6. THE MOUNTAIN PASS
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Thousands of dwarves marched out of Dalrek in four orderly lines: warriors on the two outside lines, civilians in the two middle lines. The four goblins stood at the front of the parade, standing shoulder-to-shoulder with Drek and Stibs on the outside, Colb and 27 on the inside. In front of them, Sunbolt and Leader Glazeanvil led the charge. Behind the march, a beaten town sat empty and flooded.
Colb peered at the dwarves behind him, feeling a little claustrophobic. These walls of hair marched in perfect harmony, as if they’d practiced this walk a thousand times. Colb’s feet ached as his toenails scratched across the rocky terrain.
“Welcome to the army, goblins,” Leader Glazeanvil said. The shiny-armored dwarf looked powerful leading the charge, marching with the Goblish translator by his side. “What are your names?”
“Hmmm, I go by the name of Colb, yes? It’s nice to meet you, Sunbolt and Leader Glazeanvil, yes?” Colb cheered. “These are Drek, 27, and Stibs.”
“Rrghegh… why are you telling them our names?” Drek complained as he walked. “Introductions are waste of time.”
“Oi, ‘eems to be Drek, Colb, ‘wenty-sevnn, and Stibs, eh?” Sunbot translated for Leader Glazeanvil. “Colb ‘eems ta be de only un ta understand Dwarvish.”
“Then I’ll get down to the plan, Colb, and you can explain it to your teammates,” Leader Glazeanvil continued. “We’re going to march for most of the day, then make camp in a safe zone before the summer antlizard’s territory. While the other five leaders tend to the civilians, I will lead the army – and you four – into what will become our battlefield.”
Colb translated these words to his friends, sweating with alarm as he considered what he was saying.
“MmMMmmm, out of wonder, what is this summer antlizard?” 27 asked.
“Oi, ‘eyre wondrin’ what de summer ant’izard’s like, eh?” Subolt translated.
“A fearsome beast,” Leader Glazeanvil replied, sending a chill down Colb’s spine with his sudden shift in his tone. “It’s a giant monster with an armored body. A creature that spits lava from its very mouth. Each time we throw a spear or boomerang at its hide, our weapon simply melts from the blaze it emanates.”
“That will not be problem for Yiklar-made weapons,” 27 confidently replied as Colb translated the Dwarvish words. “Magic is not so easily destroyed, no it is not. AaAaaaaahhhh, but I still wonder – where did this monster come from? Has it plagued you for long time?”
“We believe the beast originated from the center of a volcano, in the mountain pass between Dalrek and Bellra,” Leader Glazeanvil replied as Sunbolt translated 27’s words. “Half a year ago, there was an eruption. A scout said she saw it – a horrible beast launching out of the volcano’s lid. Next thing we knew, our land-path to Bellra had become a territorial creature’s nesting site. Ever since, all trade and travel with Bellra have required boats from Forgar in the south – quite a roundabout route, but a necessary one with an invincible monster blocking our preferred path.”
Colb translated these words for his goblin crew, stuttering as he considered what they were about to face. Drek’s ears perked up with interest, and Stibs muttered some analytical notes about his soon-to-be-opponent.
“Today, we are forced to send our people this way, since they may drown trying to evacuate in any other direction,” Leader Glazeanvil continued. “We’ve decided to enact the following plan: while the civilians make camp in a relatively safe area tonight, we’re going to clear their path for tomorrow. One fourth of the army will bait the summer antlizard with a preliminary attack. We expect this attack to be ineffective, but to at least draw the beast into a good position for the rest of the army to ambush it. Once everyone’s in position, the main army will surprise-attack the beast, making it angry. We will then retreat southward, as far as possible – luring the infuriated summer antlizard behind us. Doing this will open the path for our people tomorrow morning, and perhaps forever if we can draw the monster southward enough that it decides to stay and make a new nest.”
“Hurmph! I thought your plan was to kill the beast?” Stibs questioned as he heard Colb’s translation.
“Oi, ‘ey wanna kill it,” Sunbolt informed his superior.
