Noise and motion. That is what my executing Madigan caused. Despite the pandemonium surging, none of it really seemed to touch me. Sure, a lot of people were shouting at me directly, but no one was actually doing anything.

Partially from the residual contact with Debbie I could just see the outline of Madigan’s… soul. He stood over his body. I felt Debbie’s presence descend upon him. The voice of death declared, “Travis Madigan, you are dead. Come, we should not linger.”

I could just hear Madigan’s response echoing and faint over the noise, “You can’t make me go.”

Debbie chuckled, “I don’t make people do anything. I mostly just guide folks where they are meant to go.”

Something similar to static in a digital image flashed through my senses, and they were gone.

You have activated Voice of the Titan.

“Stop,” despite ringing with cosmic power, my voice still sounded tired. “Go back to your homes or tents. Don’t start any more violence.”

Voice of the Titan deactivated.

Then I just walked out of the court. A fairly significant number of humans, and goblins followed me. Both quickly stopped tracing my steps as I continued to walk out into the cold and dark of the wastes.

Out there, away from it all, in the dark I sat down and gazed at the stars.

I am not sure how long I sat there, but after a momentary thrum of time stopping and brief pause in the roar of the wind Lola sat next to me. She waited a moment, and said, “Solitude is habit forming. I recommend you indulge sparingly.”

I almost snapped. When I spoke it was in an over calm tone, “I thought you said you wanted to be friends.”

If Lola felt embarrassed or chastened in any way it didn’t show in her face, “I did and I am working toward that. At our scale we rarely get to be people. We are effectively nations. Nations have stakes, interests and goals. Did I use you, yes, and in doing that I have increased you martial prowess, sheltered your allies, and handed you an army capable of leveling the tower. You, even if you won’t admit it used me as well. We acted to the benefit of each other. If that isn’t friendship, it is as close as people like us can get.”

I just stayed quiet.

Eventually Lola said, “If you want to terminate our relationship that is fine, but I ask you allow Sunit to accompany you to the tower. I also must insist you honor your agreement and make pacts with Seth Cohen and Chino Minoru.”

That wasn’t surprising, “I will, if you tell me why you did all this.”

Lola shrugged, “Travis Madigan stopped following my commands. I simply wish to elevate Seth Cohen as a new leader. The Apotheosis has left him weak. The benefit of your pact will allow him to level rapidly enough to be of use. The Mandir recently lost one of its strongest fighters. Minoru is also a gardener. With the death of his child he has no obvious heir. The healing benefits of your pact will stop and de-age him several years. As is. His death is the death of the Mandir.”

“Why is this place so important to you?” I demanded.

“It’s not, the people are,” after a beat she amended, “with a few notable exceptions. My plan is to endure until after you kill the demon of frost. Once the path is open I will send them back to the coasts.”

“You’re giving up on this place?” I asked. Curious despite myself.

“In the last ten years two hundred of my followers have died out here. In that same time six were born, and eight more made the journey out to this place. Excluding the Chimera soldiers. If the Goblins aren’t interested in becoming my followers this place is coming to an end.” She sighed.

We went quiet for a long time after that. Eventually I pressed, “That’s it?”

Lola studied me for a long moment, “is there something else you want from me?”

“You aren’t going to apologize?” I asked.

“Gods don’t apologize,” Lola said flatly.

“Friends do,” I explained. “You hurt me Lola. Playing me against Madigan to engineer this conflict at the expense of others, and causing multiple deaths. That is not okay. I believe you when you say you thought you were working toward our mutual benefit. That said you used me. I would like you to apologize. I am sorry if I made you feel unsafe or like such behavior was necessary, and if possible would like to try one more time to actually be friends.”

“Are you serious?” Lola asked. She almost scoffed but instead she locked her eyes on me.

“Of course,” I met her gaze, “I believe you when you say you aren’t like Adora.”

“Aren’t you afraid I will just manipulate you again,” Lola said. The weight of her gaze increased noticeably. Yeah she had a lot of steel in her eye, but there was something human there too.

Technically that did nothing to lessen the risk, but still.

My mind drifted back to Hank and Jo. They had no obligation to help me. Technically they had every reason in the world to just let me drift off into the foster care system. They went out of their way to save me. I shrugged, “What can I say? It’s what my heroes would do.” Mark would have done that for that matter.

“A titan spawn has heroes? Who? The Angel?” Lola asked.

“I respect Celeste and Angelica, but they are not who I am talking about,” I shook my head, “Who they are doesn’t matter to. It’s why I look up to them that is relevant now.”

“You desperately want me to ask why,” Lola pointed out, not letting a moment of silence build tension.

Unlawfully taken from Royal Road, this story should be reported if seen on Amazon.

“I am not going to lecture you,” I said, turning back to the stars. Even in that moment the quiet, cold beauty of the night sky… it didn’t make me feel at peace, but its vast totality certainly took the edge off.

“What made them great?” Lola asked. She wasn’t demanding. It was a legitimate question.

“Oh they weren’t great. They were so much better. They were good people. You had to give them a reason to not help someone. That is who they were, kind. that takes real courge in a world that does… not… care.” I turned back to Lola, “Besides, for the immediate future at least, our goals align. I would like to try and do better.”

We sat in the snow silent for a very long time.

“Sorry,” she said almost too quietly for me to hear. A nanosecond later she was gone.

I should have been figuring out what to do next. Take stock of the situation and plan out next steps. Trouble is any plan required understanding where things stood. I needed to learn how the goblins responded to me forcing the trial, and probably from their perspective rage quitting the proceeding and just doing what I wanted. That said I just didn’t have it in me in that moment.

I was burnt out. If this was too much, did I have what it takes to lead people into war?

