EPISODE 12 PART 1

My thoughts exactly, floating title. I’ll be crossing my fingers, toes and legs right with you. I’m sure our eager audience is on the cliff right now. You want to know why Assailant defected, right? Well too bad, time for the opening!

I spy on my teammates. Yeah! I’m an awesome guy. And now I’m watching her rub Best Friend’s chest seductively…enticingly! Now there’s a slide show of a bunch of people I mostly know. Is this the end of Season 1 or not? It’s making me question how much longer this will drag on. Damn fillers! Then my hand is reaching out to her hand. It’s so soft! Now all the harem girls are messing up my friend-time! But then I jump in and let Stalker get captured! Yes, now I can properly rescue her. I’m clenching my fist on top of a mountain of various verbs. Holy shit that’s artsy and cool! I’m then knocked back by Stalker’s sudden dive-bomb. I rip her off my chest and then I run away to continue my fight. No matter what, I won’t die a bodyguard! And there is only one reason why. It’s because I’m The Main Character! Me me me! The Main Character! Hell’s yeah! I’m The Main Character! And Stalker is my one and only heroine.”

Alright. I got my opening power perk. Now let’s get right back into the action with Stalker’s POV.

“Explain yourself now,” says Best Friend, his palm turning red and aiming at my daddy.

I sprout wings and fly into a hug with Daddy. “I was so worried!”

Daddykins pats my head. “I’m sorry, dumpling. I wasn’t able to rescue you in time.”

“Were you captured?”

“Flam has a powerful RiftRipper on his side. One that has been turned into his slave.” Tears pour from Father’s body. “I am a total failure.”

I snuggle away Poppa’s tears. “It’s not your fault. And I’m safe, so no more sadness.” I smile up at him.

“Flam has issued a kill order on you. You have to come with me so you’ll be safe.” Papi creates a portal.

Best Friend tears me out from my otousan’s arms with a blood whip. “You failed to mention how you escaped. Stalker, I’m not so sure this is truly your father and if he is, then he may be compromised.”

It has to be him. Daddy is too strong to die.

“Daddy, tell me something only you would know,” I say, looking up at him with hope.

“The enemy is on its way. There’s no time to argue. A good daughter always trusts her father. Come with me, Honeybun,” he says in a tender voice.

“I’m going to stay and fight. If I leave, then Main is going to die.”

“Yes, yes, but we can get you a new hero. One who respects you and won’t abandon you.”

“Yeah, he abandoned me, but I still have obligations! I’m not going to let him die!”

“I hope you’ll forgive me when my blades are drenched in his blood.”

“Never.” Best Friend sends blood bullets at my papa who swiftly dodges.

“Why would you kill him?” I ask with fear.

“To free you. I only want the best for my little peach,” says Assailant while his steel blades slice Best Friend.

“Harming you will bring him out.”

“It’s not so simple. He isn’t watching. He can’t feel my pain.” Best Friend shapes the blood from his wounds and slices Daddy’s tendrils.

I’m suddenly lifted off the ground. “Why are you just sitting there, you moron. Run!” yells TomCat.

“No. I can convince him to stop this.”

“He’ll kill you. He’s a ruthless tool of ISEKAI.” TomCat’s whole body was shaking. “Main saved my friend so if I save you, then we’re even. So get your little ass out of here.”

“The hero draws near,” says Assailant, slicing a tree to shreds.

Best friend spin kicks the wood blocks at my papa. “He’s here!? How could I not have sensed him? Wait…activate Mother’s Intuition. Ah, you’re right. He’s here and he’s waiting for the right moment.” Best Friend smiled.

“What the hell is he waiting for? We’re being attacked.” TomCat punches a rock, sending the fragments into Daddy.

Best Friend grabs the blood from his sword and turns them into throwing knives, shrinking the size of his blade with each one. “He’ll want something more showy. I know how he is.”

“A real hero would be here already. His absence proves he is unfit to be your protector. I love you dearly. I’ve always protected you and I will forever continue to be your guardian,” says Assailant, keeping both Best Friend and TomCat busy as he approaches me.

“Daddy, you probably think you’re doing what’s best for me. But Main will protect me. I’m staying with him,” I say, stamping my foot down.

“But he didn’t save you. He left you to die.”

“I don’t care! I gave my little heart to Main. And whether he rejects it or accepts it, that’s where my heart resides now. I put my faith in Main, and that’s where it shall remain!”

I can’t leave Main. I won’t abandon my duty as an angel. I need him and he needs me.

“If he won’t come out, then I’ll bring you to safety as per my original plan. Know I only do this out of fatherly love,” says Assailant as tentacles grew out from beneath his cloak.

“Best Friend, TomCat, stand down.”

“You aren’t my boss!” yells TomCat.

Best Friend steps in her way and nods to me.