“Well, that’s the second plan,” Leader Glazeanvil said. “As I mentioned before, some of you goblins – or all of you goblins – are going to join the preliminary attack. If you prove that your weapons can actually hurt the beast, then we’ll quickly distribute whatever you’ve got with the remainder of the army, and perhaps fight the monster during our ambush instead of just luring it south.”
The goblins nodded in agreement to Colb’s translation - Stibs and Drek looking competitively at each other around the thought of killing the beast, and 27 looking confident about the efficacy of his weapons. Colb’s voice shook as spoke of the warlike strategy, and he absent-mindedly scratched at one of his palms with nervousness.
A few hours before sunset, the marching stopped, and the two center lines of civilians broke away to set up camp. Armed with shovels, the dwarves and five of their leaders began digging holes for their families to sleep in.
“Onward!” the sixth and final Leader Glazeanvil commanded.
“Yea!” the army cheered, following behind him and the goblin crew.
After another half-hour of marching, a horrible screeching sound started up in the horizon. “Alright,” Leader Glazeanvil shouted, stopping the parade.
“Squadrons fifty-nine through eighty-four, go on ahead for the bait maneuver! Be wary of the safety of your goblin guests, although focus on your own survival first and foremost,” he announced.
Leader Glazeanvil looked down at the goblins. “Time to shine, if you think you’ve really got what it takes,” he said.
“Hmmm, preliminary attack is starting, yes?” Colb announced to his teammates.
Drek and Stibs stepped forwards, their heads held high. Stibs unsheathed his cowmammoth bone sword, and Drek drew his Yiklar Bow of Returning Arrow. “Rrghegh! It’s about time,” Drek cheered.
“Hurmph, about time to show you what a little Kreet ingenuity can do,” Stibs added, brandishing his bone sword.
27 poked Sunbolt in the leg, prompting him to bend down so the noble could whisper in his ear. Once 27 had finished speaking, the yellow-haired dwarf turned to address his superior.
“Oi,” Sunbolt said, speaking Dwarvish. “Dat bow is Yiklar-made. Goblynn says ta focus on de effectiveness of ‘et, and ta ignore de otha’ goblynn’s non-magic sword, eh?”
Leader Glazeanvil nodded, which prompted Drek and Stibs to smile and hold their weapons high, as if taking this nod as affirmation for their willingness to fight. The duo saluted goodbye to Colb and 27, then head off to join the army’s preliminary attack.
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While a quarter of the army and half the goblin crew head off in the direction of the screeching, Leader Glazeanvil led the rest of the army towards a mountainpass in the south.
The army eventually stopped in a narrow alley between two summits. While the frontline prepared itself with shields and spears, the backline drew their bows and arrows. The group with Colb stood in the very back – a safe place for Leader Glazeanvil to dish out orders, and for the goblins to hand out magical weapons once the time came.
Colb could feel vibrations in the ground – likely from the summer antlizard stomping ever closer – but couldn’t see anything of interest given his now narrowed range of view due to the mountains surrounding him.
As the army prepared their ambush, Leader Glazeanvil pulled out 27’s Dwarvish-translated Yiklar Catalog. “Alright, merchant. Let’s talk about what you’ve got here,” he grumbled. As he and 27 spoke, Colb and Sunbolt ensured everything could be understood by everyone involved.
“I’ve briefly rifled through your papers here, but haven’t had a chance to look at them deeply,” Leader Glazeanvil continued. “Assuming your weapons are worth buying, what would you recommend? I’ve got tons of goldatinum nuggets with me, and the other leaders tell me I can spend as much as I want if it’ll kill that monster.”
“AaAaaaaahhhh,” 27 replied, looking over at Colb. The chef goblin gave him a knowing side-eye. “Well, to get started… first 100 items are on me, as charitable donation,” he said. “I will just need to do a quick formality with my friend Colb to pull the funds out from my personal Yiklar Bank Account back home, and then we will be able to buy those first hundred items for you. Additionally, we will give you ten free pouches of Yiklar Beach Sand of Protection to prevent future disasters, yes we will. After we’ve given you those many gifts, you can start buying whatever else you want from the Yiklar Catalog, yes you can, if you’re interested.”
