Episode 11: Part 2

The plan was to do the Noruto run through the forest until I arrive back with my team.

But some colossal…jerk got in the way of the plan.

Rival is sitting on his own hair, being attended to by my harem like he’s some sort of isekai protagonist.

Hold up. What if by becoming an ex-hero he is the protagonist of his own edgy story? What happens when main characters clash? Well if we look at the Torigo Drag-on Ballz One Place crossover then…well, not much. It was a stalemate despite the power levels. That’s not necessarily a bad thing though. It means him killing me is practically impossible. But what if the prophecy is true.

The girls fawn over Rival as my eyes glare at him.

“Your back bleeds beautifully,” says Harem B, clawing his bare back with her fingernails.

“Such a great warrior. It is an honor to suck on your toes,” says Harem C in bliss.

“Don’t think I like you, baka. I’m just letting off some steam,” says Harem D, rubbing her breasts against his chest while she sits in his lap.

“Mr. Pineapple, look it’s the legendary hero,” says Harem H, putting on a puppet show while using his hand to fondle her massive tits.

“Yes! Worship my feet and I may not crush you,” says Harem A as Rival licks her feet.

“Get your hands off my harem,” I say under my breath.

“Look who’s back,” says Rival, before sucking on Harem A’s toes. “Did you beat him?”

“You knew I didn’t stand a chance. Why did you send me up there anyway?”

“To get your harem, dick for brains.”

“Oh. It’s you.” Harem B stops clawing Rival’s back and looks up at me. “My heart still beats for you. And it will bleed as you bleed and scream and die.” She takes out her cleaver as she approaches me.

Rival’s hair shoots out and creates a spiked cage around her. “Sorry, babe. He’s off limits.”

“Why? Because you’re going to kill me? I know about the prophecy!”

“What prophecy?”

“Don’t you play dumb!” I take advantage that he’s keeping Harem B from killing me and send my hair fist slamming into his face.

The fist knocks him off his feet.

Yes!

Harem B, now free, rushes toward me with her katana cleaver.

No! Why didn’t I see this coming.

My hair recoils and grabs her arms, holding her back from slicing me to pieces.

“You think I want to kill you?” she asks, foam coming from her mouth.

“Ummm…yeah. It looks like it,” I say, trying to wrestle the weapon from her hands.

“Stoooop!” Harem C runs in the way. “This is all my fault! If only I was a real boy, then you wouldn’t have been tricked.”

“What does that have to do with her trying to kill me?” I ask, jumping back as B nearly slices my stomach.

“Just blame me! Hurt me! Take it all out on me and then be friends again!” C jumps in the way of the next slice, getting her back cut open.

B’s eyes widen. “What did you make me do?” she asks as her fingers, yes her fingers, absorb the blood on C’s back.

Harem A hops onto my shoulders. “Haha! Yes, fight to the death for your deity’s amusement!”

“This isn’t some game!” D kicks B off of C while A claps.

Wow. This looks more like math than descriptive subtitles at this point.

D crouches down to C. “Are you okay?”

“It hurts,” says C with a blush. “Now I’m horny.”

D gives her an awkward look and then helps her to her feet. She turns her gaze to me. “If you would just die like a good idiot, then she wouldn’t have gotten hurt.”

What kind of screwed up logic is that! Sorry, not sorry, for self-defense.

D steps toward me, her arm gathering crimson energy.

Where is Best Friend when I need him? Yeah, sure. I’m supposedly immortal unless Rival kills me, but honestly I am not going to take that gamble.

Rival rushes D and pins her to the ground. “Will you just calm the hell down?”

“Get off my boobs, you pervert!” yells D, kicking him in the nuts before punching him off.

He took the hit with no damage and pinned her down again. “I know you sorta. So I don’t want you doing something you’ll regret. The last time you killed your hero, you whined about it for days. Nobody should have to listen to your sob story shit. I want all of you to just stand back, like H is doing.”

H waves at them, smoking a log that she had turned into a bong.

