9. THE SPECIFIC STORE

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It was raining when the team reached port in Cantia. The crystal-clear drops chilled the bald heads of the goblin crew. Colb put on his chef’s hat, and Drek pulled up his hood to keep dry.

“AaAaaaaahhhh, the Human Empire!” 27 announced to the team as Stibs hobbled off the boat with an arm supported by Drek. “I have not been in a human city before, no I have not,” 27 continued. The goblins surveyed the streets, which were paved in bismuthslate: a common stone, smooth and black in color, with natural rainbow designs subtly etched into it – a feature which could only be seen when sunlight bounced off it at a particular angle. The buildings of this town stood in all shapes and sizes, yet were uniform in their material – mapleoak wood, in this case – and had been built along a precise grid-like street layout.

The wet roads were empty, save for a couple human guards standing in the rain. The guards wore chainmail armor, and were equipped with sheathed metal swords. Their pale faces were mostly hairless, save for puffs of brown or black hair on the tops of their heads. They had smooth, rounded ears, and both stood between 5 and 6 feet tall.

Colb looked back at the two dwarven sailors, who were hesitating to unload their boxes. The chef goblin tilted his head inquisitively at the ship’s captain.

“We’re not going to unload until the rain’s gone,” he said. “You four are free to go wherever you’d like, but the two of us are going to wait out the weather for now.” The captain then saluted goodbye, and head below-deck.

“Farewell,” the second dwarf said. “Tell your friend thanks again for catching me.” The sailor then followed his captain down the boat’s stairs.

“Hmmm,” Colb said, dismounting the ship and catching up with the goblin crew. “The dwarves are waiting out the rain, yes? I don’t think we should wait so long, though, since Stibs needs medical supplies as soon as possible, yes?”

“I… I am not sure where to find merchant amongst these large creatures, no I am not,” 27 muttered. He looked over at the two human guards, standing taught in the rain with weapons at their sides.

“Hmmm… let’s just try random buildings, yes?” Colb pitched. “If something goes wrong, we can just run away, yes?”

“MMmMmmmm, I guess that’s better than doing nothing, yes it is,” 27 agreed with a shrug. The noble then pulled the Yiklar Folding Cabin doorknob out from his pocket, and tossed it to Drek. “MMmMmmmm, I need to make money somehow, and then Colb needs to find medical supplies, so why don’t you two set up camp in nearby forest while we explore Cantia?” 27 pitched.

Drek nodded in agreement, still supporting Stibs by his left arm as he caught the Yiklar Folding Cabin doorknob. The old goblin silently grit his teeth. Try as he might to look tough, Colb could tell his eyepatched companion was struggling to withstand the immense pain coming from his leg.

While Drek and Stibs set off to build a campsite, 27 and Colb trotted towards the nearest human-made structure. “Hmmm, instead of random buildings, we could also ask those humans for directions, yes?” Colb questioned as his wet chef’s hat began to sag over his face. He pointed at the chainmail-wearing guards standing in the rain.

A guard turned, noticing Colb’s pointed finger. He drew his sword, and tilted his head cautiously at the goblins.

“MMmMmmmm, I think we should start by speaking with unarmed humans, just to be safe, yes I do,” 27 replied. The duo proceeded to scamper down a nearby path, particularly avoiding the guards.

The two goblins eventually ended up at the entrance to a randomly-chosen building, which contained a basic wooden door. “I have no idea if this is a shop, no I do not,” 27 muttered. The two looked forwards at the doorknob, which was eye-level for their short figures. Colb shrugged and turned the knob with his small, clawed hand.

“Hmmm, only one way to find out, yes?” he said.

Colb pushed on the door, and it creaked open, revealing a dusty room lit by a fireplace. An elderly human woman sat knitting in a rocking chair, with an obese catcrow sleeping at her feet. Colb looked at 27 expectantly.

“Hmmm, you’re the one who speaks human, yes?” he whispered.

“MMmMmmmm, yes,” 27 whispered back. The noble took a step into the room, and raised his arms in a welcoming gesture.

Colb’s crystal necklace began to glow as 27 announced his presence in Hewmish. “AaAaaaaahhhh, human! Might you be a merchant of medicines, or someone interested in purchasing highest-of-quality goods?”

