Here you see our slothful hero, once again dragging his worthless body through his journey to the inevitable death that comes to all of us and the hellish existence that comes afterwards.

"I can attest to the hellish existence part."

"Ah, great. You are back. And even more joyless than ever. So, how was it being grounded? Did you get your barbie dolls taken away and had to do your homework the whole weekend?"

Yet this time, he, for the first time in his short, miserable existence few would describe as life, didn't wander trough a forest, this time, he, accompanied by his enslaved spirit-

"You know, enslaved is such a...mean word...let's just call it "involuntary friendship"."

"...If you take me back to my former clan, the guys who killed me would probably pay you pretty well for this ring and my spirit in it."

"Wouldn't they kill you or something with one of their secret special shitty arts?"

"Meh, potato potato at this point really. At least they'll probably kill me after a few decades. Better than...this."

"Aw, you think we will be together for literal decades? Well aren't you a good frie-wait there are potatoes in this world?"

"...I despise you."

"Well, that's alright, sooner or later the stock hold syndrome will kick in, so no worries."

"Oh dear holy buddah please fuck no-"

"Once again, nice speaking to you, but now I have to find a place where there is stuff I can eat and isn't a forest. And considering my main diet is fucking leafs, all I have to say is: Past me is a Dick, right guys-

And everyone agreed

"What narrator-sama said."

System can objectively testify

"...Okay, good natured jokes aside, any idea how I can not starve to death right now?"

"If you want me to help you not die, than I sadly have to inform you that we have a bit of a conflict of interest here."

"You know, I actually wanted to trade you in for a hat or a pair of sunglasses or something when I find someone willing to trade with me...but you being such a good friend, I don't think I can bear to part with you anymore..."

"...Why don't you try just eating meat?"

Stolen content warning: this tale belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences elsewhere.

"Because I can't, you genius?"

"There are literal abilities out there to help you take a better shit, some of them even surprisingly overpowered."

"Ew. Too much information."

"Whatever, but do you really think there in not even one ability out there than can make you eat meat?"

"Yeah, but what if the meat tastes like shit?"

Our possible soon to be starving protagonist started asking the real important questions now.

"Didn't you once say something, while screaming at who known who again, about how you needed to eat an elf arm?"

"Well, it was less of an eating situation and more of an "hold it in my mouth while walking the fuck away from the crazy orc" situation. Also it was a bloody fucking arm of an elf, I wouldn't eat that."

"Huh, I suppose even you have standards..."

"Yeah duh, I mean, eating my meat with blood on it? I'm not some kind of barbarian."

"..."

"What's with that akward silence? Oh I know, it's because that sentence was racist towards barbarians right? Well sorry, but I stand by my claim and while were at it, fuck elves, they are taking our jobs away."

"Just...wow, you truly never cease to...amaze me."

"Whatever, hey do you guys hear something?"

And just as our hero said, one could hear fighting up a head.

"Well, let's see what's up, maybe some free exp for me."

"Great, something to distract me from our existence."

As our heroes came forward, they saw a scene right out of a fantasy book. A red creature adorned with horns, a tail and wings with a sinister aura, what else could it be other than a demon, facing against a young man, adorned in the clothes of a noble with a charming face, wielding a sword and a young woman, a wand in hand, but more importantly having ears like those of a cat and a pair of very round, big, full...eyes.

"Come to your death, little hero? And you even brought company!"

The devil said, following his question up with an stereotypical evil laugh.

"We will slay you together and save my mother from your curse!"

"Yeah!"

Said our noble young hero, commited to rid his home of this evil. And our heroine, with her important contribution to the...plot.

"Oh, and what kind of strength do you think you have if even your father, the famous red baron died by my hands? I, xerhdos the destroyer, will one day rule this puny world!"

"With the power of nakama of cour-"

"Wow, what a cringe name. Wanna bet he named himself?"

"""Huh?"""

...And so our hero interrupted the epic banter between the heroes and the villiain with his very important question.

"Well, considering he looks like an E+ rank lesser imp, no one else but himself would bother to name him."

"Wow really? That scary looking guy is weaker than me? That's coo-

*girly scream*

And the busty catgirl, at the sight of our sloth, fainted immediately, while the noble young man froze at his spot.

"...Guys, bad news, I think I may just be too handsome for this world."

Answering his claim, our ghostly friend facepalmed himself while the demon himself froze for a few seconds, before suddenly kneeling down in what appears to be fear and starts begging for mercy.

"Dear great lord of chaos, forgive this bug for claiming to one day take the world for himself. Let me personally kill all that prevent you from claiming your rightful crown to the world. Let me start by killing those two fools!"

"...Well…"

Of course our hero rejected him, for dealings with are only for fools and the most vile of beings on this world.

"But I like his spunk. Do you know how hard it is to find yourself an employee that takes initiative? "

"How hard my lord?"

"...Well, I don’t know, that’s just what my employer always sorrowfully said to himself when he looked at pretty much everyone of his employers except me."

"Why not you, did he already give up on you?"

"No, you see, I was so good at my job, the moment he laid eyes on me he always had to hold back tears."

...