“AaAaaaaahhhh, you have such humbleness as well, Colb!” 27 proclaimed.
27 leaned in closer, inspecting Colb with thoughtful eyes. The chef goblin felt warm breath on his neck as 27 muttered, “MMmMmmmm, yes, now that I look closer, I understand why Orta said I should choose you.”
“Hmmm! Care to elaborate, yes?” Colb replied, taking a step back. Orta was the town elder of the Skaal tribe, and very knowledgeable about all the going-on of her people. She was 59 years old – nearly on death’s door for a goblin, as goblins only lived about 60 years – which made her the wisest, most respected goblin in Skaal.
“AaAaaaaahhhh, already showing interest in my proposal before it is even spoken of! This I like, yes I do!” 27 cheered, again starting to dance a little bit as he spoke. “Let me start with this: 1 has come up with special plan, yes he has, to flood all four goblin tribes with mountain of goldatinum! Then, goblins everywhere could increase their purchasing of highest-quality, Yiklar-made goods, yes they could!”
“Hmmm, mountain of goldatinum, you say?” Colb questioned, hesitantly gaining interest.
“AaAaaaaahhhh, yes, literal mountain! And I want your help to acquire it!” 27 cheered, still dancing. “The goldatinum is hidden far away, in a secret place. I am forming a team of one goblin from each tribe to go on a most special of quest to find the goldatinum, and bring it back here! Then, all the goblin tribes could go back to purchasing of most excellently-crafted Yiklar goods!”
“Hmmm, if you know where to find such goldatinum, why tell other tribes? You could just keep all the goldatinum for the Yiklar tribe, yes?” Colb asked, confused by 27’s strange plan.
“AaAaaaaahhhh, you have most wise of thought, yes you do, but your plan is not the Yiklar way! We are put on this planet to create most highest-of-quality goods, and serve them to most special and most intelligent of customers. To bring all of goldatinum to Yiklar and none of goldatinum to customers of Yiklar would be complete waste of purpose. No, it is the job of Yiklar goblins to protect the precious balance of product manufacturing and customer satisfaction.”
27 scratched the back of his head, looking down at his feet in shame. “MMmMmmmm, 1 has recently told me that we’ve critically failed in an aspect of that purpose over the past few decades, yes we have. We did too much selling, and not enough buying. Too much goldatinum is tied up with the goblins of Yiklar now, and not enough is left for your tribes to purchase our items. While 1 works with the greatest minds in Yiklar to systematically shift our culture in favor of spending more money, I have been tasked to replenish the resources of all goblins immediately. If I complete my quick fix, that will buy time for 1 to implement the long-term fix. Together, we will protect and encourage the trading of goods for generations to come. That is the Yiklar way.”
“Hmmm, I guess that makes sense, yes?” Colb stated, again picking up the cleaning supplies to finish washing the shield. “It seems a little ambitious, though, yes?”
“In my experience, 1 has a unique way of seeing the world,” 27 replied. “For example, he uses his money in ways that I am not familiar with – ways that can seem wild, and indeed ambitious. However, 1 always seems to land on his feet, yes he does. He is a good goblin, and a wise one. This plan of his – the quick fix, combined with the long-term fix – I truly believe it will work, because it came from 1’s most creative and intelligent mind. All I need is some goblins – like you – to help complete our part in his plan.”
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“Hmmm, but I’m just small chef in small tribe. Surely I would not be best choice for quest to find goldatinum,” Colb retorted.
“AaAaaaaahhhh, but as I said earlier, I need one goblin from each tribe! Only in this way will every tribe have equal claim to the goldatinum, such that wealth is divided evenly among all goblin customers of the Yiklar!” 27 proclaimed, as he placed his arm on the bar table.
“Hmmm, it’s alarming that you would choose me. I’m not one for traveling away from home. If you must choose Skaal goblin, surely there are better choices available than myself, yes?” Colb asked, stiffly dunking his rang into the peppersalt water bucket, trying to keep calm by focusing on his work.
“AaAaaaaahhhh, no, this is most untrue. It’s no coincidence that I came to eat here today,” 27 revealed, tapping a finger on his head as if to imply he thought this through. “As I said before, Orta – your tribe’s elder – sent me your way. I told her of my plan, and asked who I should take with me, yes I did. She sang the praises of a tavern owner with a goldatinum heart, who feeds his fine food to the tribe’s hungry children at the end of each day, even though they have not even a silvopper nugget to give in return. Orta tells me that you will bring a character to my team that no other goblin could replace. Not to mention, you are most wise goblin of business, just like me! I would want no other Skaal goblin on my team than yourself! My mind is made up, yes it is.”
Colb thought for a moment about this idea. He felt pretty happy as things currently were: he was a chef in the Skaal tribe, following his passion of cooking for a living. As he considered the prospect of leaving on an adventure, Colb’s eyes scanned the tavern, finally landing on the customer table, which still had an electronze tooth and some eighty goldatinum nuggets scattered all over it. Hmmm, I could really spruce this place up with that massive tip 27 left, Colb thought to himself. I think I’d be fine just staying behind, yes? I could even get a real window.
As Colb pondered these things, he kept scanning the tavern, finally landing on the circular cut-out in the tent wall. Through it, he watched as a goblin child stabbed another child in the eye with a stick. Then again, living in Skaal is not what it used to be. Some extra goldatinum would be nice for the others around me. Perhaps I could do more for the community by going with 27 than I could by staying behind.
“MMmMmmmm, you have much respect for your elder, yes you do?” 27 prodded. Colb gave him a nod. “She told me to choose you, Colb. She did not hesitate, no she did not.”
“Hmmm, I wouldn’t bring much to team, yes?” Colb worried. “Hmmm, I cannot navigate, I cannot fight. I have shield, but I use it as plate, yes?”
“Skaal is just first tribe I am checking for a teammate, yes it is,” 27 comforted. He placed his gnarly hand on Colb’s back for a moment, giving it a gentle pat. “I will find other goblins to navigate, to fight. MMmMmmmm, but I also need goblin to care. You would be best for that, yes you would be. Orta tells me so, and I can see it myself, yes I can.”
Colb hesitated a while longer, staring silently at the impoverished goblin children playing outside. “Hmmm…” he eventually mumbled, looking back at 27. “If Orta says I can do it, then I will do it, yes?”
“AaAaaaaahhhh!” 27 shouted, his eyes welling up with joy. “This is the most wonderful of the most excellent of the most news-worthy of news!” 27 broke out into another dance as he celebrated, shaking his hips and wagging his fingers.
“Hmmm, that is good to hear, yes? I do have one request, though,” Colb said, sheepishly. “May I have some time to put my affairs in order, close up shop, and prepare myself for this quest before we leave?”
“AaAaaaaahhhh, that is actually most convenient of request, yes it is, as I still need to find goblins from Kreet and Ratter before we start the adventure!” 27 replied. “How about, I will go to Kreet and Ratter tribes to pick up two more goblins, and then all three of us will meet you here in Skaal to begin the journey? That should give you one week to prepare before we come through to pick you up.”
“Hmmm, this sounds most reasonable, yes?” Colb agreed, now thinking about everything he needed to do in the next week.
“Well, then it’s a deal!” 27 triumphantly cried, as he started to walk backwards – still dancing – towards the door. “Best of luck with preparations and all that. I’ll see you in one week, yes I will!” With a quick wave and a couple more dance moves, 27 left the tavern. Now alone, Colb stared at the money on the table, pondering what he had just gotten himself into.