The elderly woman looked up suddenly, her body starting to quiver as she let out a startled yelp. Her catcrow jumped to its feet, looking similarly surprised, and began to hiss at the intruders while menacingly fluffing up its feathers. The woman slowly reached for a nearby bell, then started ringing it violently. 27 and Colb took a step back from the odd display. “MMmMmmmm, is… is that a yes? A no?” 27 asked.

Stomps came from a nearby staircase as an adult human with a ginger-colored beard rushed into the scene. “Hey!” he shouted.

“AaAaaaaahhhh, yes, hey-hello!” 27 cheered back.

“Get out of our house!” the human yelled back, pulling a sheathed sword down from a display above the fireplace.

“AaAaaaaahhhh, we did not know this was a house, no we did not. Could you direct us to your merchant of medicine?”

The man drew a thin metal sword out from the dusty sheath, then pointed the tip towards 27. “MMmMmmmm, I… I see you are armed now, yes you are,” 27 continued, retreating to be in line with Colb. The two then stepped back into the rain, and Colb carefully pulled the door shut in front of them. The moment it clicked into place, the two goblins scampered down the street without looking back.

“MMmMmmmm, that…” 27 mumbled a few minutes later, out-of-breath. “Random building was not best plan, no it was not. The humans seemed to get violent, just as I feared, yes they did.”

“Hmmm,” Colb gasped back, scanning their surroundings. They were now in some sort of city square, standing on stone roads connected around a large fountain. “What about that, yes?” he pointed towards a wooden post with symbols displayed on it, which was jammed into the ground next to the fountain. “That could be some sort of map, yes?”

27 narrowed his eyes, approaching the sign. As the noble squinted at the symbols on the wooden post, Colb noticed a shiny glint of metal sitting in the fountain behind it. “MMmMmmmm, yes, this is Hewmish writing. Kind of like how we list names of things in Yiklar items catalog,” 27 surmised.

While the yellow-eyed noble spoke, Colb jumped into the human-made fountain with a splash. “Hmmm, I see silvopper piece in water, yes?” he announced after a moment, picking up a circular coin and showing it to 27.

“By the walls of Yiklar!” 27 exclaimed, jumping into the fountain as well to take a closer look at Colb’s discovery. “This is no silvopper piece… it is work of art, yes it is,” he cheered, inspecting the front of the coin.

“A regular silvopper piece is just a blank nugget, yes it is. This is quite the opposite! Some human must have carefully carved it into a most excellent circle, then further sculpted their face into it. This must be worth quite much!”

Colb nodded, pleased at his find. “I’m not sure why someone would throw their artwork into the fountain, no I am not,” 27 wondered aloud.

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“Hmmm, perhaps we could sell this to artwork merchant, yes?” Colb pitched.

“MMmMmmmm, yes, I suppose we do have right to sell this artwork now, yes we do.” 27 replied. “During my studies of human, I learned of a law called finders-keepers. It states that any item which is lost or thrown out – such as this small work of art – becomes owned by whomever finds it.”

Colb clapped his hands with delight. “Hmmm, this is very good, yes?”

“MMmMmmmm, yes,” 27 agreed. The duo stepped back onto the road, now soaking wet from both the fountain and from the rain. “As for this,” 27 continued, taking another look at the symbol-covered pole. “My Hewmish reading is not the best, no it is not. But I do recognize this word.” He pointed at a two-word sentence. “The second word is store. I am not sure what this first word is, so I do not know what kind of store, but at least it is not a house, no it is not.”

The goblin moved his gnarly finger across the “?e?er?? Store” sign to an arrow. Colb and 27 followed the arrow with their eyes, eventually landing upon a black bismuthslate brick building with the same “?e?er?? Store” symbols above the door. “AaAaaaaahhhh, the store!” 27 exclaimed, beginning to dance in the direction of the building. Colb followed behind, toying with the silvopper coin in his fingers.

“AaAaaaaahhhh, merchant!” 27 shouted in Hewmish as he confidently burst through the door of the building. “We saw your sign, yes we did, but could not understand the first word. Might this be an art store, or a medicine store?”

A gruff woman with metal earrings looked up from her book. She sat behind a large wooden desk covered with scrapes. The walls of the building's interior were lined with shelves containing everything from leather journals to metal armor. “It's a General Store,” she muttered, narrowing her eyes at the two goblins.