I look up at Daddy. “It’s time to show Main I’m not just another damsel in need of rescue.” My angel wings sprout.

Assailant’s tentacles shoot forward and tear me from the air.

I close my eyes and imagine my body molding into a shield around my hero.

My hands glow. “I am Main’s shield!” I yell with support loli resolve.

The light forms into a shield that shoots out and slams into Papa, knocking him into the air. I raise my hands. Light energy erupts from my fingertips. Four shields form around Assailant in mid-air. They clump together, trapping him inside.

This tale has been unlawfully lifted from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere.

Best Friend watches with awe.

“I’m staying with Main forever!” I yell.

The shield falls to the ground before being sent rolling away at super duper high speeds.

That was so awesome!

I high five myself.

Glasses Kid approaches, clapping. “Truly incredible! There’s no other girl like you,” he says, totally smitten.

“Um, aren’t you dying? Did you forget or something?” asks TomCat, approaching him.

Glasses Kid takes out his Epad and swipes it in TomCat’s direction.

She blushes.

“You were just thinking about how hot I’d be if I was a pretty girl, weren’t you?” he asks with a mischievous grin.

“If you’re so smart then why are you messing with me?” She approaches with killer intent.

“Hold up.” He lifts his shirt, showing a purple mark.

“A LovuLeechi? Are you crazy?”

“I prefer the term mad genius. Fruity and I are connected. What I feel, she feels. So when you grabbed her butt, I felt those rough hands. Also, the death of one LovuLeechi will result in the unfortunate and excruciatingly painful death of the host of the other LovuLeechi.”

TomCat glares at him.

I step in between them. “Stop fighting. And where did you get the Leechi? I want one! No! I want two!” I bend down and draw it as best I can in my mystical creature journal.

Best Friend approaches. “The LovuLeechi, sibling leeches with a bond so powerful, it resonates with the host.”

“Whoa. Exposition is my thing,” says Glasses Kid.

Best Friend hugs himself. “Such a beautiful creature. But impossibly rare. How did you find them?”

“Harem H had two with her. I traded some Bong Leaves for them.” He shrugs and then turns to TomCat. “Now, are you going to be a good kitty?”

She glares at him.

He flicks the purple spot, causing Fruity to scream in pain in the distance.

TomCat gets down on her knees.

“Paw.”

She puts out her paw and he shakes it.

“Good kitty,” he rubs her head.

“Meow,” says TomCat in a dark voice.

Best Friend approaches puts a cage of blood blades around Glasses Kid’s head. “I’m not upset.”

“Well you could have fooled me,” says Glasses Kid with terror.

“I just want you to know that if you ever poison or do anything to my dear Main…I shall draw a mural of your death using your own blood,” says Best Friend. “So, where is he? You made us think he was here with that new power, didn’t you?”

Glasses Kid reaches into his infinity pouch and gives Best Friend a gold star sticker. “Very good. Now, do realize that by doing so I actually kept Assailant in close proximity to us and away from Main. I’m not your enemy. Far from it.”

“I decide who my enemies are.”

TomCat glares at Glasses Kid. “How did you get new powers anyway?”

“The divine kiss from our holy angel.”

“Wait, you pretended to like me just to get the kiss?” I start to cry.

“I always wanted a kiss from you. After receiving such a blessing and not take it like those degenerates…I could die in relative bliss. I say relative because the pain is quite unbearable. I nearly died, but the great Source of indifference chose to keep me alive. Perhaps a meritocracy worldview of the cosmos is the proper one, after all.”

“Don’t be foolish enough to think you are beyond karma,” says Best Friend.

“Shouldn’t we go find Main or is he still busy?” I ask with a frown.

It’s not my fault I don’t have a boy sword. I can’t help being born a girl. Why are my first and last heroes both gay? It’s just no fair.

A machine samurai suddenly fall from the skies. “Target two located. Preparing for capture.”

TomCat punches the machine. “Target two? Damn it! They’re after Fruity.” She runs off.

“Why go after a little girl like her?” Best Friend removes his shirt, revealing breasts. “When you can have a fertile woman like me?”

Huh? He’s a guy. I’ve seen his bare chest just today. I was rubbing it.

Main suddenly drops from above, landing on the machine samurai. “The hero has arrived.”

My hair covers the robot warrior, creating a prison.

Okay. Two questions. One: why does Best Friend have juicy tits? Two: how long can I resist squeezing those puppies?

“I’m here to save you. I saw you defeat Assailant. Great work.” I pat Stalker’s head with an extended hair hand.

“You were peeping on me?” she asks with shimmering eyes.

“Watching over you without any regard for your privacy. I learned it from you.”

“You’ve already grown so powerful,” says Best Friend with a prideful smile.

“And you’ve grown too.” I stare at his breasts.

