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CH 59.5

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Rapti placed the ceramic cup in front of me and nodded.

“Thank you,” I said as I reached out to take it. It was warm and steaming a little, so I simply held it for warmth and allowed it to cool a little.

“I’m glad you’re here. Vim doesn’t eat or drink, usually, so now I don’t need to feel gluttonous when I eat or drink,” Rapti said with a tiny smile as she went to sit down across from me.

Vim wasn’t here right now. He had left for a short time, to go get something. He planned to have us leave in the next day or two, so I was spending as much time with Rapti as I could. During the day she spent all her time at her church, so it was not easy.

I didn’t mind the church, but I had several distinct traits that made it… difficult for me to blend in. Even if I wore the same religious garb as she while there, I couldn’t help but feel on edge. What if I got seen? It’d endanger Rapti as much as me, and that made me too terrified to risk it.

“Gluttonous…?” I asked. Was that the word they used to describe when someone ate a lot?

“One of the sins. Gluttony. To indulge. It always feels like I’m being selfish when I eat or drink near Vim, since I’m usually the only one who gets to enjoy the acts,” Rapti explained.

Ah so it was that word. She had just said it oddly. “I’ll be more than happy to eat and drink more than you so don’t hold back,” I said.

Rapti’s smile grew. “Very kind of you. I must ask though, you seem to know certain things but lacking in others… do you know religion?” she asked.

I nodded. “I had spent a long time with Nory, a human, who basically had been like you. A nun, I suppose,” I said. I didn’t tell her that Nory had in the last half of her life abandoned her bible and god, and had only reached out for it again when on her death bed. It was a sad thing.

Rapti’s smile lessened as she tilted her head. “Did you really…?” she asked softly.

I nodded. “I… found her when she was younger. She had been abused, so… well…” I shrugged, and decided I really didn’t want to really talk about it with her. Not because I felt she didn’t deserve to hear about Nory, but because of whom she was.

I didn’t want to tell this obviously devout woman that the reason Nory had suffered, was by men wearing the same cloth as her.

“It’s very kind of you to cherish the children of humans. Is she the only one you’ve ever done such a thing for?” Rapti asked.

“No. I also took care of two others. Lujic and Ginny. I had found them near a battlefield, half dead. I… to be honest I think I have a soft spot for abused children,” I said as I looked down from Rapti’s knowing gaze, to the warm cup in my hands.

It was obvious why. Because of my own past. My own childhood.

But I didn’t want to say it. Not even to myself.

“I personally believe there’s no greater gift we can give than life. You should be proud of what you’ve done, Renn,” Rapti said kindly. Likely misinterpreting why I had looked away. Had she thought I had been ashamed to admit I had taken care of children? Human children?

I nodded. “I agree completely. I’m so glad to meet so many who believe similar, I had originally been a little worried to be honest,” I said.

“Worried? Why?” Rapti asked as she took a tiny drink from her own cup.

“Well… At Ruvindale… The Sleepy Artist, well…” I hesitated and wondered if I should say anything. After all, Rapti was supposedly good friends with Crane and…

“Ah… Did Crane say something? About humans?” Rapti then asked.

I startled, and wondered how she had known. “Well… not really. But they had been so against helping Amber when she was hurt, that well…” I felt horrible as I quickly spoke, since I felt like I was talking bad about people who likely didn’t honestly deserve it.

“I see… I can see how you’d think like that. I hadn’t been there, myself, so I don’t know how bad it had been but I can understand,” Rapti said softly.

Saying nothing, I studied the way Rapti was looking at me. The look of pure pity hurt.

“I would have done as you did, Renn. I would have done everything I could have to save her. No matter the consequences. But… I’m a child of my god. Crane, and the rest there, had not been believers. They do not see life or duty the way we do. Crane, for as much as I love her, only tolerates humans thanks to the human couple who had raised her. Her love for them only goes so far. Not far enough, in my own opinion, and I’ve always done my best to try and correct her views when able to,” Rapti said.

Feeling odd, I realized suddenly that this was something Rapti knew a lot about. Maybe far more than I did. “She had been raised by humans?” I asked.

