After the second time through the dryer Angelica’s clothes were dry enough. Which was good because it ‘finished’ its cycle by rupturing and splitting in half. I got my boxers back. There was a brief discussion about doing another armor rotation, but we hadn’t worked out the specifics and eventually shrugged it off.

Angelica and I reached the carwash and found Brunhilda sitting there alone in a small office. She sat at the desk in the warm golden light of a lantern, making notes on two columns.

“What are you doing there, drinking buddy?” I asked.

“Making a pros and cons list of staying to help the goblins,” she answered, not looking up from the list.

“What do you have in the ‘pro’ column?” I asked, stepping further into the room.

“I have ‘I owe them’, ‘They need help’, ‘If I don’t I will never forgive myself’,” she ticked off the points. Her tone was calm, but it was that forced calm people get when they are about one step away from breaking down.

“Those are solid reasons… what’s in the ‘con’ list?”

“They hate me. I would have to abandon my family, the Shattered Mountain, and the Fantasy Coast to stay. I cannot communicate with them.” She closed the book. “There are dozens of other entries, but they all basically fall under those points.”

I sat next to her and pulled the Titan Brew out of my inventory. I was more than a little worried: until now Brunhilda had been fairly upbeat and jovial. She gave off an almost invincible aura. This down and dejected tone… well, not to overstate things, but it felt like a red flag. She probably needed a friend about now.

She shook her head when I moved to set it down next to her list. “No. Take that away.”

“You didn’t know,” I said, pulling the cup back into my inventory.

“That doesn’t make it better,” she said, crushing my dissent instantly. “Some of them were kids, Doug. I don't mind killing someone in a fair fight, or if I think they are about to start a fair fight, but some lines you don’t cross. I have done it, killed them at least a dozen times. The result trumps the intention.”

“That’s true too,” I acknowledged. While I didn’t fully understand the mechanics of the system, I was pretty sure I could help. “I think if you make a pact with me you can talk to them.”

“You’d help me with this?” she asked, turning to look me in the eye.

“You saved my friends. Besides, what are drinking buddies for?”

She snorted and punched my shoulder. She was clearly trying to be playful but it still packed a hell of a wallop. “What else are you here for?”

“I was hoping you might be able to help me with the Gore-Soaked condition.” I explained. My thinking being that if the mess was Titanic Scale, her being a Demigod might be enough to succeed where others had failed. It wasn't a glorious quest. Hell, it was a dirty job, and this mixed metaphor had gotten away from me…

She sized me up, and after a moment gave me a look that more or less said ‘hear me out’ before speaking. “I have an idea, but you aren’t going to like it.”

Brunhilda was right. I hated this idea. She had led Angelica, Celeste, and I to one of the bays of the car wash. She had fiddled with some of the pipes and the valves and had the main wand of the powerwasher cranked.

“I have concerns,” I called over the dull roar of the water.

“Don’t, it's running well over 1,300 psi. The extreme force will scrape that shit right off ya.” She called back.

“What if it just rips my skin off?” I asked, deeply concerned. I was extremely attached to my skin, you see.

“You’ll heal?” Brunhilda said with a shrug. “Now get naked.”

“It is way too cold for the amount of casual nudity we keep dealing with.” Angelica said. Her words had that tone of an adult that realized inorder to resolve the current situation they were going to have to do something immature.

“What? This would be appropriate if it was warm out?” I asked, stalling for more time before I got the hose. That said, the cold was one more reason to not hang dong. “Is me being naked really necessary?”

“For the sake of fun, yes,” Brunhilda insisted.

“Please take this seriously,” I responded flatly.

Brunhilda sighed. “Yes. Clothing applies a fifty percent penalty to any attempt to remove any condition related to cleanliness. So yes, it helps if you are naked. Please take your clothes off. Just… do it slowly. Maybe dance a bit as you do.”

I turned to Angelica for confirmation.

“Dancing wouldn’t hurt.” she confirmed. She cracked immediately at her own joke, “Sorry. Sorry. Yeah. You are going to have to be naked.”

Fine then.

Six minutes later Bruhilda had me in a headlock. “Quit wiggling!” she yelled at me.

“I’m not!” I snarled as I both kicked and bit Brunhilda.

Angelica was running the power washer and it was taking my skin off. The whole thing was pretty awful in an expectedly gory way. The water wouldn’t just abrade the skin and muscle. Sometimes the water would blast under my skin and lift whole patches off. Needless to say it hurt in ways that necessitated cussing. Most of all because it wasn’t taking the damned layer of Vitae off me. It and my skin would simply bubble back back into place.

Brunhilda being my friend, was helping me by not letting me back out of this. After the first spritz from the power washer I had asked her to hold me in place. So she was, while also trying to rub undiluted cleaning agent into the mix. It burned because it was caustic. Thing is, even with all of that the condition didn’t budge. Now this may seem intense, and given my resistance to this you would think my friend would stop. Under most circumstances I am sure they would have, but I being a moron had asked them to try for ten minutes before stopping. Since the cleaning check occurred every few seconds we could try and fish for a crit to succeed.

That didn’t happen.

