The wind howled. The cries of the injured rang out. Not exactly a chill ambiance to resolve conflict.

Philip stood watching his son. For a long time he just stood there arms wide. Finally he asked, “No?”

“Dad, there are people here,” Spine said. He glanced at me before looking at his feet.

“And?” Philip asked, taking a step closer to Spine.

“They will see,” Spine definitely did not whine.

“Let them,” Philip said, stepping closer again and this time pulling his son into a bear hug. “I was so worried. I am so… I am glad you are safe. I love you, String Bean.”

After a small hesitation Spine hugged Philip back. “...I love you too, dad.”

Thank Christ. It was just standard teen awkwardness drama. Not to minimize that, but I was not prepared to fight another series of duels to the death to resolve that shit.

Eventually Spine struggled free from Phillip, doing his best to look like nothing had happened. “Where is Janky?”

“Jelly bean is with the main group. They will arrive shortly.” Phillip said. A lot of shit was going on around the goblins, but Philip was focused on his kid and nothing else. I -a Titan Spawn- could just as easily be a large tree. The injured people and their cries of agony may as well be cicadas. Loud, but not important.

The really small group of primarily young people collecting the bodies of mobs and dragging them to an impromptu butcher line... I don’t know how he saw that but some statement about industry probably came to mind.

A metal-clad hand collided with my ass with the force of a sledgehammer. “How’s it going, buddy?”

“Ouch, Please stop that. That almost knocked my hip out of place,” I definitely did not complain. This was a stoic request.

Brunhilda considered this for a moment longer than I thought she would. “I can’t hit you any higher, and if I hit you lower it will probably take you out at the knee.”

I pulled the cup of Titanic Brew out of my inventory and took a swig before handing it over to her, “You could just not hit me.”

Brunhilda took a long pull from the drink, “Nah, that is basically our thing.”

“I never hit you,” I pointed out.

“Yeah, cause you’re a wuss,” She quipped before drinking again.

I pushed her. She smiled and shoulder checked me. I didn’t quite go flying but it did require an Acrobatics check to not faceplant on the ice.

I am not petty. It was just a timely coincidence that Brunhilda fell through the ice into a pocket of water. That said she had true reflexes. Rather than panic, she held the drink above her head so it did not submerge in the water.

I took it before pulling her out of the water. I am a true buddy.

She spat water that snapped into ice before hitting the ground. Brunhilda watched Spine and Philip talking for a moment, “How… how do I even talk to them?”

“I don’t know,”” I admitted. If I were to make a list of things I was equipped to handle, it would probably be a surprisingly long list. Especially now that I had superpowers. Apologizing for war crimes would not be on that list. That is the sort of thing arguably you shouldn’t be good at. Trouble was, we were going to try.

Philip and Spine stopped talking as we approached. Shit, Philip’s expression was hardening visibly as we approached. I mean, that was to be expected. Philp stepped between us and Spine. He watched Brunhilda for a moment before turning his gaze on me. “Do you plan to attack the Spire controlled by the Demon of Frost?”

“Yes,” I said, wracking my brain. How do you even approach a subject like, sorry my friend burnt your village down? Can you even apologize for the death of a loved one? My mind flipped back and forth between two memories. The first was meeting Walter Kline's mother. The second was talking to Marnie's parents after…

Willpower check… Successful

Emotional state remains in control

Note: Repeated rolls will increase the difficulty.

That didn’t matter. Not now, at least.

Before I could say something stupid Philip continued. “Do you plan to save the prisoners?”

May as well be honest, “Angelica De Leon’s priority seems to be killing the Demon of Frost. Nameth Brand has an interest in saving specific prisoners. I intend to help both of them, and close any gate to hell that could be there. I personally haven’t set a full priority.”

Philip nodded. “We, The Alliance of Green, would join this campaign. We seek to free our people from the demon’s control. We would follow and fight under your banner.”

Become Warlord of Alliance for Green? Yes/No

I didn’t hit the button. Instead I said, “I would take all the help I can get.” This was apparently enough for the system to hit the button for me. I had meant to asked a few follow up questions but the prompts hit like wave

New Achievement!

Warlord

Remember, don’t count your war crimes. Make your war crimes count.

You have managed to not just get people organized but to unite them under your banner.

Note: you will need to create a Banner.

