The dwarven army stood ready outside the gates Prunhiline and Britina had guarded weeks before. This time, there was decidedly less napping on duty. In the distance, a man and a bear raced toward the fortress. As Randle and Bob crossed the first line of defense, the first of the zombie horde emerged from the forest.

“Your majesty,” Randle shouted, sprinting up to the King. “The Lich Lord is here with his army. Unfortunately, he’s been keeping himself in the middle of the zombie horde.”

The King grunted, “Well, we knew this wouldn’t be easy. I’ll have the archers fire once they reach the middle of the field. Hopefully, that will slow them down.”

“What about fire?” Britina asked. She had not been part of the strategy meetings.

“Not unless we have to. I don’t want to burn the forest down just yet.” The King placed his helmet on his head and hefted his great axe. “Prunhiline, I’m afraid I’ll have to ask you to do as you planned.”

Britina shot Prunhiline a concerned look. She didn’t trust any plan made without her input. “What plan?” She hissed.

“I’m going to fight my way through the zombies and kill the Lich Lord,” Prunhiline announced, dramatically resting her war hammer on her shoulder.

“You what?” Britina shouted.

“I’m going to kill..” Prunhiline didn’t get far.

“You mean we’re going to kill the Lich Lord,” Britina snapped.

“Well..” Prunhiline shrunk back.

“Well?” Britina shouted, “Well!”

“Uh..” The King wanted to intervene but then decided it was in his best interest to gaze at the pretty clouds.

“We! Are! Going! To! Kill! The! Lich! Lord!” Britina enunciated each word, jabbing a finger toward the zombie horde.

“Bri.” Prunhiline started.

“No! We! That’s final.” Britina put her fists on her hips. Prunhiline called this her final statement stance.

“We are going to kill the Lich Lord,” Prunhiline said with less enthusiasm.

“Uh, well, uh, good luck to you heroes of the realm!” The King regained his regalness.

“Good luck, you two!” Brianna shouted. “If you see Darren, keep him safe for me.”

And so the battle began.

“Look, I’m just saying you would be safer behind the dwarven line,” Prunhiline grunted as she slammed her mighty war hammer into a zombie's skull.

“Oh, really? Are you sure?” Britina retorted, blasting a zombie with a concentrated ball of arcane energy. “What if I’m not?”

A zombie flew across the field as Prunhiline retorted, “Better than in the middle of the zombie horde.”

“I think I’m doing fine,” Britina froze several zombies in place, “In fact, I think I've defeated more zombies than you.”

Prunhiline swung her war hammer in a broad sweep, knocking back a dozen zombies, “You what? What? No! I’m clearly doing better.”

Britina hummed as she swept her arms out, casting a wind spell that knocked back two dozen zombies. Prunhiline grunted and charged into a group, knocking them over. The two had carved their way almost to the Lich Lord. They had caught glimpses of him as he commanded his army.

The two had kept a close eye out for Brian, but neither had seen him. They broke into a circle of zombies. In the middle was the Lich Lord.

“Very good, you two. You will make fine additions to my zombie horde!” Lawrence announced. He was lounging in a chair; his fingers danced before him. Each twitch of a finger made a zombie lurch toward the two. Britina swept her left hand out, throwing the zombie far away.

Lawrence laughed, “Wonderful! Let’s have some fun.” He stood up, towering over even the tall warrior. He hefted a long spear. He was on top of them in an instant. He was fast. “I kill you myself!”

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Prunhiline moved just in time to block the spear with her war hammer. She felt the shock of the blow down her arms. He was strong. Prunhiline shifted her weight, allowing her to pivot and take a full swing of her war hammer. She struck Lawerence directly in the chest, pitching him backward. The snapping of his ribs caused even the undead to wence.

“Good hit, dear love!” Shouted Britina. She was preparing her next large fireball spell. With Lawrence down, she would cut a hole in the zombie horde that would lead them back safely. They would clean up the zombie horde and be back at the fortress for tea. She winced, remembering dwarves disliked tea; she wondered if the prince could be persuaded to make his special tea later. She swept her hands in front of her, and nothing. Her spell didn’t work.

“What are you doing?” Prunhiline shouted as she slowly made her way towards the mage. The zombies had slowed but had not completely halted.

“I was going to cast a fire spell to get us out of here.” Britina looked at her hands. She felt odd.

“No fire, remember. The King didn’t want to burn down the forest.” Prunhiline scolded the mage.

“I forgot, but I can’t…” Britina screamed in pain when she was struck from behind by a rock.

The two women turned. Lawrence was slowly climbing to his feet. They looked at each other. Prunhiline’s blow should have collapsed his lungs.

