Cassandra Pendragon

The psyche truly is a funny little thing. I had always been prone to mood swings but it had gotten so much worse ever since Ahri had vanished. I didn’t mean to complain, in this particular instance I was even grateful, but the sheer elation I had experienced when it had dawned on me that Amon might not be the one pulling the strings, at least this once, was still worrying. Not to mention that a literal vengeful deity was out there to get me or, if he couldn’t, the Brightblaze sisters, whom I admittedly considered friends. At least the younger one.

Still, I was struggling to keep on a straight face while we leisurely strolled towards Greta’s tree, dodging fire pits and celebrating locals, arm in arm like old friends out to hit the town, except for the less than inconspicuous guards on our tail. It seemed hardly imaginable that Serena and I had been on the verge of tearing each other’s throats out merely days ago. How everything had changed in the blink of an eye. But that’s the beauty of life, you never know where it leads you.

“Are you humming,” Emilia asked incredulously, her eyebrows arched.

“Oh, it sure seems that way. Does it bother you,” I asked through a smile. She shook her head, her golden tresses dancing mesmerisingly.

“No, I was just surprised. But why? Are you looking forward to a conflict with Aurus that much?”

“Not really, but I’m quite glad there’s an actual explanation for what’s happened. I don’t mean to belittle your former home but I’d take my chances with them over Amon any day of the week. And as for the Immortal Sun…” I felt a grin spread across my face as I added: “the raven is already pretty tame. Let’s see how long it takes for the other one to fall in line.”

“You really don’t have any respect for our faith, do you,” Serena asked, even though her inflection wasn’t nearly as grave as the question might have suggested.

“Faith? Even if I’m not so sure it’s yours anymore? Tons. For a restricted splinter of manifested longing? Not so much. Day by day I’m remembering more of my past… let’s just say once you’ve met one so called god, you’ve met them all. They really aren’t all they’re made out to be.”

“Easy for you to say,” Emilia mumbled. “When you’re forced to run for your life because they’re after you they surely don’t appear insignificant anymore.”

“Neither does a thug when he’s pressing a blade to your throat. Doesn’t mean he’s anything but misguided, maybe even pitiful.” I closed my eyes, relishing in their warmth at my side and the soft touch of a gentle breeze, while I tried to remember a conversation with a particularly stubborn Buddhist monk. “Power is a strange concept. It relies as much on being granted as being taken.”

“Are you actually suggesting that we invited all the trouble into our lives willingly,” Serena hissed and tried to pull away but I didn’t let go.

“You know that’s not what I meant,” I replied evenly. “But how you deal with it… that is on you. Which reminds me… your magic. You once told me it’s based on your beliefs. Does it still work?”

“Why wouldn’t it,” she asked guardedly.

“You said you didn’t pray to your god anymore. Isn’t worship an integral part for it to function properly?” She sighed and this time I was entirely sure she was blushing.

“It does work,” she finally admitted. “Just…differently.”

“Care to show me?” I felt her fidget but her response was pretty calm.

“I’d rather not. Not now when you’re practically out of town already.” Oh my, I didn’t mean to speculate but… “you don’t have to worry, though. I’m not weaker, by any means. Quite the contrary. I might not be able to face a splinter of the Immortal Sun directly, but there isn’t a priest left I’m scared of.”

“Is that so? Good for you. Does that mean you’ve actually found someone else to place your trust in?” She stiffened immediately and turned her head away from me: “What do you mean?”

“You said you were praying to someone else. I just thought you might have received an answer.”

“In more ways then one,” she whispered and finally found the courage to meet my gaze. “You know, don’t you?” Oh boy, maybe I should start speculating, especially since what I had come up with didn’t make a lick of sense. Immortals couldn’t share their powers. Not like that, at least.

“I didn’t… I don’t. But let me guess, as coy a you’re acting… gold has turned into silver hasn’t it?” Emilia took in a gulping breath, her eyes travelling from her sister to me and back again.

“Do you…,” she began but Serena cut her off resolutely.

“That’s not all, though,” she stated. “My spells… they don’t falter anymore. No matter the circumstances. Sounds familiar?”

“A little bit,” I admitted with a sigh. “Let’s get this straight. When you said pray… did you… did you ask for my help?” She closed her eyes, her lips quivering. Holy. Shit.

“Not by name… but yes, I did,” she breathed, mortified. To be perfectly honest, I felt flattered. Immensely. But that wasn’t the problem. It shouldn’t have worked. It couldn’t have.

