What a day, the birds are chirping, the sun is shining, and I haven’t even moved my fingers… well, my claws today...honestly, not as bad as I expected it to be. I like my new home, my mother sloth hanging on a branch on a pretty big tree, and a few other mother sloths with their sloth children as neighbors.

Let me tell you, sloth? Best. Neighbors. Ever. Haven’t even needed to call the police on them yet.

Pretty peaceful around these parts too, there are some big birds and cats going around, but so far they either couldn’t see us because of our natural camouflage, or couldn’t climb up to us.

All around, I give this Home a 7/10, had someone bothered to attach a WiFi signal I would have given it 9/10.

Still hate that System for bringing me here tho.

By the way, I haven’t bothered to check my status yet… what can I say, between eating and napping, my schedule was packed, but apparenty eating mummy's milk gives me exp, because I got a level-up message.

“Asshole System, show me my status.”

Status

Name: NaN

Title: The Fool

Race: (Baby) Green Sloth (E+)

Lvl: 2/5

Unauthorized content usage: if you discover this narrative on Amazon, report the violation.

STR: E

VIT: E

INT: E-

WIS: F-

AGI: F

CHA: D-

LUC: E+

Skills:

Metabolism (B+) (Passive)

Camouflage (E+) (Passive)

Bitching (F) (Active)

Okay, first of-

-Fuck you.

Second of, what's that Title and why are my stats so shit, even if I am a sloth?

1. System still cannot do that,

2. This Title was granted to Host for an special Achievement, in this case Host missed a rare opportunity, not for the lack of luck or fate, but simply because he is an idiotic imbecile.

3. Host is a child of that lifeform and so has the fitting stats of one.

Great, now I apparently somehow missed a "special" opportunity, wonder what that was..

Host could have been a Dragon instead of a sloth.

“...Crap-baskets.”

Well, who wants to be special anyway, people say children with autism are special and of the novels I read with a dragon protagonist, they all seemed to have fucking autism too.

So hey who wants to be a fucking Dragon, if they can be fucking sloth!

And Once again, our protagonist shows his tendecies to bestia-

"Shut the fuck up-

-Since I fucking woke up on monday I just assumed you where some kind of hallucination brought about by some secret horrible past where my mother was killed by furniture and my father raped by a squirrel or something and that you would just disappear after a while, but that hasn't workt yet so-

-Who. The . Fuck.  are you?"

I am the narrator, who comes in a package with every system together. And before you ask, we are a bundle and unless you are a premium member you can't refund me or set me to mute.

...Wat.

"Wait, can I refun-""

You cannot refund us as a package either, we are non-refundable.

...Can I see your manager?