“Gooood, blooooow,” Lawrence hissed as he rose. “That shooouuuld have kiiiillled me.” His chest was visibly expanding. “But I’m a Lich Lord!”

Muttering an incantation, Britina swung her hands out, aiming to unleash a blast of arcane energy. Nothing happened.

“I’ve fought mages before, dear love,” Lawrence sneered, standing to his full height. “You are nothing inside a nullification sphere.” Lawrence tapped his amulet. “I’m always prepared.”

Prunhiline chuckled, snatching up a fallen staff and tossing it to Britina. The mage caught it and immediately assumed a defensive stance.

“My wife is a weapons expert!” Britina shouted, "I may have learned a few tricks from her."

The two heroes charged. Prunhiline swung her war hammer high, and Britina dropped to her knees and swung her staff low. Lawrence felt his knee crack at the same time his skull busted open. Prunhiline swung her war hammer over her head and slammed it into Lawrence's skull, crushing it. Britina used her momentum to stand. She swung her staff, stabbing Lawernce in the chest. The blunt staff burst through his skeletal chest. Both women stepped back, dropped into a defensive stance, and were ready for the zombie horde.

The zombies stood and watched. The horde was silent. They had won. A moan started low and began to grow louder. The heroes turned to see Lawernce was starting to pull himself together.

“Shit!” Britina shouted.

“Language!” Prunhiline shouted, “Plan P.”

“On it!” Britina dropped her staff and ran to Lawerence. She grabbed her vile of poison and dumped it into his mostly reformed mouth.

Lawrence's eyes went wide; he began to choke and sputter. “What are you doing?” He shouted. “Is this…” He paused and tasted the poison again, “Pumpkin spice? At least put it in coffee!”

Britina stepped back, “Not poison!”

“Poison, you idiots, it’s spice for coffee!” Lawrence said as he sat up.

“Who puts spice in their coffee? That’s disgusting!” Prunhiline shouted.

“I love pumpkin spice coffee!” Lawrence was standing once again.

“Savage!” Prunhline shouted.

“Dear love,” Biritna interrupted, “I really hate saying this, but it’s time for plan L.”

“Plan L?” Prunhiline and Lawernce said together.

Prunhline’s eyes lit up. Plan L! She reached into her pouch and grabbed a few lemons. She tossed one to Britina. Britina drew her dagger and cut the lemon into two pieces. Prunhiline did the same. Lawrence looked at them with a growing concern.

“What are you doing with lemons?” Lawrence asked, stepping back.

“Attack!” The two women shouted together. They charged Lawrence with the lemons in their outstretched hands. Lawrence turned to run, but they caught him quickly.

“No! Don’t!” Lawrence shouted as they smeared him with lemon juice. “I’m allergic to lemons!” Lawrence threw off the two women and began to run away. "I can feel my throat closing up!"

Britina and Prunhline sat on the ground, looking at the retreating Lich Lord. It worked. It shouldn’t have, but it did. The zombie horde didn’t know what to do. A moan began slowly and then became louder. The horde turned and followed its master.

“We... won?” Britina asked, disbelief creeping into her voice.

“We won!” Prunhiline screamed. “Lemons! I’m the master of lemon weapons; it’s going in my title!”

“Congratulations, dear love,” Britina said, laying back on the grass. "This has got to be the dumbest win we have ever had."

"Meh," Prunhiline shrugged as she lay beside her wife, "I blame the curse."

"Curse?" Britina asked. "What curse?"

"Eh," Prunhiline muttered.

"Eh?" Britina asked again and sighed, "Never mind, we can discuss it later. I will take a victory, even if it's strange." Britina gave Prunhiline a broad smile, "Well, we won, and so it's time for you to recite your title."

Prunhiline pumped her fists into the air, drew a deep breath, and began, “I am Prunhiline of the Plains! Master of sword, shield, war hammer, and, most importantly today, lethal lemons! Slayer of boars, dragons, werewolves, and nemesis of squirrels everywhere! Conqueror of…” You get the idea, Dear Reader. Britina smiled, relaxed, and listened to her wife say her full title. She knew the warrior wouldn’t be able to complete it before they were interrupted, but she was going to let her try.

An hour later, voices were heard coming from the keep, “There they are!” The King, Prince Darren, and Brianna rushed to the pair lying on the ground.

“Are they ok?”

“What’s wrong with Prunhiline? Why is she talking about were-lemurs?”

“Help them up!” The King shouted.

Standing, Britina looked down at Prunhline and said, “Sorry, dear love. Better luck next time.”

Prunhiline jumped up, “Oh, well. I’ll get through it one day.”

The dwarves were a little perplexed. Britina smiled at them, “After a battle, she tries to recite her entire title. We’ve never made it through it.” The dwarves nodded, not wanting any additional explanation.