“How bad is this?” I asked.

“We’re in a dungeon,” Angelica said flatly as she watched the hole we fell into slowly closing up, leaving us trapped in a dark frozen cave. Assumedly full of snow lions. This made me realize that Wilson was, in fact, a relentless asshole.

“So, how bad is this?” I asked again.

“We are in a dungeon!” Angelica almost shouted at me.

Judging from the context clues that made me pretty sure this was actually quite bad, possibly even very bad. I shrugged, “All right let’s take this one step at a time. What’s the first thing we need to do?”

“We absolutely have to find a safe point,” Angelica said with a nod. “From there we are going to have to probe the dungeon and determine what kind of place this is. Then, we will need to map it. From there the crawl begins.” She sighed, “We really should have five or six members in the group if we are going to try this.” After a short pause, she nodded to herself, “Let’s go.”

The first thing I noticed is while the dungeon was made of long irregular tunnels, they were dark, but not the pitch black that the cave should be. I couldn’t point to any particular light source, but everywhere we went was in low light. Just enough to see the goddamn lions when it was just too late to do anything about them.

I thought the wild was bad. Nope. The dungeon was 2-3 lions a minute awful. That meant an alpha about every ten minutes, and the pack once an hour. So, wandering around this place was a fucking nightmare. Now it did seem that once we cleared an area it would stay empty so backtracking was not instantly punished, but the stakes were much higher.

This forced us to institute a strategy I liked to call tankin’ ain’t easy. I would force myself into the thick of the crowd and absorb as much damage as possible so that Angelica could obliterate the hellcats. This had the benefit of keeping Angelica free to deal max damage and mitigated draining her health resources. It had the downside of having me constantly mauled by snow lions.

I took so much damage I got an achievement for it.

New Achievement!

Unkillable?

You have absorbed over 100,000 points of damage without dying, over the course of a month. You are the lowest leveled being to manage this ever. To put this in perspective the average level of players that earn this achievement is 27. You have been taking way too much damage dude. That said you are still alive so you’re doing something right. I guess.

Reward: 3000 Experience

3847 to next level

I appreciated the reward, but it was not worth it.

Eventually, we found the safe space and I immediately missed the lions.

The safe space was a metal door leading into what looked like some sort of dorm. Ten sets of bunk beds lined the walls. Four tables with benches sat in the center. A small kitchenette was in one corner and a ping-pong table was in the other. The place was lit by harsh halogen lights, and the walls and floor were bare concrete.

Sitting at one of the tables was a tall athletic man in a crisp black suit. Despite the violent and dirty nature of the dungeon, he was completely clean and looked pristine. He looked up from his document on the table and his eyes sharpened for a moment. I knew he was using some sort of perception skill.

When he spoke it was with a precise British accent, “I was beginning to fear I was all alone down here. What brings a young woman like you to such a beastly place?”

You are immune to the effects of Proper Charm

Angelica giggled.

“I’m Brand, Namith Brand. Of her majesties’ Secret Service.” He said standing and offering his hand to Angelica.

“I’m Angelica De Leon, it is a pleasure to meet you.” She said blushing as she smiled.

I am going, to be honest. I am not a jealous person. I had known Angelica for less than a week, and this Brand guy for less than five minutes. That said I did not care for whatever the fuck was happening right now.

I cleared my throat. Brand ignored me completely. Angelica’s smile faltered, but after a moment it crept back onto her face.

“That is a beautiful name, would you care to join me, I was reviewing the map of this dungeon. Perhaps together we could… advance.”

“I’d love to,” Angelica said. She let Brand lead her by the hand to the table. I followed after them. On the table was a large map showing a winding and tangled collection of tunnels. It looked like there were five main tunnels and several offshoots from each of those. It looked like four of the five tunnels were going to circle back to this safe place. There was also a fifth tunnel leading straight to… somewhere.

“Honestly this place isn’t too complicated. You have these three sideruns here,” he tapped the circular tunnels, each ending with a low-level heroic boss. I suspect each boss will drop a key to open the final boss’s door. Sadly, that is likely to be a midlevel heroic boss. While I am sure someone like you would have no problem with these monsters, the trouble is of course getting there. Would you be able to help with that?”

