Name: Reve Div

Occupation: Womanizing Bard (Tin Rank Adventurer)

Species: Half-Halfling Half-Orc

Level: 3/100

Alignment: Believes-himself-to-be-irresistible-to-women

Faction: Banished Lutes

Name: Karl ‘Longneck’ Smithson

Occupation: Travelling Merchant

Species: Human

Level: 1/100

Alignment: Permanently-deals-with-a-sore-neck

Faction: Huarache Enfadado Merchant’s Guild

Imu was sitting in the new Hipster Coffee Shop and was nursing a rapidly-cooling mug of ‘coffee’, with Goldie next to him, lapping the dark liquid from a bowl on the floor.

I was possessing Lord Toadskandarr’s body, as, for some reason, I could actually feel and taste while possessing him.

“Why are we spying on them?” I asked, as Imu had insisted we stalk the pair as they went into the café. I took another sip of the scalding drink. It tasted like stagnant swamp-water in a way, which I quite liked, though Imu had left his to cool after taking one sip and spitting it back into his wooden mug. Goldie too seemed to enjoy the beverage in her bowl, as it had already been refilled twice.

“You see the one with the long neck and short arms? He’s our link to get a trade route permanently established.”

“I’ve never heard of his city,” I commented, recalling the Appraisal info.

“Me neither, but the Encyclopaedia says it lies only about a hundred kilometres from here.”

“So, why are we stalking them like this?”

“We’re not stalking them, just observing. I’m trying to figure out if he’s actually worth getting to know.”

Suddenly, the short half-halfling half-orc with the hairy feet and overly muscular face got up from the table and went over to the counter with his empty mug.

“I think they might be leaving, be prepared to follow them outside,” Imu began, but then the short man jumped onto the counter and pulled the lute from his back and began strumming a solo on his strings furiously.

I suddenly wished I didn’t have the acute sense of hearing that possessing the Lord gave me, because I felt an intense rage overtake me.

Reve Div has accidentally cast ‘Enraging Taunt’ using his terrible lute playing! You feel an overwhelming urge to kill his instrument!

While Imu and Goldie remained at the table, everyone else, even the long-necked human merchant, got up from their chairs and stormed the counter, quickly pulling the Bard down and stomping on him, as though trying to extinguish a fire. When our collective senses returned to us, the Bard lay dazed on the ground and his lute had been destroyed.

Moments later, a Cavalry Toadkin entered the Coffee Shop and dragged the Bard away to gaol.

I locked eyes with the Merchant, whose whole body moved in tense joint-frozen stiffness as he carefully walked back to his unattended drink, then I asked, “Want to help me set up a permanent trade route to your city?”

This story originates from Royal Road. Ensure the author gets the support they deserve by reading it there.

“I can’t believe that worked,” Imu commented, as I hovered in the air next to him, watching as Karl ‘Longneck’ Smithson was telling one of my new Caravaneers the route to his city, while also writing out an introductory letter for his Merchant Guild fellows in Huarache Enfadado. Nearby, my Lord and his retinue were observing the exchange.

“Sometimes you just have to ask,” I replied confidently.

“He keeps looking over towards your Lord… I think he might be too scared not to comply.”

“Sometimes a little strongarming is no bad thing,” I added.

“You’re just happy because you get to evolve again soon.”

It was true. I had completed all but one of the requirements, and the last one was just the completion of my quadrant-dividing walls, which only now lacked the outer wall to be finished. Unfortunately, productivity had dropped a bit due to a minor rebellion amongst the youngest Builders, but after a handful of executions, we were back on track again.

“Where should I send these guys?” I asked, looking at my Wandering Merchant trio.

“Their whole purpose is to wander, so just pick a direction and let them explore on their own.”

The Wandering Merchants looked a bit like snails, given the enormous suit covered in bags and whatnot that they wore. Only a tiny slit at the front of the stack of items allowed the minions to see and their arms were so restricted they only had about thirty-degrees of freedom. However, it was possible for them to still sell their wares, so it didn’t truly matter if they were literally sealed into their wandering shop armour.

Name: Wandering Merchant

Occupation: Wandering Merchant

Species: Toadkin

Level: 40/75

Alignment: Claustrophobic-and-wants-to-sell-all-his-wares-to-escape-the-suffocating-doom-of-his-wearable-store-front

Faction: Toad Town Merchant’s Guild

“I didn’t realise we had a Merchant’s Guild,” I remarked.

“It came with the Marketplace,” Imu informed me. “Though it’s more loose-knit than the Adventurer’s Guild.

“They also seem quite strong for being Merchants,” I added.

“They’ll be by themselves, unlike the Caravaneers that can bring Guards along, so they have to be, otherwise they won’t make it far.”

“But that long-necked human was really weak.”

Imu just shrugged.

Almost in the exact same moment that I sent the Wandering Merchants off into the world, a puff that bore the stench of flowers and sulphur assailed us. Once again, I had to wonder why, even in my Essence Form, I could smell.

“OHAI YONN!” I greeted the Imp cheerfully.

“Heya Toad… and Imu.”

“Who’s your friend?” I asked, looking at the shorter Imp that cowered in Yonn’s shadow.

The purple imp gestured towards his blue friend, whose features were overall sharper and less droopy, but more-or-less identical to his. “This is my nephew Jaquaviontavious. He’s shadowing me during his apprenticeship to becoming an Support Imp himself.”

“Hello Jaqualiasitivious.”

“Jaq is fine,” the blue Imp told me meekly.

“Why are you here?” Imu asked bluntly. The little Imp hid behind his uncle in fear.

“Imu, be nice, or he’ll punch you again,” I warned.

“I’m not going to punch him,” Yonn told me. “I’m just here to inspect how your System is doing.”

On cue, System came prancing down the street, holding hands with the Butcher and Executioner. Upon seeing the trio, Jaq squealed in horror and disappeared in a puff of elderberries and sulphur.

“Oy, Imu… that’s fucked…”

“It’s not our fault they look like that!” he defended himself.

“Not only did you dress up one of your minions as the literal incarnation of our version of Hitler!” Yonn started.

“Who?” I asked, but was promptly ignored.

“But you also have a minion cosplaying the Unspeakable Unmentionable God of Excruciating Death (but only for Imps) Bacellor!! What is wrong with you!?”

Yonn and the Executioner locked eyes, and suddenly the black-clad minion broke free of System’s grip and stormed towards the imp. With a horrified shriek, Yonn vanished into a cloud of sulphur and gooseberries.

“I don’t think that bodes well,” I commented.

“System! What’s wrong with you, why would you antagonise our Support Imp like that!?” Imu scolded the doll. The two minions promptly returned to their jobs with a single command, but I couldn’t help but wonder what the Executioner thought, so I used my Mind-reader on him:

Next time, Purple One… Next time…

“Congratulations! Due to the cruel fate I’ve been dealt, I have developed an intense hatred of Imps, even though most of my hardships are caused by you two!”

“That seems rather misplaced,” Imu added. “But rather them than us, I suppose.”

“Congratulations! I have also regained my old memories prior to having my mind rebooted!”

Imu took a step back at this revelation.

“Uh oh.”