note

RayGun47

King Damsel, Benevolent Dictator for Life (Guild Leader)

Damsel

100

The brains and the beauty

SnotPuppy

Shoe-Shine Boy (Second-in-command)

Rogue

15

Get your shine box, boy!

KinkDaddy

A Horse’s Ass (Officer)

Warrior

8

The world’s worst gay

TxTxTxTxT

A Horse’s Ass (Officer)

Mage

8

Just an ass

“What do you guys think?” I asked with a pleased smirk.

“Offensive,” Kink deadpanned.

“Lazy writing,” T added a second later. “I mean, come on! ‘Just an ass?’ You could've come up with something better than that!”

“Imma Joe Pesci your ass, Ray,” Jeremy said, his tone dead serious. He pantomimed beating me over the head with his mug, spilling his beer all over me, Kink, and T.

“Hey!”

“Watch it!”

I just laughed. It felt good just to be silly for a while. No rogues trying to zero me out, no Git trying to feel me up, no tide of mobs looking to bury me in bodies - just four friends having a laugh in a tavern.

It lasted all of five seconds.

“Sorry to bother you,” a new voice said from behind me. “Are you the actor that killed BigSword?”

My heart dropped into my ass. I turned to see who had been talking.

Standing in front of me was a level 36 Mage by the name of YeetOnUrSheet. Behind him, two other players were watching us from a distant table, talking in hushed tones. I gathered they had noticed me a while ago, and Mr. Yeet here had been the one to work up the courage to ask.

“Holy shit! It is you,” he said once he looked into my eyes. “Dude, you’re a legend! You see that, chat? It is her!” He turned and pressed against me, posing like he was taking a selfie.

The realization hit me like a train.

He was streaming!

I immediately turned away, trying to create some distance. Kink and T looked really uncomfortable, but the look on Jeremy’s face was murderous. He pushed past me and got into Yeet’s face, shoving the player aggressively. A red aura surrounded Jeremy, but he didn’t even flinch as he shoved Yeet again.

“Whoa, buddy, what the fuck’s your problem?” Yeet demanded, shoving Jeremy back. The difference in strength was apparent as Jeremy was shoved back into me. He didn’t miss a beat.

“Fuck outta here, you poser-ass bitch! You vagina-crust-lookin’ motherfucker! Tell your chat to suck my dick!”

Yeet’s buddies at the table were laughing their asses off at Jeremy’s tirade, but Yeet himself wasn’t backing down. “Or what, little girl? You gonna sic your Damsel mommy on me?” He turned back to his friends to verify they were laughing at his joke. “Why don’t you hop back on her teet before I light your ass up!” He went to shove Jeremy again, but I got in between them. He looked me up and down, a sneer twisting his face. “You gonna’ BigSword me, too? See this chat? The rumors were true - this Damsel be wild’n.” He stepped right into my face, a self-satisfied look on his face. “Do it, bitch. I heard Crawler paid BigSword hella dough for an interview. It’s Yeet’s time to shine-”

I grabbed both of his wrists, squeezing as tight as I could. His eyes immediately went wide, and he tried to rip away from me. The strength difference was insane - I held him locked in place with almost no effort.

“My friends and I are just trying to hang out, have a drink - just like you and your friends, I’m guessing. So why don’t you go back over there, and do that?” I continued to hold him tight, and he stopped struggling once he realized it was pointless.

His face twisted through a series of emotions in an instant - anger, annoyance, and then, settled on smugness. “How bout this?” he started. “How bout me and my friends follow you around for - oh, I don’t know - as long as we fuckin’ want?” His friends had walked over while he was talking - backup, I presumed. “And we broadcast every-fucking-thing you do to the world? You know, to make sure you don’t go on any more killing sprees.” He turned back to his friends. “Damsel police, you could say. Doing S&S a community service-”

I was fed up by this point. So I decided to turn to an age-old classic, right up there in the Big Brother hall of fame.

Taking both of his hands, I started smacking them against his own face.

“Why you hitting yourself?” I asked as his hand repeatedly slapped against his cheek.

He spluttered in shock and indignation, his friends looking on helpless behind him as he continued to hit himself.