Episode 12: Part 2

When you hear a silly voice say something unsettling, it rattles your bones. Upon hearing that squeaky voice, a pang of terror shot up my epic spine. Ok it didn’t, but if this is really the final episode of the first season, then I have to make it more dramatic somehow.

Best Friend stands in front of me, but regrettably it’s so close that I can’t check out his booty. “Come out wherever your hiding and meet your end,” he says, biting into his hand to form a sword.

He catches Tsundy beaming at him and glares at her.

Yeah, that ship has sailed and been set on fire by your own hand. He’s all mine now, Tsundy.

“Why are we just standing here! Whoever said that is probably stashing away buckets of blood in their body! I’m gonna keep cutting till I hit the jackpot!” yells Yandy, rushing ahead through the tunnel.

“Boo!” exclaims a voice behind me.

I turn around and punch whoever did that in the face.

“You hit me. I’m bruised,” says Dandy, holding the mark fondly.

“You’re welcome? I wasn’t scared by the way. It’s just a badass reflex.” I pose, showing off my muscles and my hair goes around my arms to make them look bigger.

“You shouldn’t hit her, moron. She gets unfocused when she’s aroused,” said Tsundy, peering into the pure darkness ahead.

“Why don’t you go and see if Yandy’s alright?” asks Best Friend.

Tsundy shuffles in place. “Well, I’m actually deathly afraid of the dark. It’s a semi-mental thing.”

Glasses Kid coughs. “It’s called sentimental.”

“You’re scared of the dark or what could be hiding inside?” I ask, waving my hands around.

“I’m afraid there’s nothing inside.” Tears well up in her eyes. “And I’m tomboy enough to admit to my fears!”

“But not tomboy enough to face them. You do not make my heart tremble,” says Best Friend with an intense glare of disappointment.

Tsundy was shaken to her core.

I feel bad for her. That look…there’s nothing in the universe more devastating. Sorry Majin Boob.

“I’ll be your guide. Just be careful kay,” says Stalker, shining a light in front of us.

Brawny Babe moves to the front and readies her bow. “Bodies not killed.”

“Are you saying they got stuck here and died of old age?” asks Glasses Kid.

“Or maybe they’re all skeleton enemies waiting to strike.” My hair juts out and crushes several skulls.

“Suicide.” Brawny Babe hoists up a fresh corpse. His finger are buried in his eyes. “InaShikaCho.” Her face goes pale.

“We must leave now,” says Best Friend, grabbing my shirt sleeve.

“You can’t!” whines Dandy.

“Why not?” asks Best Friend.

She taps her fingers together. “Well…umm I thought it would be more scary if we were all trapped here so I caused a…little cave in.”

What the hell is wrong with this individual whose gender identity I fully respect but don’t understand?

“She does this sometimes,” says Tsundy, scratching her head.

“Main doesn’t have the defenses to combat mental attacks. He got a headache from Miss Leechy’s info sessions. He will die.” Best Friend draws his blade. “But she’ll die first.” He points it at Dandy.

“Hey! Stop spoiling her! She’s lying to upset you. That’s what I meant. She created a barrier to keep the enemy off us. It will go away in about half an hour.” Tsundy looks at the dark beyond and gulps. “Problem is I don’t know if Yandy can last that long.”

A wretched scream suddenly reverberates through the cave.

“Well, at least the traitor is dead.” Glasses Kid walks to the front and turns to us. “Who will survive this ordeal. Oh, the excitement is blanketing me in its warmth.”

“She can’t be dead,” says Dandy softly.

“And why is that? Because you’re actually the traitor?” Glasses Kid smirks at her fiendishly.

Dandy blushes. “Huh? What?” She covers her face. “Maybe.” She starts giggling with a dorky face.

I whack Glasses Kid upside the head. “One thing at a time. Let’s get out of here! Then we can worry about locating the traitor.”

“What if the traitor led us here to kill us off. Did you think of that?” asks Glasses Kid.

“Not another word. We need to stay focused,” says Best Friend. “Let’s find a way out of here.”

Tsundy crouches down to Glasses Kid. “Why aren’t you afraid?”

“Because I know the cure to suicide.”

“You do?” asks Stalker, drying her eyes.

“Yep. And I just told it to Yandy,” he says, pulling out his pad.

“Thank you!” Tsundy lifts him up and embraces him, smothering his face in the soft bounciness of boobs.

Did he say that just to get boobage?

“Die! Shine! Kurosu!” yells Yandy in the distance.