Rival steps up to me. “And let me kill the hero for you. Ready to die, punk?” Rival’s hair shoots out and cracks its knuckles.

Well, looks like my prophecy is already coming to fruition. I could run, but that would just leave me open. I’m going to stand my ground like Whito Beard and fight. Ah, shit! Why did I pick a dead guy as an example?

“I beat you last time. What makes you think you can kill me this time?” I ask, having my hair do that ‘bring it on’ finger gesture. “I’m going to beat you down and take back my harem!”

“You abandoned them!” Rival digs a finger into his temple and clenches his face with his other hand. “No backsies now, hero! And you know what that means, right? It means you can’t juggle anymore! There’s no-one here to protect you! It’s time for you to die!” yells Rival, his hair taking the shape of swords.

What the hell is wrong with this whack-job? This guy really needs a friend.

My hair shoots out only to get sliced.

Oh, I get it. I’m supposed to get hurt here and then Harem realizes they still care about me. They step in the way to protect me and we all become friends again.

My hair shoots at Rival at super speeds, only to be caught between his assortment of blades.

“You don’t have an edge this time, hero.”

He’s wrong. My wit is still as sharp as ever.

“I’m not a hero anymore! I quit!” I yell.

His hair blades become like tentacles and pull me toward him.

“What do you mean you quit?”

“I’m no longer a hero so you have no reason to kill me!” I spit in his face.

He grabs his head.

Finally, an opening.

My hair tears out a tree and slams it into him.

The tree shatters on impact and Rival doesn’t even seem to notice.

“Hold up, kid. You think I want to kill you because you’re a Destined Warrior?”

“That’s exactly what I think!” I yell, machine-gun punching him with hair-coated fists.

“Wait wait wait.” His hair wraps around me, forms into a chair and sits me down.

Damn it! He’s killing the battle tension.

My hair shoots out and wrestles with his to keep up the tension.

“You do realize how important you are, don’t you?” he asks, leaning in.

“Yeah. I’m too important to die, that’s for sure! Or is this about my hero title?”

“You’re my rival, you inconsiderate dick bag! If you quit, I’m going to kill you! That’s a freaking promise!”

Well there goes my back up plan. Damn it. What am I going to do?

“So, you’ll kill me whether or not I’m a hero. Don’t you see how unfair that is?”

Rival’s hair defeats mine in the arm-wrestling match. He then yanks me up to him. “I’m stuck with a loser like you as a rival! Don’t you think that’s unfair!” he yells as he slams me against the ground repeatedly.

My hair creates a blanket over my body, reducing the impact.

Rival’s hair tosses me in the air.

His hair then spreads out, grabbing onto the nearby tress before pummeling me with them.

If only I could juggle, then I would easily beat this punk.

“Help me!” I yell, reaching out to my harem.

“Should we?” asks C.

The others ignore me.

“All of you are going to abandon me just like that? This isn’t supposed to be how it is. The average-looking nerdy boy gets all the girls. The handsome attractive guy is left with nothing! Just look at Rosary Vampire! You all can’t resist my cute innocence or my pointless valor! You’re my harem and you love me!” I exclaim.

“Eh, not really. Pretending to love you is just part of the job description really,” says D, shuffling her feet.

I always wanted my life to be a harem anime, but not Lovu Lovu! Shit! My luck is terrible.

“You’re going to die alone! Your entire harem has left you! And you absolutely deserve it!” he yells.

Usually this would be where the hero tells him he’s wrong. But he’s not. And let’s be honest without out a harem, I’m just a generic nerdy virgin. I’m like a Purrsona protagonist without social links.

My hair comes out like a porcupine and pierces the trees. “You’re right. I abandoned my harem not just because some of them were trying to kill me. I was shaken by the fact that they are all guys. But you know, maybe that’s exactly the wake-up call I needed.” My hair slams all the trees to the ground, writing out “Sorry.”

“Hey! Don’t ignore me!” yells Rival, screaming as he claws at his face.