“Don’t worry. I am an AOE striker,” Angelica said, smiling again. “Doug is by far one of the best tanks I have ever seen.”

Brand spared me a glance and a sneer, his eyes sharpened again and he used whatever Scrutinize skill he had, “I am sure, Doug makes the effort.” He turned back to Angelica. “Not to argue, but you know as well as I do, that tanking is just not a viable build. Damage is always going to outpace any form of healing. Besides, the pain would drive anyone mad.”

“And what do you bring to the table,” I demanded.

Angelica looked at me like I just slapped her mother. Apparently she did not want me taking that tone with our new friend. Brand sized me up for a moment, and then gave me a condescending smile. “I am a ranged DPS, with a slight focus on dueling. While it is not taking hits and laughing, I am sure you can agree that a dead enemy is a controlled enemy.”

Angelica laughed.

“What’s Proper Charm?” I asked.

A strange blank look hit Angelica. A moment later she punted Brand across the room.

“Mind Effects?” she roared. Not waiting for an answer, she charged him and clocked Brand in the mouth. “Mother Fucker!”

This text was taken from Royal Road. Help the author by reading the original version there.

It was when she grabbed the spear I tried to intervene. I grabbed her arm and came along for the ride when she tried to impale Brand. He dodged the spear, but my sheer bulk inflicted seven points of damage when I crashed down on him. Note to self: Angelica is much stronger than me.

Using me as a cudgel seemed to temper her anger, so while she continued to savage Brand, she did so with her bare hands. After five more good hits, she walked away. Upsettingly Brand looked hardly damaged. He sat up and straightened his suit and spit out a mouthful of blood. He then wiped his mouth and straightened his hair, and just like that he was the suave man of mystery again.

“I do apologize, that is a boon from Adora, and I cannot turn it off.,” he said, rising to his feet.

Scrutinize check… successful.

Nameth Brand is speaking the truth about the mechanics of Proper Charm.

Brand rolled his shoulders, “For what it is worth it only works on people who are attracted to me, and only if I act in a non-hostile way. So long as those two conditions are met people are far more likely to have a favorable opinion of me.”

“So, you’re saying I wanted to be mind-raped?” Angelica demanded.

“I am not responsible for whom you are attracted to. I am not particularly a fan of the Amazonian types myself,” Brand said. When Angelica stepped toward him, I realized she was somehow half a head taller than him. Was Brand tiny or was I freakishly large?

Angelica glared at him, “Spells broken. Give me one reason why I shouldn’t end you.”

Brand to his credit looked completely unconcerned, “Because, we are all trapped in a dungeon, and we simply will not be able to survive if we do not cooperate.”

“You hit me with a mind effect!” she shouted.

“I have no control over it, and as I have explained it requires non-hostility to work. So far, all I have done is offer friendship, explain the layout of the dungeon, and not retaliate for an unprovoked attack.” Brand stated. “So, are you someone worth talking to, or are you and your low-Scale ogre just going to get me killed faster?”

Angelica stormed away to the other side of the room. She paced back and forth for a minute, “Doug, what do you think?”

“He is telling the truth about the proper charm. That said, I don’t like him.” I answered.

“You’re asking a background character to weigh in on main character issues,” Brand asked with a laugh.

“Background character?” I asked flatly.

“I’m sure you feel like you have some narrative heft, but you are Rare Scale. And while I am sure that is impressive to most people, you just aren’t going to survive in this arena. Frankly, I am surprised you have managed to live this far into the wastes. I take it you have been hiding behind Angelica a lot.

I turned to Angelica, “What’s tiny on about?”

“He is Scale-ist,” Angelica said, shaking her head.

“And you’re an egalitarian?” Brand countered. He grinned condescendingly, “Are you honestly going to claim someone of lesser Scale would be able to accomplish the things you have achieved to get here?”

Angelica paused, “A lot of ‘factors’ were involved in the things I’ve done.”

“You killed Hershel and destabilized the Technocoast. That cut off the Hispania faction from demonic resources in the forever war. I would not be here at all if the relative lull had not allowed our team to make the attempt.” Brand’s smile faded. “Look me in the eye and tell me, Scale didn’t play a huge part in all of that.”

“I don’t think we need this guy,” I cut in, seeing this discussion was both pointless and clearly striking a nerve of Angelica’s for some reason.