“Looks like she located the enemy.”

Tsundy crouches down and buries her face in the light of Stalker’s hand. “I’m coming to save you!” she yells as she rushes off.

“That’s two potential traitors down and no blood on our hands,” says Glasses Kid with a look of satisfaction.

Dandy starts crying. “No! You have to save them. I’m the traitor. Please help them.”

“Wait, you really are the traitor?” I ask. “Then Flam wasn’t yanking my collar?”

Glasses Kid puts his hands behind his head. “She might be the traitor, buuuut she’s also a liar. So there’s really no way of knowing.” He walks ahead into the darkness.

“It’s true I am a liar! But I know them and they aren’t the traitors. They both care about heroes. I’m the bad girl who only cares about myself.”

“If you’re a girl then I’m the princess of a backwater kingdom. More lies. You’re wasting our time!” hollers Glasses Kid from the darkness.

I grab Best Friend’s arm. “Are we really going to let them all die?”

“Not all of them.” He turns his blade on Dandy. “Pure intent or not, ending your life would get rid of the barrier. Make amends for your life of selfishness. Go down on your knees and die.”

“Huh?” Dandy backs away into the darkness with a terrified face.

Best Friend throws blood daggers at the shadows in the distance. “Stalker, shine the light behind us now so I can end her and get us out of here!”

“No. She’s not a bad person,” says Stalker, trembling in place.

“Do you want Main to die?” asks Best Friend.

“Hey hold it! If I survive without my harem then I’m not worthy of being a hero. Yeah, there are two other members elsewhere, but two is just a damn love triangle. I worked hard for this harem and I won’t lose it!” I rush into the darkness, swallowing my fear and brandishing my pride.

“Stop!” yells Best Friend.

Something hits my foot and I fall to the ground. I yank it out. It’s a blood kunai.

“You hurt me.” I look up at him with teary eyes.

“I’d sever off your arms and legs if it was to protect you. I’d even end your life,” he says with a quivering smile.

Holy shit I have a raging hard on for this whole Yandere thing he’s doing. To bad the blood is also rushing out from my leg wound.

Glasses Kid pops out from the darkness. “Haha! That was quite the show.”

“Wait. A show?” Best Friend picks up the little twerp. “Did you make us hear those sounds?”

Glasses Kid shakes his head. “And I made you see the skeletons too. Look, you’re not leaving this place without confronting InaShikaCho so stop stalling or I’ll get bored.”

“You just don’t want me killing the traitor. Maybe she’s your ally,” says Best Friend.

“Brawny Babe, be a dear and tell him what InaShikaCho is.”

She nods. “Scary monster.”

Glasses Kid rolls his eyes. “It’s a StarBourne and not just any StarBourne, It’s a Primordial StarBourne.”

“Yes, shiny scary monster.” Brawny Bade nods.

“If you’re lying, I’ll slice out that tongue,” says Best Friend, putting a blade in Glasses Kid’s mouth.

“You don’t scare me. I’m telling the truth and if you die trying to claim the star, then I’ll be free regardless.”

“A StarBorne. Isn’t that what powers up Flam’s generals?” I ask.

Stolen from Royal Road, this story should be reported if encountered on Amazon.

“How do you know that?” asks Best Friend.

“Wait. How do I know that? And hey, how do you know about them too?” I ask with a confused look.

“I lent him my Monsterpedia of Steam Punk,” says Glasses Kid with a shrug.

“Why didn’t I ever get to see that?”

“Well, you don’t like to read.”

Oh yeah, good point.

A bloodsoaked figure appears from the shadows.

I scream like a grown man and Stalker pretends to be scared too so she has an excuse to jump into my arms.

“How powerful is it?” asks Best Friend, looking at the bloodied Yandy in front of him.

“It’s cowardly!” The yandere slices her scarred arms with a knife in frustration. “These are self-inflicted. The damn thing ran from me and it pissed me off!”

Tsundy runs out from the shadows and hugs Yandy. “Don’t run off like that. I was so worried about you.” The tomboy cries in her friend’s arms.

Look. The pronoun game is too tricky to keep up with. So they’re all going to be addressed as girls until they tell me what pronoun gets them wet. Got it? Good.

Brawny Babe points to a spot in the darkness above us. “Monster there.”

“Then shoot it,” says Best Friend.

She shakes her head. “Misfire could be dangerous.”

Well then! Time for me to steal the scene and vanquish this beast!

Runt tosses me Friendship. “Got you covered!”

