Cassandra Pendragon

I felt my tension gradually drain away, as the warmth from Viyara’s scales permeated my back. I leaned against her leg, her ruff keeping me almost dry. If it hadn’t been for the soaked ground, I’d have been plenty comfortable. The dragoness was taking her time sifting through my memories of what I had been through, before I had returned, and reestablishing our telepathic connection. I didn’t plan on disturbing her concentration. For now, I wanted to speak to the primordial vampire, sitting beside me, at any rate.

Aurelia possessed an imposing presence, her movements, her voice, her features, it all screamed power on an incomparable level. Unfortunately, it hadn’t been enough to protect her mistress, which constituted a colossal failure in her book. To put it bluntly, the beautiful, nigh immortal being was sulking. She had gotten her ass handed to her and it didn’t sit well with her pride. I could sympathise, I had been there often enough, but I still hadn’t figured out what I could possibly say. Chin up, shit happens, was hardly appropriate, considering the devastation we were looking at.

Pensively, I watched Reia, Archy and Estrella surround Liz, blabbering on and on without giving the girl a chance to get a word in. Their antics made me smile. I was convinced being harassed by the rascals would do wonders for her and having the three of them look after someone else would also make them feel better. Needed, in control. Control… something all of us had been forced to accept as an illusion. We couldn’t control the outcome, only our own decisions. The scene around us was a testimony to how little we could actually do, no matter, who we were.

“It’s terrifying, isn’t it,” I finally said, while my eyes roamed over the piled up corpses. Her head whipped around and she looked at me curiously but didn’t respond, waiting for me to explain myself. I gesticulated vaguely and added: “life’s a fragile gift. The longer we survive, the more often we are forced to witness its destruction, but yet, somehow,” I pointed towards the children, who had managed to make Liz laugh, “it never stops. No matter who we are, we are, but a speck of breathing memories, our deeds and our pain dust in the wind.” She exhaled deeply, unconsciously snuggling deeper into the golden warmth behind her.

“We are, but that’s not true for you, is it? You’ll still be there, watching, when this world has long since turned to dust.” I chuckled quietly.

“Have you met me? Chances are, I won’t even live to see the other side of the century, never mind the far future. And even if I did… one day, even my life will end. I won’t be more than a memory, a cautionary tale, told to scare unruly children into obedience. No… in this regard, we’re all the same. Come to think of it, maybe it’s not terrifying, but rather… comforting.”

“How can you say that? Look around. Where’s the comfort in that?”

“It’s in them,” I replied, jerking my head in the general direction of the square. “It’s in not being alone, no matter what the world holds in store for us. I’d rather live and die with my friends than being separated and lonely as a true immortal. I thought you knew. Isn’t that, why you’re holding onto that dragoness of yours, even now.” In the depths of my mind, I felt Viyara’s attention flicker, as she focused on us. With a gentle push, I shooed her away. If she wanted to know, she’d have to ask Aurelia directly.

The vampire closed her eyes and allowed her head to sink against Viyara’s scales. “Maybe. I don’t know. It’s just… living, no, fighting for your sister was excruciating and I thought… but this is even worse. I… it has never affected me before, but now… I think I’m scared. I’m scared of what might happen, if I’m not strong enough. I’m scared of seeing her, or you, for that matter, lying in the dirt, lifeless, only because I couldn’t… all I’ve ever been was a weapon and now, I’m even failing in that regard. What does that make me? A broken instrument? A failure?”

“Neither. By the Great Fox, no offence, but I’m older than you and I’m even stronger, yet I couldn’t keep them alive. It pains me, it feels like I’ve got a pit filled with ice, somewhere within me. But yet…”

“That’s not the same,” she hissed. “You’re not only an angel, you’re a daughter, a sister, a friend, a wife to be, whereas I am… nothing but a blunted blade.”

“That’s an excuse. You can’t hide behind what Sarai did to you. It might have been true, but ever since you asked for my help in that god forsaken cellar, you’ve been free to do as you please. Friendship? It’s offered to you left, right and centre. Family? Alassara and her child are your descendants, whether you accept them or not and as for love… I don’t think you’re as alone as you pretend to be, Aurelia. Let me tell you something I needed to hear, as well. You didn’t fail. My sister owes her life to you, so does Layla, your own blood. You can sulk all you want, you can beat yourself up, but I’m still grateful. To me, you, Viyara, Vanya, the dwarfs… you’re heroes.”

“A hero… is that who I am?”

“I don’t know. Is it something you want to be?” She hesitated and then she laughed.

“I don’t know, either, but I’m going to find out. It’d be a waste, if I didn’t. Thank you, Cassy. I’ve never even imagined, that, one day, I’d feel better after talking to an immortal, especially you.”

