Cassandra Pendragon

She pulled me upright, a small smile tugging on the corners of her mouth, when she realised how distraught I was. Without preamble, she hugged me tightly, trapping Layla between the two of us. The girl, of course, took this very moment to wake up, her arms immediately snaking around my neck. “I missed you,” she breathed. I had to blink rapidly to stop my tears from falling.

“And I you,” I replied chokingly, as I gradually relaxed and returned their embrace.

“There’s nothing for you to be sorry for,” Alassara whispered. “You came back, just in time, to protect her. Thrice now, you’ve saved her life. Everything else… I don’t care. Maybe I should, but I’ve still got my child and that’s all I want. Don’t feel bad for us. This would have happened, sooner or later, with or without your interference. I’m simply grateful you were here, when it did.”

“Still feels like I let you down,” I sniffled. “Tharos, Silas…” Layla shut me up effectively, when she sealed my mouth with her small hand. With a serious expression, that didn’t quiet fit her doll like features, she explained:

“Don’t disturb the slumber of those, who have earned it. Don’t belittle their sacrifice. If you feel sorry, it means you failed and that’s not what happened. They triumphed. We’re still here and their home still exists, because of what they and you did. Don’t ever apologise for it. Be proud.” Today had turned out to be lesson in humility. First Reia and her friends and now Layla… it wasn’t particularly reassuring to receive life lessons from kids, even though I was about a million times older than them. Or maybe it was to be expected. Another proverb I had almost forgotten: while we teach our children all about life, they teach us what life is all about. Maybe I should start listening.

I kissed the exhausted girl on the forehead, breathing in the scent of the two vampires. Most creatures would probably have panicked at the faint, dark taste, that surrounded them like lingering shadows, but I found it calming, similar to a warm embrace. “I’ll try,” I mumbled.

Layla nodded sagely, her fingers twitching in my hair, as if she was repressing the impulse to touch my ears. “Thank you,” she said instead. “For everything. You really are an angel.” I stiffened for the fraction of a second, I wasn’t sure, if I had ever told her what I was, but, truthfully, I didn’t care, if she knew. She was by no means a stranger, anymore.

Alassara cleared her throat and caught my gaze. “She’s right. I’m the one, who should apologise. I should have known… this amount of black powder, the heresy of the Broken Wheel… it’s my city and I’m the one, who failed. I’m sorry for making you fight another one of my battles. The longer I know you, the more indebted I become,” she added helplessly.

“I don’t think you could have known and I fear, it’s not even over. We’ve barely scratched the surface. But tonight, it doesn’t matter. The dead must be buried and the wounded must be healed, then we can think about the future.” Another thought struck me, as I watched the dwarfs and uninjured humans rush hither and to, providing aid and returning a modicum of order to the chaos. “Has anyone invited you to stay with us, yet? I don’t want you to return to an empty cellar, tonight. You’d do me a favour. We could… raise a glass to the fallen, once I return.”

“You’re not staying,” Layla inquired anxiously. I patted her head and replied:

“I’m not going to be gone for long, but I have to collect Ahri and another friend of mine. I’ll be back before sunrise.” I focused on her mother and asked: “what do you say?”

“We’d love to. You’re right, returning to my place seems just… wrong. It’s been a while, since I’ve slept anywhere else. Do you have the space for my coffin?” I frowned, unsure if she was joking or not, but judging from Layla’s snort, she wasn’t being serious.

“I think we’ll manage,” I replied with a smile, while I gently disentangled myself from them. “Look after each other and my family, while I’m gone, would you?”

“Of course. Good hunting, Cassy. May the darkness protect you.” She inclined her head and Layla took the chance to mess with my hair, one last time. “Don’t get lost, please,” the girl whispered, while her mom straightened.

“I won’t, not this time.” I waved and turned away, heading towards the towering dragoness. As I slowly moved through the pouring rain, the relation of how many had actually died hit me full force. Up until now, it had been almost impossible to judge, the wounded and the dead being overshadowed by the efforts of the living to keep the former alive. Now though, I saw the macabre display, when dwarfs and soldiers snaked through row upon row of deathly still corpses. The dead outnumbered the living at least 5 to 1 and that wasn’t even counting the poor souls, who had died in the burned out houses. None had left, which meant the occupants had all perished in the initial blast. How many had lost their lives in the fire? Hundreds? More?

Morosely, I tried to keep my distance from the dead, the agony of their last moments clearly written across their faces. I didn’t need another accusing, empty stare to haunt me. At least the injuries hadn’t been too severe. Those, who had survive the hellish ritual, were bruised and hypothermic, but they’d live, even without extensive medical care. They needed a good night’s sleep, hot food and enough time to come to terms with the ordeal they had suffered through.