“Thanks!” I aim Friendship. “The heart is the strongest weapon in the universe.”

The gun backfires and steam comes out.

“Um, are you sick? I didn’t think guns could get sick, unless they’re also dogs,” I say, winking at Best Friend.

“InaShikaCho is an abomination,” says Friendship, quivering in my hands.

“Then as alchemists it’s our duty to kill it while preaching about the importance of life,” I say with a thumbs up.

“I’m a…failure too.”

“That would explain the dud shot.”

“No, you $#!+head! I refuse to hurt it…to hurt her. We’re the same.”

“Well then what the hell are we supposed to do?” I ask, shaking my rocket launcher.

“You could try talking to it.”

Glasses Kid shakes his head. “Its voice is how it drives people to suicide. At least that’s my hypothesis. There’s a village at the end of the cave but we’d have to get past that creature.”

Best Friend closes his eyes and readies a blood spear. “Not an option. We need that star.”

“Hey, I don’t need some deus ex machina to beat Flam.”

Best Friend looks away from me. “Yes…you do. You’re not strong enough.”

He throws the spear and it stops in place. “That’s odd.”

“Nyeheheheh! I’m too cute to harm,” says the squeaky voice of InaShikaCho.

My hair fists shoot up and rapidly punch the cave ceiling where the voice came from. “You’re too cute to be allowed to live. No way am I taking up such an adorable mascot in my gritty story!”

My plan works and the creature loses its grip and falls. We can only see a shadowy silhouette levitating in place before us.

“Don’t shine the light on it. Could be like Medusa,” says Glasses Kid.

“It will die.” Brawny Babe unloads a full clip into the creature. Sadly every arrow stops before hitting the abomination.

“Hmm, perhaps it’s like a living magnet,” says Glasses Kid.

The creature looms closer.

“Stalker, turn off your light!” yells Best Friend.

She nods, leaving us in total darkness.

The creature in front of us starts shining brightly. “Aren’t I cute?”

It looks like a smiley face star with shimmering eyes and a bright golden aura.

I fall to my knees, gripping my chest.

Goddamn that thing is cute. Cuteness really does make humans weak.

Best Friend approaches it. “I’m sorry but you must surrender your life. I assure you your sacrifice won’t be wasted.” He sharpens his blood blade but is unable to bring it down. “Too…cute.” His hand quivers as it slowly descends on the StarBorne.

The StarBorne giggles and Best Friend falls to his knees in tears. “I…failed.”

“A being with the power to render malicious intent inert. How fascinating,” says Glasses Kid.

The StarBorne looks down at him and giggles. “You’re cute too.”

Brawny Babe approaches the creature with stars in her eyes. She places her hand atop it. “Friend now. No longer alone.”

“Thanks mister,” says the star with a bright smile.

Brawny Babe falls to her knees in misery. “Should be hurt but…the cute.”

Yandy leaps onto my back. “Cute! Cute! Cute! That’s all I hear! Well let me tell you something, starfish! I hate cute things! I just wanna chop them up until they’re an ugly pile of flesh!” She thrusts her katana cleaver at the creature but stops when Tsundy blocks her path. “Why are you protecting that monster?”

“My legs…moved on their own,” she says, her body moving to block Yandy.

Glasses Kid taps his chin. “Hmm. It still doesn’t make sense. Why did all the people here commit suicide? StarBorne’s naturally attract heroes but what killed them.”

The StarBorne starts shaking while keeping its cheerful smile.

Eesh that was creepy.

“Um, is that normal?” asks Stalker, her eyes glued to the mythical marvel.

“They said I wasn’t cute. So…I made them go boop.” The creature giggles.

“Even strictly scientifically speaking, you are adorable. It’s not really up for debate.” Glasses Kid paces around. “Of course! You’re like the light of the angler fish. There must be some hideous form you’re hiding!”

The StarBorne had a little seizure again. “When you say bad things…you aren’t very cute.” It giggles with a hint of malice.

Yandy’s every strike gets deflected by Tsundy’s fists. “Why won’t you let me kill it? They’re stuck until that bundle of joy becomes a puddle of blood!”

“I can’t explain it. My body is on autopilot,” says Tsundy.

Best Friend pulls his blood sword into his body. “Why are you killing heroes?”

Mascot gazes at the corpses that litter the cave. “I don’t see any heroes. Just ugly skeletons. You all are gonna be skeletons too! Only I stay cute forever!” It does a little twirl.