“Why? You’ve mentioned before that you feared me. Do you remember why?”

“Not really. I’ve told you, my past is blurry, at best. I don’t know what’s real and what I made up, but the first time I saw your wings… you might not be the same person, anymore, but every time I see you use your power, I can’t help but feel like a rabbit, while the hounds are closing in. I think we’ve met, before, and it didn’t go too well. When you’re angry… you’re still scary, even though I know, you’d never willingly hurt me. This kind of deep seated fear doesn’t bloom from a chance encounter. Why do you want to know? You’re not him, anymore.” I took a deep breath, savouring the almost clean air, after it had rained for over an hour.

“I very nearly became Lucifer again, just a few hours ago. While I was gone… my past isn’t as dead as I want it to be. And I don’t mean the consequences, which are constantly haunting me. Like you, I’m still struggling to find out, who I truly am. A fallen angel, a loving immortal, a crazy royal,” I added with a smirk. “But I fear, my time is running out. It’s just… I don’t want to sound conceited, but I’ve shown that I’m stronger now, than I was. I’m not talking about power,” I quickly explained, when I saw her doubtful expression. “I’m not even fully grown, yet, no I mean… I’m more resilient. I’m not going to hide behind becoming a martyr, I’m not going to isolate myself, ever again. I’m going to own up to my mistakes, past and present ones. Which means… I’d like to know, if there’s something in our past, I have to apologise for.” She blinked in surprise.

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“Apologise? The world we come from doesn’t care for guilt or mercy. You were strong enough to do as you pleased, no apology necessary. I do prefer your new perspective, though. It suits you.”

“It’s the ears and tails, isn’t it? I’ll have you know, I’m not entirely fluffy and cuddly.”

“I don’t doubt it. Cassandra, since we’re speaking openly and more or less privately, for once… all of this,” she pointed at the dead, “made me think. Can I ask you a very personal question?”

“Sure. As long as you don’t expect me to answer truthfully.”

“Actually, I do, or at least tell me that you don’t want to answer. Will you?” When I nodded hesitantly, she asked: “I’d like to know what you plan for Viyara. The two of you are bound together, as tightly as I’ve ever seen an immortal tether herself to anything. She’s going to stay at your side for her entire life, whether she knows it or not. But yet, you don’t see her as a lover or a toy. What is she to you?” I chuckled in relief. I had expected something much more problematic.

“Something between a little sister and a daughter? For now, it’s closer to a younger sibling, but I imagine, that’s going to change. It already has, partly, when we encountered her grandfather, has she told you the story?” She nodded.

“Then you know about the naming ceremony. When I agreed to protect her with mine, it felt like she was becoming something more… I’ve never really thought about it, but in a way, I already adopted her, didn’t I?”

“You know she doesn’t see it that way, don’t you?”

“I do. I’m not blind and she’s already told me. What are you getting at?” To my surprise, she blushed and her voice sounded somewhat strangled, when she said:

“I… I really like her and I don’t think that’s going to change. Which means, I’m probably going to spend a very long time with you. I… I wanted to ask for your blessing.” I was perplexed.

“My blessing? As in… no way. Are you asking my permission to court her?” Her blush intensified until it almost seemed like her power was leaking though her skin, but she managed to incline her head. Seriously, the girl had nerves. In the aftermath of a battle, leaning against the one we were talking about, surrounded by death and destruction, she acted like a noblewoman from back home. Fighting for your life apparently made you realise what was important. I liked her priorities.

“By all means, go for it. I’m definitely not going to hold it against you. I will, however, rain down heaven and hell on you, should you ever mistreat her.” I wasn’t joking, either. “As you so astutely observed, she’s precious to me in ways I don’t even understand myself and you might already have noticed, that I’m a bit protective of those I cherish. As long as you make her smile, you have my support, but I’ll stand by her, no matter how things turn out. Was that honest enough for you?”

She swallowed dryly, apparently convinced of my sincerity. “Plenty. In other words, if I make a mistake, I won’t only be roasted by a crystalline dragoness but also by her transcendent rider. Somehow, I can’t say, I didn’t see it coming.” I interrupted her with a raised finger and added:

“Don’t forget my fiancée. She might hide it, but everyone around here is as important to her as they are to me. And she’s much more… explosive than me.” At first her eyes went wide, but when she saw the mischief sparkling in mine, she chuckled.

“Understood. You enjoyed that, didn’t you?”

“Indeed. Don’t make the mistake of thinking I’m not being serious, though. I meant every word.”

“I know. Which is why I asked in the first place. Has she… has she listened?” I shook my head.

