Cassandra Pendragon

Ahri had only quickly gone back to camp to pick up a bag of tea leaves, a small kettle, a pot and a three cups before she had guided us towards the cliffs again, where she had lit a small fire and made us sit while she worked. Now we were facing the ocean, while the sea and sky were slowly changing from a deep red streaked with gold to black and the first stars blinked through the velvety darkness above.

Neither of us spoke for a while and I cherished the moment of tranquil companionship, something I had dearly missed over the last days. Finally I felt like I could relax, at least for a little while, before the chaos my life had become claimed me again. A few seconds of peace in a mad world, that seemed determined to throw one problem after another in my way, from crazy sorcerers, over marauding dragons, to treacherous spiders and dying elves.

“It’s beautiful,” Morgan whispered. “Thank you… thank you for bringing me here and for taking care of us. I… I truly am grateful, but I don’t think I can answer your questions, not tonight, at least.”

“Then don’t,” Ahri replied in equally hushed tones. “I just thought you might enjoy a moment of quiet… I know I need it from time to time” and she fell silent again, her tails brushing against my thigh. I leaned against her and breathed in the scent of pine trees that always clung to her, along with Morgan’s flowery aroma, so similar to Erya’s but yet different, sweeter… and somehow darker.

Gem after gem appeared above us, white, red, yellow and blue, some astonishingly bright, others barely visible in the growing ocean of light. My eyes traveled along the glimmering axis of hokuto, the Plough, to settle on taiji, the North Star, the only constant in an ever changing display of movement and colours. A fitting metaphor for our life… always circling around an immovable centre but if one were to take only a couple of steps, it would be, but another tiny spark in the night. How far would I have to fly for the heavens to change? I didn’t know, even on this tiny world I didn’t know… as for the wider cosmos… all we had was the present, a minuscule part of a greater whole… or, as another smart man had said: the starry sky above me and the moral law within me, the world we saw and the truth within... Funnily enough, he had thought that insight, as the spark of transcendence, the one unchangeable point of orientation in every human, would ultimately lead to morality but, oh boy, had he been wrong. Nothing was inherently right, for it could only truly exist in the perception of another.

While I stared at the sky, the vastness of it all made me shiver. Each spark a far away star with planets and worlds, some inhabited by millions of dreaming, living people some desolate chunks of rock and metal and the longer I watched the more of them appeared, the void slowly filling with light. I felt so… insignificant, despite the slumbering heritage in my veins. What could one soul do to change the ways of the world, never mind the path of the cosmos. Was I doomed to struggle for ever, until one day my luck would run out? Was there even a point?

“Sometimes I wonder… why do you think we always have to fight?’ When Ahri laughed softly and poured us tea, her silky hair tickled my cheek while her warm laughter washed away my worries.

“You could just as well ask why we exist… angels, demons, fey, dragons, humans… they are all so convinced that they’re right, that their fears and hopes, their dreams and nightmares are so much more important than anyone else… as long as we’re free to choose our own way, you’ll always find someone who fears, envies, hates or needs you, who sees the world differently. Sometimes you can bargain, bribe or compromise, run or hide, but sometimes, all you can do is fight or surrender. And you, my darling, are much too stubborn to simply curl up and lie still.”

“And what happens if you do,” Morgan asked quietly, her hands wrapped around her cup as if she was trying to take in every bit of warmth she could get.

“In the end… you’ll die. If you give up every time, there’ll soon be nothing left of what makes you special, what makes you into who you are. You’ll still be breathing and walking, but you’ll be a husk, hollow and dead. But that’s not gong to happen to you,” Ahri added and gently placed an arm on her shoulder. The fey flinched, as if she had been expecting to be struck but after a moment, she visibly relaxed.

“How do you know? Curling up… a hollow husk… it doesn’t sound too bad right now.”

“I don’t think you truly believe that.” “Why not?”

“Because you don’t sit at the edge and because you’ve looked at the stars above and not the sea below,” I replied. “You’re hurt and you’re desperate… every breath is laborious and each movement feels like it’s tearing open another wound… believe me, I know how you feel. But still… wounds heal and in the end, scars make us who we are.” Morgan made a strange sound, a strangle cough, somewhere between a laugh and a sob.