“Your secret is safe with me. I’ll take it all the way to the grave. And…I’ll give you the respect you deserve! I don’t care if you’re all boys or men or whatever! You still have boobs and boobs are awesome!” I yell, making my very first friendship slash harem speech I turn to face my harem.”

No longer will I name them after their breast’s sizes. Their ability to assimilate estrogen is not their identity.

“A, you’re a goddess of cuteness and you deserve to be acknowledged for your boundless energy and positive attitude. From now on you’re Dere Dere!”

“A name so powerful it has its own echo! It is worthy of my greatness! This deity accepts your offering!” says the youngest member of harem.

B glares at me as I approach her. “I’m not a girl! I try but I’ll never be a girl.”

I lean in and kiss her cheek.

B drops her weapon and starts shaking.

“You’re beautiful and terrifying regardless of whether you have a fleshy dagger between your legs.”

“Y-Y-Y-You’re just saying that so I don’t kill you,” she says with eyes full of tears.

“You can’t kill me. You love me, Yandy.” I smile and pat her head.

Her pale cheeks turn blood red. “Yandy…it’s cute but…I like it.” She holds herself and then faints.

Harem C is already in front of me, crouching. “If you’re really sorry, then hurt me.”

“I don’t know who told you that abuse is love, but it’s not true.”

“No. That’s not it.”

“Shhh. I’m making a heart-felt harem speech, okay?”

She nods.

“You’re timid, shy and sweet. You need a name that fits.” I smile. “How about Dandy?”

“Dandy.” She blushes bright red. “It’s too cute for someone like me.”

“You don’t need to stay with me. If you want, you can go back to your boyfriend,” I say, patting her head.

“HerHerHer! She doesn’t need your permission, bigot!” exclaims an arrogant heroic voice. “I, White Knight, have news for you!”

Nasuke comes out from behind him. “White Knight has joined the BattleShippers. He’s GriGatsu now.”

For those of you who forgot, Nasuke is the leader of the BattleShippers, a hero group made up of people in crack ship cosplay.

“Yeah, that’s great. Only I don’t care.”

This content has been misappropriated from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere.

Nasuke holds up Stalker’s journal.

“Where did you get that?” I ask, worry coating my voice.

“Found it on the ground. And it told me something very important. They’re all guys!” exclaims Nasuke, pointing at the different members of harem.

“Back off, bitch,” says Harem D, who I would have renamed if these morons hadn’t gotten in the way.

“Oooh, he’s feisty! I want him,” says Nasuke. The hero captain then points to me. “The hero of Legendary Legends was killed on his way to Flam’s Castle. Nobody knows why. And they’ll never know. Rasendori!”

My hair blocks the electric ball of wind, but the energy travels through my follicles and zaps me.

“You’re really going to kill me just to get a hot guy?” I ask.

“A ton of hot guys and you better believe it!” exclaims Nasuke, rushing up to punch me.

White Knight took the hit but then tosses me into the air. He then flings Nasuke at me.

My hair grabs onto Nasuke, only to get electrocuted.

Dere Dere’s legs spark with electricity as she runs across the air. “Oooh, you use energy too.” Her entire body courses with energy which then gets put into her pointer finger. “CoinPurse Mode: Tap.”

Nasuke screams out in agony as his or her whole body is fried.

Dere Dere hops like a bunny up to White Knight.

“Wait. My armor conduces electricity.”

“Yep yep! Fireworks time!” She coats her hand in electricity and places both hands on White Knight’s shoulder. “This feels soooo goooood!” she exclaims, riding the shock as White Knight is screaming in agony.

Harem D picks Stalker’s journal up from the ground and hands it to me.

“You were going to rename me, right?” she asks, turning away with a bit of blush.

“That’s right, Tsundy.”

“Why did you give me such a girly name?” she asks, kicking my crotch.

Ow! Slapstick is only funny when you’re not the receiver. Geez that hurts.

“It was that or Tommy,” I say with a grin.

“Whatever. Let’s just hurry up and kick Flam’s sweet ass,” says Tsundy, punching the air.

