3. WELCOME TO YIKLAR
[https://static.wixstatic.com/media/ce80ea_b618953f1fc74ce18009fa7980d69c4b~mv2.png/v1/fill/w_1200,h_900,al_c,q_90,usm_0.66_1.00_0.01,enc_auto/3.png]
After a few hours of traveling, the goblin crew reached a beautiful city surrounded by large, brilliant castle walls. The walls were made from enormous quartzelian crystals, which had a translucent, reddish hue to them. Colb had never seen anything remotely like this back in Skaal.
“AaAaaaaahhhh, we are here! I am home, yes I am!” 27 cried out. As the goblins got closer to the city, Colb looked wide-eyed at the gleam coming off some well-polished pillars. This tribe’s home was a majestic city that stood like a fortress, with a market-square town of wood and stone sitting in the heart of it. As the sun’s rays flickered through the semi-transparent quartzelian walls surrounding Yiklar, a wave of rainbow-colored light sprinkled over the townsfolk. It was perhaps the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen – and quite a display of the sheer wealth held amongst the Yiklar goblins.
With a synchronized “coo” from 27 and Drek, the pigeonhorses came to a stop under a large goldatinum gate, which was wide open.
“Hurmph, why’s that been left open?” Stibs questioned.
“AaAaaaaahhhh, all are welcome in Yiklar, yes they are!” 27 replied.
“Rrghegh… then why build big wall?” Drek retorted.
“AaAaaaaahhhh, because walls are beautiful, and were offered at such a reasonable price by 136,” 27 replied. “He is fantastic goblin builder, yes he is!”
As the team of four dismounted their pigeonhorses, a goblin wearing a nose ring and fine studded leather sauntered up with a friendly smile. “AAAaaaaaahhhhhh, customers!” she cheered in a singsong voice. “Welcome to Yiklar! I can tell that at least one of you is from around here – yes I can – so certainly you’re aware that animals are not allowed inside Yiklar’s walls?”
“AaAaaaaahhhh, I am indeed aware of such a rule! How else would Yiklar remain so clean and easy to do business in?” 27 replied. “Might you be here to sell us a solution?”
“AAAaaaaaahhhhhh, that is most wisest of observation, yes it is, as I am indeed the perfect goblin to be talking to about this!” she cheered, keeping her body language open and friendly. “I am 578, and I offer the Yiklar Steed Holder Service, yes I do! I can take care of your steeds for 1 goldatinum piece, 2 electronze pieces, and 1 silvopper piece per day, yes I can, or you can request 1 electronze piece and 3 silvopper pieces per hour if you’re not staying for long.”
“Wow! That is most reasonable of deal!” 27 exclaimed.
“Rrghegh… it’s a weirdly specific price,” Drek grumbled.
“AaAaaaaahhhh, Drek, that is the Yiklar way,” 27 replied. “Yiklar goblins must give specific prices because we trade in specific goods! We must calculate the exact perfect deal to save you the most money while still providing the highest-quality good at a most humble of profit,” 27 continued. “This does not add up to an even amount usually, no it does not.”
578 agreed with 27’s statement. After the other goblins pointed out that 27 technically owned both pigeonhorses, the yellow-eyed noble fronted the cost for two hours of lodging. With that, the four goblins were now on foot as they head into the main city.
“AaAaaaaahhhh, it is nice to be back in Yiklar, yes it is,” 27 announced to the team. “We must head to the main tower in the center of city to meet with 1 for the debriefing that he has requested we come to. Then, we can start our journey.”
As the crew walked towards an obvious large tower painted with goldatinum, Colb looked around. The Yiklar tribe was a bustling society of commerce and trade. Goblins walked around everywhere: some buying, some selling, some just having a nice day. Everyone seemed to be wearing more expensive clothes than he’d ever known, from extravagant, feather-covered costumes to simple robes of fine silk, like 27’s preferred apparel.
As the crew continued to walk, Colb read the signs on various stalls set up throughout the market-city, and listened to the hustle and bustle of the crowd. Colb saw a Yiklar Cuisine booth, offering “fine foods for reasonable prices,” which intrigued him. There was also a Yiklar Tours booth, offering tours of the city for 5 electronze pieces and 6 silvopper pieces. Under a sign labeled “Yiklar News,” an older goblin handed out a small white stack of parchment to anyone that walked up to him.
“Rrghegh… check out that booth,” Drek pointed out.
He gestured to a goblin calling into the crowd, “Yiklar Dating Service booth! Fill out a form to be matched with the goblin or dwarf of your dreams!”
If you spot this tale on Amazon, know that it has been stolen. Report the violation.
“Rrghegh… with a booth like that, you could spend every night with a new partner,” Drek continued with a smile.
“MMmMmmmm, I think that’s not the point of that booth,” 27 replied. “The Yiklar Dating Service is meant to help you find your one true love, yes it is.”
“Rrghegh… I don’t know why anyone would use it that way,” Drek grumbled.
It seemed that every corner and alley in this market-city had been swiped up as real-estate for some sort of marketable scheme.
“Hmmm, what’s that?” Colb asked, pointing out a section of large, block-shaped buildings just past a Yiklar Produce display.
“AaAaaaaahhhh, those are the Yiklar Factories, yes they are. That’s where Yiklar goblins manufacture many of the high-quality goods that I personally sell.”