Leader Glazeanvil’s hair ruffled with surprise. “Well, that’s certainly a generous starting package, considering how expensive everything’s listed for, here,” he said. “Are your items so cheaply made, that you can give them away so freely?”
“MMmMmmmm – no, no, no,” 27 retorted, looking appalled. “Our items are the most highest-of-quality, yes they are. I’m going to lose much of my fortune giving so many away to you, yes I am. It is simply because your poor town was destroyed, that we wish to assist you, yes we do.”
“I just said I’ve got tons of money that I’m authorized to spend to kill that monster,” Leader Glazeanvil replied, clenching his fists. “I appreciate your free items, but it seems strange… is some sort of scam going on here?”
“Hmmm, we’ve sent half our team into danger for you just now, yes?” Colb threw in. “We would not risk them for sake of scam, yes?”
“MmMMmmm, the Yiklar are not scammers, no they are not,” 27 added.
In the distance, a loud “SCREEREERRERE!” rose in intensity. “It sounds like the preliminary encounter has started,” Leader Glazeanvil huffed.
“The beast is near,” he announced, raising his voice for his soldiers. “As soon as you see the summer antlizard, fire your arrows and hold your ground. Once it enters this alley, we will lure it south with a tactical retreat on my command.”
“Hmmm, we should start handing out some Yiklar weapons, yes?” Colb asked.
“Oi, da goblynns ‘ant ta ‘and out weapons now,” Sunbolt translated.
“Listen here, goblins,” Leader Glazeanvil said, his voice dropping and suddenly turning sour. He slapped the Yiklar Catalog onto the ground, and grabbed Colb and 27 by their collars with his two thick, furry hands. “Is this some kind of joke? You like to play with lives, eh?”
Shocked by this, Colb looked to 27, whose was staring at the Yiklar Catalog on the ground. 27’s eyes went wide with horror.
Following the noble goblin’s gaze, Colb stared down at the book, which was left open on a specific page. His Yiklar Amulet of Open Ears – unable to translate written words – did little to improve his understanding of the Dwarvish script before him. However, he could recognize one thing on the open page: a painted picture of the item being advertised. The image depicted blue-colored gunpowder horn, identical to the Yiklar Gunpowderhorn of Coralwhale Summoning that had started this whole mess.
“Is this how you get your sick laughs?” Leader Glazeanvil asked, lifting Colb and 27 a foot off the ground by their collars. “Flooding towns with your trained coralwhales, then selling us beach sand to solve the problems you caused? Then what – you heard about our summer antlizard problem, and thought you could sweeten your deal? Give me a hundred weapons for free, so I have to order a thousand more to equip my whole army? Are you planning to book it as soon as the fighting starts?”
He suddenly threw both of them into the ground, their backs crunching against the rocky terrain. “You want money? Here!” he shouted, pulling out a huge bag of metallic nuggets and dunking a hand into it. “Take some!”
Leader Glazeanvil pelted the goblin duo with a few handfuls goldatinum nuggets. Sunbolt watched silently, the only witness to this event – as the rest of the army was too busy preparing their positions to notice this display.
“You’ve dishonored the Dwarven Republic,” he spat. “I have a plan to execute, and I certainly don’t need you for it.” He vaulted the rest of his large money sack at 27, smacking the noble goblin in the chest and knocking the wind out of his lungs.
“Wait,” 27 coughed, laying weakly on the ground. He limply picked himself up, and opened the sack of money that Leader Glazeanvil had thrown at him. “Wait,” he pleaded again.
While the dwarven leader turned to leave, 27 shoved his Yiklar Bag of Traveling Inventory into the sack, scooping up a large amount of goldatinum in the process. The funds vanished upon entering his magic red bag.
