### Chapter 26 - How I Met My Chaos Wife

“This, creepy spider children of the terrifying giant spider mom, is how I met my wife,” Prunhiline said.

----

“My name is Lieutenant Baker. You will call me Baker. I will be your hand-to-hand combat instructor.” The bald man stood five foot five but was nearly as broad as he was tall. He appeared to be all muscle. His small stature didn’t keep him from being loud. His voice echoed across the indoor gym. “This course will teach you to defend yourself without MAGIC OR WEAPONS,” he said, the last words dripping with disgust. “I am an expert in hand-to-hand combat. I guarantee you will know how to disarm, defend, and defeat any foe. Any questions?”

The six-foot-seven giant standing behind the other students raised her hand. “Any way I can skip this class?”

The other experienced students groaned. They knew what would happen next. The young blonde woman in the front rolled her eyes. This was her first day of classes at the university. She wanted to learn, not listen to someone who thought they knew better than the instructor.

“Prunhiline of the Plains,” Baker announced. “You are more than welcome to step forward and prove you don’t need this course.”

“Yes! Combat on the first day. I’m going to love this university,” Prunhiline said, pumping her fist in the air. She stepped between the other students and faced her instructor. Some of the students laughed.

“Begin!” shouted Baker.

Prunhiline reached for the smaller man. Baker grabbed the giant’s wrist, twisted his whole body, and quickly tossed the towering woman across the gym. She landed on her back, the sound reverberating through the room. All the students watched in amazement.

Prunhiline raised both fists into the air and shouted, “Yes! That was amazing!” She returned to her feet with a broad smile and approached the instructor again.

Prunhiline swung her arms wide, aiming to engulf the man in a bear hug. Baker stepped into her embrace, squatted, grabbed the giant’s legs, and swept them out from under her. Baker stepped back into a defensive stance as the tall woman landed flat on her back.

“Yes!” Prunhiline shouted once more. She stood up laughing as though she enjoyed herself despite being easily beaten.

“Once more,” Baker said.

“One more time!” Prunhiline stepped back into a fighting stance with her right foot behind her and her left foot in front. She held her left hand forward, her right slightly behind it. She approached the instructor with more care this time. Prunhiline started with a left jab but pulled back, following it up with a wide, right-foot roundhouse kick. It was so fast that the blonde woman couldn’t believe what she saw or didn’t see. Baker had snatched Prunhiline’s leg mid-air and thrown her again!

Finding herself flying through the air, Prunhiline was thrilled. She was enjoying the fight. The instructor was a worthy opponent. She landed hard on her back yet again but stood and bowed to Baker.

“Thank you, sir. I’m looking forward to learning all I can from you,” Prunhiline said earnestly.

“Back in line, Prunhiline,” Baker barked. Prunhiline quickly stepped back behind the other students.

“Any other questions?” Baker shouted.

“Sir?” The blonde woman raised her hand hesitantly.

Baker looked hard at her. “Lady Britina has the floor,” he said, motioning to the mats.

“Oh, no, sir. Just a question,” Lady Britina said nervously.

“Questions are taken on the mat, my lady,” Baker replied, the term "my lady" carrying no warmth.

Lady Britina reluctantly stepped onto the mat. “I understand the need for hand-to-hand combat, but doesn’t magic negate most of the need for it?”

“Does it?” Baker retorted. “I take it the lady is a mage?”

“No, sir. I’m just a learner. But if a mage is ready, why would hand-to-hand combat be necessary?” Britina asked timidly. She was afraid he might demonstrate instead of answering with a simple explanation.

“Well, what spells do you think would be useful against an unarmed foe?” Baker asked, almost gently.

“Well, a simple fireball or freeze spell,” Britina replied.

“Simple?” Baker laughed. “If it’s that simple, then you can show me.”

“Oh no, sir!” Britina raised her hands in alarm. She heard a snort from the giant, which aggravated her. “I was just wondering.”

“And I’m happy to instruct with a more practical lesson.” Baker’s tone hardened, and the students started giggling. Prunhiline laughed the loudest. “Prepare yourself!”