“Have you discovered the name of my soul?” asks Harem H.

“Yeah. You’re Kuu. Do you like it?”

“No, but it won’t last. A name is as transient as the false ego that harbors it. Wow, that cloud looks like a Bun Bun,” says Kuu.

Rival’s hair looms above me, holding an assortment of large rocks and broken trees.

“Nice speech! But by recognizing them as individuals, you no longer get your harem powers.”

“You’re wrong.” I slap the trigger on my wrist as he throws the projectiles my way.

My hair catches them all and juggles them.

“How are you doing that?”

“Because, right now, they are Harem. Harem Juggle Explosion!” I yell, as I send the projectiles at Rival.

His hair catches them all. “Ha! That all you got?”

“You’re wide open!” Harem uppercuts him one by one, leaping off each other’s shoulders like a Disgaeaea tower attack.

The strongest part of Harem grabs onto his legs and body slams him to the ground. The rest of Harem then follows suit.

Rival’s eyes go blank.

K.O. Hell yes!

“You knew what I was thinking?” I ask.

“No. We felt your desires.”

“Does this mean you’re going to stay?” I ask, wiping away a dramatic tear.

Harem rushes up and group hugs me. “We would never leave you! You’re our big brother, dearly beloved, master, childhood-friend punching bag and sex toy!” exclaims my Harem romantically.

“I love you guys too,” I say while embracing them with tears flowing down my cheeks.

Wait, what was that last one?

“But I want you to be free.” I desynchronize Harem and approach Tsundy. “You should be the one to have this.” I take off the trigger bracelet and hand it to her.

Giving a girl a freedom is a great way to get in her pants, but it can also be used to mend friendships.

Tsundy’s face turns bright like a tomato. She pushes me to the ground. “When I want it, I’ll take it. For now, you can keep it. Don’t think this is because I trust you. I just don’t wear jewelry. Got it?” she asks with a glare.

So hot!

Her glare vanishes when she notices my boner. “Let’s just find the rest of the team.”

“Good thinking, co-captain.” I say, putting an arm around her shoulder.

“Damn you! I’m stronger, more popular, experienced and a total badass! Why do they want you!?” yells Rival in disbelief.

“I’m the Main Character! Hot guys like you only exist in harem anime to be overcome by the generic protagonist and as eye candy for the ladies. Get used to being sidelined!” I exclaim, knocking Rival over with my powerful words.

He crawls away from me and then gets back on his feet.

“Hey, so you better not abandon us again idiot,” says Tsundy, slugging my shoulder.

“If I do, you have my permission to break one of my arms.”

“One arm and one leg.”

I smile. “Alright, deal.”

“Look at you getting all chummy. Come on, we know you want Tsundy,” says Rival.

Despite being the obviously perverted protagonist, I’m going to give you the shy virgin male response.

“I-I-I don’t like her.”

“That’s not what it says here.” Rival picks up Stalker’s notebook. “Oh wow, Harem D has such a huge sword! I wouldn’t mind getting stabbed by that.”

My hair snatches the journal from his hand. “Shut up!”

“You talking to me or your homoerotic thoughts?”

“I did not say that!”

“Of course not. You were thinking it,” says Rival with a grin.

“Were you really thinking that?” asks Tsundy with wide eyes.

“He’s lying. Hey, Rival, why don’t you go annoy someone else?” I say, flicking him off.

“But you’re so fun to mess with,” he says, his hair stretching out to flick my forehead.

“Seriously, go away. Characters like you should only appear so often.”

“Alright Main, I concede this time. But mark my furious words: I’m going to kill you! And then I’m going to send your corpse to Stalker as an anonymous gift! I’m not giving up my mantle so easily!” Rival smiles. “Oh yeah, and I’ll still help you out when you need me as promised.” He then points a spiky fist at me. “Mark my burning vengeance! Next time we meet, I won’t hold back,” he says through clenched teeth before running off.

