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CH 36.5

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My dreams had been horrible.

The room felt warm, and not just because I was under thick covers.

It smelled a little odd, but I could just barely smell anything. My nose was plugged thanks to how much I had been crying.

Groaning softly as I continued waking up, I did my best to not let my heart shatter as I remembered all that had recently happened.

Ruvindale. Amber’s death. Being banished… traveling alone through that dark forest. Lilly and her husband… finding Vim…

It was hard. Those memories were so fresh, and so… vivid. Almost as vivid as my nightmares had just been.

The lingering resentment and sorrow that loomed over my heart and mind made me feel like a kid again. Although in a warm bed, in a warm house, without any wounds or sickness… I felt just as I had when lying in that pit so many years ago. Alone. Terrified. Angry at myself and others with no way to reason the anger away.

Opening my eyes, I winced at the feeling of burning eyes. I could feel not just the fresh tears, but the long dried ones. My whole face was likely a mess and…

“Hm.”

I went still, and my heart thumped a little in a panic as I realized I wasn’t alone. I turned a little, and felt very self-conscious as I stared up at a beautiful woman.

One with ears on top of her head. Kind of like Lomi’s, though hers were a slight orange in color.

“Good morning Renn. My name is Porka,” The beautiful woman greeted me. She was sitting next to the bed on a small chair, and looked… a little worried for some reason.

I slowly sat up, and reached up to wipe off my face. As I did though Porka held out a cloth, which I sheepishly accepted.

“Thanks,” I said as I used it to clean off my face.

I had cried all night long. And it seemed even when I had fallen asleep, those tears hadn’t ended.

“I apologize about waking you. But I wanted to make sure of something before Vim did anything stupid,” Porka said gently.

“Huh…?” I stopped wiping my face as I frowned at her. Vim…? I looked around the room and was kind of relieved he wasn’t here.

Porka smiled at me. “Unlike the others here, I know Vim’s methods rather well. I’d seen them myself many times. So… I want to speak with you a little, if that’s okay,” Porka said.

I nodded slowly, not sure if I understood her meaning.

She was pretty though. I felt a little out of place near her. It wasn’t often I met such beautiful women. Usually they were people I only saw from a distance. She was the type that drew eyes. I knew if I had seen her in a crowd I would have noticed her immediately and wouldn’t have been able to keep my eyes off her.

Nory would have found her lovely.

“You’re the mother. The one Vim hoped Lomi would be accepted by,” I said as I realized who she was.

She nodded. “I’ve indeed claimed her. Or well, to be more honest my children did. She’s only known them for a week and already she’s as much a sister to them as if she’d been born from my very womb,” Porka said.

I blushed for some reason.

Porka smiled at me. “Lomi has told me that you’re a very nice lady. That you treated her very well, and she enjoyed her time with you. She’s also dying to come see you, by the way, so I’ll try not to take too much of your time,” Porka said.

Oh…! Right. Lomi was here. I nodded. “I’d like to see her too. I uh… um…” I hesitated and wondered what to say.

Did she know why I was here?

Likely. She didn’t seem too concerned over my crying.

I blushed for a different reason as I realized she had likely been sitting there watching me weep in my sleep. How embarrassing.

“It’s okay. You’re safe and all is well. It’s why I’m here,” she said.

“You’re…?” I spoke, but by doing so made some snot drip from my nose. I quickly went to wipe it off, and felt ridiculous.

Come on Renn…!

Porka smiled in a way that told me she wasn’t bothered at all. “I’m told you’re older than you look. Maybe even as old as I am,” she said.

“I uh… I don’t know. I’m not as young as I look though, no,” I said as I finished wiping my face again.

“I see. Have you ever had children, Renn?” she asked.

“No… not myself. But I’ve raised them. Though… human ones, not uh…” I hesitated and felt bad. Were human children any less important than our own? Somehow I wanted to say they were, but at the same time it felt like it was insulting and wrong to do so.

Porka hummed a little. “I see. That must have been painful,” she said gently.

“Painful…?” Why would it be painful?

“I couldn’t imagine raising a child so dearly only to watch them grow old and die before I knew it. I can barely handle watching my own children grow older, so I can’t imagine how that must have felt,” she clarified.

Oh…

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I nodded slowly. “It had hurt, yes,” I agreed.

Porka knowingly nodded. “So you too, even if you’ve not been a true mother, you know what I mean. You know how important a child is to us women, right?” Porka asked.

I nodded.

“Good. That means I don’t need to worry. Between that and your obvious tears… I don’t think I need to worry at all, do I?” she asked, maybe herself more than me.

“I… you…” I hesitated again and gulped. “You came to see if I was a threat to your children…?” I asked, about to weep again. My eyes protested, and stung in anticipation of the tears.

“Yes and no. With Vim here… I don’t need to worry over the safety of my family. What I came here instead was to make sure you’d not hurt Lomi or my children in a different way. Not in a physical one, but something deeper,” Porka said.

I sniffed. “I don’t understand.”

“Vim’s debating if he should banish or kill you. If he does either of those things… Lomi will weep. And her heart breaking will make the hearts of my other children shatter as well, in sympathy. Then of course, that means mine will too,” Porka explained.

My own heart shattered as I began to cry again.

Lowering my head, I did my best to try and control it. To keep myself from breaking. It was hard. So, so, hard.

“It’s okay. I can tell you’re fine. It’s okay,” Porka reached over and grabbed my shoulder. She gave me a soft, but firm, squeeze… as if to really let me know it was okay.

“I’m so sorry,” I sobbed.

“It’s okay. Really. I’m sorry to have bothered you. I… hope you’ll forgive me for putting you in such a position. As a mother, please forgive me,” she said.