I stopped, forcing the two girls to come to a stumbling halt. “Show me, show me now,” I insisted.

“I… fine, what do you want me to do?”

“Doesn’t matter. Whatever you’ve done before.” Still bright red Serena closed her eyes and a frown appeared on her brow as she concentrated. A second later she extended her hand a shower of sparks manifested above her palm, glowing silver with just a touch of iridescent blue. The worst part, this close I could even feel it. Without so much as a conscious thought I reached out and marshalled the sparks into a glowing orb. They obeyed my will just as readily as my own magic would have… goddamn it!

Anxiously I allowed my world to turn silver and followed the path the magic had left behind. It hadn’t come from me, that much I knew for certain, but it was still mine and it had to have come from somewhere. Or not. As soon as I picked up the trail it vanished again, ran through my fingers like a gentle breeze. Whatever I tried I couldn’t pinpoint the source until I realised there was none. The energy simply came from everywhere at once.

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With a grunt I forced my perception to change yet again, to bore its way ever deeper into the fragile frame of reality until all I could see were patterns and connections, ethereal and fleeting but still the foundation on which we toiled away to carve out our existence. I had almost reached the Void, a last, flimsy barrier all that blocked the path to a forbidden realm where my siblings waited and there, on the cusp of what could be, I finally saw the answer. Letters, runes, wards drawn with my own power but an intent that far surpassed anything I was capable of sealed us in, kept the churning maelstrom on the other side away from our fragile world. But their purpose wasn’t only to defended, it wasn’t directed towards a single dimension, no, they also affected Gaya, they could lend their power to anyone who asked, provided they had the key. A name. My name.

Not Cassandra, not even Lucifer or Lightbringer. The superficial descriptions we assigned to ourselves and to the world around us mattered very little in the realm beyond. This was something else, something primal, an understanding of who I was, what I fought for… why I lived. The truth behind the glittering facade. The first defier. The one who wouldn’t bow, the one who’d rather fall than bend. And now I also knew why Serena had said “not by name”. It had been something more and that was why she hadn’t been able to meet my gaze. She knew. She knew who I was.

Pale and clammy I opened my eyes, the veils of reality slowly asserting themselves around me once more. For a few moments I couldn’t see, the energy of the other place still obscuring my vision, and a spike of ice cold fear shot through me until I felt warm fingers tighten around mine. They brought me back to the realm of the living, to the sun and the sky, but the echoes of the eternal twilight, coiling and churning below the surface, would stay with me for much longer.

A soft touch on my cheek finally shook me from my stupor and I stared down into deep green eyes, filled with understanding that I hadn’t seen before. Maybe I truly had been blind. “I’m sorry,” Serena whispered. “I didn’t mean to…”

“Don’t…,” I croaked but my voice broke and I had to try again. “It’s not your fault…” I couldn’t. I simply couldn’t say what I knew I had to, I was still too shaken, the memories still too close, but she didn’t mind.

“No, but it’s not yours either. Who knew that breaking your shackles would prove to be a bond all on its own. I don’t regret it, I was just surprised to find you waiting… at the end.”

“There’s nothing new under the sun,” I replied, much calmer than I had been a second ago. I wasn’t alone anymore. As soon as she had felt my confusion Ahri had enveloped my spirit, just like the sisters had taken my hand. She didn’t say a single word but I could almost feel her tails tighten around my waist.

I shook my head and granted Emilia a pinched smile. “You don’t have clue what’s going on, do you,” I mumbled, her anxious, entirely lost expression as good an answer as anything she could have said. “Well, it’s not for me to tell but,” my voice regained some of its strength as I focused on Serena: “I implore you, don’t share what you’ve found lightly. This… this isn’t what you think it is and even though you know who I am, I’m not what you think I am. Please, don’t turn me into something I could never become… I don’t want to become.” She seemed confused but still inclined her head.

“I… of course, but why did you say it wasn’t what I thought it’d be? Aren’t you…”

“No, I’m not. What you gather, the power you borrow, it isn’t mine… but it was, a long time ago. I’m not the answer to your prayers. We’re simply more alike than I imagined and that allows you to tap into reservoirs that were never meant to be touched.”

“Liar,” Ahri whispered. “You know as well as I that Amazeroth doesn’t leave anything to chance. He’s done it on purpose, he wants people to… believe in you and be rewarded for it.”

