“It’s not funny,” I pouted as we made our way to the safe zone.

“It was kinda funny,” Angelica said, smirking.

Brand was able to keep a straight face, “The timing was superbly comedic.”

Brunhilda did an impression of me using my battle cry. She could certainly hit the high notes.

I went back to pouting. While the rate of encounters was lower, I was still getting ambushed by snow lions. Yes I could kill them in one hit, and, yes, most of them couldn’t actually hurt me. That said, the cats were still coming. They also always got the drop on me. This honestly ruined my day.

My friends, while enthusiastic in laughing at my predicament, were equally energetic in killing the ever loving shit out of the damned rotten kitties. Grond is clearly a sore loser. Fuck him with a rake.

Eventually we reached a canyon of sorts. The walls were lined with burnt out huts and the low spaces with the bodies of goblins. The village was razed completely. Even in the dark I saw a few things that worried me. A lot of the bodies with weapons were standing in front of the huts. In the wreckage of one hut I saw a smaller body holding a small cloth toy.

“We’re nearly there,” Brunhilda called over the wind, “Watch out, Goblins love to turn places like this into death traps. I tried to be through when I came through here the first time, but I know some got away.”

Brand spate, “I hate goblins. They are almost as spiteful and devious as the demons. Back home I once saw a goblin ignore the rest of our squad to blind a man who cleared out a nearby village of theirs. Normally Goblins fight tactically. This one blitzed us and gave up its life just to maim one person.”

Angelica nodded, “Same, well not blind… geld. Is that the term?”

“They do tend to come at you low,” Brunhilda agreed.

Notice Check…Successful

I saw the small figures moving in the shadows of one of the huts. Four were taller than the other seven.

“Over here!” someone called from the other side of the canyon. “Look over here!” a little goblin stood by the now burning remains of a hut. The flames rose quickly. It was a skinny green thing. It was wrapped in coarse cloth and held a small spear. He had large amber eyes, and big pointed ears. He was nearly cute, almost childlike. No, late teen. The gawkiness was obvious as he danced around. “Come over here!”

“What…the…fuck?” Brunhilda asked.

Everyone else was baffled also.

“Did that goblin talk?” Angelica asked. She pulled the knife back into her inventory.

The goblin sobbed as we walked closer. He took a breath and called to us again, “That’s right! Over here!” much more quietly he muttered, “Ignore the children.” When I looked back at the shadowy figures, he panicked, “No! No! No! Nononononono!”

“It is talking,” Brand said, lowering his gun. He paled slightly.

“Oh no,” Brunhilda muttered walking closer, “You poor thing. Did someone curse you?”

The goblin blinked at her. Through the tears in his eyes he looked confused.

Brunhilda pulled the goblin into a hug, “it’s okay. We will get you fixed.”

The goblin blinked. He tried to pull free but upon finding himself held fast and me still looking at the huddled mass of goblins, he screamed. It was the half mad scream of someone completely lost. He screamed again. Then clearly hyperventilating he took a few breathes, “How are you talking? Others don’t talk!”

I looked at him closer. A name popped over his head. Spine Spindle-Bite. “Do mobs have names?”

Angelica paused, clearly checking with Celeste, “No.”

“Then I think this goblin isn’t a mob.” I said. Not sure if this was logic on my part of just massive ignorance.

“You thought we were mobs,” Spine said. A look of horror twisted his face. “Others were supposed to be mobs. You’re not mobs?”

Brunhilda held Spine at arms’ length. She paled and quickly turned to me, “Please tell me this is just a dream and the Titanic Brew knocked me on my ass.”

“I am pretty sure this is real, Drinking Buddy,” I said, trying to hear what the other goblins were saying.

A goblin, one of the kids, begged the others, “We have to help him!”

“He is trying to save us all,” a woman hissed. “You go out there, he dies for nothing and we all die with him.”