Fruity, who apparently is a male like everyone but Stalker, rushes up to me. I wouldn’t say she had an urgent look on her face, but she was fidgeting.

“Glasses Kid is dying. It’s like…kinda fatal. I need some help. If that’s not too much trouble.”

“What do you mean he’s dying?” I ask, jumping in surprise.

“Oh, well, like, he kinda sucks at living at the moment. His breathing is shallow like those popular girls. Don’t you hate popular girls?” asks Fruity.

“Yeah, I do!” exclaims Tsundy. “The way they just get worshiped for being plastic. Dumb, wax figures.”

“Yeah, they’re just mannequins with make-up,” says Fruity. “Ha-ha-ha-ha.”

“Hey! This whole cute girl bonding thing, it can wait. We have to save Glasses Kid.”

“Oh, well, like there’s no rush. He said not to worry or whatever. Then he passed out,” says Fruity. “And like we were in the middle of a conversation too. Rude much.”

“Tell me about it. There was this CatBoy soldier who I was suffocating between my legs and he had the nerve to die before I came. So rude.”

“Where is he?” I ask with urgency.

“Oh, like…” Fruity looks around the area. “Not sure. All the trees kinda look the same. He’s nearby…ish.” She shrugs.

Okay, I have to find Glasses Kid without them. This is life or death.

“Hold up. Before I go, can you take off your clothes?” I ask Fruity with a serious look.

“Like no way, creep,” says Fruity.

Tsundy rushes up to me and uppercuts me. “You damn raging pervert!”

I am sent flying through the forest. My hair shields my landing. I sit up and see Glasses Kid next to me.

Looks like if I can use my retcon to influence the plot in other ways too. It’s too bad the recharge time is a whole episode.

“Hey, twerp. Games over. Get up.”

Glasses Kid is silent.

“The girls are bathing together so it’s up to us to plan things out,” I say.

“Lies. If they were bathing, you’d be spying on them from what you deem as a respectful distance.”

“You’re not dying at all, are you?” I ask, removing the leaf coving his face.

“We’re all dying, but it is coming sooner than expected,” says Glasses Kid, his face as pale as a ghost.

“What in Okami Tezuka’s glorious name happened to you?”

“I’m glad you’re here. Before I go…I wanted to…”

“Yeah. What do you need? You’re my friend. How can I help?”

“I just wanted to laugh in your face,” he says, weakly smiling.

Geez, his smug face is so pathetic I don’t even want to punch him.

“Judging by the fact that you’re here with me and not having sex. I assume you found out that all of harem’s members are Traps, right?”

“Well, the socially correct term is transsexual, but yeah. Are you dying because of something Kuu gave you?”

“Oh, so you renamed Harem too? I’m guessing you were fighting Rival then.”

“How do you know all that?”

“I’m just making an educated guess. And to answer your question, Kuu actually set up my immunity to what is currently killing me.”

“Were you poisoned? Who was it? Did Nasuke do this to you?”

“That Tomboy hero isn’t clever enough to poison me. I guess I’m just not worthy. How can someone like you be compatible, but not me?” Glasses Kid coughs and his eyes tear up.

“Ha! You’re crying. What a wuss? I’d mock you more but you’re dying so I’m starting to feel guilty about it.”

“You really going to let guilt get in the way of your last chance at revenge? Tsk tsk, Main. I thought I had taught you better.”

“Little whiny baby gonna cry all the way to the afterlife.” I stick out my tongue.

Glasses Kid smiles at me. “Good. I need to know that you’ll carry on my mischievous spirit.”

“You can’t die.”

“Sadly that isn’t true.”

“If you die, I’m going to have sex with your roleplay sister, Fruity. Ha! Now you have to live. No way you’ll let me do that!”

“Making jokes even now. Perhaps I was too ambitious yet lacking in charisma. Thank you, Main. I…I understand why I’m dying now.”

“Well I don’t! Who attacked you?”

“It wasn’t an attack. It was a kiss. A kiss from an angel.”

“You’re dying because Stalker kissed you. What, did you visit Newkama island recently or something?”

