I was back in the generic conference room. It still had off-white walls, not quite comfortable chairs, a large central table, and beat to hell carpeting. Lindsey in my face, trying to wrench the horn from my grip was new.

She had two hands on the horn and planted her foot on my chest. Then she pulled. “Give it!”

My instincts kicked in immediately. Never do what a Narrator wants… ever. “Never.” Lindsey was pretty strong. I had to hold on for dear life to prevent her from getting the horn.

Celeste glared at Lindsey, “Let go and back away. NOW!” her last word reverberated with power.

Linsdey released her grip like it burned her. “Fine… drama queen.”

I stumbled back and nearly trampled Denise, “Fuck!” She shrieked. Her tone could be piercing when she wanted.

“What the hell is going on?” I demanded. I had no idea about Narrators, but given I was marginally stronger than Lindsey made me suspect that if fist came to face, I could take her.

“We are in arbitration,” Denise answered. She pulled out her phone and checked it. She frowned, “it won’t tell me why.”

“That you dumb bitch!” Lindsey snarled pointing at the horn in my hand.

“Why are you here though?” I demanded of Lindsey.

I made the complaint.” Lindsey said flatly. She stepped further away and tried to make a show of being unafraid. The effect was spoiled slightly by her never turning her back on me or Celeste. She managed to get to the other side of the table eventually.

I sighed, “Is there a good way out of this?”

“We could just kill her,” Celeste said.

“What the fuck Celeste?” Lindsey snapped.

Celeste slid a faux smile on her face. “Nothing personal, Lindsey. It has been so long. Last time we met you were just Grond’s intern. Look at you now, his Narrator. How’s that going?”

I never would have guessed that Celeste could be catty. Then again being married taught me many times I was not an expert with regard to women. Hell, even the one woman could routinely surprise me.

“I earned my promotion,” Lindsey almost growled.

“Didn’t your predecessor get killed by Wilson? Fiona right?” I asked. That would probably wind her up more, but I wanted to fish for more information.

For a brief moment Lindsey looked at me like I had slapped her. She blinked twice. When she spoke her voice was laced with menace. “No one is happier than me that negligent bitch is dead. She kept me around Grond for decades. I earned this. I have the power now. It’s mine. Now I am not going to let you have the Carnyx of Gabriel.”

While the implications of what she said were in fact disturbing -decades around Grond and Denise had made it clear interns were fairly exposed to high scale players also- the threat drew more focus. That said something else was even more obvious in its need to be addressed, “What is the Carnyx of Gabriel?”

“The goddamn horn you assclown.” Lindsey muttered. She rolled her eyes.

Ignoring Lindsey’s insults I asked Denise, “Shouldn’t Wilson be here?”

Denise blinked, “Yeah, he should.” she started texting on her phone. After a moment she looked up and shrugged.

“Yeah I don’t text,” Wilson answered, mocking Denise's voice. He appeared behind me. He tapped my left shoulder. I looked and he wasn’t there. He was on my right. “Made you look.”

“What took you so long,” Lindsey sniped.

Wilson sigh and gazed at me in mock outrage, “I give you a window to kill her and you talk politely.” he shook his head and looked over to Lindsey, “Some do ginger, I an not naming any names, -you- sent a gaggle of interns to go wrangle Nadia. That required my attention.

“You blocked them from talking to Nadia?” Lindsey accused.

“Fuck No! I stood at a safe distance watching and laughed.” WIlson smiled to himself. “They are all dead.”

I hate Wilson. He is malicious. He revels in the suffering of others. That said I am pretty sure Lindsey tried to kill my friends, and me for that matter. Also this is the second time she was messing with my life. Since I couldn’t piss her off more, “What’s our GRP WIlson?”

He paused for a fraction of a moment before his smile sharpened, “I am glad you asked. You are currently at nineteen thousand and some change. Proud of you, Kid,” he gave me a quick pat on the arm. “What are your numbers, Lindsey?”

“He can’t have Carnyx of Gabriel,” Lindsey insisted.

Wilson looked at the horn in my hand, and then to Lindsey. He did it again. He made the trek a third time, “I am confused.”

“Fuck you!” Lindsey shouted at Wilson.

