Mr. Suck went to the doorway and called down to the lawyers, “We’re ready, gentlemen and cat boys!”
The lawyers filed back into the room, Goldman in the lead. Mr. Suck plopped down into the chair he had co-opted, throwing his feet up onto the table, his hands interlocked behind his head, his predator smile on display.
They were slow getting back into their places, like ants crawling over each other to get to a corpse. A sharp word from Goldman sped along the process, and after a few moments, they were finally settled.
“Mr. Suck, before we begin, I’d like to establish your credentials,” Goldman said.
Mr. Suck put his hand over his heart. “You wound me, sir!”
“I mean no offense,” Goldman replied. “But we would like to make sure we are engaging with someone qualified to speak on Mr. Davis’ behalf.”
Matter of fact, I kind of wanted to know that too.
“Don’t you see the fangs?” Mr. Suck asked.
Goldman furrowed his brow, and I felt myself also starting to lose confidence in the man.
“Ye-yes?”
Mr. Suck shrugged like that answered everything. “Well that’s settled, then.”
“I’m not following,” Goldman said.
“Well, I’m obviously a vampire.”
“That-yes, that is indisputable.”
Mr. Suck clapped his hands together, the sound echoing through the tiny room. “Great! Let’s get started.”
“Uh…Mr. Suck, we still need to establish your qualifications…as a lawyer.”
Mr. Suck dropped his feet from the table with a loud thud. “You say lawyer, I say vampire.” He started waffling his hands back and forth. “Tomato, potato, am I right?” he asked, turning to me with a grin.
The lawyers along the wall shared confused looks, and I found myself regretting everything about this meeting. I was totally screwed…
“Ahem,” Goldman coughed into his fist. “That’s very funny, Mr. Suck. But if you please, we can’t continue this discourse if you aren’t a licensed attorney.”
“Is that a fact?” Mr. Suck asked with raised eyebrows.
“I’m afraid so,” Goldman said, leaning back, his tone full of confidence.
“Well, that’s unfortunate,” Mr. Suck said, standing up with a scrape of his chair. He turned to me and nodded his head towards the door. “Okay, Ray, let’s get going. I’ve gotta start studying for the bar.” To Goldman, he said, “Let’s do this again in say…six months?”
Goldman and Holt shared a confused look, then Goldman said, “Uh…no, that won’t do.”
“I’m fucking with you!” Mr. Suck said, slapping my arm with a laugh, like I was in on the joke. When no one joined in on the laughter, he threw his hands up with an exasperated noise. “No one? Really? Do they take your souls in exchange for your law degree?”
“Mr. Suck, this is no laughing matter,” Goldman said, his voice cold. “Mr. Davis is in gross violation of his employee contract, and we will be seeking punitive recompense unless we can-”
Mr. Suck’s smile went dead, and he put his hand up to interrupt Goldman. “Let me stop you right there, Goldie. If anyone is in violation of their contractual obligations, it is S&S - and by extension, Latimer Ltd. Now, there is an expectation of safety and freedom from bodily harm when an actor participates in your little-” he waved his hand in a vague manner “-game. Not only has my client’s pain reducers gone completely haywire-” Wait, how did he know that? “-but in addition, one of your employees ignored my client’s pleas for help, and has actively assaulted him to boot. Now, we won’t say names, but let’s just say, this employee has been a naughty little kitty-”
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“He assaulted me!” a voice shouted from the hallway. I saw MoonCrawler push his way past the gaggle of lawyers to come into the room.
Goldman’s head whipped around lightning quick. “Get him the hell out of here!” he shouted at his associates.
Mr. Suck gave me a pleased smile, then wiggled his fingers at MoonCrawler. The GM’s face went apoplectic, snarling in rage as Holt jumped to his feet to escort the man out. The GM resisted for a moment, then a harsh word in his ear from Holt caused the man to wilt immediately. He left the room without further comment as Holt sat back down in his chair.
“Well, now that that’s settled,” Mr. Suck said. “In the matter of punitive recompense, I will instruct my client not to sue S&S contingent on-”
Holt scoffed, and Mr. Suck stopped and turned to the man. “Something you’d like to say?”
Holt jumped to his feet, his face a mask of anger, but Goldman pulled him down, the look he gave Holt causing the man to physically wilt before my eyes.