“She’s engrossed in my memories. She wanted to, when we started talking about her, but I closed the door, so to speak. Oh, hell, I’m really acting like a parent. Next thing you know, I’ll order you to have her home by sundown. Which, incidentally, isn’t such a bad idea…”

“I haven’t even asked her out, yet. You can’t set rules before then.”

“Watch me.” Groaning, I got to my feet and offered my hand. “Take good care of her. I’ll know, if you don’t.” She shook it warmly, even though my threats had apparently diminished her enthusiasm, if only slightly. After a moment, she couldn’t hold my gaze any longer and her eyes slid downwards, landing on my neck. Carefully, as if to give me all the time in the world to react, she extended her hand and brushed against the frayed shoulder parts of my shirt.

“It left a scar,” she whispered, scrutinising the silvery mark on my skin. I hadn’t even thought about it, but now, I craned my neck to study the spot, where she had bitten me. The wounds, her fangs had left behind, were gone, or rather invisible, covered by an intricate web of crisscrossing scars. Ahri’s flames had branded me with the outlines of a feather. For a second, I felt a sinking sensation in the pit of my stomach, the scar a visible reminder of my mistakes. The flaw in my otherwise pristine skin was an apt metaphor for my deficiencies and I didn’t particularly enjoy having it burned onto my body.

“It did,” I commented morosely and tried to hide the spot again, but somewhere along the line, I realised something. Not only was the little piece of scarred flesh another tie to Ahri, but I had also grossly misunderstood its importance. It didn’t signify a failure or some such, it showed, that every wound could heal, that we could recover, as long as we lived. Grinning, I retracted my hand and allowed the cool, moist air to brush over my skin. I’d probably never be proud of the mark, but I’d didn’t feel like I had to hide it, either. I was who I was and I had earned that scar.

Gently, she traced the outer lines with her fingertips, murmuring: “funny, isn’t it. Most women would feel marred by this, but on you, it almost looks intentional, charming. Still, I’m sorry for what I did. If I had had a choice, I wouldn’t have touched you. I’ve never told you, but do you actually know what my asking for your help meant?”

“Alassara told me, but I… Aurelia, I’m not a vampire and my help can’t be bought or bargained for. I either offer it willingly or not at all. As far as I’m concerned, the only debt between us stems from your aspiration to sweep Viyara off her feet. You owe it to her to treat her properly and that’s a debt I’m going to collect on. As for us,” without preamble, I hugged her tightly, “we’re even. I probably wouldn’t even be here, if it wasn’t for you. At least, I wouldn’t be myself, anymore. Another thing I’m grateful for.” I pushed her back and caught her gaze. “I do have another question, though. You’ve asked me what Viyara is to me. I’d like to know what Sarai is to you. We’ll meet her again, Aurelia. What are you going to do, once that happens? Will you stay with her?” She snorted.

“Are you moonstruck? No offence, but that bitch can lose all her feathers, for all I care. I’m not going to go back to the way things were. Not now, not ever. Even without Viyara, I have no intention of serving another immortal, ever again.” She paused and a crooked grin spread across her face. “Except, I already am, aren’t I?” I frowned and she willingly explained:

“I don’t mean a debt between us, even though I still feel like there is one. No…” she caressingly stroked Viyara’s side. “This girl… whatever happens, she’ll stick with you, she’ll stay with her saviour and, whether you’re willing to see it or not, she’ll always do as you ask. Which in turn means I’m going to do as you ask. Ironic, isn’t it?”

“Not really,” Viyara commented, her eyes opening to allow a flood of golden light to wash over us. I had felt her mind return to reality a few seconds ago but hadn’t bothered informing the vampire. “It’s not ironic. Sometimes I think it’s Cassy’s special power. Somehow, everyone around her seems to end up either falling for or bound to her. I’m glad it’s not the former with you.”

Aurelia jerked, clearly caught off guard, but she quickly hid behind a wry smile. “And why’s that? Afraid I might steal your guardian angel?” The dragoness rolled her eyes, the glowing golden orbs quivering in their sockets. I quickly covered my mouth to suppress a giggle. In a way, she looked very much like an oversized lava lamp.

“You can try, but I hope you’ve prepared an epitaph. As far as I know, you’d end up on the wrong side of a transcendent fire, if you ever got close enough to her. Where is Ahri, anyways? You summoned her, when that cruel trap was torn to shreds, didn’t you?” I nodded and affectionately rubbed her snout.

“Of course I did. I couldn’t very well leave my girlfriend stuck in a torture device, could I? She’s on the island, where we encountered Shassa. I’m going to fetch her now, but I wanted to wait until you had finished. You’ve just seen all of that, haven’t you? Why did you even ask?”