Create Banner? Yes/No

As a Warlord you will control objectives, allanances, and organization of the Warband.

Your war band currently consists of 35,724 combatants and 92,042 caravan members.

Note: Average scale of war band members is Common Scale

Warning! Morale is Extremely Low due to: lack of shelter, lack of food, religious tensions, fantasy racial tensions, political infighting. Should Morale fall to nonexistent the War Band will dissolve.

Note: Your war band requires a General to be Selected. Select General? Yes/No

Note: You have unselected War Band Traits and War Band Perks to select.

Select War Band Trait? Yes/No

Select War Band Perk? Yes/No

Reward:

You are now responsible for trying to aim the efforts of over 100k goblins. Their lives are in your hands. That seems like enough of an ‘atta boy’ already don’t you think. Have fun storming the Spire!

I had just enough time to realize this was one of those actions with consequences that the system kept talking about. I just managed to stop myself from swearing out loud. Internally I was cussing up a storm.

Philip bowed his head, “Hail, Warlord.” He straightened quickly. “I am sorry to bother you, but the war band has been traveling and soon the main caravan and the Dungeon team will return. We will need a healer.” He was pointedly not looking at Brunhilda.

“Um, the only healer I have available is my buddy Brunhilda,” I said, trying to keep up with everything.

“Then there is no choice, at least until the assault on the Spire is finished,” Philip said.

“Dad, she attacked the village!” Spine cut in. “She killed…”

“Think of your mother,” Philip soke over him. He wasn’t angry but the stern foundation of his words cowed Spine like a slap to the face. After he was sure Spine wouldn’t Speak again Philip said to me, “Would you mark her as an ally, my lord.”

Mark Brunhilda Mendusdottir as an ally of the Alliance of Green? Yes/No

I hit Yes. This triggered another prompt about a Morale Neutral action. Apparently people were really happy that a Demigod Scale Healer was marked as an Ally. They were also equally pissed off it was someone they knew killed them en masse.

“Done,” I said, blinking more prompts away.

“Good. Could you please look after my son? I will introduce the healer to the others. It will be best to move quickly and keep a goal in sight.” Philp explained.

“I’ll take care of him,” I promised.

“Thank you,” he said. “Come with me, healer.” He turned and marched toward the gap in the wall and the growing goblin camp beyond it.

“I feel as if I have been outmaneuvered,” I said aloud.

Brunhilda just shrugged and followed Philip. “Probably.”

I grew more certain a small goblin had finessed me. I looked down at Spine, “Wanna try and find Brand and Angelica?”

Spine shrugged and fell into step with me. The mood was shifting surprisingly fast. The vibe had changed from ‘oh god! I can’t believe we are not dead.’ to ‘oh god, I can’t believe we are not dead!’ It was a subtle change from horror to adrenaline high. Someone had started handing out what looked to be alcohol to the wounded. Given that people recover their Body attribute in hitpoints every hour, there is a non-zero chance this could somehow turn into a party.

Huh, that was a huge hole in the middle of the town square. It was also full of spider webs. I am not one of those ground science people… geologists, but a giant void leading down hundreds of stories into the earth seemed not normal. The honeycomb of tunnels leading every which way also seemed wrong from an earth science standpoint. Shouldn’t the hole be full of dirt?

“The hell is that?” I asked.

“Pretty sure it is a hole,” Spine said with a nod. After a short pause he added, “In the ground.”

“Where does it go?” I asked, not approaching the wound in the earth.

Spine snorted and hocked a loogie. It made it most of the way to but not down the hole.

“You got to kick your leg,” Angelica said. She immediately launched a gob of phlegm that went over the edge. “It gives it the extra oomph.” The bruise on her face was swelling, one eye stuck closed.

“You alright?” I asked.

“Yeah the Bigfoots had a bomb. I took a stray chunk of rumble to the face. It should clear up in a bit.”

“The Bigfeet had a bomb?” I asked. Totally not focused on the correct pluralization for American great apes.

“Yeah, no idea where the Bigfoots got it,” Angelica said emphasizing her preferred pluralization. She moved on, “Why are you guys just staring into a hole leading to The Dark?”

“The what now?” I asked. I blinked. I the term The Dark was so on the nose that I wasn’t certain she wasn’t just messing with me. Teach me the wrong term so, I say it in front of others. She probably wouldn’t do that.