I turned to Spine, “We’re not mobs. I think someone played a very fucked up trick on all of us.” Just like dealing with Wilson, I fought to keep my emotions in check. Seeing the bodies of dead children litter the ground. This is what they do. The fuckers arrange atrocities to see us bleed. The only way to win is to not play the game.

I kept gazing back and forth between Spine and the other goblins. That’s the hell of it though. I couldn’t just leave them here in the cold.

“Don’t hurt them,” Spine pleaded.

“Don’t hurt my Brother!” a tiny goblin screamed. She was wrapped in the same coarse clothing and had nothing but a rock.

Monsters don’t sacrifice themselves for loved ones. I waited for her name to pop up.

“I am not going to, Janky,” I said as she charged.

She froze, “You can talk?” she looked to Spine, “Mom always said Others can’t talk.”

“New rule! No one is killing anyone!” I bellowed into the night. That is when a snow lion pounced on me. The weight of the thing staggered me, but I kept my feet. I ripped it from my shoulder and snapped it in half over my knee, “Starting now!” I dropped the body to the ground.

The little goblin girl looked from the body of the Snow Lion Alpha, to her brother, and then to me, “What kinda name is Doug?”

What could I do but shrug? Nothing against the name Doug, but how do you defend it?

“Seriously, what the hell is going on?” Spine asked. He was trying to break free of Brunhilda’s grip, but she was clearly an order of magnitude stronger than him.

“What he said,” Brunhilda managed. She wasn’t exactly tan, but she was visibly paling. It was kinda impressive. How pale can one dwarf get?

“I think goblins are people,” I explained.

“Well Duh! You big silly!” Janky piped up.

I turned to the little goblin, “It may surprise you to learn we are people too.”

Her eyes went wide, “No way! That would mean Nanny Shiv is wrong.”

Oddly enough debating humanity with a child wasn’t advancing my goals. “Brunhilda, could you please let go of Spine?”

“What?” Brunhilda said. She was gazing around surveying the destroyed huts. Her eyes lingered on the bodies. The whole time she held fast to Spine’s arm.

“Hey,” I gave her a slight shake, “You okay?”

“I did this…” she managed. She gazed up at me, “They were people.” She let go of Spine, “Doug, I killed these people.”

Yeah I didn't have an answer to that. Honestly, I was working extremely hard to focus exclusively on the people, here and now, and what needed to be done to mitigate harm. …yeah I didn’t have an answer to that either.

Treat this like everything else. Understand, plan, act. First, I need to figure out what was actually going on.

“Spine, are you in charge?” I asked.

He looked at me like I was nuts, “What? No. My Dad, Phillip, is.”

Names are bullshit. Ignoring my reaction, “Is he here?”

“No,” Spine said, shaking his head. He was slowly creeping away from Brunhilda toward Janky.“I guess… I am,” He thought out loud.

“Nuh-huh!” Janky shouted, “Nanny Shiv is the boss of you, Spine!”

Spine looked like he was about to argue, “Don’t argue with your family in front of randos.” I told him. Mostly because I was tired and just didn’t want to hear them sniping. Ah shit, he looked like he was going to argue with me, best cut that off, “As someone who has lost family, you don’t ever want the last thing you said to them to be something petty, or angry.” That sounded kind of threatening. Fuck it, “Nanny Shiv! Can we please talk? I promise you we will not hurt anyone.”

“If I come out, the kids go?” a male voice called. From behind us.

“That’s fine!” I called.

“If I get shot with an arrow, I am blaming you,” Angelica hissed.

“Janky, please ask the other goblins not to shoot us?” I asked.

“Okay,” she said, taking her brother’s hand. As they turned and walked away she all but shrieked “No Shooting!” They walked into the dark.

From a different direction than the male voice another goblin, clearly older and arguably infirm, walked into the light. She hobbled up to me leaning on an old, gnarled cane. “Damn, you’re ugly,” she muttered with an old smoker's rasp. “How in the name of Elvis can you talk?”

This book was originally published on Royal Road. Check it out there for the real experience.