After ten minutes and me losing two fist fights with Brunhilda, Angelica spoke up. “Celeste has an idea… butit is a bit out there. You wanna try?”

“Yes!” I shrieked. I figured literally anything would be better than this!

“Purifying Light!” Celeste roared. Her voice echoed with a depth beyond mortal reckoning. It was in that moment, I realized I had done goofed.

Attack From Celeste Successful

You have been judged neutral, damage will not be multiplied.

You take 135 points of damage

You have been damaged by your Bane (Light)

You have the Baneridden Condition. Perks and Traits suppressed.

HP: 285/420

Titanic Regeneration paused due to Baneridden Condition

Ouch.

The feeling of concentrated light smiting me was phenomenally painful. The existential sensation of having the light make a moral judgment about me was dread-adjacent. The damage it did was a sort of burning microwave-like sensation that caused flesh to blister, hair to burn, and my teeth to crack. That last one may have been from clenching my jaw.

It also caused an explosion that leveled the car wash.

“Did it work?” Brunhilda called from somewhere in the rubble.

I checked my status. Still Gore Soaked. “No.”

“Well, fuck it then. We tried.” She said, digging out of the debris. “Don’t worry buddy, I am coming to get you.”

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Baneridden Condition

You have been struck by an attack that is from an opposed element. That was a bad idea. You see, your opposed element is bad for you. It causes all sorts of problems for you. All defensive perks and traits are negated for one hour. You also will not be able to use any ability requiring MP or related to Dark Magic.

That was ominous. Then reality set in. it technically wasn’t all that long ago when I was level one and didn’t have regeneration. But I grew used to having pain fade quickly. This was fairly substantial pain, and it was apparently going to stick around. The white noise static of my nerves singing in agony was back also.

Note to self: think. Just in general. But also before taking damage specifically.

I needed to get up. But there was a fairly significant amount of rock on me. Maybe that Destruction Skill could help.

Destruction Check Successful

Suddenly all the stone, wood and metal on top of me was just sand. While that did nothing to reduce the weight on me it was a lot easier to just… No, wait, it was literally just as hard to move and get out, since that denied me the possibility of ever getting leverage. Brunhilda and Angelica had to dig me out.

After a quick relocation to a donut shop on the north edge of town, we took stock. There were no donuts, but the place looked like there could be donuts later. I may need to come back.

“We got to quit breaking shit,” I said as the stool I sat on collapsed under my weight.

“Yeah, in like four days we should quit breaking stuff,” Angelica agreed.

“What happens in four days?” I asked.

Angelica looked at me with some small amount of disappointment. “Your Gore Soaked condition becomes the Blood for the Blood God condition and all the mobs come running.”

“Oh, honestly that works out a bit too well,” Brunhilda said, frowning.

“What do you mean?” Angelica and I asked.

“You are in an area that makes it impossible for mobs to kill you, and surrounded by a bunch of followers of Lola. That turns this Blood for the Blood God condition from a borderline death sentence into a prime opportunity to grind without risk for everyone in this city. It would be a huge boon for this place. The achievements alone will probably give most people two or three levels.”

“That’s why Lola wanted me to stay,” I realized. “She is using this as an opportunity to increase the strength of her followers.” I shrugged. The phrase ‘borderline death sentence’ stuck in my head. Then I remembered the mother with the baby. How many kids were here?

“There is more to it,” Angelica said. “The mobs are a major hindrance to Lola getting more followers in and out of this place. Having all of them from the dungeon breaks funneled here to be slaughtered would clear the way for her people, and set Grond back.”

“Are we admiring the tactical masterstroke, or annoyed at the manipulation?” I asked.

Brunhilda just sighed, “For the most part, when dealing with a god, they know something you don’t and will use that to get something from you.”

“Yep,” Angelica agreed, looking very tired.

I shrugged again and a significant portion of my shoulder sloughed off, “Ugh, the only thing to do then is prepare as best we can.” We all nodded at each other. “None of us have a plan do we?”

“Nope,”Brunhilda said, unbothered by the lack of plan, or by my apparent shedding problem. She was still mulling something else over.

“No Idea,” Angelica admitted.

“Is there anything else we need to talk about?” I demanded. She wasn’t bitter at my claim at all.

“Brunhilda, Star Wars or Star Trek?” Angelica asked.

“Stargate,” My drinking buddy answered.

We went our separate ways. Angelica was going to talk with Sunit about the impending doomlike event. Brunhilda was going to figure out a way to fortify the defenses and possibly create a bastion for noncombatants. I was heading to rescue Brand from the amorous attentions of attractive people who knew how to have fun. Equal jobs. All of us were equally serious in our actions.

I found Brand and Spine on the roof of Janie’s gun shop.

“What are you guys doing up there?” I asked.

“Part way through playing Elder Sign we realized that Mr. Spindle-Bite here was creating an English to Goblin translation dictionary. This ate time rather well.” Brand explained.

“Okay, But what are you guys doing up there?” I asked again.

“Eventually the novelty of linguistics waned and sleeping arrangements were planned. This created a complication. You see, Lily has a birthday coming up, and,” he looked to Spine before continuing, ‘can be very quiet.”