That question needed an answer.

Angelica sat down next to me. She waited a beat, and then lightly punched my shoulder. It kinda hurt. Technically it did cause a point of damage, but meh. I healed.

There was a lot I wanted to say, but I didn’t really trust myself to speak. I didn’t like that it was easier to trade insults with Grond, or petition humanity from Lola or Adora, than to just be real with a friend. It shouldn’t be that way, but what if I fucked up what we had. Angelica was one of the anchors of my world. Looking at the mental calculus I doubted we were equal. She kept pulling my fat out of the fire, at some point I was probably going to be too much effort.

“I get that you are doing the sad brooding thing, and probably processing a lot of shit,” Angelica spoke up, “But hear me out. You can do that in the warlord tent. That snowlion you killed at the courthouse Philip is doing a hog roast of it… lion roast. There are barbecued ribs.”

“I think I will just stay here a bit longer,” I said noncommittally.

“Kay,” She said.

“Aren’t you cold?” I asked her.

“Very,” She admitted.

“You should go then.” I pointed out.

“Nah,” Angelica shot back.

I sighed, “I am trying to romanticize my melancholic isolation.”

“I know,” Angelica said quickly. After a short pause she added, “And that’s dumb. Stop it.”

Something inside me clenched hard. I had to take a beat to relax, “I just need to be alone.

Angelica wasn’t having it, “No you want to be alone.”

She was technically correct. Some say that is the best type of correct.

I wasn’t in the mood for semantics, “ Could you please just leave me alone?”

“Of course I can.” Angelica shifted, “I am not going to though.”

I was in a bad way and snapped at her, “What are you doing?”

Angelica looked uncertain. After a moment’s consideration she said, “Being someone who is there when you need them. Isolation only makes the pain worse, trust me. You don’t have to talk to me, and if you really need space I’ll give it to you, but don’t run away from people that care about you. … maybe I am making an assumption but I think you want someone to tell you, you are not a monster. What happened was terrible, but it doesn’t make you the bad guy.”

“Thanks,” I managed. I probably should have left it there, but I kept talking, “I can’t allow myself to make mistakes like this.”

Angelica gave me some side eye. When she spoke it was a completely earnest question with no hint of rhetoric, “Doug, are you God?”

“What?” I asked. The conversation had taken a turn.

“Are you God?” She repeated.

I had no idea where she was going with that, “Systematically, I am a god.”

“No” Angelica cut me off. “Capital ‘G’ God.” She paused for a moment and thought, “Are you aware of the Christian God?”

“I know the concept,” I explained.

“So are you them?” Angelica pressed.

“No, but-” I started

Angelica wasn’t interested in indulging me, “but nothing. It’s okay to be human, Doug. it is the only way people like us can actually live.”

She said that very calmly. Almost like I would announce the time of day. That said there was an underline conviction to it. Angelica believed it hard. I examined the idea. I had to admit, it was a solid idea with no obvious defects.

Well except one, “I need to hold myself accountable.”

“Accountable, sure, but this looks like you’re just punishing yourself.” Angelica asserted.

Dammit. She had an answer to everything. It was almost like I wasn’t actually accomplishing anything by hiding out here in the snow. Honestly, it was kinda annoying. …wait, this wasn’t miles off from how I acted. Is that why I seemed to piss people off?

“Thanks,” I said. It was probably time to stand up.

“Any time,” Angelica said. She hesitated for a second and added, “Debbie let me hear everything during the time stop as well.”

“Oh… well now I have to misinterpret that. Make things weird and destroy our entire relationship,” I quipped. I was kinda stalling for time. Technically none of this was a secret and basically just made it one less retelling of a story. That said it would be nice to have been allowed to tell my friends on my terms. I guess I will have to take solace in getting to trauma dump on Brand at some point.

Angelica took it in stride, “Oh can we do that thing where if we just talk to each other for ten minutes uninterrupted we in theory could side step tragedy, but just don’t?”

“If you want to, sure,” I said, “We can do that thing where everything we are saying has double meanings but we each are hearing the other message. It will be very dramatic.” I almost froze after I said that. Maybe I could fix this, “Or we can admit we aren’t in a shit over done story, and something different.”

“Hear me out, Snow lion ribs,” Angelica said. “Also holy shit it is too fucking cold to just sit in the snow. Get up. Let’s go.”

I stood, might as well clear the air, “I know some of what happened at the Technacoast.”

A complex look flitted across her face, “Well fuck. How?”

“A Commune Check with Rachel. She was there when the plate fell.” I explained.

“Oh so, I am sure everything was framed in the best sort of light.” Angelica considered what to say next.

“We don’t have to talk about it, but if you need someone, I am around.” I said.

“I appreciate that, but what if we just pretend neither of us know and just keep on keeping on?” Angelica asked.

I Shrugged, “I am not going to pry. I have parts of my history I am not excited to share with others.”

“Yeah, but you are like a really closed off person,” Angelica shoulder checked me.

I just stared at her.

“My catastrophic issues do not negate your observable problems,” Angelica joked. Like a lot of good jokes it was shockingly profound when played straight.

I laughed. God, I needed that. We were nearing goblin camp.

I had mulled over a lot of the things Angelica had said. Yeah I needed to say it, “With that thing we are just keeping on keeping on. I don’t have all the details. What happened to you was terrible, but doesn’t make you the bad guy. Angelica, you are not a monster.”

She missed a step. After a moment Angelica took my hand, “You’re a good guy, Doug.”

Everything went still. The tell-tail thrum of time stopping echoed

All Processes stopped.

Arbitration begins in…

5…

4…

3…

2…

1…

What fresh hell is this?