“I move my mouth and words come out?” I explained. “And you’re nothing that great to look at either.”

“I rely on my personality,” Nanny Shiv- quipped right back. “Seriously though, is this something new?”

“I'm not even a month old, but these guys have been talking the whole time,” I admitted.

The old goblin studied me, and after a long time she said, “You’re like the All-Death, aren’t you?”

“No, he’s not,” Angelica said. She seemed to be taking this in stride, “Are all goblins like you guys?”

Nanny Shiv shrugged, “Every goblin I met other than Jab Brittle-Bone was absolutely a person.”

“That’s unfortunate,” Brand muttered.

“Yeah, Jab was a real asshole,” Nanny Shiv agreed, “Let’s cut the shit! Are you gonna kill us or not?”

“We are not going to hurt you,” I insisted.

“Provided you don’t attack us,” Angelica elaborated.

“Wouldn’t dream of it,” Nanny Shiv agreed. She then unapologetically made several complex gestures to signal the others. Strangely, I understood them to mean ‘Don’t start any shit. The little one will fucking wreck us.’ She waited a beat, probably to see if anyone fired anyways. “So what are we actually doing here?”

“Talking,” I answered because that filled time, and every moment we spent talking meant we weren’t fighting.

“And I’ll admit that is a novel trick, but unlike you murder factories I have to worry about people freezing. So if you aren’t going to kill us, nice meeting ya, but we gotta go.” Nanny Shiv said.

“Do you have somewhere to go?” I asked. Spine was a teen, but Janky was a kid. They weren’t dressed for the weather. Nanny Shiv wasn’t either.

Nanny Shiv had a hell of a poker face. She was taking my measure. Maybe using a skill, but given how sharp her gaze stayed I doubted it. “Yeah, but I am not telling you where.”

That was fair, apparently Brunhilda slaughtered their friends and family en masse. I would be cagey also, “Do you need anything?”

The goblin looked at me, and I mean really looked at me. Until that moment she was sizing all of us up. I don’t know what she saw but she didn’t seem to like it. She pointed her cane at the Snow Lion corpse. “Do you know what that is?”

That seemed out of left field, “A Snow Lion Alpha?”

Nanny Shiv sighed, “That thing is fucking death to my people. When one of these things comes for us, we fight it fifty at a time. Even then we expect that beast to take a few of us with it. You folded it like a lawn chair, and are wearing another like a stupid hat.”

“Brunhilda didn’t mean to hurt yo-” I started.

“Don’t bullshit me,” She spat immediately. The knuckles of her hand gripping the cane popped. She pointed a gnarled finger at Brunhilda but kept her eyes on me, “That one swept through here tactically. She was after the XP.” She paused, “...I believe that you didn’t know we are people. Hell, even now, I am not certain you aren’t people. You are monsters to us. Stop trying to get me to trust you.”

“How many goblins are here?” I asked looking into my inventory.

“A hundred… and eight.” Nanny Shiv lied immediately.

I doubted there were thirty. I looked at the uncommon Scale pelts. Yep I had enough to construct a shed.

Craft Winter Coat, Pants, Glove and Boots:

Required: Snow Lion Pelt x 1

Time to Craft: 50 - (20x6) minutes

Note: 6 seconds minimum

Yes/No?

I hit ‘Yes’ and a timer started that said the prompt to keep crafting was still up. Hit ‘Yes’ again, and again. It let me craft up to ten at a time, handy.

“Penny for your thoughts, big guy?” Nanny Shiv said, snapping me out of my screens.

“Are pennies still a thing?”

“It’s just a saying,” the goblin replied. “How about you answer a question? What do you care about what we are wearing?”

“...sorry, I am just trying to think of something to say that doesn’t sound disingenuous or sinister.” I managed, juggling my inventory. “So… here.”

I pulled the first ten sets of winter clothes out of my inventory and set them down in front of Nanny Shiv.

