“AaAaaaaahhhh, yes, games! Games are fun, yes they are!” 27 cheered. Colb could feel the well-dressed goblin’s body slightly relax on his back – perhaps feeling a little more confident now that he seemed to have captivated the guard’s attention. “Today, the Yiklar Factories has a special offer on the Yiklar Dice of Guaranteed Seven, yes they do. It’s a set of dice, whose numbers will always add up to seven, yes they will! You could make many fun games with this, yes you could!”
“Ha!” the guard scoffed. “As if.”
“AaAaaaaahhhh, yes, yes, it is if indeed!” 27 cheered. “If you want to try them yourself right after your purchase, you can return for full refund if you are not satisfied. However, no customer has ever been unsatisfied with a purchase from the specific store!” Colb nodded in agreement from below, hoping to add some credibility to 27’s claims.
“Heh,” the guard scoffed. “They always add up to seven, huh? So, if I brought them gambling, I could use them to cheat?”
“Well, they are not intended for stealing, no they are not,” 27 worried.
“But it would work?” the guard asked.
“I-I suppose…” 27 muttered.
“How do they work?” the guard questioned.
“They are magic,” 27 explained matter-of-factly.
The man paused for a moment. “…Is the magic detectable?”
27 glanced at Colb, then at his magic red bag. “I… I don’t think other humans would be able to tell,” he said.
The guard sheathed his sword. “…Alright, I’ll bite. How much for the dice?” Colb let out a sigh, pleased that the guard had stowed his weapon.
“AaAaaaaahhhh,” 27 replied, sounding relieved as well. “The set of two dice are normally 82 goldatinum pieces, 8 electronze pieces, and 3 silvopper pieces, yes they are. However, the Yiklar Factories has a special offer going on today, where they are just 38 goldatinum pieces, 4 electronze pieces, and 6 silvopper pieces!”
“How much is that in coins?” the guard asked.
“Um…” 27 muttered. Colb pulled the silvopper coin out of his pocket, and handed it to 27, hoping it would somehow be of use. The noble goblin flicked it around in his hand, feeling the weight, then handed it back to Colb.
“I’d say one coin is equal to one silvopper piece. With the special offer, the Yiklar Dice of Guaranteed Seven are 38.46 goldatinum, which is equivalent to 3,846 silvopper pieces, so… that would run you 3,846 coins.”
The guard looked taken aback. “That’s more than I make in a week!” he cried.
“AaAaaaaahhhh, well that is price of high-quality goods! You can always get immediate refund if you wish to return them, yes you can.”
The guard appeared to ponder this for a moment. He tapped his sheathed rapier with his hand as he thought, making Colb and 27 share an uncomfortable look.
“Alright,” the guard eventually replied. “You’re lucky I have a block on me. But, if these dice don’t work, I’m going to kill you and take my money back.” He unstrapped a leather bag from his belt, and started rummaging through it. After a moment, he placed a pile of silvopper onto the table: one massive ingot, four small ingots, and six coins.
Each of these currencies sported a detailed image of an elegant but stern-looking woman: the same human that was on Colb’s coin. “Who is this person, with her face on everything?” 27 asked.
“It’s Empress Cognemi, leader of the Human Empire. Where are the dice, huh?” the guard replied.
“What are these ingots?” 27 questioned, gesturing to the pile of silvopper before him.
“It’s what you asked for,” the guard stated. “It’s 3,846 coins.” He pointed at the massive ingot. “One block, which is worth 3,600 coins,” he said. The guard then moved his finger to the smaller ingots. “Four bricks, each worth 60 coins, or 240 in total,” he continued. “…and six coins.”
27 did some quick math in his head, then shrugged, scooping up the pile of silvopper and dropping it into his red sack. “We’ll give it a try,” 27 cheered.
The Yiklar Bag of Traveling Inventory paused for a moment – taking a little longer than usual – then eventually spit out a pair of wooden Yiklar Dice of Guaranteed Seven, which 27 caught out of the air and handed to the man.
The guard accepted the dice, and inspected them carefully. “These are slightly smaller than regular dice…” he mumbled. “…but otherwise, don’t seem too suspicious.”
The guard rolled them onto the makeshift table. “6 and 1,” 27 cheered, looking up at the man.
“Yeah,” the guard replied. “Got lucky.” The man picked them up, then rolled them again.
“4 and 3!” 27 observed.
“Huh,” the guard responded, scratching his head. The human rolled the dice a few more times, then finally pocketed them, looking satisfied that they really were magic.
“You are pleased with purchase!” 27 exclaimed.
“Yeah, I guess they do work,” the guard replied. “I’m going to test my luck with the boys at the casino tonight.”