“Never mention that name.”

“Yeah, good point.”

Glasses Kid grabs my hand. “Those who are strong gain powers from the kiss, but those who are weak…like me. Our body can’t handle it and the angel’s seed poisons our veins. I thought I could deter the effects with some medicines I made from the local flora, but the condition is worsening by the second.”

“Can’t she heal you?”

“Not from this.” Glasses Kid points up at the moon. “You went up there. Was there a grave for me?”

“No…I didn’t see one. But I can make you a grave. Just don’t expect me to visit it, okay? Ghosts are supposed to scare me. It’s a cheap gag, but it’s also a popular one.”

“You know the truth about Stalker then?”

“Yeah, she’s the last female on SteamPunk,” I say softly. “Your big sister is really a big brother.”

“You’ll be joining me soon after Rival kills you. I give it a week.” Glasses Kid flicks a rock at the back of my head.

What the hell, how did he know all that? Is he psychic?

“No I’m not psychic. I’m just looking through Stalker’s journal. I had no idea you looked up to me so much,” he says with pride.

When did he steal it?

I snatch the book from his hand and look at the most recent entry.

“It documents everything even when she is away. It’s a rather impressive tool.” Glasses Kid coughs again. His body starts shaking.

“Do you think a part of her is always watching me? If so then, she knows you’re in danger. She’ll be here any minute.”

“She wouldn’t bother reading it if she knew everything. The diary is like another entity, a watchful angel that examines everything her hero does. And she isn’t coming. She went off with Best Friend. I was spying on them flirting before I had to lie down. But it’s fine. As long as I can laugh at your broken dreams of being with a bunch of women at once, I can be at peace.” Glasses Kid holds his shivering body.

She’s with Best Friend! No way! Not gonna let him befriend her before me!

“Runt, are you there?” I ask.

Runt peaks out from the bushes.

“Good. Watch over Glasses Kid. Tell me if he makes any funny sounds when he croaks. Wake me up if I’m in danger.”

“Um, okay,” says Runt.

Glasses Kid coughs violently. “My eyesight is gone and my hearing is fading. Who are you talking to?”

I close my eyes.

I’m the main character of my story, but Stalker is the protagonist of her own.

I am lying in Best Friend’s lap just enjoying the moment.

“You really think I’m special?”

“Yes, and so does Main. He just doesn’t like showing it.” Best Friend pats my head.

I love his head pats.

“Thanks for cheering me up. I just can’t believe Main betrayed my love…after everything we’ve been through,” I say, wiping away my tears.

“Main wasn’t betraying you. He is merely trying to prove something to himself,” says Best Friend.

“What exactly does having sex with a bunch of guys prove?” I ask, crossing my arms.

Best Friend falls over, while sitting down mind you. “Those were guys! I have to warn him!” he yells, standing up.

“Please don’t leave me,” I say with teary eyes.

“It’s probably too late to warn him anyways. Why are they all guys? Is Old Dude toying with my guiding star?” asks Best Friend with a dark glare.

“It’s not like that. Every day, there are less girls because of Flam’s armies and those mean machine samurai. I was sent to Earth by the Old Dude to find a hero that can stop Flam. As long as I’m around, then Main is in danger. I’m sorry. I’m only telling you now because…I think I should leave,” I say with a sad lump in my throat.

“Who will keep you safe if you leave?” asks Best Friend.

“If Main isn’t going to be with me, then I might as well be dead! He’s my last hero. My final chance at having a real relationship. I love him mega tons! I really do!”

“Then stay with him. Stay with us. Your life is too valuable to be discarded. If you die, then the balance of power shifts in the true enemy’s favor,” says Best Friend with a grim look.

“I don’t care anymore! I’m tired of loving and losing. Fighting and hurting. I’m tired of walking a road of hope that always ends at an ugly dead end of despair.”

“Fine then. If you leave, then I’ll kill you. Better to die at my hands then be another tool for Flam.”

“You…you know about that?”