“How old are the two of you? You look barely older than me but still you sound like the few ancient fey I’ve met. Are you really immortal? If you are, how can you have a brother? Is he like you?” I had to suppress a smile, she sounded much more like the temperamental girl I had briefly glimpsed when she had wanted to hear Auguros story, than the broken child she looked like.

“Old, pretty old. Yes, or at least as close to it as you can get, because we’re born kitsune with mothers, fathers and siblings, and no, he’s not like us. Ahri and I are a couple, you’ve met my mother, Helena, she’s the silvery fox I had on my shoulder, we’re on the run from a crazy sorcerer after he burned down our home and killed my father and now we’re on our way to meet with my older brother, Arthur. Anything else you want to know?”

“Who are you?”

“That’s a long story, I’ll tell you once we have a little more time.” I paused to sip my tea and the taste of jasmine flowers made me sigh in contentment. “I’m not trying to avoid your question, but it truly is a long story and probably poses more questions than it answers so I want to do it justice. Ahri and I will have to head back in a few minutes and than won’t do. Which reminds me… would you prefer to stay here or join the festivities?”

“Festivities? I thought it’d be a burial.”

“From what I gathered,” Ahri interjected, “there isn’t much of a difference when it comes to dwarfs. They prefer celebrating the good memories rather than focusing on the tragedy. It’ll be loud, exhausting and drowned in mead. I’d definitely understand if you didn’t want to join, but it might not be the worst idea… they’re also grieving and maybe you can share a bit of you burden.”

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“I don’t know if that’ll work,” Morgan replied quietly, “but I’ll try. I couldn’t stand being alone right now… for two old ladies you make for pretty decent company, you know that, right?” This time I smiled openly.

“Thanks, I quite enjoy our presence, too. And the others aren’t half bad either, if you give them a chance.” I was tempted to add that none of us would ever sell her out in the way she had been, but I thought better of it at the last moment. No need to bring that up again, not mere minutes after she had found out that she had most likely been betrayed but someone she had loved.

“I know, believe it or not I usually can judge people rather accurately. Although, not when it matters, apparently. By the gods, you must think I’m an idiot. First I fall for someone who didn’t care for me one bit and then I even get caught, giving away secrets to the bastard.” She sniffed but underneath, I smelled her anger rising, like a growing storm just beneath the surface.

“You don’t know that,” Ahri said. “We don’t know much at all. But I do admit, I wouldn’t bet that Solus had your best interest at heart, either. I know you said you didn’t want to answer any questions, but what did you see in him anyway? I always thought fey were quick to play but slow to love.”

“We are… he was just so… different. Clever, caring, charming… I’ve been so naive… I should have known when he started to ask about our culture, our home, but I didn’t. I really thought he just wanted to know more about me and where I come from, to better understand who I am.”

“Don’t beat yourself up,” I advised. “Happens to all of us. Just yesterday we lost four of our friends and most of us were nearly killed because I trusted an ugly spider.”

“What did you do?”

“Killed her and caught her spirit in a gem…” she chuckled.

“I meant: what happened?”

“Oh, basically we ran into an activated artefact that would’ve killed us all and I needed help to shut it down. As it turned out, what I had taken for a stroke of luck had been an apple from a poisoned tree. We got out, most of us did, at least and now we’re going to celebrate the sacrifice of those who didn’t.”

“I… that sounds awfully detached. Don’t you care?”

“Morgan, I’ve seen more death and destruction in the last week than most people are confronted with in their lifetimes… do I feel like crap when I think about it? Sure. But I’m not going to allow my past to determine my future. Should I sit here and weep, immobilised and broken under the weight? I’ve already shed most of the tears I’ve got in me. Now, I have to do what is necessary. That dwarfs got it right, you know. Death is, but a part of life and we won’t do anyone a service, least of all the fallen and ourselves, if we allow their sacrifice to become meaningless. I, for one, am more concerned with how I can keep the living alive and make sure no one else has to suffer.”

“You know, when you say something like this, I truly think I’d have been better off, if I had fallen in love with a tree. First you sound like you’re ready to throw in the towel and now I feel like I have to chain you to a bed post to make sure you don’t run off to do something stupid.” Ahri interrupted.

“I can’t, remember? At least not without taking you along.”

“That’s a silver lining, I suppose,” she said and curled her tails around my middle.