“AaAaaaaahhhh, and you are not thinking to kill us anymore either, no you are not? You are big fan of specific store?” 27 asked.
“It’s a guard’s job to kill you,” the man replied. “I don’t think I’m going to need a guard’s wage anymore after I play with these dice tonight. Good luck with whatever you’re up to.” The man then waved them off, walking out of the alley.
As he left, 27 shouted, “Remember, quality defeats quantity. That is the Yiklar way!”
“Hmmm, you did it!” Colb cheered as 27 jumped off him and stowed the Yiklar Bag of Traveling Inventory. “We’re not dead, yes?”
The two goblins laughed together in disbelief. “AaAaaaaahhhh, he seemed unsure about the dice at first, but did enjoy his purchase in the end. Perhaps there is some hope in getting human market interested in Yiklar-made goods, yes there is!” 27 cheered. “…Although, I don’t think he plans to use his purchase in a most Yiklar-approved way…”
“Hmmm, this was a plan of the Skaal way, yes?” Colb comforted. “You followed you heart, yes? You made the sale, and we’re safe! That’s what matters. What the guard does with those dice is his business, not ours, yes?”
27 nodded. “Thank you, Colb,” he said. “Thank you for believing that I could do that.”
Hmmm, it was the only plan I could think of to avoid imminent death, yes? Colb thought to himself. The chef goblin then smiled, patting his friend on the back. “Hmmm, I’m proud to have watched you live out a dream of yours, yes?”
The goblin duo held their heads high, proud of the successful sale – and of avoiding imminent death – as they stepped out from the dark alley. The rain had slowed to a drizzle, and the afternoon sun was narrowly poking through some clouds.
“MMmMmmmm, it seems that all human money is carefully carved artwork, yes it does,” 27 observed. “However, silvopper is silvopper, no matter how it is molded. The Yiklar Bag of Traveling Inventory seemed to accept it, so I should’ve gotten my kickback from the sale,” he continued.
“Hmmm, how much is that?” Colb asked.
“Standard merchant kickback is 7.42 percent of selling price, yes it is,” 27 replied. He seemed to be doing some calculations with his fingers as he spoke. “So, we should have 2 goldatinum, 8 electronze, and 5 silvopper from that sale. Which would be equivalent to 285 coins in Human Empire money.”
“Let’s see… I’ll pay you 240 coins for the service of getting some medical supplies for our good friend, Stibs,” 27 continued. The noble goblin proceeded to summon 4 small silvopper ingots – bricks, the guard had called them – from his bag.
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Colb nodded, pocketing the metals. “If you can find seller, hopefully that will be enough money to get something decent,” 27 said. “I’m starting to wish the Yiklar Factories produced healing items; that would be so much easier than trying to find something from the humans…”
“Hmmm, I’ll be okay,” Colb replied. He looked around at their surroundings. The fountain looked pretty, sprinkling water in the center of the open streets. “The place next to us was a human store, yes? Maybe there are more stores around, yes?” he surmised.
“AaAaaaaahhhh, that is possible, yes it is,” 27 agreed. “In Yiklar, booths like to be near other booths. It is convenient for the customers, yes it is. Perhaps there’s more humans nearby that would be willing to do business with me, as well?”
“Hmmm, perhaps,” Colb replied. “Now that you’ve made one sale, I’ll bet you can make more, yes? Perhaps you can earn more funding for the team, while I look around for medical supplies, yes? It’s probably not a bad idea to rebuild your fortune as much as you can, yes?.”
“AaAaaaaahhhh, that plan would allow us to get more done today, yes it would,” 27 agreed. “That sounds like good idea, yes it does. Let’s split up here, and regroup at the Yiklar Folding Cabin this evening. It shouldn’t be too hard to find, no it should not be. The cabin’s quite large, and we know generally which direction Drek and Stibs went before setting it up, yes we do.” Colb nodded in agreement. With that, the goblins split up, going off on their separate missions.
Colb looked around at the other buildings in the city square. Unable to understand any of the Hewmish symbols labeling things, Colb decided to pick a nearby shop at random, and cautiously entered it.
As Colb waltzed into the structure, he was faced with a clump of vertical strings of beads blocking his path. “Come in…” cackled the voice of a human woman from beyond the beads. Colb’s amulet glowed faintly as it translated the Hewmish for him. “...I’ve been expecting you,” the alluring voice continued.
Hmmm, Colb thought. That’s an odd thing to say. Colb cautiously pushed through the beads, ready to bolt at the first sign of danger. He found himself in a dimly lit, purple-carpeted room. He looked up at a woman in silky black clothes, covered in goldatinum jewelry. She sat behind a clear crystal ball, which was slightly smaller than Maxten’s Miracle Orb in Bellra, but just as spherical.