“The Dark,” Angelica said. Remembering that I didn’t know basic facts about the world, she continued “The series of tunnels under the surface of the earth.”

“I am pretty sure that goes all the way down to The Deep,” Spine said before hocking another loogie. This time he kicked his leg. It just barely cleared the edge. Spine turned to me, “That is the tunnels beneath The Dark that is full of dungeon and really fucked up mobs, like giant spiders.”

“So you’re saying this massive hole in the ground is full of huge arachnids?” I asked. I tried to keep my tone casual. I don’t like spiders. Don’t get me wrong they were snow lions, but they scare me alright.

Spine and Angelica shrugged.

To hell with that.

Craft check… Successful.

I willed the ice to flow and filled the hole. I just kept doing that. After getting nearly eight stories of ice go in the hole. I did this because I did not have the means to fill it with fire.

“Speaking of filling holes, does anyone know where Brand went?” Spine asked.

Angelica and I exchanged a look. We both wondered if he learned that from us. It would not kill us to clean up our language.

We made our way to Janie’s gun shop. We entered to find Carla at the counter. She was doing something with a rifle. It was disassembled on a red silk cloth. Now, I don’t exactly know much about guns, but I don’t think burning incense over them does much… at least it didn’t.

The author's tale has been misappropriated; report any instances of this story on Amazon.

The door jingled the bell as we entered. Carla looked up. The service person's smile immediately faded upon seeing me. “Oh it’s you.”

“Hey Carla, have you seen Brand anywhere?” I asked, trying to keep momentum. Perhaps if I was fast enough I could be in and out with the info before Carla remembered she hated me.

She gave me a plastic smile, “I am sorry sir, but this store has a no cockblocker policy. I am going to have to ask you to leave.”

“Not in front of the kid,” I said, frowning. I didn’t move to leave.

Carla looked at Spine a look, “Fuck,” she said. Then she flinched as she continued to curse, “Shit! I mean- dammit…“

Angelica cut in, “Hey, not to interrupt whatever this is, but did you fix my tank hunting rifle?”

“Yeah, one second,” Carla turned on her heels and went to the back room. She came back with the anti-tank rifle in her arm. Carla was clearly straining from the weight of the weapon. Her face was red and her eyes were bulging. She scurried the little quick steps that got a bit frantic at the end. “Take this. Take it. Take this! Take it!”

Angelica took it and tossed it into her inventory. The weapon simply vanished from her hand as it clipped out of reality. “Thanks,” She held out her hand and a bar of gold appeared in it.

Carla took it and immediately buckled under the weight of the precious metal. She dropped the bar of gold on the counter. “I gotta level Might. I will get the ammo.” She briefly left to the back again and came back with a dolly loaded up with three crates.

Angelica hefted the cart and pulled it and the crates into her inventory. A moment later she pulled the cart back out. “Any idea where I can find Brand?”

“Him and Janie went to the green houses to ‘commune with nature'’” Carla said, putting air quotes on the last part.

“That is a dumb way to say ‘have sex’,” Spine opined plainly.

“Cut me some slack,” Carla whined, “I am in withdrawal. I have been denied. So, I am stuck here doing this instead of a blond Brit that may as well have been carved from marble. I blame Doug.”

Everyone was looking at me. I hate it when they do that.

Only one option, “I am sorry.”

“For…” Carla pressed.

“...cockblocking you.” I continued, “That wasn’t cool. I shouldn’t violate the bro code like that.” Yeah I just lectured her about using the term, but Spine already heard it. Besides, coitus interruptus sounds way dirtier anyways. If I was about to be on the hook for saying shit in front of other peoples’ kids, I would cop to ‘cockblock” before that any day.

“Thank you,” she said. Still sounding pissed.

“Is there anything I can do to make it up to you?” I asked on reflex. I am a people pleaser. This was a mistake.

Carla looked at me, then at Spine, and then my hand. “Don’t make this weird, but could you choke me a bit?”

“Uh… what?” I managed.

“Why would you want him to choke you?” Spine asked.

“He has hands that can palm my head. I am curious, and he knows why,” Carla said.

“I don’t get it,” Spine said.

I turned to Angelica, “Can you help?”