“The only way out is to turn all three keys held by the sub-bosses at once. Like it or not we are going to conquer this dungeon together or die here together.” Brand said still watching Angelica.

She sighed, “For just this dungeon, we work together. No infighting, no stealing, no Scale-ist bullshit, and loot is split evenly between all three of us.”

“Fine,” Brand agreed. “Do you need rest? This safe space does have cots and a shower, but they only remove debuffs, not add well rested or fresh clean condition.”

“I need a shower,” Angelica said heading toward the bathroom marked with a female symbol.

You should wash up also. You are Gore Soaked,” Brand said.

A large petulant part of me wanted to push back. To pointlessly, spite Brand. Then, I thought better of it and decided I did not want to be covered in awful. I trudged to the bathroom and showered. Two minutes under the water and scrubbing caused me to lose the gore-soaked condition. I got out shortly after that. I did feel like I had a slight film on me but guessed that was the lack of the Fresh Clean condition.

I re-equiped and left the bathroom to find Brand reviewing the map, “What’s the plan?” I asked. Brand didn’t answer me. “Yo Brand! What’s the plan?” I asked much louder. Again, he ignored me. Cute. Well, if he was going to be petty, I was going to not engage.

I opened the fridge and found plastic-wrapped sandwiches, and fuck all else. I took one and unwrapped it, bologna, sad lettuce, and white bread. Not great, but I guessed it would remove the starving condition. Biting into it was like biting into mediocrity. I went to the sink and filled a paper cup with water. After all of that, I was still tired. I wasn’t actually affected by this in any mechanical way, but it did reduce experience gains, so I was probably going to try and sleep.

I sat down on a bed, and the springs groaned under my weight. I could already tell this was going to be an issue logistically. Rather than lay down I triggered the Analyze skill

Analyze skill check… Successful

Name:

Nameth Brand

Race:

Human (Epic Variant)

Class

Man of Mystery

Level:

28

HP:

280

Power:

26

Mobility:

35

Body:

26

Mind:

26

Face:

40

Magic:

16

Divine Gift

Proper Charm: A gift from Adora. So long as no hostile actions are taken, you are treated as have two levels of Scale for Face based rolls, and adjust all dispositions to amicable for people attracted to you

Traits x2

Narrative Ammo Supply: your ranged weapons are always loaded, and will not require reloading except during down times, or climatic battles. You will see prompts for both cases

Master infiltrator: So long as you do no hostile actions gain three levels to blend into groups or stealth-related skills

Perks x5

Two-weapon fighter: use two weapons simultaneously without penalty

Rapid Disengage: automatically disengage from melee combats

Epic Presence: gain 5 points of face attribute

Evasive combatant: Dodge melee attack using mobility-like ranged attacks. So long as you are not restrained you are entitled to a dodge attempt. This is less effective versus AOE attacks

Secret Service Agent: Unlock Espionage Skills and most Military Skills

Disposition

This person has a low opinion of you. He believes you to be inferior due to differences in Scale. That said he does plan to work with you and Angelica in good faith for the duration of the time spent in the dungeon.

I get why people don’t like having people with the Analyze skill around. That is a lot of information.

At first, I did think the Divine gift from Adora was a reason for suspicion. Between my previous interactions with her, and the effect it had on Angelica, Brand did seem less than safe to deal with. Then I reread the disposition, so he was willing to work with us.

I planned to play nice, since if Brand was to be believed we had to or we would die. that said he gave me all the wrong vibes for all the wrong reasons. While his stats were quite a bit higher than mine, I knew I would be rolling larger dice. Thinking through it. I was pretty sure I would be rolling 3d12 keeping the two highest results, and he would be rolling 3d4 keeping the lowest. But that was assuming I could hit him. I was not certain of the exact mechanics of the actual attack role. Armor added to your ability to absorb damage rather than make you harder to hit, but always allowed 1d4 damage though, no matter what on a successful hit. I know a roll was required because there was a ‘random’ chance to crit. That meant that even as we seemed to position and maneuver like a normal fight some system that the narrators could manipulate was used.

Either way, I suspect a fight between Brand and me would be a waste of time. I probably couldn’t hit him, and he probably couldn’t hurt me. So that meant I had free reign to talk shit if he started with the background character bit of his.