Angelica surveyed the crater the no longer molten glass was beginning to crack. Something about thermal properties. It wasn’t helped that some of the goblins kids were throwing things at the until very recently glowing thing. Most of it was snow. The balls of ice would bounce off the surface then dance around the surface on a cloud of steam. The layers of glass would occasionally explode in shards of stone.
Honestly this wasn’t a rocket surgery smart move, but the kids weren’t unobserved by the not kids. Spine, Jen, Crafty, and assumedly Stabby Screwdriver, and Ben Franklin along with half a dozen more goblins around the same age, were ‘supervising’. Pappy Havok and Nanny Shiv were also actually making sure no one died.
You may ask how I knew which one was Ben Franklin? It wasn’t from reading the names. Instead I made what could be a hurtful assumption that one flying a kite was Ben Franklin.
“So you and Adora had a disagreement?” She asked. The fight hadn’t woken anyone, but the massive cloud of steam and a small geyser of boiling water that flash froze before hitting the ground. That was pretty cool and very loud.
“I think it was boardline an argument. You didn’t hear any of it?” I asked.
“No,” Angelica said. She then lifted a ball of snow roughly five feet in diameter and to the delight of the children lobbed it into the smoldering crater. It steamed and bubbled but did not dance. It basically just sizzled. “I didn’t even hear the explosion. I was poked awake up by the Blessing.”
I had been ignoring my prompts. I wasn’t afraid. I was concerned that reading them would cause something bad to happen. That’s not fear. That’s anxiety. Totally different. Fear has an external source. This was all from the inside.
“It got heated,” I explained. I dug into the prompts.
New Achievement!
Used Goods
You have had sex! Now who will marry you? High five either way.
First Time Was a Three Way
No one will Believe you. Nice!
Heroic Encounter
You managed to pull someone of Heroic Scale. Not sure how you managed that. Either way I am sure it was quite the adventure. Just stay away from bridges, malls, and refrigerators, everything should be fine
Touch of the Divine
One of your partners was of Divine Scale. I am pretty sure that was not what touched by an angel is supposed to mean. This may seem like a great achievement but you should know certain gods kinda try for the record. The number may surprise you. It is the second comma that worries most folks. Anyway you may want to get yourself checked.
#Blessed
You have received a blessing from the goddess of love for ‘services’ rendered. You now have the Desirable Trait.
Reward:
XP withheld. Contact Narrator for support.
You are no longer an awkward virgin.*
*You are probably still awkward.
Blessing: Desirable
Something about you just sorta works. Increase Face attribute by 2.
I frowned. The prompts were being crass again. What a shock. Honestly the only thing that really concerned me was the Desirable Trait. That put me at 30 Face attribute. I was concerned that was going to affect how people treated me.
It wasn’t too surprising that Adora worked in a parting shot. That was probably better than what ever the fuck Great and Terrible was.
“Did You get a blessing?” I asked.
“Two actually,” She said, accepting a rock from one of the goblins. She then hucked it hard at the molten glass. It struck and cracked the top layer of the glass. This caused a massive fissure to split the plate. It made a hell of a noise.
Considering the mixed nature of our company I was a bit circumspect with my words, “Are those alright?”
“I’ll just send you the prompts,” Angelica said.
New Achievement!
Titanic Spawning
You managed to make it with a Titan Spawn. A bold move. Some people have been crushed that way. Also I hope you used protection. Titan Spawn are notoriously fertile people. Look at the Fantasy Coast.
Tag Team
I mean that is one way to work together. We’ll call it team building. It certainly was exercise.
Tag Out
I am not going to lie. I never thought you would do that. You do have a tendency toward Main Character behavior. Good for you… cuck.
Tag In
No more hotel corner chair for you tonight. Take it all in. You are in the driver seat this time. You answer to no one now… except that person railing you.
#Blessed x2
You have received a blessing from the goddess of love for ‘services’ rendered. You now have the Desirable Trait.
Reward:
75,000 XP x2
Blessing: Desirable
Something about you just sorta works. Increase Face attribute by 2.
“So you get obnoxious prompts too?” I asked. Watching Pappy Havok frying an egg on the glass.