“A simple diversion is all these are.” Best Friend squeezes the blood out from his breasts and turns the liquid into a spear.

Pecs that shoot plasma. Is there anything he can’t do?

“You’re a trap?” asks the machine samurai, still stuck in my hair.

“Maybe,” says Best Friend, blowing the machine a kiss.

“Many heroes try to get in our way. All fail.” The machine samurai’s shoulder pipes release steam that blinds me.

That would work, if I didn’t already capture you.

“Main, get away from it!” yells Best Friend, rushing in.

Suddenly the steam ignites and my hair, my super sleek and sexy protagonist hair, is set on fire.

Best Friend gouges his stomach open, spraying as much blood as possible to put out the flames.

The machine samurai emerges from my burning hair and heads toward Stalker as I scream in agony. It pulls out an empty sword hilt that then releases steam. “Death to all LustBorne!” It plunges the sword into her.

Stalker looks terrified but not hurt.

Dandy suddenly phases into existence.

No. It’s not like I wasn’t paying attention. She absolutely appeared out of thin air. It’s a cheap Deus Ex Machina, but considering my circumstance, I’m not complaining.

“You’re a trap, aren’t you? The lost princess of the Blink Kingdom. Who told you I was coming?”

Yandy jumps out and slices the robot with her katana cleaver. “I can smell that sweet pink oil from a mile away!”

The machine samurai nods and then uses the steam jetpack to fly off to the sky.

Tsundy rushes up to Yandy. “You need a lift?”

“Give it to me, sister!” exclaims Yandy with a crazed grin.

Tsundy’s fist glows before she launches Yandy with a powerful punch.

The punch sends Yandy swooping to the fleeing machine.

“We aren’t just warriors. We’re predators,” she says before slicing the machine open.

How did I hear what she said despite the absurd distance? Honestly, I have no clue.

Yandy lands, breaking her legs in the process.

“Are you alright?” asks Tsundy, hoisting her comrade onto her shoulders.

Yandy looks up at her with a pink oil-soaked grin of zen.

Stalker applies her saliva to my hair but it doesn’t heal. “Why isn’t it working?”

I look to my side to see that Best Friend is drenched in her saliva.

She must have used all her energy to keep him alive. Good thinking on her part.

“Hey.” Tsundy approaches us. “That was just a scout. There are going to be more renegades on the way. And maybe even another squad nearby. We found a cave not too far from here. The other members of Harem are bringing your allies there. So get that sweet ass in gear,” she says, spanking me.

Boy or not. Getting punished by that cutie would be amazing. Focus, Main. I’m okay with Stalker getting captured, but if there are many enemies and I’m partially bald, then she won’t be the only one at risk.

Brawny Babe signals from the distance. “Follow.” She says.

Oh wait, is she a he? No way. She’s waaaay too strong to be a dude. Oh shit, did I just say something transphobic by trying to cater to feminists? Damn it!

We all rush into the cave opening.

Please, let this not just be full of Zubats.

“We made it! Nothing like a dead-end cave to hide from on oncoming army,” I say, without any sarcasm mind you.

“Stalker, can you light up the place a bit?” asks Best Friend.

“Not so fast. We don’t want her being too useful now. She is still the heroine. Stalker, grab onto my leg and look frightened,” I say with a smile.

“With pleasure!” she exclaims, straddling my leg.

Wow, she feels so soft.

“Main, I’m scared! What if there are ghosts here!? You won’t let them…um…scare me, will you?” asks Stalker, trying way too hard.

“Don’t worry. I’ll send them packing,” I say confidently.

“What happened to your fake ghost phobia?” asks Glasses Kid.

“Oh, I still have it but I’m hiding it to look strong so Stalker doesn’t get scared.”

“But you’re both faking it,” says Tsundy, rolling her eyes.

“Ghosts are really scary…I think. They should always haunt your dreams,” says Dandy softly.

“Lay your false fears to rest. Ghosts tend to stay in the place they died. So as long as we don’t find any skeletons, there shouldn’t be anything to worry about,” says Glasses Kid comfortingly, leading the way.

A loud crunch was heard.

“I think I may have broken something,” says Best Friend apologetically.

Stalker reaches down and picks up the object to see that it’s a skull. She shines a little light ahead.

The entire path is filled with skeletons of all sorts and even a few corpses. This is bad even if you’re not superstitious.

“Main! Hold me!” squealed Stalker in terror.

I pick her up and hold her to my chest. “Don’t worry, I’ll keep you safe. Bakuman lose your power. Bakuman lose your power,” I chant, warding off any ghosts in the area.

“Are you an idiot!? You need scrolls to fend off ghosts! Chanting is pointless without them!” yells Glasses Kid upset.

“Hey… how come a lot of the dead guys are covering their eyes?” asks Best Friend.

“Dey were all swaughtered!” cheers a squeaky voice from the darkness.