*Bing Bing Bing*

“Grooaaaan”

Ah shit, he's awake, here we go again..

Status

Name: NaN

Title: The Fool

Race: Danger Sloth (D+)

Lvl: 1/20

STR: D+

VIT: D+

INT: E+

WIS: F+

AGI: E-

CHA: E-

LUC: E-

Skills:

Metabolism (B+) (Passive)

Night Camouflage (D-) (Passive)

Bitching (E-) (Active)

Climbing (F) (Passive)

Backstab (F) (Active)

Struggle (F-) (Active)

Huh, doesn't look too bad and I guess I understand why a psychopath sloth wouldn't have that much charm…

"But I'm still the most handsome sloth around."

Said our Hero, ignoring that he, in fact, is currently the only sloth around.

Why even less luck tho, because I killed the snake?

Because Host killed the snake, yes.

Wait, so a fucking snake can change my stats?

Yes.

Hacks, I call hacks, I want my money back.

Host hasn’t paid anything yet.

Well, worth a try I guess...

This story has been unlawfully obtained without the author's consent. Report any appearances on Amazon.

So how do I even look no-

"Oh god no-

Cursed our hero, realizing the fatal mistake he made, for he now looks like a-

I look like a fucking emo sloth!!!”

And so our Hero, in all his blackish/purplish glory, started another one of his tirades,

“If I knew I would look like a sloth that goes around shooting up schools, I would rather have been fucked by some fucking nobles, why the fuck did this shitty system tell me the colors of the other two evolutions RIGHT IN THEIR NAMES, but noooo, not with this one, I mean, why would I want to know that I just chose a fucking emo sloth as my evolution-”

But as our hero -

“I mean, what’s next,-

Oh, guess you weren’t done yet...

Do I get a loli cat girl companion with way too big tits and a fucking katana?”

But as our hero finished his daily tirade, he heard the sound of fighting from beneath him once again.

Huh, do I?

“I will slay you, you vile cretins!”

Oh yes, I guess I do, well let's have ourselves a show, I'm bored now anyway,

Said our hero, as he plucked a nearby fruit and bit into it.

Ah shit, why the fuck is it so fucking hard? Is this a fruit or a fucking brick?

But while our hero continues to slander the fruit, he looks down and sees a valiant hero fighting against a few vile creatures, known by all as gob-

These creatures are known as goblins.

Yeah, no shit, little green people with pointy ears, wearing dirty loincloths and carrying pointy sticks, what else could they possibly be you smartasses?

By the way, I am pretty sure this guy is a complete copy/paste from a jrpg world, spiky blonde hair, clothes have armor on all the wrong places, I mean, yeah, why bother armoring your stomach, when you aren’t even smart enough to wear a fucking helmet.

And worst of all, a way too big sword with a stupid ass design, just what's the use of the fucking giant hole in the middle of his sword.

“First I will slay you, afterwards I will avenge my parents and behead these trai-

Oh god, is he seriously telling a group of fucking goblins his backstory?

And afterwards, I will marry my sister!”

...Good for him I guess.

You know, you would think a muscle-head with a big sword would kill these low-level mobs pretty easily, but we're in a fucking forest and his attacks with his overgrown metal stick aren’t just very predictable, but they more often than not just get blocked by a tree or thick branch under which the gobins stand.

And while he does all that, the goblins actually coordinate with each other and, unlike our idiot here, know the secret art of dodging.

I'm pretty sure, if no one helps him, he's as good as dead...he does look pretty pitful.

Well, I do have a big fruit shaped brick to throw around...

And so our hero decided to save the human, this will obviously to lead to a one in a lifetime friendship and they will go on many adventures together, get stronger together, and find their true love in each othe-

*Proceeds to throw fruit at guy*

*Sigh*

"Ouch, what, no...how...who?"

...And so the human got knocked down by a fruit.

“Oh nice, head shot.”

Thanks for the warning, narrator, almost forgot how much shit one has to go trough as a side-kick, for that, I am even willing to ignore the last part of your little speech.

...

Shit, these little guys are literally ripping him apart…

In assisting a goblin in killing a adventurer, Host gained 4 levels.

But as our hero read this lovely message, he locked eyes with a goblin, which had obviously noticed him.

What, how the fuck did it notice me, I have camouflage!

Correction, host now has Night Camouflage, which is only effective in dark environments.

...Fffffuu-

But then, our hero noticed something about the goblin, for it appeared to...give him a... thumbs up?

Huh alright then. I think that means I am now chill with the goblins, maybe?

And more importantly, could I make new victims friends?

But as our hero worked on his plan to make friends with the goblins, he noticed that as they are dragging away the corpse of the man, unsurprisingly, leaving the shitty sword behind, that one goblin randomly started to stab another one with his spear..

I'm sure he has a good reason for doing that.

And as the poor goblin died of the wounds, the other, with a cheer, claimed his price of… a dirty, ragged loincloth from the corpse. Eww.

You know, maybe, just maybe, I should give my new friends some space, woudn't want to scare them off now, would we?

Like, a few kilometers worth of space, preferably...