“Shut up!” bellowed the King, addressing the boisterous dwarves gathered in the grand hall. Tables and long benches were brought in for the celebration, and the noise gradually subsided. “In honor of our new friends, Lady Britina and Prunhiline of the Plaines, we celebrate our victory over the Lich Lord Lawrence.” The King’s eye twitched at the mention of the name. After a deep breath, he declared, “Eat, be merry, and above all, DRINK!” The cheer was deafening as the food and ale were brought out.
The hall was alive with revelry, feasting, singing, drinking, and the occasional fistfight. Prunhiline attempted to join the brawls, but the sight of the towering six-foot-seven and two-quarters warrior quickly sobered and calmed the dwarves. Prunhiline gave up and finally sat with her friends Darren and Brianna, who were now officially engaged.
Lady Britina was talking to the counselor when the King approached them. Lady Britina smiled and gave a slight bow to the King. The counselor motioned to the King, but the King ignored him. Lady Britina’s smile tightened, shifting from genuine warmth to polite disapproval. The King took a long swig of ale, muttered something unintelligible, and made a suggestive grabbing motion toward Britina. Lady Britina properly slapped the King across his bearded face. The hall became quiet.
Prunhiline jumped to her feet as Brianna and Darren grabbed her by the knees and yelled at her to stop.
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The counselor quickly intervened, stepping between Britina and the King as royal guards rushed to the scene. Despite two dwarves clinging to her legs, Prunhiline powered toward the hall's center with surprising speed. The guards surrounded the King.
The counselor raised his hands and announced, “The Dwarven kingdom would like to apologize to Lady Britina for the rude behavior of our King. He, unfortunately, is intoxicated and can’t hold his liquor. It is time for the King to retire to his chambers.”
“No, I’mma good. Jusst a little miss, uh, miss, uh, understatement.” slurred the King.
Prunhiline stopped her charge when the royal guards began to sing as they drug the King off:
Time for bed, ole King Time for bed The King has drank And drank and drank He’s now too drunk To be a gentleman So off to bed, ole King Off to bed
“No,” Cried the King, “I’mma gud.”
The King can’t hold his liquor He’s a lightweight drinker So, off to bed Off to bed
When the King gets wasted He gets a little handsy With the maidens derriere He gets a little crude And says something rude And now his face is bruised
“Justa understatement,“ The King cried.
The King can’t hold his liquor He’s a lightweight drinker So, off to bed Off to bed
The King said something Inappropriate Lady Britina was embarrassed And Prunhiline will kill us all
That last part was sung loudly by Brianna and Darren, who were still locked onto the warrior’s legs.
The King can’t hold his liquor He’s a lightweight drinker So, off to bed Off to bed
And the King was gone. The room was quiet, and all eyes were on Britina. She looked about and then looked at her wife. Prunhiline blinked and gave the mage a thumbs up.
Britina took a deep breath before declaring, “I am Lady Britina of the Coast, slapper of rude kings!”
The room cheered!