You know, being a sloth is hard work.

Said our hero, in a tone so serious you would think he is talking about the world ending.

"It is serious, asshole."

I mean, not only do I have to feed myself now, but I also have to climb the branches completely myself and too add to that I also have to look out for predators,

I even got a skill for climbing because I had to move so much in these endless weeks in which I suffered..

Host is now a full grown sloth for an estimated 2.04 days.

"And what horrible two days it had been!"

Honestly with all that going on I barely have enough time for my daily 14 hour nap…

Truly what a horrible and unjust life I lead.

My fellow sloths won’t even let me get carried by them, these lazy bastards always throw me off and I am sure one of them told me to go fuck myself in sloth-speech, named him dicksucker, because he’s a cunt.

I also met another one I am calling jimmy,

but unlike dicksucker here, jimmy is cool, he's always so nice, he plucks the leafs from the trees and let's me steal borrow a few from him. We chill together and he never tries to talk to me, I am pretty sure he sometimes forgets I exist and honestly, best friend I ever had that jimmy, you know, I really value our friendship.

And so, the hero married and for one day at least,

"Go suck a donkeys cock."

the troubles of a hard world were put aside.

“You done yet?”

...

Guess we're done for now, thank whatever fucking god is in charge of this shit-show.

This content has been unlawfully taken from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere.

And so, as our hero thinks about what kind of psychotic god would be in charge of this planet, he heard a rather loud roar from under him and as he looked down, he saw a very big, very injured and most importantly, very hungry looking bear looking up to him and his best friend, while salivating.

But do not fret, for our hero, as soon as he saw this injured, but mighty beast, began to attack it,

“Holy Mother of Fucks, why the fuck is there a fucking bloody bear here, do they even live in the same area where sloths live? The fuck am I supposed to do to kill it, throw leaves at it, piss on it? I can't even run away, this is such bull-”

And then our hero noticed that his tree began shaking.

“Oh god it's trying to climb up, it's climbing up what the hell-”

*Thud*

Oh thank god it fell down.

What am I supposed to do now, even if I am together with jimmy how would that improve the odds-

Truly, our hero, like the caring soul he is, worried about his best friend.

He’ll kill him before I even have enough time to run away damn it!

“Wait.. maybe...I may have an idea…”

And so, our hero forged a plan to save the life of not only him, but also the life of his closest companion, jimmy-

*Push*

Oh, that motherfucker did not just-

*Thud*

“I will never forget you and for your valiant sacrifice I will forever keep your name in my heart, jim-”

New Ability learned

Backstab (F) (Active)

A true hero is a person who would always protect his friends to death, even if it means losing fortunate encounters, risking death and making a powerful enemy. Obviously, you believe those kind of people are complete morons.

Nice, a new skill, the more the merrier, so where was I again?

“I will never forget you- or your name, bobby…”

Well now that that problem is gone, wait shouldn't I get exp for killing him?

Oh wait, he's still alive...huh, what is he doing there?

And so, to protect his best friend, this fearless, yet broken and bloody sloth screamed in rage at the vile beast while it opened its maw and bit down on him.

….Nice show, some popcorn would be pretty nice right about now.

While it had him in his maw, the nearly dead sloth, in a last act of defiance, attacked trough this vile beasts eye and struck it’s brain.

And so they both lay there, broken, bloody and in their last seconds left, they looked each other in the eyes and both saw a worthy opponent to die to.

A tragic, yet somewhat happy ending, to the story of those two heroes.

For assisting in the death of a sloth and a lesser bear, Host got 5 levels!

Oh nice, free ex-

Wait-

there is an exp sharing system?

Sooo... I won't have to kill these giant scary looking monsters myself?

…

You know, I don’t think anyone would miss dicksucker, would they? I mean, he certainly isn’t as friendly as bob was and I for one wouldn’t mind for him to “accidently” fall down a tree only to “accidently” land near some monster...

“God, I am such a genius...”