“No?” Mr. Suck asked. When it was clear Holt was done, Mr. Suck turned back to Goldman. “Where was I? Oh, right. Will not sue S&S if, and only if, he receives a formal apology from Mr. Holt, and kitty-cat out there-”
“Not on your life!” Holt shouted.
Goldman gave the man another cold look, then turned back to Mr. Suck. “We will want assurances.”
Mr. Suck shrugged. “We’re listening, aren’t we, Ray?”
I started, surprised to be addressed directly. I had been appreciating my fly on the wall role. “Um, yes?” A nod from Mr. Suck gave me more confidence. “Yes, I’m listening.”
Goldman nodded, holding up a single finger. “First, we’ll expect an NDA, right here and now. Second, he’ll need to sign a no-fault agreement.” One of his associates leaned down and whispered in Goldman’s ear. “And third, his level obviously impacts the integrity of the game. He’ll need to agree not to participate in game in anyway that can affect balance-”
“Mmm, that’s a non-starter, Goldie,” Mr. Suck said. “My client can’t promise not to affect the balance of the game. He needs to live his life, and for the foreseeable future, that will be in S&S.”
Wait! What? I turned to Mr. Suck, my mouth open in protest, but he cut me off with a discreet wave of his hand, his eyes never leaving Goldman.
Why was he assuming I was stuck in this game? I knew I was…dead, but couldn’t they transfer my consciousness to some vacation VR or something so I could live out my life in peace?
Goldman leaned back to converse with his associates in low tones. The voices grew increasingly heated, until Goldman cut them off with a gesture.
Mr. Suck looked at me, his vampire smile on display, and gave me a wink.
When Goldman turned back to me and Mr. Suck, his face was puckered like he had been sucking on something sour. “Fine, we acknowledge that Mr. Davis can’t stop interacting within the game-”
“The players will be up in arms!” Holt shouted. “We can’t have a level 100 walking around when the max level is 60! We’ll bleed player count in the millions!”
Goldman looked to Holt, irritation clear on his face, but Mr. Suck spoke first. “You’ll raise the level cap in a few months. You probably planned on raising it to 70, but you’ll have to change that, of course. Once everyone is 100, Ray will be old news.”
Holt looked at the vampire like he had grown a second head, then back at Goldman in outrage.
“Come on,” Mr. Suck continued. “I know you have an expansion nearly done. Accelerate the time line, make your apologies. And in the meantime? A free month of subs should do the trick.”
“A free month!” Holt spluttered. “Are you out of your fucking-” Goldman stopped him with a hand on his arm.
“We’ll take it into consideration,” Goldman said cautiously. “The no-fault and NDA?”
“No problem with the no-fault agreement - as long as it cuts both ways. The NDA, however, is also a non-starter.”
Goldman pursed his lips, his eyes squinting. “Why’s that?”
Mr. Suck shrugged. “Word will get out, if it hasn’t already. My client can’t exactly deny being level 100. Nor can he deny that he is, in fact, a damsel. We can, however, agree on a non-disparagement clause.”
“Hmm.” Goldman stroked his chin in thought. “We’ll need to iron out the details…but we could be onboard with that, depending on the wording.”
“Perfect,” Mr. Suck said with another clap of his hands. “I’ll send you the signed documents by end of day…contingent on those apologies we discussed.”
Holt started to speak again, but Goldman overrode him with the scrape of his chair as he stood. “We’ll be in touch, then.”
Goldman physically grabbed Holt and escorted him out. The rank-and-file lawyers followed, casting angry looks at Mr. Suck as they went.
When everyone was gone and out of earshot, Mr. Suck let loose an unrestrained laugh, slapping me on the arm.
The heat had risen to my face and never relented. My heart was pounding, my stomach churning. And here he was, acting like he had won some great victory. “What the hell is so funny?” I demanded.
“Did you see MoonCrawler’s face?” A new round of laughter bubbled up from Mr. Suck. I had paid very little attention at the time, but the mental image of MoonCrawler being hauled away brought a small smile to my lips. “My god, that made my day,” he said. He wiped a tear from his eyes, then slapped me on the back. “Come on, let’s get away from prying eyes.”