I pound my chest getting my heart to restart but Brawny Babe is out cold. I try to call upon my hair to rescue her but it instead comes out as snakes, entranced by the glow of the StarBorne.

How dare this thing steal my spotlight. I want to punch it right in it’s ug…damn it! I can’t even think that it’s ugly.

“Stalker. We’ve no other option. Shine your light on that creature.”

“If I do…I may actually die from the cuteness,” says Stalker, wiggling in joy while fear took over her face.

“Worry not. These heroes had flashlights.” Glasses Kid walks away from the creature and picks up a nearby flashlight.

“How did you move?” asks Tsundy.

“I simply acknowledge it’s cute and then move past it. A genius like me can’t be beaten so easily.” He dusts off the flashlight and then shines it at the StarBorne.

Our faces turn from smitten to horrified.

“Chimera,” says Stalker in terror.

Indeed it was. The StarBorne was a blend of multiple creatures. The creatures body looks like a pig that had been cooked after it’s skin was torn off. It’s butterfly wings were dark and misty, giving off a terrifying vibe. The antlers on the abomination were twisty and jagged. The star face may have been cute, but this floating pig, butterfly, deer, star thing was truly hideous.

My fingers move on their own to tear out my eyes. Best Friend slams into me and pins down my hands all the while seething with disgust.

“Stop!” I yell.

The StarBorne turns, making a bell sound when its gruesome body undulates.

“Sometimes action and titties aren’t enough to capture the heart of the masses. The most effective pandering is cuteness. Plus, mascots give a huge boost to successful merchandising. I wouldn’t accept any cute creature to be the accompanying mascot on my quest, but you’re both adorable and gruesome. InaShikaCho, I hereby decree you are Mascot. You are both hideous and adorable. You should shoulder both your sides with pride like Todorokiki.”

The light of the star went out, ending the disgust we felt instantly.

“You…want me?” asks Mascot, showering me with tears as it hugs me.

“I sure do! Now, come on! Let’s get out of this cave!”

Glasses Kid opens his satchel and covers Mascot with it. “There we go. Now we have our own super weapon.”

“Can we really trust you with that power?” asks Best Friend, staring at Glasses Kid with apprehension.

“You still don’t trust me.” Glasses Kid shook his head.

I grab Best Friend’s hand. “Hey. Don’t kill Mascot, okay? He’s one of us now. I can fight Flam without absorbing his power. Not sure how I would absorb it anyway honestly.” I scratch my head.

Best Friend smiles. “You’ve chosen a new path. I suppose we’ll see where it leads soon enough. I only hope you’re strong enough for him.”

“I know you’ll be strong enough.” Stalker leads the way until we’re out of the cave.

“I miss the spooky cave already,” says Dandy, looking sluggish and sad.

“Hey, cheer up. Remember the good times and look forward to the future,” I say, glowing with enthusiasm.

“Wow! You’re so wise, big brother!” Stalker beams at me.

“Or I just gave him something wise to say,” says Glasses Kid, swiping on his Epad.

Tsundy claps her hands to get our attention. “There’s a village not far from here. I don’t particularly like it but its where I told Dere Dere to meet us anyway.”

“Can we trust any of you?” asks Best Friend, glaring at Dandy, who was cowering behind Tsundy.

I put an arm on his shoulder. “Relax. Betrayals are great for building intrigue. Just look at Berzerker! They can bring a story to the next stage.” I stare at Tsundy. “If you and your team of gender fluid warriors are going to betray me, you had better make it flashy.” I look at her intense gaze and step back. “And uh, please don’t actually kill any of us.”

“She won’t kill you. If she harms you, then her entire team will have an end so gruesome that it will take a tome to chronicle the details.” Best Friend’s eyes flash red as he glares at Tsundy.

Tsundy looks away with embarrassment. “Okay…” she says softly.

“Umm, is the village that we’re heading to…is it Sunny Village?” asks Stalker, apparently on my shoulders.

“Yeah, you know of it?”

Stalker swallows and nods. I can feel her fear through her shaky legs.

Well, either that or she’s dry humping me.

“I uhh…can’t go there,” she says in a whisper.

“Then I’ll stay behind with her.” Best Friend lifts her off my shoulders and onto his. He turns to Brawny Babe and cups her hands in his. “I’m entrusting you with his safety.”

Brawny Babe’s eyes water up. “Can’t promise survival. Can’t save anyone.”

Glasses Kid puts his hand over Best Friend’s. “As his teacher I will keep him safe.”

“He already died on your watch.” Best Friend glares at Glasses Kid.