“Oh,” 27 replied with surprise. “That is odd concept, yes it is,” he mumbled, scanning the shelves. “Where I come from, every store is quite specific. We have Yiklar Produce, Yiklar News, Yiklar Quarry… I, myself, am a merchant of the Yiklar Factories – a magic items store.” The human frowned as she continued to glare at the goblin duo.

“AaAaaaaahhhh, but a General Store?” 27 continued. “You mean to say, you’re sort of a Yiklar Everything store? Or, Cantia Everything, I suppose? How can you be an expert in what you’re selling, if you’re selling with such variety?”

The woman remained silent, putting down her book and sitting up in her chair. She watched the goblins like a hawkbear.

27 sauntered up to a shelf full of pet supplies, and pointed towards a bag of seeds that was too high for him to reach. “What is that?” he asked, still speaking in Hewmish.

“Seeds, for feeding canaryparrots. They cost half a brick,” the woman replied.

27 tilted his head, visibly confused.

“They’re 30 coins,” the woman clarified.

“What’s a coin?” 27 asked.

“…Get out of my store,” the human grumbled.

“MMmMmmmm, that is not nice thing to say, no it is not,” 27 replied, cautiously scanning the woman. Colb inched his way closer to the shop’s entrance, prepared to make a quick escape at the first sign of danger. The human simply narrowed her eyes further, and spat in a nearby bucket without taking her gaze off the goblins.

“MMmMmmmm, well, from what region were these seeds produced?” 27 questioned.

“I dunno. Is this just a ruse so you can steal from me? Nasty goblins,” she spat back.

“Well!” 27 said with surprise. “That is even less nice thing to say, yes it is. Plus, how can you not know where your products were grown? Why do you give them such confusing pricing? These are reasons why General Store is not good idea. You have too many products to be expert in each one, yes you do.”

“Goblins are ratty, sneaky little things. You probably don’t even have any money,” she replied.

“AaAaaaaahhhh, well… we usually do, and right now we have many nice things for sale!” 27 countered. “We have nice Yiklar-produced items, yes we do, and fancy piece of artwork as well.”

Colb held up the silvopper coin for the woman to see. “That’s one coin,” she sneered. “That’s barely worth anything. Like I said, you’d need thirty of them just to pay for that bag of seeds.”

“That is a coin?” 27 replied with amazement.

“Get out of my store,” the woman grumbled.

“Okay, okay,” 27 replied, his hands up in surrender. Colb pocketed the silvopper coin, and the duo stepped back into the street, shutting the door behind them.

“Hmmm, that didn’t go well either, yes?” Colb observed.

“No, but we learned some things,” 27 said. “We learned that humans aren’t very good at business, with this General Store nonsense… and I guess that they use fancy artwork as currency.”

“There they are!” a nearby ginger-bearded man suddenly shouted, with a finger pointed at Colb and 27. “Those two goblins broke into my house and scared the daylights outta my ma!” The goblins looked over at the commotion. It was the same man they’d seen holding a sword to them before, and he was pointing them out to an armored guard. The guard nodded at the ginger-haired civilian, drew a rapier, and began to advance towards Colb and 27.

“MMmMmmmm, this does not seem good, no it does not,” 27 muttered. The goblin duo looked around for a quick escape, eventually landing their eyes on a dark alley around the side of the general store. They nodded in silent agreement, and scampered towards it.

On the way to the alley, 27 tripped, slipping on the wet bismuthslate road. Colb quickly helped him up, tugging on the noble goblin’s rain-soaked robes to help him stand. “Thank you,” 27 huffed, as the duo fled into the darkness.

They soon found themselves facing a wall: the alley was a dead end. “Heh,” the guard muttered from behind them. His body blocked the only exit. “Looks like you two stumbled into the wrong city,” the guard announced in a menacing tone, brandishing his rapier as he spoke. Shadows of raindrops reflected into the alley as some dim sunlight glinted off the sharpened blade.

As Colb’s Yiklar Amulet of Open Ears translated the man’s Hewmish, it glowed softly, better illuminating the alley. This revealed an old rug and a couple trash cans sitting nearby.

“I don’t know what to do, no I do not!” 27 cried out to Colb, his voice racing. “Yiklar University was right! Every single human we’ve encountered has been a disaster!”