Hushed conversations, curses, groans and occasional cries were a constant buzzing in my ears and I longed for a chance to be gone, run, fly from the insanity, if only for a few hours. I was done with watching life turn into memories and stardust, but I wasn’t the only one who was hurting and I owed it to Viyara to face her, before I fled. Not tomorrow, now. I had taken her under my wing and I’d be damned, before I allowed her to feel abandoned again. The girl had had enough shit thrown at her and I’d make sure, she wouldn’t feel like she was left alone.

I had almost reached her side, when I picked up a sound, I couldn’t quite place. I stilled and listened, my ears twitching. Close by, someone was crying, but in contrast to the open wails, echoing across the square, from time to time, this voice sounded choked, as if, whoever it was, was desperately trying to remain silent. I ground my teeth and before I even knew what I was doing, I had whirled around and was headed towards a charred and broken wall. Forcefully remaining quiet meant fear and fear implied loneliness. Bad enough on any normal day, but tonight, no one deserved to be alone. Whatever the reason.

Quietly, I rounded the corner and there, between the wall and a still smouldering house, shielded from view but not the rain, sat a young girl, her body shaking. Her face was buried in her hands and her expensive looking dress was torn and tattered. Even up close, I could barely hear her, the downpour washing away the sounds of her mute agony. Still, despite her worn out appearance and the rivulets of water, running down her slender limbs, I thought I recognised her. If I wasn’t mistaken, this was the very same girl, whom Madame Sinis had caught eavesdropping on us.

Stolen from its original source, this story is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings.

I bit my lip, unsure of what to do. Usually, I’d simply have approached her, but I wasn’t convinced, she was very keen on seeing me, or anyone else from the group, who had destroyed her previous life, for that matter. Why would she be hiding, otherwise? My tails trembled, while I weighed my options, toying with the idea of asking Vanya to talk to her, but when another, muffled sob escaped her and she wrapped her arms around her knees, eyes closed and tears falling, I moved.

Without saying a word, I sat down at her side and wrapped an arm around her neck, gently guiding her head towards my shoulder. She nearly jumped, when she felt my touch, and her eyes went wide, as she recognised me. Her gaze lingered on my tails and eyes for the fraction of a second but when I gently pulled her closer, she didn’t resist. I felt her shiver, while her suppressed grief finally poured forth, her tears rivalling the flood from the sky. Still, I remained silent and simply held her, trying to provide consolation on a dark and deadly night. Soon, she cried openly, her head buried in the nape of my neck while her arms held onto my waist with astounding force. I stroked her back and used my tails to warm her, covering us both with a silvery blanket.

Thunder rumbled and the occasional lightning strike lit up the sky. I closed my eyes, the warmth of the slender body much more comforting, than I had expected. Without meaning to, I began stroking her back and lowered my head, until her hair brushed against my cheek. It still smelled of soap and lavender, despite its messy state. I was truly getting sick of the words, but I figured someone had to tell her and I was the only one close by:

“I’m sorry, Liz. I’m so sorry for everything you had to go through.” She sniffled but when her grip tightened even further, I quietly added: “I know, it doesn’t look like it, but… the dawn will come. Until then, cry. I’ll be right here. Cry, until it doesn’t feel like the weight of the whole world is crushing you, anymore. Cry, until your fear melts away.” She didn’t reply, but suddenly, I felt her whole weight in my arms. She had pushed herself onto my lap, her hot breath tickling my ear, her legs pushing against my tails. I froze. I hadn’t expected her to practically straddle me, but the jolt of unease passed just as quickly when I realised, what she was doing. The poor girl was freezing, her skin cold to the touch, and she was simply snuggling into the only bit of warmth, she was offered. I felt so sorry for her, that I even pulled her closer, wrapping my tails tightly around us.

“It’s okay,” I whispered. “You’re not alone.” She shivered.

“Why,” she breathed, her voice hoarse. “Why do you even care?” Because someone had to?

“Why does it matter? I’m here. Isn’t that enough?” She stiffened, her fingers twitched and she suddenly blurted out:

“If there’s no reason, you’ll toss me aside, again. I need to know… why?”

“Because it’s dark and cold. Because none of this your fault… because you’re innocent.”

“Innocent,” she snorted, fear and pain lacing her voice. “Is that why you’ve even brought me along? Do you think I’m some kind of damsel in distress? I’m a whore, who’s got nothing left! I’m… I’m…” she couldn’t continue, her sobs choking off her voice. Oh, boy.