The woman seemed harmless so far, so Colb climbed up onto a bench, looking at her as he sat down. She stared back at him from behind her crystal sphere, her black mascara and hooded robe giving an aura of mystery about her. “Ah! When I investigated the stars this morning, I could sense that I’d see someone not from this city today,” she proclaimed, her voice smooth and sing-songy. “Nay – someone not even from this empire. I believe that prophecy was that I’d be seeing you.”
Colb shifted in his seat. Indeed, he wasn’t from Cantia, nor was he from the Human Empire. This woman really did seem to know what she was talking about. “Now, my crystal ball here knows your future – that is what you’ve come to hear from me today, correct?” she prodded.
Colb shook his head in disagreement. “Oh, well I see you’ve got a nice crystal necklace there,” the woman continued without missing a beat. “Might you be a believer in the power of my…healing crystals?”
Colb nodded with excitement. It seems he’d found someone selling medical supplies on his first try! “Ah! Yes, I could tell that you were someone of strong will and body. Someone who wants to heal themselves and those around them,” the mystic woman majestically sang. Colb continued to nod, pleased that she recognized him as the medic he was supposed to be for his team. “And have you brought payment to procure some of my great healing crystals?”
Colb took out the four metal ingots 27 had given him, and plopped them onto the table.
“Ah! Three bricks for my half-dozen healing crystals set, and one more as a tip! Very good,” the woman replied, scooping up the ingots. She pulled out a small wooden box with six brightly colored stones inside, and handed it to Colb. “Here is a pamphlet as well, to help you use these correctly,” she sang, handing Colb a white sheet of paper written in Hewmish symbols. It boasted a hand drawn diagram of a human, which seemed to depict how to use the stones. Colb nodded thanks, hopped out of his seat, and walked away into the drizzling rain.
The wet goblin sauntered to the edge of the city, proudly holding his box of human medical supplies. He moved a bit into the nearby forest and searched for the others. “Hmmm, Drek? Stibs? I am here with medical supplies, yes?” he called out.
He walked a little deeper into the forest, eventually noticing the Yiklar Folding Cabin crammed into a small clearing between some trees. Colb waltzed over to the structure, and let himself in.
27 was still nowhere to be seen, but Stibs was lying flat on the dance floor in the center of the room, with Drek sitting on the ground next to him. “Rrghegh… find anything?” Drek asked.
“Hmmm, I did, yes?” Colb muttered as he placed the wooden box down next to the old goblin’s swollen limb. Stibs remained quiet, scrunching his face in pain.
Colb started poking the wounded area, which made Stibs wince. As the old goblin cringed, Colb noticed that his friend’s jaw was tightly locked shut. Hmmm, that’s probably not good for his teeth, yes? Colb pondered.
“Rrghegh… can… can I help?” Drek asked shyly.
“Hmmm, could you find something for Stibs to bite onto in the kitchen?” Colb replied.
While Drek scampered off to search, Colb poured out the six colorful stones onto the floor. “Hmmm, these will heal you, yes?” he said to Stibs.
“H… I hope so,” the old goblin groaned through grit teeth. Colb looked through the set of gemstones. They varied in color, from the darkest black to the clearest green. He sorted them by hue, then started looking through the mystic’s instruction sheet.
Drek came back holding an old piece of cowmammoth jerky and a scrappy bit of leather cloth. “Rrghegh… which one do you want in your mouth?” he grumbled.
“Jerky,” Stibs replied, opening his mouth. Drek slid the black rectangle of meat between the old goblin's razor-sharp teeth, which clamped down onto it.
“Hmmm, we need to figure out what this paper says, yes?” Colb announced, presenting the Hewmish instruction sheet the mystical seller had given him.
“Rrghegh… I will help,” Drek responded. Colb nodded in approval at Drek’s sudden willingness to assist him.
Colb set the instruction parchment down on the floor, next to the six healing crystals. Drek squinted at the sheet. “Hmmm, it’s in Hewmish, yes?” Colb explained. “Once 27 gets back, he can help us translate it – but for now, maybe we can get started by looking at the picture, yes?”
The duo sat down around Stibs, and stared at the page. It contained a diagram of a naked human, with the six rocks placed directly on the skin, across different points on their body.
“Rrghegh… alright, Stibs,” Drek said. “Get naked.”
The old goblin shook his head. “Hurmph… pulling pants down… over my broken leg… would hurt,” he complained.