“No, most of them are kinda dry and to the point and in Spanish,” She said with a shrug. “Doesn’t really matter, I leveled.”
“Level!” One of the goblins cheered and then everyone else echoed, “Level!”
Angelica could see the question in my eyes, “Progress is celebrated. Specifics are private.”
That made sense. No one gets too bothered when you say, ‘happy birthday’, but asking, ‘how old are you?’ is more of a hot button thing.
“So you got the same thing twice?” I asked.
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“Yep,” Angelica said with a shrug.
Brand and Aiko showed up as Spine made his way through the crowd.
Brand was the first to talk, “Doug, Why have you been marked as a threat to all followers of Adora?”
When I stood there looking confused Aiko added, “The Goddess Adora sent out a warning that you were unstable and violent. She warned us that you may kill us at any moment. We are to spread the word to all corners of the earth.”
“The earth is a globe it doesn’t have corners, and you’re telling me this first?” I was curious why Aiko was telling me.
Aiko shrugged, not interested in a geographic debate, “Brand, recommended I simply be forthright with you. Also given you are currently my patron and protector I believe it is best to ask you directly, do you plan to murder me?”
“No,” I said calmly. If you insist you aren’t going to kill someone with the wrong tone of voice and it sends the wrong message.
“So… you plan to sacrifice me to Grond?” She asked. She was very calm, I mean considering the consequences for her.
“No,” I said again.
“I am confused. Why is Goddess Adora saying negative things about you?” Aiko asked.
“I might have made her angry,” I admitted.
“How?” Aiko asked. She stared at me confused on a fundamental level, “The Goddess Adora is one of the kindest and most loving beings to ever grace the face of this earth.”
We were all quiet for a moment. Brand was very quiet.
I wanted to move on, “Maybe it is part of a greater plan.” Aiko considered this idea but still seemed troubled. Brand was annoyed by my statement. I could tell. The look of perfect disdain was a clue.
“Speaking of greater plans, have you talked with Dad and Toad?” Spine asked.
“No, I have been messing around with a hole in the ground,” I admitted.
“That’s valid, but I think we have exhausted all entertainment with,” Spine hooked his thumb over his shoulder.
We all looked and at this point the goblin kids had piled enough snow onto the warm rock in the crater that it was accumulating. Yeah this wasn’t as fun as it once was. Nanny Shank was putting the teens back to work. If we stuck too long she would no doubt get us too.
“Let’s all go to the warlord tent,” I said, walking away quickly. Nanny Shiv was trying to make eye contact.
We fast-walked out of there. The camp was basically gone. It was replaced by rows of vehicles. Most were either large tractor trailers or huge buses. There were also some more adroit vehicles and more than a handful of what looked like military vehicles. A lot of guns on the fighty trucks.
When we reached the Warlord tent I held the flap as people entered. Adora could say I was a maniac, but she couldn’t say I lacked basic manners.
“I mean the goddess can be capricious, but this stretches credulity,” Aiko said, still troubled by this turn of events.
“I don’t know what to tell you,” Spine said. “Goblins don’t follow any Patrons.”
“Goddess Adora is a fount of love and joy,” Aiko explained. “Following her has been a life defining experience for me. I am certain Brand can say the same.”
Everyone looked at Brand.
He nodded, “Her involvement in my life has been noticeable. Seldom a day passes without me feeling her hand in my life.”
“Exactly,” Aiko said, not quite picking up on Brand’s social maneuvering.
Spine was not convinced, “My folks told me that in situations like these I should nod politely and then say,” he pretended to pull a note out of his pocket, “We are very happy with our religion.” He then put the imaginary note back in his pocket.
Aiko laughed.
Spine frowned, “You aren’t laughing at goblins having religion are you?”
“No,” Aiko said, clearly hurt. “I thought your joke was funny. You told it well.”
“Oh… sorry?” Spine wasn’t prepared for someone to take the high road. Then again until I strolled into his life every other non-goblin to walk through his life… frankly I am impressed he apologized.
Aiko waved his concerns away, “Misunderstandings are common. We can move past them and possibly become friends.”
Philip and Toad arrived seeing Spine and Aiko talking; they simply sat down and let the conversation continue.
“What’s your stake in this?” Spine asked. He was studying her closely.