The command startled Lady Britina into action. She held up her hands and ignited her magic. She didn’t want to hurt the man, but she was terrified of what might happen. She twisted her hands as she had practiced and began chanting the words of magic.

Before she could finish, the room spun around her. She screamed as she found herself flying through the air. She hadn’t even seen him move; he was so fast. The mat softened her landing somewhat, but the shock remained. Britina lay there, staring at the ceiling.

“Would you like to see that again?” Baker asked.

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The students all yelled, “Yes!” Prunhiline’s voice boomed above the rest.

“No,” Britina groaned, still lying on the mat.

“Stand, my lady!” Baker ordered.

Britina grudgingly stood with a frown. She was starting to dread this class. Baker began a slow advance toward her. She raised her hands and started her spell again. Concentrating on him staring her down and advancing so quickly was hard. Panicking, she released her spell, but Baker moved faster, slapping her hands downward. The energy fizzled, and Britina found her legs frozen in place.

The students cheered, Prunhiline cheering the loudest.

“My apologies, my lady,” Baker said more softly. “But you must understand, you won’t always have time to cast a spell.”

Britina nodded, her face burning with embarrassment. She wanted to be an adventurer but had never shared that dream with anyone, especially her parents.

The lesson became more structured after that. Baker demonstrated techniques, and the students paired off to practice. In the end, a mock trial combat was held. To Britina’s dismay, she was paired with the much taller Prunhiline.

“Ready?” Prunhiline asked, stepping flawlessly into the defensive stance they had been taught.

Britina mimicked the stance, though she kept a bit more distance than she should have. “Yes,” she said meekly.

“Hey,” Prunhiline whispered. “Step back with your right foot and turn your left forward slightly.”

Britina glared at the giant but did as instructed. Prunhiline began slowly, punching as Britina blocked and then swapped roles. Britina punched while Prunhiline blocked.

“Keep your left hand up more, even when punching,” Prunhiline whispered again.

Though the instruction annoyed Britina, she appreciated the help. Baker eventually shouted for the class to stop. The students turned to him and bowed, signaling the end of the first session. Britina was bruised, sore, and discouraged. She had come to the university expecting to love it, but now she wondered if she would hate it. What annoyed her most was that Prunhiline seemed to have enjoyed herself immensely.

Prunhiline was thrilled. Her first class had been all about combat, which was her favorite subject. Her next class, though less action-packed, was a literary course. As luck would have it, she and the short blonde woman walked in the same direction.

“Hey!” Prunhiline called out.

The blonde turned. “Yes?” she asked coldly, though the giant catching up with her undermined the effect.

“I’m Prunhiline of the Plains,” Prunhiline said. She remembered her father’s advice not to lead with her full title unless the moment called for it.

“I know,” Britina replied, sighing. “I’m Lady Britina.”

“Yeah, that was sweet how you tried to use magic on Baker. He knows what he’s doing,” Prunhiline said, falling into step with Britina.

“Yes, he does. That’s why I wanted to take his class. I know my magic won’t always be enough,” Britina admitted.

“Yup. My people are known for our fighting skills, but I knew Baker was going to kick my butt,” Prunhiline said cheerfully.

To Britina’s relief, they arrived at their next class, and to her dismay, Prunhiline sat beside her. Luckily, the session was a lecture with no physical activity involved. Afterward, Britina managed to escape into the crowd of students. Prunhiline, being so tall, stood out too much to blend in, while Britina used her small stature to her advantage.

Much to her delight, the rest of Britina’s day passed without seeing Prunhiline. After her classes, she returned to the dorms. She appreciated that each student had a private room. After stashing her belongings in her room, she headed to the common area.

“Britina!” a loud voice boomed, silencing the chatter of other students.

Britina cringed. She wasn’t happy to find that Prunhiline lived in the same dorm. Escape seemed impossible. Resigning herself, she waved weakly.

Prunhiline strode over. “Hey, I was wondering if you wanted to grab a quick bite to eat. I’ve got something I need to ask you.”

“That’s nice, but I’m not interested. Studies take priority over relationships,” Britina said curtly, hoping to end the conversation swiftly.