“Let’s make a booth, yes? With the trash cans,” Colb pitched, pointing out the objects nearby. 27 tilted his head, looking confused. “Like the booths back in Yiklar, yes? When things are going badly, the best thing you can do is follow your heart,” Colb recited. “That’s a motto from Skaal. It’s the Skaal way, I suppose, yes?”

“Follow my heart?” 27 questioned. His confusion from Colb’s statements seemed to be overpowering his fear from moments ago.

Wet stomps echoed through the alleyway as the guard began his approach, weapon drawn.

“Earlier, you said that it was your dream to be the first goblin to sell something to a human, yes?” Colb explained. “You said: once humans see how wonderful Yiklar’s products are, there’s no way they could dislike us. So, follow your heart, and maybe we’ll get out of this. That is the Skaal way, yes?”

“I wanted to start with a nice human. One that wasn’t armed,” 27 retorted.

“It’s now or never, yes?” Colb replied, his voice sharp as it competed with the falling rain. “Hmmm! Don’t let anything stop you, yes? I believe in you, and we have no other options right now anyway, yes? You have to make this guard like us, or he’s going to skewer us both!”

SHING! SHING! the guard clinked his sword against his armor menacingly. He was now only a few feet away from the goblins. “Alright,” 27 agreed with a nod.

The goblins both immediately knocked over a couple of trash cans, forming them sideways into a sort of crummy table. This sudden motion made the guard stop, holding his rapier defensively.

Colb threw the old rug over the whole thing like a tablecloth, and 27 unclicked the red sack from his belt, which he placed gently onto the newly built structure.

“Um, okay,” the guard responded in Hewmish, clearly unsure of what they were doing.

“A good booth needs a table and chair,” 27 muttered in Goblish.

“Hmmm, I’ll be the chair, yes?” Colb decided. The chef goblin dove onto his hands and knees behind the makeshift table. He angled himself so his eyes could peek over the garbage cans, allowing him to watch 27’s interaction unfold with the guard. 27 shrugged, sitting down on Colb’s back.

“AaAaaaaahhhh, customer!” the well-dressed goblin announced in Hewmish, holding his arms out in a wide, welcoming manner. Colb’s Yiklar Amulet of Open Ears illuminated the alleyway as 27 spoke, giving a soft and comforting ambience to the makeshift booth – although, he could feel the goblin secretly shaking with fear on top of him.

“I am 27: that is my name, yes it is. Welcome, good human, to the specific store!” 27 announced.

The guard did a double-take, his eyes wide with surprise. “Um,” he replied, holding his rapier steady. “…you can speak Hewmish?”

27 nodded. The guard blinked blankly at 27. “…specific store?” he asked.

“Yes!” 27 replied, jumping up and starting to dance. “At the specific store, you can purchase very specific, high-quality, Yiklar-made goods from the Yiklar Factories, yes you can! You will find good deals, with very specific prices, here at the specific store – assuming you’re… not here to kill us or anything.”

The guard lowered his sword, and his face displayed an expression of pure befuddlement. He rubbed his eyes and gave himself a little slap, as if he were trying to wake up from a dream.

“Specific store is much better than general store, yes it is,” 27 continued, patting the outside wall of the general store. “As I said, we have high-quality goods, for most reasonable of prices.”

“Look, I’m just…” the guard stopped for a moment, as if collecting his thoughts. “Goblins aren’t welcome in this city. I’m gonna have to dispose of you.” The human lifted his rapier and pointed it towards 27.

“AaAaaaaahhhh, I see you are man of sword, yes you are,” 27 continued. Colb noticed a bead of sweat drip off his yellow-eyed friend as the noble stared down the tip of the rapier. “Perhaps you would like to purchase even better sword, yes you would?”

“I think you’ll find this does the job quite well,” the guard threatened, moving the tip closer to 27’s face.

“MMmMmmmm, I see,” 27 replied, sitting back down on Colb, and thus moving his face a little further away from the weapon.

“Hmmm, try getting the conversation away from weapons, yes?” Colb whispered.

“AaAaaaaahhhh, that is good idea, yes it is,” 27 muttered in Goblish, wagging a finger with approval at Colb. The well-dressed goblin looked back up at the guard. “Are you man of… entertainment? Do you like to play games?” he pitched, switching back to Hewmish.

The guard paused, then retreated his sword a little bit. “…What do you mean, games?”