27 then aimed his Yiklar Bag of Traveling Inventory towards Leader Glazeanvil. With a WHOOSH! sound, a brown bowstaff with a rocky texture flew out from the bag. The short dwarf suddenly spun around, snatching the weapon out of the air before it could hit him.
“A Yiklar Bowstaff of Earthquakes, one of the best weapons ever crafted,” 27 said. “Just stab it into the ground, and…”
Holding the Yiklar Bowstaff of Earthquakes sideways, Leader Glazeanvil attempted to snap it in half against his leg. The sturdy item held strong, smashing into his knee as if he’d just wacked his own limb with a metal bar.
The leader hissed, then ruffled his hair at 27. “Uhm…” Sunbolt muttered. “Goblynn says dat’s a Yiklar Bowstaff of ‘arthquakes. That it does somethin’ if ya stab it into the ground, eh?”
“I’m keeping this for evidence,” Leader Glazeanvil spat, securing the bowstaff in a leather strap attached to his armor. “Sunbolt. Detain these two scammers, reclaim my goldatinum, and keep this whole mess out of my way until the fight is over. I’m headed to the frontline.”
With that, Leader Glazeanvil stomped off, leaving Sunbolt behind with a battered Colb and 27.
“Oi, I guess et’s just us,” Sunbolt said, helping Colb and 27 stand back up. “I’ve ‘ot some rope on me. Couldja tell yer buddy to turn ‘round so I can bound ‘im up?”
“Hmmm, he’s arresting us, yes?” Colb informed 27.
“MmMMmmm, it was mistake, Sunbolt,” 27 pleaded. “We did not mean to summon bad tidal waves upon Dalrek, no we did not. We wish to redeem ourselves, yes we do. Let us help.”
Sunbolt scratched the back of his yellow-hair-covered head. “Uhm… I dunno, lil’ goblynn. I’ve ‘ot orders ta follow, eh?”
Colb scooped up some of the various nuggets on the ground, and handed them to 27. The noble refused them, instead offering an exorbitant amount of his own Yiklar Bank Account funds to Colb in exchange for the “service” of cleaning up the goldatinum mess on the ground.
“Look, we can help, and we don’t even need to use Dwarven Republic funds,” 27 pleaded. Colb handed the money back to him, and the noble used it to summon a handful of wands, boomerangs, shields, and daggers from his Yiklar Bag of Traveling Inventory.
“Hmmm, look Sunbolt,” Colb said. “Magic items, yes? You can use these against the monster, yes?”
As Sunbolt started to shake his head in disagreement, a loud “SCREEREERRERE!” rang out. It sounded louder and closer than ever before.
“IT’S HERE!” Leader Glazeanvil screamed from somewhere in the middle of the army, as a 70-foot-tall beast stepped into view. The monster sported a reptilian head attached to a red-hot, armored exoskeleton. The smaller army had it surrounded, and seemed to be trying to lure it towards the ambush.
Immediately, the main army let out a volley of hundreds of arrows. Each and every arrow disintegrated with a sizzle upon hitting the summer antlizard’s red-hot hide.
“SCREEREERRERE!” it roared. It seemed angered by Leader Glazeanvil and the larger dwarven army’s unexpected attack. Holding its ground with six arched, insect-like legs, the summer antlizard opened its colossal jaw towards the sky.
A sound like a screeching metal furnace rang throughout the mountain pass as a thick stream of lava fired from the summer antlizard’s mouth. The molten spit arched over 100 feet high, then came crashing down upon the main army’s frontline. Numerous dwarves dived out of the way, and a few met fiery, instantaneous deaths.
“RETURN FIRE AGAIN!” Leader Glazeanvil shouted. A new volley of arrows erupted from the main army, once more all disintegrating upon contact with the red-hot beast.
The smaller army surrounding the beast fired as well – most of their arrows evaporating upon contact with the monster’s stomach. One shot, however – from a shiny iridhodium arrow – stuck into the beast’s neck, ripping off a chunk of skin as it whipped around and returned to its archer.
“That was Drek!” 27 cheered, pointing out the single successful hit. The summer antlizard moaned with pain, glaring down at the group surrounding it.