Aiko didn’t have to think to answer, “For the entirety of my life goblins were thought to be mobs. I see this as an opportunity to break a cycle of violence.”
Nanny Shank entered the tent, “What’s happening now?”
“My son and the follower are discussing fantasy race relations,” Philip said.
The old goblin sat next to me and took a swig of her cough medicine. She then whispered to me “Who’s winning?”
“So far it seems to be a productive conversation,” I said back.
Nanny Shank looked less interested.
“Why do you want to do that and what can you do?” Spine asked honestly curious.
“Because I do not want meaningless death to occur. Do you want our people to continue fighting?” Aiko asked.
“No, I don’t,” Spine admitted.
“As a High Priestess of Adora I do hold some influence outside of the Goblin Wastes. With the goddess’s blessing of course I can commune with other members of the faith and deliver your message to the world at large.” Aiko explained. She looked to me, “Should I survive to do so.”
“That is cool,” Spine said. “I really can’t promise much in return. Our local group isn’t interested in more fighting with Others provided they don’t attack us, but I know other goblins are under direct attack right now.”
Nanny Shank and Philip nodded along with Spine.
“Understandable,” Admitted. She sighed, “This is not a pitch, but one of the fastest ways to integrate other goblins is for them to follow a god. Deities are quick to defend their followers especially from their other followers.”
And that is the trick. Well technically the extortion racket.
“Let me guess you know a god?” Nanny Shank spoke up.
“Honestly, Goddess Lola and God Sims would be better for your people,” Aiko explained, “Goddess Adora is beneficial to have the favor of, but given your more direct and martial needs and your reluctance for the idea, I think it would be best to delay any such conversations.”
“Let’s just put this conversation on pause until after the tower,” I said.
Helen and Grimset showed at and we talked logistics. It turns out you can do that for a very long time. I can joke about the eternity talking about seating arrangements, but this needed to be hashed out. We didn’t want our leadership to all be in one vehicle. In the end Spine was paired up with Nanny Shank. He wasn’t happy about it because he was stuck on a personnel carrier not a APC. then Philip, Grimset and Helen were placed around the convey. Toad was going to ride with Brunhilda, Angelica, Sunit, Brand, Aiko and me. We were going to be in a fringe vehicle that could move to any location in the convoy as needed.
“We Shall has out the last of the battle plans as we travel,” Toad declared. He pointed to the sky as he did it. That was a bit much.
“We should get going. We should have left long ago,” Grimset insisted.
“I got distracted,” I admitted
“Doing what?” Helen asked.
“Playing with a hole in the ground,” I admitted. There were way to many witnesses.
“That’s understandable,” Grimset admitted. He didn’t want to but this seemed like the foot thing.
“Was it cool?” Nanny Shank asked.
“It was actually hot, it was full of molten rock,” Spine said helping her up the stairs.
“Nice,” The older goblin said.
“Before we head out I want to do one thing,” I said, heading back toward the Mandir.
Janie met me by the edge, “No Doug, the rest of the world is that way.” she pointed behind me. “Shoo!”
“Is that artillery piece that blew up important?” I asked.
Janie frowned, “Yeah. we need to get it fixed.”
“Let me see if I can fix it,” I said, not entering the Mandir area of effect.
“This way.” Janie said. She turned and gestured for me to follow.
The thing wasn’t as bad as I thought. It was one of the long barreled mounted guns. The barrel was split into five arcs that were all rolled back like a cartoon. The mechanism was also slagged.
“Go nuts,” Janie said.
“If I fix this do you promise not to shoot it at us?” I asked.
“Not today,” Janie said. That was a little ominous.
I put a hand on the wreck and thought functional gun thoughts. When that didn’t work I imagined the American flag, hamburgers and fireworks.
Craft Check… Successful
You have consumed Wrecked M777 and created M777 x2
A second artillery piece crashed down next to first.
“Not gonna lie Doug, I doubted you,” Janie said.
“See I don’t always bring you trouble,” I said.
“There’s an angry god behind you,” Janie said stepping back further into the Mandir effect.
I turned to find Grond glaring at me. I took two steps to the left and his gaze tracked me.
That settles it. He was here for me. I sighed, “Alright let's punch another god.”