Rapti nodded. “Her parents had abandoned her, and a pair of gentle but simple humans raised her. I met her near their end, they had gone on a pilgrimage in their last years to earn penance and Crane had joined them. It’s how she joined the Society, by meeting me,” Rapti explained.

Oh my…! Such a story. “I’m sorry for speaking ill of your friend,” I said softly, feeling horrible.

Rapti shook her head. “It’s okay. I know full well what you meant, Renn. I know that Crane likely did readily abandon Amber… even if the result was the one they had likely claimed would happen… and… well…” Rapti went quiet as she studied me, and I shifted a tad and wondered what she was seeing now. My excitement to hear about her and Crane’s past? To hear I’d been forgiven? To hear she shared the same sentiments I did?

She tilted her head at me. “Do you believe in god, Renn?” she then asked.

“Oh… I don’t know. I liked reading Nory’s bible, and hearing her talk about her faith… but I’ve honestly not learned much more about it than that. She… well…” I realized I’d not be able to keep it hidden, not now, so I decided to just tell her. Taking a small breath, I nodded. “Nory abandoned her faith for most of her life. Because of what happened to her. To those she had tried to help. It wasn’t until later in life that she picked up her bible again. So I honestly only got to read and learn about it for a short time, all things considered,” I added.

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Rapti’s eyes widened a little as she listened, and then she slowly smiled. “I see. I too have known many to do the same. Troubled souls who get lost, only to find their way once more. I’m glad she did in the end,” Rapti said.

I nodded, but wasn’t really sure if that’s what I would have gotten from such a statement. Did she not want to know why or how Nory had originally tossed her faith aside…? Didn’t it matter?

Rapti didn’t seem to think it did as she leaned forward a little. “Still, whether you believe or not… it seems you embody our faith’s morals and ethics. For you to have been willing to risk death, or banishment, for Amber… a human, is the proof of that. I praise you for it, and I’m glad you’re the way you are. But be careful, Renn, most of the Society does not share our views on life and love,” Rapti warned.

“Isn’t there a church? In the Society? What about them?” I asked.

“The Cathedral…? Well…” Rapti hesitated as she frowned, and I too frowned because of it. Was she about to tell me something sad?

“They are indeed members of the cloth. I can’t deny that. But… be careful, Renn. You’ll find that those of the cloth, even when draped in holy garb and speaking the words of our gods, they can be just as dark and evil as the things they preach against,” Rapti said.

A tiny shiver ran down my spine, and then through my tail. “I’ve encountered that before. Should… I not go to the Cathedral then? Vim plans to take me there,” I asked quietly, as if he was here to listen.

She shook her head. “I can’t say. There’s no danger for you at the Cathedral. They’ll protect you there as much as anyone. I just… well… be careful. Those in Telmik would have abandoned Amber as quickly as Crane and the rest did. Their religion would not have changed their views on the risk involved,” Rapti said gently.

I blinked as I sat up a little straighter and nodded. “I see… So faith isn’t enough, is it?” I asked.

“For some, if not most, then no. It isn’t. It’s… a strange thing. And to be honest with you, it’s why I live away from the others. I don’t hate them, but… well…” Rapti nodded, not willing to say the rest.

I gulped and nodded back, since I understood her completely.

So she was the same. She loved them; saw them as friends and family, yet… at the same time…

Was disappointed in them. For the same reasons as me.

For not being better.

“What do you think Vim would have done, Rapti?” I asked softly.

“He would not have abandoned Amber. And likely would not have allowed it to happen in the first place,” Rapti answered without hesitation.

Gripping my cup tighter, I realized it was now cool. I took a drink, to hopefully cool my heart, but found the contents to be warmer than I had thought.

Putting the cup back down, I sighed. “There’s so much I don’t know, or understand… but I feel like even if I learn everything there is I won’t change much. A part of me wondered if… after many years in the Society, I’d end up more like Crane and the rest. To have been willing to leave Amber to die. But I just don’t see how that could happen,” I said.