“And you wouldn’t be better off with a tree,” Morgan added, her voice only a little strained. “Those can turn out to be quite complicated themselves. Besides, it would be a pity. You two seem to… you seem happy together.” I was pretty sure that wasn’t what she had wanted to say, but I didn’t mind the compliment. When I was about to reply, I felt Ahri’s ears twitch and the fraction of a second later, I heard it as well: someone was calling out for us and in the distance, I could already hear deep voices singing different songs.

“It’s time to go,” I said and emptied my cup of tea. “I… I like you, Morgan. If you wanted, I’d love spending a little more time with you. Maybe once we’ve gotten your magic back, we could fly together.” I hadn’t thought much of my words, but her gasp made me reconsider. When I replayed what I had said, I realised my mistake. She was looking at me with a mixture of scepticism and hope that made her bright, emerald eyes sparkled while I bit my tongue.

“Don’t look at me like that,” I mumbled. “I don’t know if it’ll work, but we will certainly try. But not tonight, come on, it’s time to face the music, quite literally,” I added with a sigh. I scrambled up and offered her my hand. She took it after a moment of hesitation and allowed me to pull her to her feet.

“If you can do that for me, I’ll be in you debt forever.”

“No, you won’t. There’ll be enough chances for you to scrape me off the floor, if you should decide to stick around.” Ahri nodded vigorously at my side and added:

“More than enough. Lifesaving has turned out to be quite the theme around here, especially when it comes to her.”

“I’ll see what I can do,” the fey replied, with the hint of a smile playing around the corners of her mouth.

“She’s even prettier when she smiles, don’t you think,” Ahri whispered in my ear, loud enough for Morgan to easily hear her.

“Indeed she is. Come on then, girls. We have an interesting night ahead of us.”

I pulled them both along towards the bearded fellow who had nearly reached us by now, an empty tankard of mead in his hand. “Ah, lasses, it’s ‘bout time. Follow me, if yah would. Can hardly start without yah all and the lads are getting hungry.” He made a small bow in Morgan’s direction and added: “will yah be coming ‘s well? The lads would love t’ have yah around but we’d understand if yah had enough of people for a while.” This time, her smile was tremulous but wide.

“Thank you, I’ll be coming with you. I think I’m done punishing myself.”

“That’s the attitude, lass. It’d have been a shame if we hadn’t been able to gawk at another pretty face tonight. Yah won’t regret it, no one has ever left a dwarven funeral without getting rid of some of their burdens. Let’s go then, otherwise they’ll have done away with most of the good stuff.” He shook his tankard before he continued: “‘n I haven’t had enough, not by a long shot.”

He turned around and scurried off on his short legs, fast enough that I had to hurry to keep up. It took us no more than a few moments to get back to camp, the smell of cooked meat, spilled mead and burning fires becoming stronger with every step we took. Soon we passed the first torches that filled the night with a warm light and made our way past the tents.

A couple of metres away, four caskets made of polished wood, heavily decorated with bands of mithril, shimmered beneath the starry sky. Behind them, muffled grunts and showers of earth came from a huge hole in the ground, a group of seven dwarfs assembled around it. They graciously offered advice to their working comrades while they tug swig after swig from heavy tankards. As I was watching, one of the poor sods in the hole had had enough and threw a shovel of earth at one of the onlookers, who didn’t duck fast enough and swallowed a shovel full of pebbles. I grinned and took in the rest of the scene.

Improvised tables and benches filled the space around the cooking fire at the centre, where a huge animal with six legs slowly roasted on a spit. Two dwarfs dedicatedly turned the huge wooden pole while a third one continuously poured a mixture of honey, herbs and mead over the sizzling skin. The aroma was divine, my mouth began to water and I had to swallow quickly before I started drooling. A highly inappropriate moment since the heads of the seated company had turned to us when we had stumbled form the shadows between the tents, beards splitting to reveal white, blocky teeth.

“And there they are,” Xorlosh, who sat at the head of the table greeted us. “An’ we’ve been worried yah might have dropped off a cliff. Come on then, sit, drink. The lads up there will soon strike rock and then it’s about time we got around to telling a few good stories. But until then,” he gestured and form somewhere they produced three more tankards and pushed them onto Morgan, Ahri and me. “Hail the victorious dead!” We drank.