“Yeah, I’m open to that!” Carla piped up. I did my best not to pay any attention to her suddenly-more-chipper expression.

“I know what to do,” Angelica said. She then nodded to herself. She then bravely walked toward us, grabbed Spine’s hand, and proceeded to walk out of the building. She kept on walking. She did not look back. She had left me alone, in a mess of my own making.

Carla and I stood there. We stared at each other for a long moment.

Finally, just to break the silence Carla said, “You made it weird.”

“Yep,” I admitted.

“I specifically told you not to do that,” She admonished. Somehow we were still trapped in this awkward purgatory.

“Yep,” I said again.

“I didn’t have you pegged as the easily-rattled type,” Carla observed.

“I would prefer you didn’t peg me at all,” I replied a bit too quickly.

“Do you just enjoy killing all my dreams?” Carla sighed.

I laughed. Carla laughed. What the fuck were we doing...

“Seriously though, is there something wrong with me?” Carla asked eventually as she went back to the rifle.

“No, honestly you are just catching me at a weird time. I sorta just got into a relationship. We haven’t set any boundaries, but given that lack of… definition, I am going to err on the side of caution.” I explained.

Carla shrugged, “No biggy. Thanks for being direct this time.”

“You’re not mad?” I asked. I kinda regretted asking. I mean I really shouldn’t poke at her too much, she obviously would poke back.

Carla looked up from the rifle, “For being turned down for sex? No. Doug, I got other options. This stupid dance and leading me on stuff you and Brand did, is not cool. I messes with my head. Don’t do that again, to anyone.”

Internally planning to beat Brand for this I said, “I shouldn’t have done that to you.”

Carla smiled, “Thanks. Wanna start over, try and be friends?”

“Yeah… just friends.” I said.

“Fucking tease,” Carla grinned as she loaded the rifle.

I considered my tendency to associate with dangerous women as I made my way toward the greenhouses and probably Angelica.

As I approached the greenhouses I could feel the mood in town shift from post-combat adrenaline high to ‘let’s keep drinking’. A string quartet was getting going. They were not quite Trans-Siberian Orchestra, but it was getting close to party music.

The noise was attracting some of the goblins. From what I could tell my presence seemed to be facilitating communication between them and the residents. Rather than fight they seemed to be cobbling together an impromptu celebration. While better than them fighting, there were going to be some negatives.

A fairly large crowd was setting up a Spider BBQ. think a pig on a spit but a nightmare spider rotating and flinging terrible nightmare shadows everywhere in the darkening twilight. The fucked-up display even had the audacity to smell good.

I needed to find the others.

Approaching the greenhouses made me realize I had ignored a major aspect of the town. There were four of them. Each was a good two stories tall and looked to be about ten yards wide, maybe a hundred yards long. They were protected from the wind by a shelterbelt of evergreens, planted close around each perimeter. I could feel heat radiate from the entire area, and as I moved closer ground, not ice, crunched under my feet.

A sign was posted by the path. It read in simple, blocky letters:

The food is free.

Take only what you need.

Do not harm the plants.

Damaging a Greenhouse equals death.

I found Angelica and Spine lingering outside the one furthest from the path.

Angelica nodded to me as I approached. “Did you just choke her out and leave?”

“No,” I stopped short. Holy shit, what did she think I was doing?

Angelica flashed a grin bordering on shit-eating, “Oh just you just came and went?”

“Are you done?” I asked, not taking the bait.

“Yeah. I basically spent the whole time here coming up with that one.” Angelica admitted. “If it makes you feel better, I give you permission to mock me should I ever insert myself in other peoples’ love lives.”

It was a pretty good jape. “Fair enough. Where’s Brand?”

Angelica hooked her thumb toward the greenhouse, “In there.” After a beat she added, “Go get him, Doug.”As I trundled toward the door, she spoke up, “Oh I got one more. Have fun inserting yourself again.”

I closed the door behind me.

I don’t know what I expected, but extreme heat, the sweet scent of pollen, and a tranquil silence were what I got. It was at least ninety degrees in here. That was hot on its own but compared to the frigid chill outside the warmth was oppressive. The stillness in this place was also profound compared to the constant roar of the wind. The absence of the noise left a faint buzz. No, wait, that was the barely audible sound of bees flitting about.