“Because you’re a good person, Renn. And such goodness doesn’t fade or die, no matter what happens to us. If you’d entertain my opinion, I’d say I hope you never change. Please always do your best to help those less fortunate than us. We’re so lucky, we’re blessed, so it’s only right we share what we can,” Rapti said.

“Blessed…?” I asked. We were? Really?

She nodded as she raised her hands and cupped them, as if to pray. “Healthy bodies. Long lives. Strength, and more. Our gods gave us many things most could only dream about… so we should pity the humans and those of our kind who are weak and timid. To stand tall since they cannot,” Rapti said.

Humbled, I watched in awe as Rapti then bowed her head and genuinely prayed. To give thanks to all she had, and would have.

For some reason my eyes teared up at the sight. She really was a true devout, wasn’t she?

She reminded me of Nory.

It was too bad I couldn’t stay here longer and spend more time with her. Though something told me she may not have enjoyed such a thing. Rapti seemed to enjoy her solitude.

“Amen,” Rapti finished her prayer and nodded.

“Hm… Would you mind teaching me a little about your faith, Rapti?” I asked.

The woman perked up, blinked at me, and then smiled greatly. “Oh yes! Would you like to join me tomorrow? Tomorrow is the day the local orphanage comes to learn, you can join me if you like,” Rapti said.

Orphanage…? “Sure… As long as I won’t be a bother,” I said.

Rapti giggled a little. “Please. You’re far from a bother,” she said.

I smiled and accepted her kind comment, and wondered if this meant she planned to go to bed early. She did seem to be an early to bed, early to rise, type of person. Though the first few nights we had been here she had slept early I think to cry and rest from learning about Crane’s fate.

“How joyous. It’s been a long time since anyone’s shared an interest like you. I’m glad Vim hasn’t corrupted you just yet,” Rapti said.

“Corrupted…?” I asked.

“Hm… Vim does not agree with our faiths. He has his reasons, I’m sure, and it’s not that he outright blasphemies against them… but…” Rapti sighed and nodded, telling me that Vim’s beliefs, or rather lack of, likely bothered her.

“Would he intentionally try to sway someone’s opinion though?” I asked. So far as I’ve been able to tell, Vim was not the kind of man to do such a thing. If anything he seemed to just… let anyone do whatever they wanted, really, as long as they didn’t break any of the Societies rules.

“No. Of course not. But you are what you eat, as they say,” Rapti said.

Eat…? Was she saying I ate Vim? Or…

I frowned, and then smiled at the phrase. She was basically saying that by associating with Vim for too long, I’d eventually become tainted by his views and beliefs. Just by association, supposedly.

“I’ve never heard that before. That’s a neat saying,” I said.

“Really…?” Rapti frowned at me, and did so in a way that told me she was very surprised to hear so. Maybe it was a rather common saying.

Taking a drink as I enjoyed the moment, I was so very glad that Vim had allowed me to stay a member of the Society. This was wonderful. I couldn’t wait to meet more people, and experience and learn more things.

Everyone was so different. Yet so preciously similar. I was glad to learn there were some who were like me, even if only partly. Even if Rapti’s beliefs were shaped firmly, and maybe even solely, because of her faith… I was glad to learn she would have chosen Amber too. Especially since it would have meant going against her friend’s wishes.

Lilly wouldn’t have. She hated humans. Porka and the rest of those at Twin Hills wouldn’t have either, barring Traxalla. That old snake had been the only one to see humans as something other than annoyance to put up with.

So…

“Shall we have a light snack before dinner?” Rapti asked gently as she went to stand, likely to go and grab whatever she had in mind.

I nodded excitedly, and looked forward to my day with her tomorrow. To learn more about her faith… and spend time with her as well.

Maybe she’d be able to teach me a little more about the Society as well. So that I could learn more about who I should be, and who I should become. Since Vim didn’t seem to care where or what I did, in his own strange way…

Maybe before Vim decided to abandon me somewhere I’d figure it out on my own. Maybe I’d find my own place. My own purpose.

To earn this strange happiness that the Society gave me.