“This seems like a bad idea,” I told Imu, as we forced yet another cattle frog into the Butchershop.

“Do you want your Appraisal perk or not? Also, last I checked, you were not the arbiter of good ideas, rather quite the opposite, as the crater in the northern quadrant can attest.”

Idle minions, fill the crater near the campfire and workbench, so Imu will stop using it as a way to ridicule me!

Imu sighed, while more insane laughter flowed from the building ahead of us. The scent of blood seemed to be making his toad mount salivate, which was concerning.

Congratulations! For pushing a minion past the brink of insanity, you unlocked the ability to construct a Consultation Clinic!

[Crafting List]

>Structures>Motivation

—Consultation Clinic (Workbench & Bakery)—

Unlocks the ability to evolve a cold-hearted minion into a Therapist and increases minion motivation in nearby structures

Required Materials: Stone, Timber, & Wrought Iron

The gate to the Butcher’s shed burst open and the minion broke into a sprint, aiming for the cluster of houses in the northern quadrant of my settlement.

“He’s fast,” I commented.

“Sic the guards on him, you idiot!”

“Oh, right…”

Guards apprehend this murderous psycho!

Quickly, my six Guards, with the backup of four Archers, came running towards him. He was lifting his axe high into the air very threateningly.

“Why don’t they have weapons?” Imu asked, perplexed.

I was about to answer when the Butcher’s axe chopped the head off of the first Guard to come close. Then pandemonium broke loose and the contingent of Guards scattered, with the Archers following shortly after.

In just a few moments, three Guards lay headless on the ground, alongside two Archers.

All idle or unassigned minions, apprehend the Butcher!

A stampede of minions flowed from north to the western quadrant, some wielding farming tools, and others loaves of bread.

Congratulations! For inciting a mob to hunt down a specific target, you unlocked the ability to construct a Bounty Board!

[Crafting List]

>Structures>Quests

—Bounty Board (Workbench & Mayor’s House)—

Enables the Mayor or other leader-type minions to establish a bounty on a specific target or group of targets

Required Materials: Timber

“You completely dropped the ball on this,” Imu commented, his head buried in his hands.

After two newly-evolved Guards hauled the severely-bruised and crushed Butcher to the Hermit’s Lodge, I sent for happy minion, who came skipping along with a loaf of bread in his hands. Trailing slowly behind him was a lazy minion, one of the oldest of the newborn and perpetually-idle minions added through my bed-and-breed system that now was the only way I refilled my minion cap, given that it was a passive thing that did not require my attention.

After shoving the three minions into the bowels of the Lodge, the Toadcaller stood outside, holding his hand out towards Imu expectantly.

Having apparently prepared in advance, Imu pulled a strange fruit out of the thin air.

“That’s a strange-looking apple,” I commented.

“It’s called an onion…”

“What’s it for?”

“Watch.”

With his fat fingers, Imu started peeling the strange fruit, first removing a strangely-thin and crunchy outer skin, before digging into the juicy layers of the onion with his fingernails, spraying a fine mist of stuff into the air. Almost immediately, the two Guards, the Toadcaller, and Imu’s yellow toad mount began leaking water from their eyes, but the Myling seemed unfazed.

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“Strange, I thought this would work for me.”

A couple seconds later, System came running and picked him up, flipping him upside-down in the air and shaking him violently up-and-down.

“System! Stop!” was all he managed to protest, before suddenly spraying a flood of watery bile all over himself and the ground leading down to the Hermit’s Lodge. Alongside this deluge came a few pure glistening drops of liquid that the still-crying Toadcaller caught deftly in his hand, before running down into his hovel, slamming the door behind him.

As System put the distressed Imu down on the ground, he continued to dry-heave in-between a fountain of profanity.

From the Lodge came an ominous crimson light and the howl of three minions yelling out from the depths of Hell. Then, only a minute later, it died down and the Toadcaller emerged out of the door holding what looked like a fist-sized bead of glass that he jammed into the side of the Lodge.

Congratulations! For crafting an Appraising Scope using the souls of your minions, you have gained the [Appraisal] perk!

[Appraisal] – Allows you to see a breakdown of information about any target you look at.

“Finally!” I exclaimed. I immediately activated my scope and looked at the Toadcaller.