I nodded. “It’s okay. I’d have done the same,” I said. How could I blame her…? She had wanted to make sure her family would be safe. From me.

If anything it only made me jealous even more. Why hadn’t my mother been like her?

“Blow your nose, dear,” Porka said gently.

Ah. Right. I nodded as I went to do so. As I did I found myself calming down a little, even though my eyes remained watery I stopped sobbing quickly after blowing my nose into the cloth.

After doing so, I sniffed again and noticed Porka grinning at me.

“You blow your nose like my daughter,” she noted.

I… did…? What did that mean? Did I do it funny? Wrong? I felt weird as I hesitated and wondered what to say, or do.

“You’re rather adorable. I’m surprised Crane banished you. She likes adorable people. But she’s also a moody bird, so…” Porka shrugged.

I gulped. “I scared them,” I said softly.

“I heard. It’s okay. You’ll find that you’ll likely end up scaring a lot of our people. But there will also be those like Lomi and us who aren’t so easily scared by our own shadows,” Porka said gently.

“Mhm…” I nodded; glad to hear the comforting words… even if I knew she was only saying them to make me feel better.

“Is it true you didn’t know about us until now?” Porka then asked.

“The Society…? Yes. I had not realized there were so many of us. I’m… still a little shocked about it, to be honest… which is why… well… I…” I took a deep, stuttering breath as I kept myself from crying again.

“Which is why you’re so terrified. It’s okay. I think you’ll be fine. Someone who cried their heart out in their sleep, and just now over the mere thought of losing us isn’t about to get banished I think,” Porka said with a small giggled.

I wanted to tell her this wasn’t something to giggle about, but her laugh sounded wonderful. It made me smile. I wished my own giggle sounded so lovely, I bet Nory would have liked that.

“Plus…” Porka hesitated a moment as she studied me. “Did Lilly bring you here?” she asked.

I nodded and sniffed at the same time.

“Then yeah. I’d not worry. Lilly can be as cruel as Vim. If she didn’t feel the need to slay you on sight, I bet you’re fine. All will be well, you’ll see,” Porka said, happy to do so.

Taking a deep breath I nodded. “I hope so.”

“Mhm…!” Porka nodded again, and gave me a huge smile. My heart nearly melted at the sight of it.

By the gods she was lovely. My heart couldn’t take this. So many emotions, good and bad, so quickly were exhausting.

“I suggest taking a bath. A warm one. I’ll go get it ready for you,” Porka said after a moment.

“I took one last night,” I said. I had almost fallen asleep in it.

“Trust me on this. Nothing beats a good soak after crying,” Porka said.

Well… she wasn’t wrong… I suppose.

“I know this is a tough time for you. I know you likely are full of unsurity and concern… but for now, just take it easy. Spend a few days resting. Spend time with Lomi. Eat good food. Drink, if you like alcohol. You predators sometimes don’t,” Porka said.

I smiled at her motherly personality. “Can I meet your other children?” I asked.

“Of course you can. You’ll regret it though, they’re rowdy.”

My smile warmed as I nodded. I looked forward to it.

“And don’t worry too much about Vim. Trust me… if he had truly believed you did wrong, or deserved death, you’d already be dead. So don’t fret over that either,” Porka said.

“Easy to say,” I whispered.

“Yes. It is. Because I know him. Vim is our protector. He is gentle with us, but not the rest of the world,” she said.

“You just said he’s considering killing me,” I said softly.

She smiled. “That’s because he’s playing by the rules. He’s likely already decided you’re in not at fault… he just has to go through the motions and prove your innocence before he can readily claim so. Don’t worry. Trust me, he’d not have allowed you into this house, to eat dinner and sleep soundly, if he thought you were actually a threat to any of us,” she said.

“Then…” I spoke softly, afraid to say it.

“Then why did I come to verify it…? Because I’m a mother. And because, like I said… I know Vim. I’ve seen many times how he’s handled those like you,” she said as she stood from her seat.

A part of me was sad to see her go. Her heart was as pretty as her face, I wanted to bask in its presence more. “What should I do?” I asked her.

“Be yourself. Don’t stress too deeply. Rest. And… make sure you don’t let Vim scare you. I know he can be scary, and imposing, but he’s a good man. He really is,” Porka said as she pulled her chair back away from the bed.

I gulped. “I know he is. He was… is… gentle with Lomi,” I said.

“Hm…? Oh. Yes. Vim is surprisingly good with children. Hard not to be when you’re as old as him, I guess,” she said.

Was that it…? My father and grandfather had been old too… and they hadn’t been anything like that. Nothing like him.

Porka stepped away, and I hesitated as I realized I still held her cloth. I felt weird since I knew I shouldn’t offer it back to her. It was covered in my snot and tears. Maybe I should wash it or something first.

“Welcome to Twin Hills, Renn. I know you’re unsure right now but… enjoy your stay. Try not to get lost in the wheat, and make sure you hide your ears and tail if you leave the house. The humans work in the fields here and don’t know about us,” Porka warned me.

I nodded. Vim and that pudgy man, Montclair the squirrel had already warned me about the human workers. I hadn’t needed to worry about them last night, since they had all returned home before I had arrived but now they were likely back and at work in the fields around us.

“You want me to tell Lomi to give you a moment?” Porka asked as she went to the door.

“No. I’d like to hug her,” I said as I went to get out of bed.

Porka giggled as she opened the door. “Glad to hear it.”

Before I even fully stood Lomi ran in to tackle me in a hug.

“Renn…!” she shouted up at me, and I immediately broke as I bent down to return her hug.

Crying again, I held the small girl close… and allowed her tiny little shoulders to support my bruised soul.