The place was full of rows of fruit bearing trees. The gravel path leading down the center aisle looked to be marked with fluorescent blue paint or something that glowed in the dim light of the lanterns dangling from branches.

The lack of noise was almost off-putting. I had expected the sounds of talking, or arguing. Or… well you know. Either way, I best find Brand and figure out our next move. It didn’t take too long. About halfway down the path I found him and Janie.

Again I don’t know what I expected, beyond finding Brand in a compromised position. Brand and Janie were on a picnic blanket. Janie was lying on her stomach, apparently sleeping. She had traded her heavy coat and dress for a T-shirt, shorts, and Crocs for some reason. Brand in a polo shirt and shorts sat next to her. He was gently rubbing one hand up and down her back in a slow circle as he read through the journal in the other.

We stared at each other for a very long time.

“What did you do?” I whispered.

Brand closed the journal, but never stopped rubbing Janie’s back, “Miss Baker and I assisted Miss De Leon in repelling the Bigfoots.”

“Bigfeet,” I hissed.

“Them.” Brand cut me off while still whispering. “After that we saved a few dozen people from the Spiders. Thank the Lord everyone was at the duel on the other side of town. The swarm could have gotten hundreds.”

I nodded, “Okay but how did you end up here, and why is Janie unconscious.”

Brand sighed, but his hand never stopped caressing Janie’s spine, “After the fight and the success with the Translation, Miss Baker thought an amorous retreat among the trees would be fitting. I, not wanting to be rude, agreed. She also had wine, which was delightful, and she is a charming conversationalist.”

“Brand, why is she knocked the fuck out?” I demanded in a whisper.

A brief flash of affronted anger blazed in Brand’s eyes. When he spoke his voice carried some reproach, “When Miss Baker suggested physical intercourse. I offered to give her a massage. I am quite good at them. Most people relax so completely, they simply fall asleep.”

“Oh,” I managed, not sure what else I really could say.

Brand’s voice softened, “I appreciate your concern for Miss Baker’s welfare. We should be fine for the night. As a wood elf she heals faster amongst nature like this.”

“Do you need anything?” I asked, already turning to head out.

Brand smiled, “No, thank you. Goodnight Doug.”

I waved as I crept silently back to the door of the green house.

No sooner had I closed the door than time slowed. The music ceased. The wind stilled. Flakes of snow and ice hung in the air.

“Seriously, what does it take you for you to take a bite? I have been dangling bait in front of you this whole time,” Adora said in a faux-exasperated tone.

“You are just Manifesting in Lola’s domain?” I asked the goddess. She was still beautiful. Her makeup was now done in blues and greens. Her hair was flowing platinum blonde down to the small of her back, and rather than pink she was clad in a little black dress that despite myself conjured a few bad ideas.

She flashed that million-watt smile, “Love and war have never been at odds. But don't change the subject, are you going to make a move with someone this century? The angel, Carla, Giselle, Janie.” She pointed toward the greenhouse. “That was a sure thing you just passed up. All you had to do was speak up.”

At the best of times, Adora vexed me. This was just beyond the pale. Ignoring the fact that she felt entitled to meddling in my intimate affairs, not to mention those of others, the scope of just how unacceptable what she just said was… rather than enrage me it swung back around to a cold, logical anger. People were not her dolls to make kiss.

When I finally spoke it was strangely conversational, “Adora, I am going to give you one chance. Lift your request to reduce my XP and there will be no hard feelings. We can just continue this little game of yours. It can just be how we interact.”

Adora laughed, “Doug! Baby bear, I love the spirit you just showed, but that isn’t how things work.” she brushed a hand along the side of my face, wiping a few flakes of snow away before resting her palm on my shoulder, “You have no leverage. There is nothing you can do to me.”

Mental Resistance surged like a fucking Kaiju from the ocean. It tore through systematic effect and dulled the brunt of her charisma. The anger provided focus too. Also I was lucky to not be alone.

“Get your hands off of him,” Celeste told Adora.

The Goddess shrugged, “If you are worried about competition, make a move.” She did step away from me.

The odd bit was the lack of contact caused a tingle to rise up my spine. I swallowed, “Just to be clear, you are saying no?”

Adora shrugged, “I see no reason to remove the hold.”

“Okay,” I said, before taking a breath, “Lola, Could you please come here?”