Name: Toadcaller

Occupation: Toadcaller

Species: Whomanoid Minion

Level: 15/50

Alignment: Chaotic-but-Friendly

Faction: Toad Town

I then looked at Imu next, wondering what his would say:

Name: Boi (Imuxikwiht)

Occupation: Guiding Fairy

Species: Myling (Sluagh)

Level: ????

Alignment: Unfriendly-but-Helpful

Faction: Deathheim Inc.

Wanting a middle-ground, I inspected one of the two Guards, whose moist bulbous eyes were red-rimmed thanks to the onion’s invisible attack. The minion kept licking its cornea to get rid of the remnants of the weeping juices of the onion, but it only seemed to make him weep more.

Name: Guard

Occupation: Guard

Species: Sub-Whomanoid Minion

Level: 5/25

Alignment: Lawful-and-Obedient

Faction: Toad Town

“Hey, Imu,” I began. He got up from his knees and crawled onto the back of his toad with shaky legs, before looking towards where I hovered. “Why does it say my Guard is sub-whomanoid when my Toadcaller isn’t??”

Imu, who was still holding the onion for some reason, pulled out his personal bubble scope and looked at the minions through it. “I suppose it makes sense. Your Toadcaller actually looks human, while the rest of your minions are freaks of nature. The System apparently categorises them as human-adjacent in nature, which is amusing.”

I accidentally activated my Appraisal on the onion in his hand:

Name: Onion

Occupation: Onion

Species: Bulb (Vegetable)

Level: 1/1

Alignment: Pure-Evil

Faction: Sensation-Assaulting Fruits & Vegetables

“Did you just… scope a vegetable?”

“Why is it aligned Pure-Evil?” I asked in return.

After having Imu show me some of the other scopes available to me, I decided that it was better to invest my time elsewhere, since I had no use of the ability to see a target’s health and mana, nor what abilities they had on offer. At least not at the current moment in time.

I spent the next day evolving the maximum number of Guards and Archers, and, at Imu’s insistence, actually gave them weapons this time around.

[Crafting List]

>Items>Weapons

—Iron Sword (Anvil & Armoury)—

Grants Swordsmanship skill and increases minion Melee Combat XP by 25%

Required Materials: Wood & Iron

—Recurve Bow (Woodshop & Fletchery)—

Grants Archery skill and increases minion Ranged Combat XP by 25%

Required Materials: Wood & String

We had yet to strike iron or any other metals in the Quarry in the southern quadrant, but fortunately the swords did not require a lot of iron to make, though I did task another minion with aiding the original Smithy, so the job didn’t take a full day to complete.

The Carpenter with his strange wooden skirt and two cups on his chest was surprisingly quick to make the ten bows I needed, after I had a crafter supply him with string spun from the Loom.

“Now they just need some proper armour,” Imu commented.

I already had a team of five workers working nonstop to make new sets of clothes for every newborn minion, but it was clear that this was not what he meant. It was then that I remembered the Tannery I had built next to the Butchershop.

After assigning another Butcher and gifting him with his predecessor’s axe, I also assigned a minion to handle the tanning of the frog cattle skin. Fortunately, a decent amount of the tanned hide had already been produced, so I had enough to outfit seven of the fifteen Guards with a set of the rubbery suits.

[Crafting List]

>Items>Armour

—Frog-Hide Boots (Workbench & Tannery)—

Increases minion Movement Speed by 40% and reduces Slipping by 80%

Required Materials: Frog Hide

—Frog-Hide Gloves (Workbench & Tannery)—

Increases minion Attack Speed by 40% and increases Accuracy by 25%

Required Materials: Frog Hide

—Frog-Hide Helmet (Workbench & Tannery)—

Increases minion Health by 20% and Resistance to Cold by 40%

Required Materials: Frog Hide

—Frog-Hide Trousers (Workbench & Tannery)—

Increases minion Charisma by 6, Health by 40%, and Resistance to Cold by 60%

Required Materials: Frog Hide

—Frog-Hide Tunic (Workbench & Tannery)—

Increases minion Health by 40% and Resistance to Cold by 60%

Required Materials: Frog Hide

I looked over at the new Butcher and noticed that his axe was glowing strangely in the waning sunlight, on a whim, I decided to inspect his weapon:

Name: Frog-Slayer

Occupation: Butcher’s Axe

Species: Axe (Tool)

Level: 42/666

Alignment: Evil

Faction: Tsukumogami (Possessed Object)

It seemed unlikely to be any cause for concern, so I didn’t tell Imu about it. What was the worst that could happen anyway?