“Hey! I can keep myself safe. Geez, I’m not a pacifist in a death game.” I roll my eyes and cross my arms.

Tsundy steps up to me. “Even if the enemy is one of my own. I will protect you from them. I swear on my dead sister.”

Best Friend’s eyes quiver. He then turns away from her eyes and walks to me. “I’ll see you in the morning when you set off.” He embraces me tightly. “I love you, bro.”

Yet you chose Stalker’s safety over mine.

I grab his arm and he slowly slides out of my reach. My lips quiver

I…love you too. But I’m too afraid to tell you.

Tsundy slugs my side. “Stop looking so pathetic; it makes me wanna squish you.” She looks up at the others and signals them to go ahead. “I guess we got our eye on the same guy.”

“It’s not like that.” I turn away from her adorable tomboy grin.

“Hey, there’s no shame in liking him that way. Be who you are and own it. Punch those gender boundaries in the face! Hells yeah! Psssh!” She punches the air and makes a shattering sound.

I grab her hand. “It’s you.”

“Huh?”

I lean and kiss her lips. “I’m in love with you.”

Tsundy’s whole body seems to blush. She backs up and falls over. “D-D-Don’t say stupid things, you…i-i-i-idiot!”

I go down to kiss her again and she kicks me off.

“How’s that for an answer?” she asks, breathing heavily.

“Yeah. I felt it. That tomboy fire, almost like electricity.” I smile. “You love me too.”

She puffs and growls but she’s too flustered to make any real words.

“Get up. We don’t want to lose the others.”

She puts her hat over her face and moves ahead of me. All I hear is growling as she skips ahead.

Just like that I’ve won her allegiance. When the traitor attacks, she’ll rescue me. I can think of no better way to end the season.

“Well played,” says the voice of Glasses Kid.

I notice that he’s in front of the group drinking tea from a round plant leaf.

“This is a telepathic message, ding dong. Don’t bother responding though. It’s one way. Just wanted to give you a warning about something,” says the voice followed by a dramatic pause. “Nah, actually forget about it. You’ll figure it out soon enough.”

I hate that little troll.

Once we arrive at the entrance to the village some guy wraps his arms around me.

“Hey don’t get friendly with me, Rival,” I say, giving him a glare.

“As if I’d want to. I’m here to stop you.” His hair wraps around my arms.

“You have no harem, so you can’t beat me. Move along, side character,” I say with a grin.

“I will beat you.”

“Whatever, dude.” My hair pushes him off me and he falls to the ground.

Rival clenches his head. “Why is he so ungrateful, momma?”

Brawny Babe opens the iron gate from the inside and approaches me. “Village empty.”

“That could be due to several reasons, most of which are concerning,” says Glasses Kid, pacing around.

I put my hand on Brawny Babe’s shoulder. “Is the food still there?”

She nods.

“Free food! Awesome! Let’s go!” I rush through the doors and enter the village.

Simple characters fueled by base desires are a staple for all great Shounen animes. I of course knew I was rushing head first into a trap, but I wasn’t afraid. I really was hungry at the time so I wasn’t thinking straight. What will my fate be? Tune in next time for the final episode of the Main Character! Season one! Part 2…of four. Yeah, it doesn’t sound nearly as dramatic now. In fact, let’s go back in and wait for some dangerous cliffhanger to pop up before ending the episode.

Tsundy picks me up as I head toward the dining hall. “Look. The lights are on there.” She points to a church.

I pat her head. “Great. You investigate while I get something to eat.”

“I’m not even allowed to enter that place.”

“Because you have a dick? That’s stupid!” I yell.

Tsundy whacks me. “No, idiot king. It’s more complicated than that.”

“Fine. I’ll go. And then we eat.”

“Yeah sure.” Tsundy smiles.

I gather the team in front of the church. “Allow me to do the honors.”

The doors open on their own. People with smiles glued to their faces rush out. I notice a shadow move among them. He goes right past me.

Oh, hell no he doesn’t.

I focus my mind and exercise my power as the Main Character. I make him draw his blade and pierce my chest.

There we go! Now that’s an epic way to end the episode.

A montage of my many accomplishments passes by as bitter sweet music radiates. Yeah, some clichés work surprisingly well. I feel the nostalgia coating my body. Shit, I also feel a freaking dagger in my chest. You don’t know what happens next time but I know you’re coming back anyway. See you next week for…oh damn that hurts like a freaking cliffhanger! The irony is great but still so damn painful.