“What is going on?” Lola asked, appearing next to me. She just popped into existence. “I am technically supposed to be overseeing the farce that is Europe's peace talks.”

“I just need you to witness this,” I said as I marched toward the edge of the domain. An angel and two Goddesses followed me. My life got weird. When I reached the edge of the Domain

You have activated Voice of the Titan

“Grond, come out. I know you are there.” My voice rumbling with cosmic energy projected out into the night.

Voice of the Titan deactivated.

Grond simply rose out of the snow. He was still the same wildeyed, lanky bastard, but right now he was wrapped in a pelt that appeared to be made of a bigfoot. He stood good ten yards from the domain. “What do you want?”

“I would like for us to quit fighting,” I said.

“Fuck you bitch, give me my gear back!” Grond demanded.

“Is that all it takes for peace?” Honestly that was fairly steep, but if it worked...

“No, I don’t make deals with bitches,” Grond snarled.

“Then no claws for you,” I pulled the armor out of my inventory and tossed it at his feet. “You can just have this back. I don’t wear cursed gear.”

“Cursed?” Celeste asked. She and Lola gazed at the armored breastplate.

Grond picked it up and clearly used some sort of Scrutinize Skill.

Typhon Scale Armor (Broken)

Warning this item is broken and none of the benefits below will be granted if equipped.

Armor made of scales of a Divine Beast, etched by the runes of a goddess. This Breastplate grants resistance to mind-altering effects, except those involving love. Double this armor's defense value against magical attacks.

Armor: 25

Warning!

This item has two hidden effects.

1) Increase the effect of all Seduction Skills by five levels of Scale upon the wearer of this item.

2) Always grant Scale advantage for Adora or followers of Adora over the wearer of this item.

After a moment of silence he flung it back at me. “You Bitch!” He bellowed at Adora.

I caught the heavy chunk of metal before it brained me. “He really needs another insult.” I muttered.

Adora watched Grond impassively. Eventually she picked a response, “Grond, don’t get mad. You know how you get. That was just to help…”

“Control me!” Grond screamed. He forced himself to not shout, “The bit that kills me, is even now, I am still surprised. There really isn’t anything you wouldn’t do to get your way. I am just a tool to you.”

“Grond, listen to me…” Adora began.

“No!” he shouted over her. “No more lies!”

“If you want to be free of her, get Mental Resistance,” I spoke up.

Adora shot me a look. It was too pretty to be hate, but it was damn close.

Grond vanished, taking advantage of the moment’s lack of attention.

As Adora watched me I turned my attention on Lola, “Would you please withdraw your request to block my XP?”

Lola’s eyes unfocused as she looked through prompts, “Done.”

Level Up!

Level UP!

I blinked the prompt away.

Adora and Lola vanished and time sped back up.

Celeste blinked her glowing eyes, and Angelica rose to the surface. “Well then. That was a choice.”

“Yep,” I agreed. “You wanna dance?”

Others had gathered under the eldritch horror of the twisting shadows at the Spider BBQ. between the shifting shadows and the music more than a few couples decided to take the opportunity. Then more folks joined in. Parties are a lot like a riot; they require momentum. This one had a lot.

“Yeah, why not,” she said, taking my hand and waving to Spine.

Angelica is a powerful, brave, and graceful woman. This meant her kicking me in the shin with her boot twice was more than a little painful. I am not going to play innocent here. I did step on her foot, hard. I am also very heavy. It was a bit of a thing. That said, it was still fun. Celeste cut in a few times. Strangely Celeste was not a dancer. She sort of just hung on to me.

During a slow song Angelica just stood on my massive feet as I swayed to the music, “Now you can’t do any damage.” She teased.

“You have been busting my chops a lot tonight,” I observed.

“Eh, sorry,” Angelica looked away, “You’re basically the only friend I've got out here. I used to talk shit with people a lot back in the day. I have been alone for a while now. Old habit, I guess.”

“No worries,” I said. Something in the back of my mind made the connections.

I met Angelica when she was traveling alone. She doesn’t use ‘we’ to describe her and Celeste. She flat out told me, ‘We spent ten years hunting demons… we got in easy… we found Herschal… I won.’

This isn’t an accident.

She’d lost loved ones. Like me, she’s grieving.

Grace’s words also echoed in my mind. “Doug will win.”