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Toad Town (Dungeon Core Parody)
48 — God-like Appraisal?

48 — God-like Appraisal?

I spent several hours flying around in my essence form to supervise the continued growth of my five farmsteads, two of which had turned into hamlets, and one of which was on the brink of becoming a village.

And then it happened, the invisible threshold was crossed and the final requirement for my evolution to Capital was fulfilled.

At the speed of lightning, my essence was sucked back towards my Castle Town and the core that hid within the enormously-overgrown Weeping Oak.

Congratulations! For evolving into a Capital, your list of buildings available has expanded and all the unclaimed territory between your captured and self-sufficient settlements has been added to your demesne! Additionally, you are now able to establish towns anywhere within your territory!

WARNING: Every ruler of your settlements has now been added to the Toad Kingdom! Only one can become King and as such the rulers are now actively scheming to defeat each other!

ANNOUNCEMENT: [Appraisal] perk has been evolved into [God-like Appraisal]!

ANNOUNCEMENT: [Mind-reader] perk has been evolved into [Soul-reader]!

I flew out of my Core, which was now the size of a boulder yet somehow still smaller than Blazing Blaine’s had been, then entered my large Toad vessel.

A blob like tar or spilled ink appeared next to me and out of it jumped Imu astride Goldie. When he landed, the blob disappeared.

“How’d you do that?”

“That’s my movement ability,” he announced. “I can manifest shadows and use them like portals, allowing me to move great distances in an instant and I can bring other people with me.”

“That’ll be handy for when the Church of Light’s Crusade comes within range of our territories,” I remarked. “We can move our armies around them with ease.”

“Wait, what?”

“Oh, right, you didn’t see it ‘cause you were on vacation at the time, but the Church sent a Crusade when I took over Earl Sharpee’s lands and turned all his churches to Toaddom.”

“I knew that Toad Idol perk was bad news…” he replied.

I was elated to finally have a more powerful Appraisal perk now and eagerly wanted to try it out. Somehow sensing this, Imu regarded me sharply. “You have to be careful with your new Appraisal. If not given specific commands, you’ll end up—”

At the same moment, a pair of wagons rolled into town and I used my God-like Appraisal on the rightmost one to try and figure out where it had come from:

WARNING: Activating unrestricted God-like Appraisal!

‘Wayne’s Wain’

Species:

'Plaustrum Ligneum'

Level:

1/1

Age:

4 in human-years — 287 in wagon-years

Gender:

Male

This narrative has been unlawfully taken from Royal Road. If you see it on Amazon, please report it.

Weight:

272 kilos (1059 with current haul)

Spouse:

‘Cally’s Caboose’

Plane of Existence:

‘The Mundane Realm’

Continent:

‘Malbia’

Country of Origin:

‘Lleman’

Hometown:

‘Hekkenfelt’

Made From:

Timber from the oak trees of the Heartblack Forest & iron nails and bracings from the ore of the Hekkenfelt Quarry.

Dimensions:

6.5 m long & 3 m wide & 1.5 m tall

Best Friend:

‘Doctor’s Dray’

Biggest Fear(s):

Termites & Children with greasy fingers

Fetish(s):

Wagon-on-Cart Play

Favourite Meal(s):

Oil Wash

Medical Problems:

Dislocated third-and-fourth spinal timber planks carrying a haul of quarried stones a year back; front-left wheel squeaks when it rains; a family of beetles have moved into the rear hinge-compartments and their gnawing is producing a near-constant itch; & rust has started forming along the back axel.

Political Alignment:

Centre-middle

Occupation:

Wayne the Merchant’s Wagon

Dream Occupation:

Horse-Racing Wagon

Faction:

‘Hekkenfelt Merchant’s Guild’

[ATTRIBUTES]

Strength:

23

Dexterity:

8

Constitution:

18

Intelligence:

1

Wisdom:

1

Charisma:

2

[GEAR]

(High-quality Quarried Stone) x 400 kgs

(High-quality Iron Ore Deposits) x 200 kgs

(Wayne) x 92 kgs

(Assorted Uncut Gems) x 80 kgs

(Assorted Jewellery Tools) x 15 kgs

[ABILITIES]

‘Big Haul’ (Passive)

“Enables Wayne’s Wain to carry a maximum haul of 850 kilograms.”

‘Seasoned Veteran’ (Passive)

“Due to Wayne’s Wain’s long service as a transport wagon, he moves moderately-faster down roads he has travelled before.”

[SYSTEM ACHIEVEMENTS]

‘Married!’

Awarded for marrying ‘Cally’s Caboose’

“Makes Wayne’s Wain 4.789% less adventurous and decreases the chance of unfortunate random encounters by 0.042%.”

[BACKSTORY]

Once upon a time—

“Alright, that’s enough!” Imu yelled, having performed some kind of spell to halt the God-like Appraisal.

“Aww, we were just getting to the good part,” I replied. “I wanted to know how Wain and Caboose met.”

“See! This is why God-like Appraisal is dangerous! You end up suddenly caring about everything, because you can read their entire history, and, before you know it, two decades have passed by!”

“Why does that sound like personal experience?”

“Shut up, that’s why!”

“Anyway, can you show me my next Evolution Requirements?”

“You’ll have to wait until next chapter for that.”

“Aw, don’t be that way!”

“It’s too much neatly-organised text for one day, Toad!”

“…Fine.”