“I know that and you do… that’s enough. I’m not going to become a symbol. Been there, done that… never again. Besides, the devil wouldn’t make for a good deity.” I heard her laughter and felt her warm breath on my neck, even though we were leagues apart.

“I wouldn’t be too sure. But it’s your decision. I won’t try to influence you. I have to admit, though, the image of you spreading your wings to protect your flock… it does send shivers down my spine. Probably because I’ve seen it before and it’s always been breathtaking.” She didn’t even allow me a chance to reply, her presence drifting away like a dream on the morrow, but I still felt her, deep within, a living… loving barrier against my fears.

Blinking owlishly I focused back on the sisters, the two girls entirely dumbfounded by my, admittedly, erratic behaviour. I took a deep breath, the memory of pine trees a sweet assurance I could almost taste. “Serena, do you mean to keep any of this from your sister?”

“Even if I wanted to, I hardly could, now, could I? Besides,” she faced the younger woman with a smile: “you’ve already figured it out, haven’t you?” Emilia shrugged as she replied:

“Maybe, but… I can’t really wrap my head around it.” She looked me straight in the eye and asked: “are you… can you answer prayers?”

“No. That’s what I meant. I’ve… I’ve visited this world before, wearing a different face. I was there, Emilia, I was there when the earth shook and crumbled under the power of one of my siblings. I was there during the Cataclysm. I watched the heavens bleed and the sea rise and I was there when the first dragon sent his roar towards the sky… uncounted aeons ago. You wouldn’t have recognised me… or maybe you would have, I don’t know anymore. I’ve had friends here… family even, long before your people… your god even existed. And I’ve fought to protect this world for longer than I can remember. I’m not going to tell you why… I’m not the head of the Pendragons and it is as much the story of my family as it is mine, but my magic has saturated the very air we breathe ever since the first Pendragon came here to hide. I made sure he could. The spells I cast back then… they’ve changed, they’ve been changed, but they’re still there and apparently all too eager to follow your sister’s command.”

“How,” Emilia asked, her eyes wide. “How can she even hope to control…”

“She knows me,” I interrupted her. “She…,” I paused, eyeing Serena hesitantly. I didn’t know how much she wanted to share and it wasn’t my place to tell but I shouldn’t have worried. She winked at me and took over confidently:

“It hasn’t been as hard on you,” she explained, “you were still a child when we left, but for me… I’ve always lived by the same rules, I’ve always stuck to my faith, to my beliefs. Not until the power of my patron faltered in front of a beast in human skin have I ever even asked a single question. There is strength in devotion, in faith, but it also blinds you. It has taken the power of a devil from another continent and the mercy of an angel to open my eyes, but that night, when a creature I would have called… I called unworthy saved my life, I did. I couldn’t blindly follow a path I didn’t understand, I didn’t trust in, anymore. I… I think I lost myself, for a little while at least. I felt alone, forsaken, and it took almost more strength than I had to even wake up the next day, to get out of bed and live another day. But I did, I somehow managed to accept my mistakes, to admit that it was me who had failed, that it had been my cowardice to hide behind someone else, be it god, friend, angel or even my own fears.” She closed her eyes and tilted her head, as if listening to a distant melody.

“When I did… something in me died, my magic withered but it didn’t matter to me. That night, when I prepared for bed, I prayed again, not to the Immortal Sun, not even to anyone in particular. It was more… it felt like meditation but to my surprise I still felt something answer. As I… confessed is probably the right word, as I accepted my own responsibility for charging blindly after dreadful dreams, the warmth in my heart I had always come to associate with our god reignited but this time it didn’t feel oppressive… but rather free. Ever since… whenever I call, her power answers.”

“But… why,” her sister asked breathlessly. She turned to me and added: “because you like her?”

“No… because she is like me. The story she just told you… exchange a few words and it could be mine. That’s why I said there’s nothing new under the sun.”

“Does that mean I can…” Emilia didn’t finish her sentence but she didn’t need to.

“No… and you should be grateful for it. What you see in front of you now, what you’ve already seen of me, that’s nothing but a mask. I’m not innocent or graceful… but you are. Emilia, I’m old and I have enough blood on my hands to fill the oceans of this world… every world several times over. I’m stubborn, unyielding and full of regrets. But I can’t change who I am. Not really. I’ll always fight to the bitter end for everything and everyone I believe in, I choose to believe in. I accept the pain that comes with it, truth be told, I relish in it, I need it to know I’m still alive. And… I’m sorry but so does your sister. You don’t, though. You’re young and full of hope. Don’t change.”