An icy sensation entombed my body, like I was being submerged in a cold bath. I had just enough time to panic, before I was spit out under the open sky.
The commotion around me was immediately shocking. I had read Jeremy’s message about how many players were in the capitol, but I hadn’t fully comprehended the sheer scale of it all.
The portal had deposited me in a massive city square, reminiscent of St. Peter’s Square in the Vatican. It was a circular space, with probably a dozen portals leading to the major cities of the Consortium. These portals were even larger than the one I had gone through, big enough to fit a company of 50 men shoulder-to-shoulder. At each portal were a series of NPCs ushering people to and fro, directing traffic so bottlenecks didn’t occur - kind of like those Japanese subway employees with the white gloves, shoving everyone into the trains like sardines. I distantly wondered if they were all actors.
I had stopped to examine the area, dumbstruck by the scale of it all, but the flow of players was like a tide, and I felt myself being dragged along whether I liked it or not.
As I was pulled along, I realized that I had no damn clue where I was going. I typed a message to Jeremy.
RayGun47: Hey, I’m in the capitol. Where you at?
A party invite pinged in my interface, and I accepted it.
RayGun47: Whoa! Level 15? Nice!
SnotPuppy: Ya, I haven’t slept! Im all jacked up on mountain dews and rockstars.
RayGun47: Lol, okay Jer. Don’t give yourself a heart attack in the first 24 hours! I’d never forgive myself.
SnotPuppy: im good dude, im built for marathon sessions!
SnotPuppy: check ur map, im close. Come to me
RayGun47: Ok, be there in a minute.
I checked my map and noted Jeremy was not too far away. From the icon on the map, it looked like he was at a tavern. I started heading that way, weaving through the dense crowd, my eyes focused on the ground. I really didn’t want anyone to notice me looking around like a kid on his first visit to Disneyland - that would single me out quick.
My achievements icon had been flashing for a while, so I read them as I followed the waypoint marker.
New Achievement!
Defense of the Ancients-Hope’s End
You like, totally averted a major crisis! If it weren’t for your brave equicide (look it up), the city of Hope’s End would have surely perished! They totally don’t do that every day, and there was absolutely not fifty other players doing the same damn thing.
You’re special!
Okay, but really, you completed a major local event, so that’s cool. It was about a million levels below you, but you did do it in some trash-level gear that came straight out of Zoolander’s Derelict Collection. So bravo to you.
Who am I kidding - this event should have been a god-damned cake walk. I’m saving the good jokes for when you actually do something of note.
New Achievement!
Oooooo, Shiny!
You equipped a [Rare] Quality item, and it is pretty! But, like, in a masculine, look at my long shaft that I stab things with, type of way.
You didn’t think I’d fit a dick joke in there, did ya!?
Anyways, good pick, Ray. Whoever convinced you to pick the glaive and not the shield was a real genius *ahem*.
But we all know this isn’t your forever weapon, so don’t stroke it too hard. Think of it like your first wife before you become all rich and get the good plastic surgery and hire a personal trainer and get all those doctor-prescribed steroids. She was good for a while, raised your kids, supported you on your journey to your first billion. But like all first wives, she didn’t sign no pre-nup, so she gotta go before you’re Bezos rich.
That analogy tracked right…?
New Achievement!
The Friend Zone!
Someone other than your starting faction kind of likes you!
The Hope’s End faction decided they kind of, sort of, maybe, wanted to see where this relationship goes. They won’t commit to you, but they’ll always kind of keep you nearby in case they need a shoulder to cry on or a late-night tampon run.
But maybe - just maybe - they might let themselves be talked into a pity fuck if you’re patient and play your cards right.
Probably not, but you’re a fuckin’ loser, so you’ll wait anyways…(Not you Ray, just friend-zoned betas in general. Xoxo)
I chuckled to myself as I walked. Strangely enough, Al’s random bullshit had a way of pulling me out of my anxiety.
As I walked, I still kept my head down, but observed the capitol out of the corner of my eye. The capitol was called Bastion, and according to the wikis, was the most frequented city in the game. This seemed to be due to many factors - it had the most open architecture, easiest access from multiple regions, and was the capitol of the most popular faction. The Necks capitol was dreary, underground, and not easy to navigate. The Cocks capitol was the most remote, and was difficult for players to reach in general. So Bastion served as the unofficial center of Swords & Sorcery. The other factions didn’t come to Bastion except on PvP raids, but there were plenty of low level alts from the other faction’s players trolling around.
Stolen story; please report.
As a result, it was a god damned madhouse.
Stone walls intersected the city, creating five distinct districts. I was currently in the Trade district that housed all the professions, the Auction House, and obviously, the portal system. There was also the War district, which was a PvP specific district. The Council district, where the politics went down. The Avenue district, which was the main entrance of the capitol, and fed into the other four districts. And finally, the Housing district, where all the player and guild housing was situated.
Jeremy was in the Avenue, and from the map, it seemed that most of the taverns were located there. I managed to make it to the tavern without incident, and felt myself relax slightly. It was like Jeremy had said - lost in the crowd.
I pushed open the door leading into the tavern, and the sounds of soft music and laughter filtered out onto the street.
The common room was simple enough - a series of tables spread about the room, a small hearth with a fire raging on the left, a stage on the right with an NPC playing some soft music, and a full bar lining the back wall.
And sitting at the bar, obviously in the middle of some lewd joke, was Jeremy in his female shadow cat avatar. I started to approach from behind, ready to startle him, when I noticed the guild tag under his nameplate.
Name: SnotPuppy
Class: Rogue
Race: Shadow Cat (F)
Level: 15
Guild: Damsels Gone Wild
“What the fuck is that?” I demanded from across the bar.