“Only if you begged me.” Wilson responded. He rubbed his chin in thought, “When you do, my preference is you be on your knees dressed as a french maid, or my dad. Dealer’s choice.”

Not wanting to hear any more of what ever the fuck that was I cut it, “What is this thing? And why are people yelling about it?”

Wilson turned to Denise.

Denise pulled her phone out. Her eyes bugged. “Oh! It is a Titanic Relic. Nadia used it for a couple of centuries. Basically there isn’t a person alive over fifty who won’t have some sort of extreme fear response if you blow that horn. It won’t let me tell you what it actually does because they want you to read the description live.”

“We just decided he cannot have a Titanic Scale Relic!” Lindsey snarled.

“No, no, no, no,” WIlson disagreed. “Our last little bitch session it was decided that an upgrade could not create an object of Titanic Scale. This item already existed, and has simply found its way into Doug’s hands. Therefore, no issue.”

Lindsey took several breaths and forced herself calm “I am going to escalate this!”

Stolen novel; please report.

“Going to try going over my head?” Wilson’s phone rang, “Hello… yeah let me put you on speaker.”

“...am I on speaker?” a blatantly normal voice asked. It was male and had a pleasant deep resonance even over the tinny speaker.

“Yes Sir, Mr. Smith. I do have a slight treat for you. I have both Doug and Celeste in the room.” Wilson said. His tone was polite and casual, standard talking with the boss. That said his eyes were locked on Lindsey. They almost glowed with malicious glee.

She paled visibly. Denise actually took a few steps back. Not sure what that was going to accomplish but fear does bad things to thoughts.

“Oh wonderful!” Mr. Smith said. His voice took on a kindly almost paternal tone, “Doug! I hope you and Wilson are getting along. How has your story been going?”

Celeste met my gaze. She was deadly serious, she nodded slowly.

“I guess we are getting along alright. He gave me an intern.” I offered. “I am sorry you have me at a slight disadvantage.”

Mr. Smith laughed to himself, “Sorry, I have grown far too used to people just knowing who I am. I am Mr. Smith. I am one of the Showrunners. I oversee the activities of all the Narrators and such you see working behind the scenes. Speaking of which, you mentioned an intern. How are they doing?”

An odd look washed over Denise. She paled to an almost gray scale, and her eyes rolled. “Here we go again.” she mouthed.

“Good, I am very happy with Denise,” I said, not opening the door to any strange threats or hidden consequences.

Denise flinched all the same.

“Splendid. Now Wilson what is this about a relic?” Mr. Smith asked.

I saw Lindsey brace like she was going to jump into the conversation but upon WIlson holding the phone up to her, with his smile growing to that impossible leer she quailed.

Wilson nodded, “Doug has come into possession of the Carnyx of Gabriel.”

“Huh, wasn’t Nadia sitting on that?” Mr. Smith asked.

“Yep, but it would seem that has changed,” Wilson said.

There was a long moment of quiet other than the obvious rustling of paper coming from the phone. “Well… may as well let him have it. Nadia has been extremely boring lately. Let’s see what the young buck does with it.”

Why did he call me that? That’s weird.

“Wonderful, Is there anything else you need sir?” WIlson asked Lindsey.

“No, I got everything I needed,” and then the line went dead.

“...so,” Wilson started. He had adopted that slow almost still mechanical motion. I didn’t know a lot about narrators but when Wilson and Fiona clashed she ended up with her heart in a box. Had I misread the last arbitration? Was Grace not in conflict with Wilson but just holding him back? I could sense the intent radiating from him. It was murder.

The lights flickered and Lindsey was gone.

Wilson sighed, “coward.” the air of menace faded to nothing.

I had some mixed feelings on what just happened. On the one hand Lindsey didn’t get her way. That seemed to be a direct positive to my continued existence. On the other hand that meant Wilson got his way. My mind drifted to the last few moments in the final boss arena. I felt the phantom tremors of the impacts rattle up my arm. Grond’s mangled face, and Rachel’s dead body lingered in front of my mind's eye.

Wilson being happy wasn’t good for me either.

Wilson leaned against the table and watched us, “Seriously, you didn’t even consider killing her?”

“I thought about it. Celeste even recommended it.” I admitted. I wasn’t going to do it. I may not like the narrators. I hate them even. Trouble is, they look like people. So long as they aren’t directly trying to hurt me… I just … it felt wrong.”