I didn’t reply and simply held her. After a while, she stopped shaking and I felt the tension gradually leave her, even though she was still crying. “That’s something I really don’t care about,” I finally said. “Liz… I’m not going to pretend like I know you, because I don’t. I have no idea, why you were working in the “Dream”, I have no idea, if you have a home or someone waiting for you… I don’t even know, who you are. But all of it, it doesn’t matter, not in the slightest. Right here and right now, I’m trying to comfort a beautiful and lost girl, who’s crying over the rubble of a burned life. And guess what, she’s not alone. Is it really so hard to believe, that I simply couldn’t watch you suffer in the dark? I don’t expect anything from you. I… I’m not trying to save you, I’m simply trying to… I know pain, inside and out… I wouldn’t want to be alone, on a night like this.”

She chuckled weakly, but made no attempt to move away. “Gods, you’re making me feel even worse. It’s been a while, since I’ve met someone… decent. Ever since I woke up, I’ve been asking myself, what you could possibly want with me. There’s nothing, I could… but you really don’t care. I’m not used to…” she sighed and rubbed her palms over her eyes. “You must think, I’m a coward or a fool. Even the kids have held up better than me.”

“That’s nothing to be proud of. Becoming numb… I wouldn’t wish their past on anyone. I’d feel much better, if they weren’t so unbelievably calloused… I don’t know, if anyone has ever told you, but they’re my people, literally. I belong to our last living royal family and I have to watch children act like seasoned veterans, because they had to go through more hardships in their short lives, than most people have to endure in a lifetime. Can you imagine how much that hurts? If anything, cherish your tears. They show, that you haven’t adapted to violence and death, yet.” She squirmed to look into my eyes, just as the first mischievous spark reappeared in hers.

“Are you telling me, I’ve been using a queen as a pillow?”

“Not quite, but if anyone at home would have seen you, straddling me in the dirt while we’re both dripping wet, you’d still have had a major problem. But proper etiquette is definitely one of the things I don’t miss. You have no idea how stifling it can be.”

“Worse than pretending to fall in love with drunks and dullards, only because they have coin to spare? I’m surely no noblewoman, but I know a thing or two about pretending. Cassandra…”

“Cassy, please call me Cassy. Everyone I like does. Besides, my mom always calls me Cassandra, when I’m in trouble.” I smiled at her shyly and after a moment, she reciprocated the gesture, albeit tremulously. “Does that mean you like me,” she wanted to know.

“No, I brought you into my home and allowed you to use me as a pillow because I hate you.” I rolled my eyes. “I thought you were clever. This much, you could have worked out on your own.” She tilted her head and bit her lip in a strangely endearing manner, the fire in her eyes transforming. Shit. I knew a bit about how people reacted to tragedy and fear and I didn’t like where this was going, not one bit. Before she could utter a single word, I quickly stated:

“Liz… don’t.” She froze and I could practically see her mind return to the viscous circles, she had just escaped from. “No,” I quickly added, “don’t… that’s not it. I’m engaged.”

“And if you weren’t,” she asked, studying me from beneath her bangs. I had to be careful.

“I don’t know.” I sighed, struggling to find the right words. “We’re both longing for something to cling onto… I honestly can’t say, but…” she gently placed her hand on my lips to shut me up.

“It’s fine. I remember, it’s the vixen you were with, when we first met, right? I’m sorry, I just… I just thought…”

“No need to apologise.” I smiled wryly. “But if you’re libido is stirring, you must be feeling better. Does that mean, I can get back up? I don’t know, if you’ve noticed, but we’re sitting in the middle of a small river.” She chuckled and slowly rose from my lap, extending her hand to pull me to my feet. When we stood, she hugged me again.

“Thank you,” she mumbled. “Thanks for your warmth and your respect. It’s not often, I’m offered either.” I returned her embrace and said:

“Don’t mention it. Any time you need a hug… which reminds me. Do you have a place you want to return to?” She shrugged as she stepped back.

“I live alone.” She looked around the destroyed, smouldering ruins and added forlornly: “I don’t even know, if my house still stands.”

“Do you want to stay with us? At least for a while. I don’t know exactly how you got here, but if you want to, you’re very welcome to spend a few nights onboard. No strings attached, if you want to, you can leave at any moment.”

“I think I’d like that. Very much.” A thoughtful look entered her eyes, as she added: “you know, I can read and write and I know my numbers. Do you… do you think you could use someone like me? I don’t think… I don’t know, if I can return to my life, I don’t know, if I want to.”

“Then we’ll figure it out. In case you don’t… sure. Beforehand, though, there are a few people I’d like to properly introduce you to, even though you’ve already met.”