Jeremy and the two players on either side of him turned at the outburst. When Jeremy saw me, a big smile spread across his face. He slapped the person next to him on the shoulder. “See, didn’t I tell you he’s fuckin’ hot!?”
The other player tilted his head in agreement. “Okay, you got me there. It doesn’t even matter that it’s Ray inside.”
That statement confused me. Did I know them? I had completely ignored their nameplate after seeing Jeremy’s, but I examined it now.
Name: KinkDaddy
Class: Warrior
Race: Human (M)
Level: 8
Guild: Damsels Gone Wild
My eyes went wide in recognition. “Kink?! That you?” I called, rushing up to the bar.
“Hey there, RayGun! Glad to see you alive…ish,” he said with a smile. I wrapped him in a hug, which he returned. It was nice to embrace someone other than Jeremy. I didn’t have to worry about Kink commenting on my boobs - with him being into men and all.
“Nice boobs,” Kink said as we parted, crushing all my hopes for the male sex as a whole.
“That’s what I’ve been saying!” Jeremy said, hoping off his stool. “Ray’s being all weird about it though! Like, can’t a man in a woman’s digital body comment on another man’s digital breasts without everyone getting all politically correct?”
I gave Kink a suffering look, as if to say ‘Thanks for that.’ He just chuckled and shook his head.
“I mean, they are pretty great, Ray,” the player on Jeremy’s left said. “If I had to reincarnate in a digital avatar, that would be Top 3 for sure.”
Name: TxTxTxTxT
Class: Mage
Race: Troll (M)
Level: 8
Guild: Damsels Gone Wild
“T!” I shouted, hugging him next. “Why are you guys encouraging this?” I asked as I pulled away. “You know Jeremy has a disease, and you all are stoking the flame.”
“Because it’s fun to watch you squirm,” Kink said, wiggling his eyebrows at me.
“Hold on, everyone shut up-” Jeremy interrupted. He turned to T, a serious expression on his face. “This is a very important question - friendship defining even.” We all waited expectedly as he looked at each of us in turn. “Who are your top 3 characters you’d choose to be reincarnated in?”
The three of us just stared at him a moment, then as one, we burst out laughing at the absurdity of the question.
“That wasn’t a joke!” Jeremy complained. That only made us laugh harder.
When the laughing died down, Jeremy had his arms crossed, a sulking look on his face. I ignored it, looking at T and Kink. Though I had met them through Jeremy, and I always considered them ‘Jeremy’s friends,’ it was still nice to have familiar presences around. “Guys, I’m so glad to see you, you have no idea. It’s been a hell of a 24 hours.”
They both nodded, and Kink put his hand on my shoulder in a consoling gesture. “I bet,” he said. “When Jeremy first told us you had died, it hit us hard.” Kink shielded his mouth and did a stage whisper. “Jeremy was crying like a newborn when he called us.”
“You did, too!” Jeremy accused, his finger in Kink’s face.
Kink shrugged. “Yeah, but you’re an ugly crier,” he fired back. “I could hear you sobbing through a mouthful of chips, and it was not pretty.”
“I stress eat!” he said with indignation. “You know that!”
Kink just laughed.
“I’ll be honest,” T chimed in, “when Jeremy called us back later and said you had survived, but in a fucking MMO, I thought he had gone loony from your death-”
“More than he already is, you mean,” Kink interrupted.
“Well, yeah,” he said, turning to Kink. “I thought that went without saying.” Kink nodded in agreement. T turned back to me, his expression serious once again. “All we’re trying to say is, we’re glad you survived somehow. Even if it is in this derivative piece of shit,” he added with a wave around the tavern.
“I thought we were gonna be positive?” Jeremy asked. “Ray’s ass is stuck in this derivative piece of shit. Although, if you were to ask me, this is definitely not in my top 3 for games to be stuck in,” he added.
I ignored that, focusing on the kind words from T. “Thanks guys. It means a lot that you even signed up to see me. Are you…” I hesitated. That same worry I had from before had crept up again. That feeling of impending abandonment. “I mean, will you guys stick around - for a little bit, that is?”
They said nothing at that, and I noticed Jeremy give them each a pointed look.
“You see what I’m talking about?” Jeremy asked, annoyance coming through his tone.
Kink nodded in reply. “Yep.”
“Okay, I believe you now,” T added.
My brow furrowed in confusion. “What?” I asked.
Kink and T shared a quick look, and T signaled for Kink to speak. “Jeremy said you were feeling awfully insecure. That you thought he was gonna leave you alone in this game to fend for yourself-”
“I said he was acting like a bitch, Kink. Don’t put words in my mouth.” He took that moment to down the beer that had been sitting in front of him on the bar.
“You’ve never needed help putting anything in your mouth,” T said with a smirk.
Jeremy whirled on him. “Was that a fat joke, T!? Body shaming in this day and age?”
T just chuckled, not rising to the bait.
I brought the conversation back to the point. “I mean, yeah, I was feeling unsure, I guess. I may be stuck here, but that doesn’t mean the three of you need to make S&S your main game.” I shrugged. “That’s a lot to ask of a gamer.”
They both nodded appreciatively. “That may be true,” Kink said. “But Jeremy laid out the situation for us. You’re fighting for your life, dude. That takes precedent over my taste in games - by a fuckin’ mile.”
“Yeah, Ray - never doubt that we’re here for you as long as you need,” T said.
I felt my chest tighten, my throat clench. I nodded thanks, afraid to speak. After a moment, I changed subjects to prevent the tears.
“Let’s talk about this fucking guild name,” I said, turning on Jeremy.
“What?” he asked innocently. “I named it after my favorite porn.”
I closed my eyes, forcing a calming breath through my nose.