Finally, to break the silence, Colb decided to speak out-of-turn. With a small voice, Colb replied, “Hmmm, but he is something more than just a hero or a warrior – he is goblin king, yes? This is why he can dare speak such a way, yes?” Kashmir snapped her head towards Colb with wide, are-you-crazy eyes.

“What, because he’s wearing a little crown? You take me for a fool?” Queen Eylbella’s telepathic voice spat in response. “Everyone knows that there’s no king amongst the goblin tribes. You’re nothing but a desert of decentralized, primitive beings that live in small wooden huts.”

“Rrghegh,” Drek said with a smile, removing his hands from his cloak. “No, your majesty… you are mistaken. I am king goblin. All goblin bow down to me.”

Drek looked back at the other expectantly. Colb immediately dropped to his knees. Stibs and 27 hesitated, looked at the queen, looked at Drek’s smug face, looked at each other, then also knelt.

“Rrghegh… and we only live in small wooden huts when we choose to. Others live in grand castles and magical cabins,” Drek continued. He looked back at 27 expectantly. “Servant! Show her some proof,” Drek ordered.

27 pulled the Yiklar Folding Cabin doorknob out from his pocket, and activated it, opening up the small building in an empty section of the throne room.

“Rrghegh… what more proof could you need?” Drek prodded. “I’m wearing an enchanted crown of pure goldatinum, my servant just pulled a house out of his pocket, and as your own guard stated, we easily defeated this lionpig that most of your servants fled from.” Drek put his hand over the large lionpig trophy triumphantly. The head stood taller than his waist as it sat upon the floor. “Rrghegh… those things don’t sound very primitive to me?”

“Hmmm… well, I was unaware of a kingdom amongst the goblins,” the queen said, softening her eyes as her voice seeped into everyone’s minds. “We thought you were separated into a series of tribes.”

“Rrghegh… you speak of the old ways,” Drek replied. “I united the tribes with my great might. Now, we are goblin kingdom. And I am king of kingdom.”

“Hmmm, all hail King Drek, yes?” Colb threw in. Drek gestured to his little crown triumphantly.

“I see…” Queen Eylbella replied. “Well, the audience of another royal certainly outweighs my quarrel with your defending of one Quilliva Kashmir. Pray tell, your majesty, what brings you into my domain unsolicited?”

Drek hesitated, then glanced back at the other goblins for help. 27 moved within earshot of Drek and whispered, “AaAaaaaahhhh, this is good opportunity for Yiklar, yes it is. Say you are here to propose economic alliance between elves and goblins, yes you are.”

Drek gave a slight smile to the queen, then walked backwards to be more in-line with 27. “Rrghegh… to propose eco-what?” he whispered through his smiling teeth.

“Propose economic alliance,” 27 repeated quietly. Drek furrowed his brow a little bit.

“What are you muttering to your servant about?” the queen’s voice sharply boomed into everyone’s heads. “King Drek, what have you come to say to me? Answer me now.” Drek stepped forwards again sheepishly, adjusting his crown as he walked.

“Rrghegh, yes, as I was saying… I am here for… rrg… to propose… rrg…” The crowned goblin glanced back at his friends again. 27 mouthed ec-on-om-ic towards the goblin, and Colb flashed a silvopper coin from his pocket as a helpful hint.

“To propose…?” Queen Eylbella prodded. Drek looked back at the queen.

“Rrghegh… to propose… rrg… Yes! To propose!” Drek’s face lit up with an idea, and he dropped to one knee. “Rrghegh, as King Drek, I have come to propose marriage with Queen Elf-lady.”

“What?” came as a simultaneous reply from a surprised Queen Eylbella, Stibs, 27, and Colb. One of the queen’s guards whistled slightly at the announcement.

“Rrghegh… yes,” Drek continued, standing back on two feet. “Rrghegh, I come to unite elves and goblins through marriage pact of goblin king with elf queen.”

“…Me and you?” Queen Eylbella questioned skeptically.

“Yes,” Drek responded with a nod. “Rrghegh. Me and you. Let’s do this.”

“I see…” the queen mumbled.

“Yes,” Drek replied again. Colb mouthed what-is-the-plan-here to 27, who shrugged with a baffled expression.

“You know, I’m over 3,800 years old,” Queen Eylbella countered.

“Ah. I like that,” Drek replied.

The queen continued, “Considering you’re a goblin, you look like you’re probably… what? 25 years old?”

You could be reading stolen content. Head to the original site for the genuine story.

“Rrghegh, 20,” Drek corrected.

“I see…” Queen Eylbella mumbled again.

“Rrghegh, right, you see… and you like what you see,” Drek pushed.

Colb surveyed the room. Most of the queen’s guards stood expressionlessly, professionally ignoring the conversation – but a few were wide-eyed, visibly unable to hide their interest in where this discussion was going. In contrast, Kashmir looked frozen with fear, like a deerdolphin that just swam into a seagullfisherman’s net.

After a moment to gather her thoughts, the queen spoke again. “I apologize for insulting your crown. Now that I look at it again, it’s quite nicely crafted.”

Colb smiled. Hmmm, if I ever see Borin again, I’ll tell him Queen Eylbella said that, yes? he thought. I’ll bet he’d get a kick out the royal compliment!

Queen Eylbella continued, “Although I will most certainly outlive you, I will visit your kingdom in one calendar year. If I like what I see, I will consider your proposal.”

“Rrghegh, that sounds most good, m’lady,” Drek replied, tipping his crown. “Rrghegh… we have taken up enough time. My subjects,” he gestured to the other goblins as he spoke, “and I shall now bid you farewell. I have very important king business overseas that I must be getting to. After that, I will return to goblin kingdom and prepare for your visit.”