“Just so everyone is clear, I know what sex is,” Spine said, clearly annoyed.

“Okay, but what are you guys doing up there?” I pressed.

“I explained that Mr. Spindle-Bite needed to be tucked in and read a story in order to sleep.” Brand continued.

“I still can’t believe they bought that lie,” Spine said. “I am clearly an adult.” His voice cracked at the last bit.

“You just aren’t going to tell me how you got up there are you?” I said.”

“There was a ladder. The door shut behind us. I worry trying to jump off could hurt Spine and violate the terms of your pact,” Brand said.

“I’ll get you down,” I said, doing my best not to sound judgmental while pulling the tools out of my inventory.

Construction Check Successful

The snow and ice basically molded to my will and coalesced into a mound before packing themselves into a series of steps leading up to the roof, or down to the ground depending on perspective, I guess.

Brand and Spine hopped down and met me on the ground.

Destruction Check Successful

And with a thought the stairs became a drift of loose snow that the wind began to push it down and carrying the ice away. This needed to be explored more. That said time and place. Escape the farce first. Learn how to alter the physical world on a whim later. Those are good priorities.

We, being three brave men, then snuck away into the early morning. I followed behind Brand to help screen him from view, “So what was this about a book translating things?”

“If I listen carefully, I can hear the actual words being said, but I also hear the meaning as well. So I have been creating a dictionary. Since we normally can’t talk to each other, maybe this could help.” Spine showed me the book. He opened it to a random page. This was one of the rare times one of my abilities worked against me. I saw things like:

Snow = Snow

Wind = Wind

Shithead = Shithead

Craft = Craft

“Really? That is… a great idea,” I looked to Brand, “Why didn’t we have that idea?”

Brand sighed, “It just never occurred to me. I suspect you simply do not consider language a barrier. Either way, Mr. Spindle-Bite’s dictionary is currently eclectic but it has helped me gain some small proficiency in reading Goblin text. I am not certain, but I am unable to hear his words as anything other than English. Perhaps the trait is doing that.”

“Will this get people talking to each other?” I asked.

Both Brand and Spine looked a bit doubtful. Finally Spine spoke and he sounded young when he said, “It’s worth a shot right?”

Blend In Check Partially Successful

Move Silently Check Partially Successful

Blend In is now Trained Level

Move Silently is now at Trained Level

Those partial success prompts kept popping up as we walked through the city. Apparently that is how the system tells you some people can’t detect you while others can. Or maybe it had something to do with me not actually trying to hide from Brand and Spine as we traveled back across the village. Given that in the space of an evening I had splattered cats across several homes, destroyed a carwash, technically vandalized a donut shop, and disrupted the amorous actions of gun owners, I decided discretion was better than dealing with the consequences of my choices. Apparently you get more experience for sneaking around more people… I think.

Either way I was glad to be able to just fade into the snow. I may need to be a better neighbor.

Eventually we got back to the windward side of town. The prompts came fewer and further between as I kept sneaking while Brand and Spine played Polyglots. The book was getting full. We should probably hurry back to Seth’s…

You have unlocked the Elevated Martial Art: Path of the Snow Lion.

The first step on the path is From the Snow.

You may move at any speed through snowy environments without penalty to stealth related skills.

Note 1: this martial art is lower scale that your current martial art

Note 2: this martial art is not compatible with current martial art. You will need to switch to this to use. Switching between martial arts is a free action once per minute.

Switch martial arts? Yes/No

I selected no. I then worked to bring up the menu for my martial arts and saw

Current Martial Art: Unrelenting Glacier (Cosmic Marital Art)

Available Martial Arts:

Unrelenting Glacier

Path of the Snow Lion

Huh that was another option. Can’t wait to underutilize it.

We reached Seth’s place as the sun was just beginning to rise. I knocked.

The door immediately popped open. Seth gazed up at me, “Get in!” he instructed,

I let Spine and Brand in before me, since I had to do the crab walk shimmy to get through the little door. “So I unlocked an Elevated Martial Art”

Seth paused, “What did you unlock?”

“Path of the Snow Lion. The fist level lets me Sneak through Snowy environments at any speed without penalty.” I explained.

“You and your hipster fighting styles,” Seth muttered, before continuing, “I wouldn’t worry too much about that, it will be less powerful in general compared to you Cosmic martial art. We are going to want to focus on unlocking as many options as possible for that.”

“I unlocked another step of that as well. Flowing Strikes, it lets me dodge and counter attack like Crushing Defense does.” I admitted sheepishly.

“Let me guess, you also mastered several skills overnight too?” Seth sounded -and now looked- exasperated.

“Just one. Willpower,” I corrected, mentally on autopilot at this point

“Anything else you did last night you want to tell me about?” my teacher asked.

“There may be some rumors about me blowing up a carwash, or slaughtering snow lions and stringing their innards around a residential neighborhood.” I replied.

“Meh,” Seth said. “The carwash was abandoned, and mob bodies are a resource. I was afraid you might have done something silly like accepted a challenge for a duel or something.”

“Hey Doug! Are you ready to fight? Gisele called from outside.