She looked at the pile of clothes. They did look pretty rough, but functional, and made of snow lion. Each set was proof of one more snow lion removed from the world, which surely made them warmer. It made me feel warmer, at least.

After a few beats I set out the second set of ten. Then the third and the fourth.

Nanny Shiv watched me much more closely, “And what do you want for this?”

I knew if I said nothing she wouldn’t take the clothes, “I just want to get to the Mandir of War without having to fight a bunch of goblins.” I then set out the fifth set.

“And I am expected to believe you don’t want the XP?” Nanny Shiv said, blatantly doubting me.

“Lady, I just killed a god, and have ‘murder a demon’ on my to-do list. Do you really think you and your people will be worth my time?” I asked, tossing the sixth set out. I may have pushed a bit too far.

“And giving something for nothing is?” the old lady countered.

“Nope, that is me nakedly trying to buy forgiveness for the wrongs of a friend, and soothing my own angst with regards to you folks.” I admitted tossing the seventh set of clothes out.

Nanny Shiv watched me again clearly using some sort of Scrutinize skills. She kept watching as the eighth, ninth and tenth sets were laid out with the rest. That was a significant pile now. “... and eight,” she finished.

I set the last set down, “Are there any more goblins between us and the Mandir?”

Nanny Shiv sighed, “Tell me you are a good man.”

I could tell she wanted to believe. It was just too cold. They needed the clothes.

I paused. The gory image of Grond’s corpse flashed in my vision. Several memories of the Titan’s life crept in on the edges also. “Honestly, I used to be an okay guy. Not good; not bad. Then I came here. In This world, up until this point, I literally solved every problem with violence. I killed someone. They wanted me to, but they deserved better. I tried to kill someone else, but it didn’t stick. If given a second chance I will absolutely try again. But, right here, right now I want to be better. I am trying to be better. More kind, less destructive.”

The old goblin snorted, “Most folks would try to reassure someone. Not go into detail about how they are a murderous goon.”

I shrugged, “To quote a great philosopher, ‘I am what I am.’”

“Popeye, a great philosopher?” the old goblin chuckled. “That’s a specific reference.”

“Who the bloody hell is Pop Eye?” Brand asked.

“A sailor man,” I explained before turning back to Nanny Shiv, “How do you know that though?”

“Goblin stuff, don’t worry about it,” she thought for a moment. Paced back and forth for another, “Fuck it,” she muttered to herself before shouting, “Spine, get back here!”

The skinny goblin kid tried to walk back nonchalantly, but he over corrected on the determined walk and looked stiff legged and off balanced as he stomped toward us. When he got closer, he also realized he should say something, but had no idea what to say. God I felt that. I could feel all the middle school angst creep back into my mind. Technically that was the Titan’s memory, but holy shit. Being a teen sucks. It gets better. You get older. The evidence slowly gets buried as everyone eventually stops talking about it.

“Uh… Yeah?” Spine asked, snapping me out of the incident when Becky Thomspon’s braces snapped and ended up piercing my tongue. We wound up stuck together. An unfortunate wire snapped and hooked me. Don’t get too excited: it was a soccer mishap, not kissing gone extra wrong.

“You are going to lead these nice murder machines to that big temple full of other murder machines. Don’t show them anything we don’t want them to see,” she told him, she had mastered that grandparent trick of not actually bossing the kid around, but not ever leaving room for debate either.. She looked him up and down, and frowned. “You got dirt on your face, hold still.” She then took a cloth from her pocket and started scrubbing.

“Wait,” Spine started before Nanny Shiv all but decked him with the cloth. “What?”

“Someone’s gotta lead them. I am too old, Brick is too dumb, and I can’t spare Thorns,” Nanny said. “These goons could crash into some bad things if we let them roam free. You gotta do this.”

“Okay…” He replied slowly, still confused, and the old lady clearly slipped him a small pouch of something ‘hidden’ in the cloth.

“Could you share with the rest of the class?” I asked. Apparently the memory lane stuff kept me in a school paradigm.