“Hmmm,” Colb muttered. “Maybe this just means… the stones need to touch the skin directly? We can work around his clothes, yes we can. Best not to hurt him, yes?”
Drek shrugged. “Rrghegh… you’re the medic,” he conceded. The young goblin picked up two black materials from the half-dozen on the ground. One looked staggered like flintcoal and speckled with goldatinum flecks. The other looked glazed and rounded, with purple crystals protruding from the otherwise black and glass-like surface.
Colb stared at the diagram. “Hmmm, put them on his chest, yes?” Colb ordered.
The young goblin shrugged, then placed the two rocks on the eyepatched goblin’s chest. “Hurmph…” Stibs mumbled. “That’s… tourmalpyrite… and… um… obsidethyst… I think…” The piece of cowmammoth jerky stuck on the old goblin’s upper teeth when he opened his mouth to speak.
Drek’s ears perked up. “Rrghegh… you know about these? Will they heal your leg?”
“Hurmph…” Stibs grimaced, visibly pushing through pain as he tried to focus on speaking. “I… didn’t know… they were… more than… just rocks…”
Colb picked up a rosemushroom-colored crystal, and placed it on the old goblin as well. “That’s quartzelian…” Stibs muttered. “A… common rock…”
“Hmmm, that’s all three for placing on the chest, yes?” Colb announced, looking over the diagram. “Do you feel better?”
Stibs shook his head, and one of the rocks rolled off his jacket. Drek snatched it up, then shoved all three rocks down the old goblin’s shirt.
“Rrghegh… now they’re touching your skin, and won’t fall off. How do they feel?”
“…Cold,” Stibs mumbled.
“Hmmm, let’s apply the rest, then ask again, yes?” Colb pitched. Drek nodded, picking up a yellow-orange rock covered in green specks.
“That’s… agatrine…” Stibs mumbled.
“Hmmm, touch it to his foot,” Colb announced.
“Rrghegh… which one?” Drek asked, looking over Colb’s shoulder, at the diagram. The picture showed the agatrine placed under the human’s left foot, with root-like vines drawn coming out of it.
“Hmmm, left leg,” Colb muttered. “No, wait. Right leg,” he corrected. “I think the human’s left leg is broken in this diagram, yes?”
“Rrghegh… because of the vines?” Drek asked.
“Hmmm, I think those might be bones that ripped out of the skin, yes?” Colb surmised. “So, put that stone on the right side for Stibs, since his right leg is broken, yes?”
Drek slipped his hand into the boot of the injured leg, and pushed the agatrine down the inside of the old goblin’s sock. Drek then picked up the final two healing materials: a smooth green stone covered in glossy, rainbow-colored specks, and a fine-cut, reddish-blue crystal.
“Hurmph…” Stibs mumbled. “That’s… jabadorite… and… a rubiamond?” The old goblin furrowed his brow. “Those… are pretty rare…”
“Rrghegh… only the finest for you,” Drek replied. “Where do I put these?”
“Hmmm… on his third eye?” Colb said, squinting at the diagram. A third eye had been drawn over the human’s forehead, and the final two rocks appeared to be sitting on its pupil.
“Rrghegh… he doesn’t even have second eye,” Drek observed, glancing at the old goblin’s eyepatch.
“Hmmm, then glue the rocks to his forehead,” Colb decided. Stibs shakily pointed towards his backpack, and opened his mouth. As usual, the jerky remained lodged in his upper teeth while he spoke.
“Hurmph… I’ve got plenty of glue in my bag,” he mustered before clamping his teeth shut again. Drek dropped the rocks, and scampered over to the backpack. He dug through it, eventually pulling out a small jar full of a brown mixture. It was labeled “tree sap + dung.”
“This?” he asked. Stibs nodded solemnly. Drek popped open the jar, stuck his finger in, and pulled out some of the mixture. He rubbed it onto the old goblin’s forehead, then Colb finished off the process by squishing the two remaining crystals into the gunk.
“Hmmm, there you go,” Colb said. “Feeling better now?” Stibs slowly shook his head. “Hmmm… maybe you will in the morning, yes?” Colb hoped.
Stibs nodded, then shut his eyes – apparently resigning to lay where he was for the rest of the night. Drek threw a blanket onto the old goblin, then crawled over to his favorite bean bag chair.
Colb sat by the cabin door, waiting for 27 to show up before he went to bed. Hmmm. Where is he? Colb thought. Stibs isn’t feeling better. I don’t think I did a good job as medic, yes? If only 27 were here, he could translate these instructions. I must’ve done something wrong, yes?
Colb waited and waited, but the noble goblin never did come back for the night. Eventually, his eyes heavy, Colb succumbed to sleep right where he sat on the floor.