“Celeste is smarter than you,” Wilson nodded. “You should listen to her.” he waited a beat and when I nodded added, “And plow her like a northern Maine road.”

“What?” I asked, like a moron.

“Regularly and using the right tools when needed,” Wilson explained in a tone that almost sounded helpful.

Celeste looked completely unphased. Actually, come to think about it, I am not sure why I thought that would affect her. Adora’s bullshit barely flustered her. It must be nice being comfortable in your own skin. Or has she just dealt with this for so long that it no longer registers.

I shook my head, “Listen Wilson, I understand you are pushing Celeste, Angelica and I into a… romantic relationship. But this pressing is just gonna slow things down.” that was a basically a polite way to tell him to fuck off.

“Who said anything about romance? I am trying to get you to split her like a block of wood,” Wilson gazed at me like I was stupid. “Fuck ‘em. Is that clear enough?”

“I don’t understand,” I started, foolishly trying to appeal to humanity from Wilson.

“Oh,” he cut in. That is easy.” He tapped at his phone.

Hardcore pornography was up on the large screen on the wall. I am not going to go into detail but it was that sad almost joyless porn that is clearly no fun for anyone involved. It was explicit though.

Denise stared at it. She looked both horrified and disgusted. For some reason rather than look away she kept staring as she backed away from it.

I stepped between the screen and Denise, “I understand the mechanics. Could you please turn that off?”

Wilson pressed a button and the screen went dark, “Then what is the confusion?”

“Why are you pushing this?” I had to force myself to remain calm. I felt adrenaline course through my veins. My heart hammered against my ribs. My face was mostly impassive though. Never let them see you bleed. As soon as they know what hurts you, they attack ten times harder.

“‘Will they, won’t they’ is testing lower than established relationship plots. So let’s speed run the awkward first date bullshit and get to the good stuff like love, and complex emotional interactions, and full penetrative sex.” WIlson was losing interest with the conversation. He was blatantly texting someone in front of Denise.

“What if I don’t play along?” I braced for impact. Wilson clearly loved control. He never missed an opportunity to flex any authority over others.He was going to take this challenge to his control badly. That said I needed to know what I was dealing with.

“Huh,” he looked up from his phone and shrugged, “Oh if you don't want to, no worries. There are other stories. That is YOUR choice.” he put the phone in his pocket and picked up a pen and piece of paper.

He wrote several things down and folded the sheet and handed it to Celeste.

She read it. She then frowned, before folding the paper and handing it to Denise. Denise put it in her jacket pocket.

Wilson accommodating a basic boundary… this was a trap. I fucked up bad.

“What was that?” I asked Celeste. My thumb touched the nail on my finger.

“Proof,” she said. “Denise can show it after twenty-four hours. I was shown it to guarantee it is not tampered with.”

“Why not just tell me about it now?” I asked her. Why was she playing Wilson’s game?

“Spoilers get punished,” WIlson added. He checked his watch, “Any other questions?”

“Yeah…” I started preparing to argue further.

We were back in the snow and time started

Carnyx of Gabriel

This is a Titanic Relic! This item cannot be stored in Inventory

This Item is unclaimed.

Claim: Yes/No

Warning: Claiming this Item will have extreme consequences.

Warning: Not Claiming this item will have Extreme Consequences

Warning: Any being below Demigod Scale attempting to claim this item will risk a 50% chance of a Smite.

To understand this item requires understanding its name.

A carnyx is a celtic horn. They would blow it before battle. Between the upsetting noise and the extreme violence most of their enemies quickly learned to dread the blowing of a carnyx.

The horn of Gabriel is actually a double reference. Besides been the noise that would kick of the judeo-christian apocalypse it is also a geometric shape with a finite volume but infinite surface area. Now that is true for this Carnyx also. The nifty bit is the true name of every being in existence in the system currently is inscribe inside this horn.

No peeking. Seriously don’t.

Blowing this horn will start a war, and will announce it to all of the world.

Note: Using this item will always have extreme consequences.

“Claim it Doug, it is too dangerous to leave out in the open,” Celeste said.

I hit yes.

For a long moment nothing happened.

Then it kept not happening.

I shrugged, “let’s keep working on the wall.”