“Spine is going to lead you to that temple. You lot are going to have to look out for him on the trip.” she turned back to Spine, “When your Dad gets back he will meet us at the place. After that we will come get ya. I promise.” She turned to me, “You will look out for him.”

“Like he was my own child,” I said, and looked at Spine.

Analyze check… Successful

Name:

Spine Spindle-Bite

Race:

Goblin

Class:

Scout

Level:

7

HP:

17

Power:

2

Mobility:

5

Body:

2

Mind:

2

Face:

1

Magic:

1

Traits:

Goblin Mode

Goblins can access a group collective. If a goblin knew it before, it is possible for the current user of this trait to know now. Accessing this knowledge requires a [Mind] attribute role. Use of this trait has consequences. Never go full Goblin.

Disposition: Spine is both afraid of you and in awe of your strength. He expects traveling with you will result in his death.

Wow, that’s it? Spine and I were at the same level, but absolutely were not at the same level. One good hit from a snow lion and Spine was gonna die.

“How old are you?” I asked.

“I’m a man,” Spine said. When I kept watching him impassively he said, “16 years.”

That is a long time to be one hit away from dying. Yeah, sure, a car could hit me at any time in the World that Was. Or, that night I ran away. I felt the nail on my pinky finger again. I was not the Titan. Either way, this wouldn’t do.

I dove into my inventory and selected an Epic Scale Pelt. Over the course of a few secondsI crafted another set of armor. This stuff was Armor six, which would quadruple Spine’s defense. An improvement, but we could do better. I quickly equipped and unequipped the armor: now, because of Titanic Armor II, the gear had a defense of 46 and a deflection value of 12%. That was, for the sake of easy math, a 24 times increase in his defense. Which meant he would probably be taking 1d4 damage from hits while wearing the armor. Which statistically translated as him being roughly seven hits from dying. If he wore the clothes.

“Alright, here is the deal, Spine. I am going to offer you a pact. You will guide us to the Mandir of the War Goddess. You will do this in good faith, and will not harm anyone traveling with me, unless in self defense. In return I will provide this armor, my protection, and a boon to improve your healing. Do you agree?”

Pact Offered

Spine Spindle-Bite: provides

1) Guidance to Mandir of the War Goddess,

2) Nonviolence towards: Namith Brand, Angelica De Leon, Brunhilda Jensen, and Celeste Angel of Truth.

Note 1: nonviolence clause is void in case of self defense.

Note 2: willingly breaking terms of pact will result in a Smite of Spine Spindle-Bite

Titan Spawn: Provides

1) Armor: Epic Scale (Enhanced).

2) Titanic Regeneration (lessened, Heroic Scale minimum)

3) Base attribute improvement (7) to all attributes except Body (14)

4) Protection until returned to Spindle-Bite family.

Note: Enhancement to armor is temporary

Pending Acceptance…

“What?” Spine asked, overwhelmed. I don’t blame him, it was a big prompt.

“Don’t accept anything yet?” Nanny Shiv stepped in. She turned to me, “Show me the terms.”

I thought about how to do that and…

Add Nanny Shiv to Pact Negotiation?

Yes/No

I clicked ‘Yes’.

The old goblin looked at the prompt. Her sharp eyes widened slightly with surprise. She double-checked the prompt. She was clearly looking for some secret hook or exploit. She checked it again. “I see a punishment if Spine acts up, but what happens if you break the pact?”

“I honestly don’t know. I suspect nothing,” I admitted. I shrugged, “I’ve never done this before.”

Titanic Lore Check…Successful

Yeah. I forgot about that. Apparently nothing would happen to me. I could break faith and the pact would do nothing. Because that is fair. I suspected some other hidden mechanic was waiting to kick me in the dick if I tried. Probably some sort of oath breaker tag or something. “According to the lore check, nothing happens to me.”

The old goblin mulled that over. “Take the deal Spine.”