Freeman had no clue how magic worked in the game and was loathed to learn. He discovered several fan message boards. He found how-to articles on achieving Magi status, but they only went to the fifth circle. It seemed like the author was writing it as he leveled.

At this rate the article will be finished next year, and I can’t wait that long.

I need to create my own recruiting post.

Freeman created a post on the most popular game site, which used a technology that allowed users to vote for their favorite posts. He wanted to write a favorable post that would be upvoted enough times to hire a mentor: a practice discouraged on MachineTalk, the most popular of all Colossal Machine fan sites. He also chose this forum because JetaGirl was most active there.

It would be sweet justice if I could have her train me to prepare for the trials, where I will defeat her.

A few hours later, Freeman had a post he thought would be well received. It read:

Greetings fellow magical denizens,

I’m new to these forums and the Colossal Machine, and I’m in need of advice. I’m a seventh-circle apprentice that seeks help to master the upper echelon of magic. I’ve gathered the necessary reagents, but the spells don’t work for me. I’m not sure what I’m doing wrong. Perhaps it’s my pronunciations of the incantations? Ideally, I would like a tutor that is available during the evenings. I will pay you for your time.

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Best Magical Wishes,

FreeBird2356

It didn’t take long to get a response, but it wasn’t the one he was hoping for. He received a response from someone named “Guanlyn,” who had a master Magi badge on the forum. It read:

I don’t know where you bought your account, but please do not post asking for a mentor when you should already know the quest that explains how to ask for help should have been completed during your third-circle training. Also, no self-respecting Magi or serious magic user would ever keep a default name with numbers at the trailing end. Most people active in this forum use their in-game names. I suggest you go back and set up your profile with your in-game name before posting. You also violated one of the board’s main rules, which is to help others before thyself. Since this is your first post, I will let the infraction go—for now.

Sincerely,

Guanyin

Another user by the name of Thurston, listed as an apprentice of the eighth circle, replied mere minutes of after Guanyin.

Greetings FreeBird2356 and welcome to the magicks that lie underneath this great community. It took me many months to achieve the eighth circle, and I’ve been working toward the ninth for weeks, and I’m not even close to achieving it. Also, if you bothered to read any of the lore books found in the great library in the Timemaker’s Terrace, you would know certain things that you are asking are part of the Magi’s journey and must be learned for thyself. Please do yourself and the community a favor by deleting your FreeBird character and creating a new one with a proper name.

Yours truly,

Thurston

At the end of his post, Thurston included a URL for a website called colossal-machine-magi-names.com.

Freeman flushed as he read these posts.

“Don’t these assholes want money?” Freeman bellowed.

I’ll show these numbnuts. This Magi Forum is my next fun hacking project.

Freeman’s phone chirped. He started looking at the message without thinking about it. The message read:

FreeBird, we are in need of a 1337 hacker. Check your secure box for details.

D

Time to get to work. I’m still coming after you, Magi scum.