“Wait, like a friendship relationship or a relationship relationship?” Prunhiline asked, genuinely confused.

What is she five, Britina thought. “Yes, relationship, relationship,” Britina said, already exhausted from the conversation.

“Oh, good. I’m not into that relationship relationship, but I need your help. Magic’s your thing, right?” Prunhiline asked.

“Um, yes. It’s my thing,” Britina said, her curiosity piqued. “Fine. Let’s talk.”

The two grabbed meals from the dorm chef and sat at an empty table. Even sitting, Prunhiline dwarfed everyone around her. While Britina ate neatly, Prunhiline attacked her meal with vigor.

“So, first, I’m Prunhiline of the Plains. I’ve come here to learn to be an adventurer,” Prunhiline began.

“I know who you are. We introduced ourselves earlier,” Britina said. “As you know, I’m Lady Britina.” She left it at that, still wary of giving too much information. “I'm here to learn more about magic since it's my thing. What’s your question?”

“How long does it take you to cast a spell? Baker gave you a moment, but he was so fast you couldn’t fire anything off,” Prunhiline asked.

“That was embarrassing. Well, I have to gather energy and recite the words to focus the spell,” Britina explained. “It takes about thirty seconds.”

“Can you cast faster?” Prunhiline asked.

“Maybe. I don’t know for sure,” Britina admitted.

“Do all magic users’ hands glow?” Prunhiline asked.

“Well, no. Eyes and hands primarily.” Britina said, “Why?”

“Well, if I’m fighting a magic user, it’d be good to know if they’re ‘charged up’ or not,” Prunhiline said between bites.

“I suppose that would be useful,” Britina agreed. “If you knew they were ‘charged up,’ you could change your strategy.”

“Exactly!” Prunhiline said, stabbing a piece of meat with her fork. “So why are you in hand-to-hand combat class?”

“Because magic might not always be an option. If I’m not ‘charged up,’ I need to protect myself,” Britina said.

“Fair point. But why would you be attacked? Wouldn’t you be in a tower or something?” Prunhiline then whispered conspiratorially, “Or are you going rogue?”

“Rogue? No!” Britina hesitated. Should she tell her? After a brief pause, she admitted, “I want to be an adventurer.”

“Really? Sweet! We should team up!” Prunhiline said excitedly.

“Uh, no,” Britina replied quickly.

“Why not?” Prunhlin asked, disappointed, “I mean, you throw the magic, and I’m a warrior. We could make a great team.”

“Uh.” Britain didn’t have a good answer. She hoped to meet other university adventurers and maybe join in quests. “Maybe.”

“Okay, deal! I’ll take a maybe,” Prunhiline said with a grin. “So, where are you from?”

“The coastal cities,” Britina said cautiously. She didn't want to give the giant too much information about herself.

“I’ve never seen the ocean. I’ll make it there one day,” Prunhiline said dreamily.

“We don’t see many... giants like you where I’m from. You’d definitely stand out,” Britina said.

“Giant? I’m not a giant. I’m human.” Prunhline said, shocked.

“Human? But you are so,” Britina gestured, “tall.”

“Yeah, we are all tall. I’m not the tallest in my village, but I'm close.” Prunhiline said proudly. “Giants are much bigger than me.”

“Yes. I thought you were a short giant,” Britina admitted.

Prunhiline laughed. “Short giant! I like that.”

Despite herself, Britina smiled at her peculiar companion.

----

“Did you become friends after that?” the Mother Spider asked. Both women jumped, startled by her sudden appearance. Even the great hunter Prunhiline was caught off guard. Maybe Randle had a reason to be worried about silent giant spiders.

Britina looked down at her shoes. “No. We didn’t become good friends until my first big heartbreak. Prunhiline was there for me.”

Prunhiline nodded. “Now we’re best friends.”

“And married,” Britina added flatly. It was Prunhiline’s turn to look down in embarrassment.

“Ah. That sounds like an interesting story for another day,” said the Mother Spider. “But that will have to wait. Since you did me a favor, it’s time for me to help you. Follow me.”