“This is acceptable,” Queen Eylbella replied.

“Rrghegh… additionally, I will be taking the purple elf with me, should she wish to come, as she’s the best warrior I’ve met from this kingdom,” Drek continued. “Rrghegh, and you’ll be granting her family back their honor… forgiving them for anything they’ve done in the past that you didn’t like.” Drek spun around, and gestured for everyone to follow him as he began walking out.

“Halt,” Queen Eylbella’s voice said. The face on her body had begun to frown. Drek stopped in his tracks. “Now, why should I allow that?” her voice boomed. “My kingdom shares an enormous border with the Human Empire. I’ve promised careful, thoughtful interactions with their Empress Cognemi to keep peace. The Quilliva’s foolish actions this week put that all at risk – her family cannot go unpunished.”

“Rrghegh… you promised the leader of the Human Empire that you would be thoughtful and careful?” Drek asked, turning around to make eye contact with Queen Eylbella. “I’ll be sure to let her know that tying up kings, throwing them into carts, and treating them like prisoners is how you act thoughtfully around here.”

“Now, I–” the queen defended, but Drek continued to speak.

“Rrghegh! When Empress Cognemi, Leader Glazeanvil, and Leader Boldpass ask me how my marriage proposal went, I’ll be sure to let them know that every elf in this kingdom was a coward in combat, and treated me like scum. Every elf, that is, except for one – a powerful warrior named Kashmir. Rrghegh, so of course, Queen Eylbella went out of her way to punish that one elf, explicitly against my wishes. I’m sure they’d be interested to hear that,” Drek threatened.

“You’re allied with Empress Cognemi? With leaders from the Dwarven Republic as well?” Queen Eylbella inquired.

“Rrghegh, of course I am,” Drek lied. “Rrghegh, and when I next see them, I would love to look the other way about how I’ve been treated in your kingdom… so long as you’re not shooting down my most simple request, or continuing to treat me and my companions terribly from this point forwards.”

“Of course not,” Queen Eylbella’s voice muttered. The queen shifted in her chair, making herself look more relaxed and welcoming. “As the Quilliva seems to have given a good impression of our culture to your majesty, they are yours to deal with as you wish from here on out. I will consider their slate clean from this day forwards.” Kashmir’s expression softened at those words.

“Additionally,” the queen continued. “I will of course treat you, my suitor, and your companions with utmost respect from this point forwards. You said you have business overseas to attend to, correct? Allow me to offer a royal envoy to bring you across my lands, and some more transportation for once you reach the sea.”

“Rrghegh, that’s more like it!” Drek cheered. “Royal navigator… where should she bring us?” Drek looked over at Stibs. The old goblin frantically pulled out his map, scanned it, then mouthed Coast-Of-Re-li to the charlatan king.

“I’m headed off the coast of… Real… Wrell-ee?” Drek replied phonetically.

“I see,” Queen Eylbella responded. “I’ll order a royal envoy to bring you to Reli, and I’ll have something similar to a boat prepared to bring you wherever you need to go from there. Apologies that you traveled so far without a royal envoy, by the way. Had I known you were coming, I would’ve prepared one to greet you before you even set foot in the Elvish Kingdom.”

“Rrghegh, I am rather forgiving king, fortunately for you,” Drek replied. “Your offering is accepted. We will leave now. Rrghegh… I’ll see you one year from today in my kingdom’s capital, Ratter.” Drek bowed awkwardly, then together with his team, waltzed right out the castle doors. They were free, and the journey to the Frosted Wastes – and by extension, to Wealth Mountain – was back on.

As the team exited from the castle doors, everyone looked around at each other, wide-eyed with surprise at how well that interaction had gone.

“Hmmm! That was fantastic, Drek!” Colb cheered.

Stibs slapped the crown-wearing goblin on the back. “Hurmph, good show!”

“Um… tell Drek I appreciate what he did back there,” Kashmir muttered. Colb translated her words, nudging Drek’s arm with glee as he did so.

As a group of elvish royal servants mobilized to rapidly prepare a vehicle for Drek and his team, 27 made a cheerful announcement to the group. “AaAaaaaahhhh, we’re off to the Frosted Wastes, just like we planned!” he said. “For Wealth Mountain!”

“Hurmph! For the Kreet tribe!” Stibs rejoiced.

“Hmmm! For all the tribes, yes?” Colb threw in.

“Rrghegh, for my Goblin Kingdom that I’m planning to make!” Drek cheered, lowering his voice as he spoke, so as not to reveal his falsehoods to any nearby elves that might know Goblish.

Kashmir smiled. “For seeing the world, finding my purpose, and maybe to meet a winter foxferret like Borin suggested!” she added.

“Hmmm, you don’t have to come anymore, unless you want to, yes?” Colb reminded Kashmir. “We’d love to have you come with us – but your family is forgiven. You can choose to stay here if you wish!”

“I’m glad my family’s safe… but I’m sick of living in this kingdom. I want to see what else is out there,” the young elf replied to Colb. “I’ve got thousands of years to sit around with my family… for now, I want to keep exploring. My destiny turned out not to be on Jaiphione’s Crescent, so I want to go find it somewhere else!”

“Hmmm, then welcome aboard!” Colb cheered with a smile.

Hmmm, I love my team! the chef goblin thought as he watched Queen Eylbella’s servants prepare a royal vehicle. Everything’s coming together for us now, yes? Finally: Wealth Mountain, here we come!