“How about that?” Colb questioned further, now pointing out a brilliant tower surrounded by staircases. Young goblins in bright red robes surrounded the building, talking to each other and practicing strange movements with hammers and wands.
“AaAaaaaahhhh, that the beloved Yiklar University, where I learned how to be a good businessgoblin,” 27 cheered. “I remember the wonderful days of memorizing the various good deals, recommended prices, and annual special offers for every Yiklar-made good. It’s also where our architectgoblins learn to enchant and invent the latest-and-greatest of products.”
After a little bit more walking, the goblin crew arrived at the tallest tower in the center of the market-city. “We are here!” 27 cheered. “We’ve arrived at the office of 1, also known as Yiklar’s greatest businessgoblin!”
“Hurmph! What makes him the best?” Stibs inquired.
“AaAaaaaahhhh, this is something I have studied for long time myself, yes it is. I believe he’s the best because he’s created a unique business strategy which no other goblin has mastered the way he has,” 27 replied.
“Hmmm, what’s that?” Colb questioned.
“He calls it investing, yes he does,” 27 responded. “He spends money on things, which obviously makes him lose money right now, but then somehow he knows that what he spent money on will actually bring him new, higher value in the future! I just don’t understand how he knows which things to buy, no I do not. I just spent some value on storing our pigeonhorses, yes I did, but I don’t expect 578 to pay me more money once we return to retrieve the steeds.”
“Hmmm, that is confusing, yes?” Colb somberly replied. Colb had never spent even a silvopper piece on something that didn’t seem immediately beneficial. If 27 didn’t understand everything going on in the Yiklar tribe, then Colb was completely out of his element here.
While Colb stood around feeling confused, 27 knocked on the door, which was immediately opened by a pair of goblin guards. The team was then led into the tower, up three flights of stairs, and into a throne room with fine carpets and a goldatinum chair. Sitting upon the chair was a middle-aged goblin with a monocle. He had a red bag in his lap, and a fine mapleoak table set up in front of him.
“AaAaAaAaaAaAhhhhh, the team’s all here!” the throne-sat goblin announced, lifting his arms to the heavens. “Allow me to give you somewhere to sit.”
The goblin picked up the red bag in his lap with one hand, and dumped in a handful of coins with the other. Immediately, the bag began to magically expand. After only a second, four large chairs erupted out of the bag, each landing on the ground with a THUD!
Impressed, the group approached the set of magically summoned chairs, and sat down. Once they were seated, the monocled goblin clapped his hands together with a smile, and began to speak.
“AaAaAaAaaAaAhhhhh, it is good to meet all of you! Thank you for coming all this way for my briefing meeting. I believe it is good for me to physically see who is getting sent out on this mission with 27, yes it is.”
1 took off his eyepiece, quickly rubbed it clean on his robe, and put it back on – squinting with his monocled-eye to get a better look at the four goblins.
“Allow me to introduce myself. I am 1, head of the Yiklar tribe,” the goblin explained in a refined manner. Colb looked at his fellow teammates to gauge how they were reacting to this. 27 had bowed his head a little, as if honored to be in 1’s presence. Stibs and Drek sat comfortably, gazing around the room at the fine carpets and paintings rather than focusing on the refined goblin that was addressing the team.
“I am most excited to see this group that 27 has formed, yes I am,” 1 continued. “As I am sure he explained, we are looking to flood each goblin tribe with wealth, to stimulate the commerce amongst our lands, yes we are.”
1 dropped a fairly sizable handful of coins into his red sack, then pulled out a curled sheet of parchment. “AaAaAaAaaAaAhhhhh, so I will get right to the point, yes I will. Take a look at this Yiklar Map of Finding Location.”
1 unfurled the paper, revealing a detailed map of the world. It displayed nations Colb had never even heard of – from a kingdom of elves to a strange, crescent-shaped island. “In the top right corner of the map, there is mountain, yes there is,” 1 continued. “We have labeled it Wealth Mountain.”
Colb moved his gaze to a mountain in the northeastern corner, which had a dangerous-looking skull painted next to it. “Our most spectacular oracle, 67, has seen this mountain in a vision using her most rarest Yiklar Telescope of Extrasensory Discovery,” 1 continued. “She tells me this mountain contains more goldatinum than any of us have ever seen in our entire lives!” 1 exclaimed.
“Now, my original plan to boost our economies was to flood each tribe with my own wealth, yes it was, but I soon discovered that I wouldn’t have enough to make a meaningful difference for each individual goblin,” 1 explained. “The amount of goldatinum in this mountain, though – it is enough to give each goblin in every tribe hundreds of goldatinum pieces for themselves! It doesn’t even have to be mined, either – 67 says it’s all just loosely sitting around inside the mountain, ripe for the taking! From what some of the greatest minds at Yiklar University have calculated, this mountain contains the perfect amount to stimulate purchasing of Yiklar-made goods, without going overboard and making the currency worthless. Thus, your mission is to reach this mountain, divide that goldatinum into four equal piles, and bring the piles to each of the goblin tribes, yes it is.”
“Hmmm,” Colb replied hesitantly, looking at the map. “What is this, yes?” He pointed at the skull painted next to Wealth Mountain on the map.