“About what?”

I still have to save them. I won’t abandon my people.

“I…I can’t give up yet! I’m going to keep Main safe whether he loves me or not. It’s my dharma as an angel! But this time it’s also my choice.”

“So does this mean you’re giving up on your sexual pursuit of him?”

“No way! I will take his virginity even if I have to tie him down and tickle him!” I exclaim, brimming with determination.

“I respect that tenacity. I think Main would respect your determination too. Just not enough to drop his pants for you.”

I cover my mouth as I giggle.

“Main is strong though. And his hair reacts subconsciously so it won’t be easy to get the drop on him,” says Best Friend with a smile.

“I know. That’s why I’ll strike at any moment! Right when he at least expects it!” exclaims Stalker excitedly.

“Good. He needs to be aware at each moment. It will be good for you to constantly keep him on his toes. I won’t interfere. But can I watch? I don’t want to miss his first time,” says Best Friend with shimmering eyes.

“Don’t worry about that. What kind of Stalker would I be if I didn’t have a camera? There’s a way to relive any experience in my journal. Here, I’ll show you.” I try to summon up my journal. “Oh yeah…I threw it away. I was just so upset.”

Best Friend holds me in his arms. “Calm your mind and try again.”

I close my eyes and focus on all the happy memories I’ve shared with Main that he’ll never know about. All those showers, moments at the beach and that time I peed in his lemonade. All secret memories I’ll always cherish.

My eyes open and my Main Hero Dairy is in my hands.

“Why are you holding back your power? You’re capable of so much more than you’ve shown us,” says Best Friend, peering into me.

“Oh, well I want to be the heroine love interest. So I thought if I get caught a lot, then Main would eventually fall for me. If I’m useful, he might lose interest or get jealous,” I say with a sigh.

“No cliché’ heroine like that will ever be good enough for my boy. I wouldn’t allow a girl like that to be with him anyway. If you want him, you must shine like Kiraru! Dazzle him with your true power!” exclaims Best Friend holding my arms up to the sky.

“But I want him to rescue me! It makes me feel loved. Hey, he was lying about not saving me, right?”

“No. Sadly. He chose his Harem over your life.”

I take in a deep breath. “Well, I’m just going to pretend he saved me anyways.” I smile through my tears. “And yeah, I’ll use my powers a little. But don’t expect any big stuff till later.”

“Fair enough. Now, I have to ask…why have you been rubbing my nipples this entire time?” asks Best Friend nonchalantly, looking down at me.

I press up against Best Friend and whisper in his ear before giggling.

“Sorry, I don’t like it. You’ve never acted this way before. You’re not one to compromise. What’s going on?” asks Best Friend, peering into my eyes.

“I just want to find out what turns you on,” I say as I gently lick his ear.

“That little whore! How dare she try to take Best Friend away from me!?” I yell, coming back into my point of view.

“Ha! You’re got replaced rather quickly,” says Glasses Kid, still alive unfortunately. “I can’t believe a girl like her exists. I thought they only existed in the darkest depths of the hentai-verse,” he says with academic awe.

“This is all my fault! Now her and Best Friend are going to elope.”

“I doubt he’s aware of such things. But it’s so obvious. You broke her heart so she’s trying to steal your best friend. Or in her moment of desperation she is grasping for the slightest chance of love. That’s how I got my kiss, after all. Or she knows you’re watching and is trying to piss you off. Or perhaps she’s just a sex kitten!? Damn him. All I got was a single kiss. I want her to seduce me,” says Glasses Kid with a pouty face.

Foolish teacher, he couldn’t be more wrong.

I hold my hand to my chest. Tears rush down my face.

She remembered. Even after I broke her heart…she remembered my request.

I close my eyes again to spy on my dear friend.

Best Friend looks at me curiously. “Why do you want to know that? I fail to see how that knowledge will help you accomplish your dharma. Are you practicing your seduction on me for him?”

I stand tall and puff out my chest. “I’m well versed in the intricacies of the art of kissing. And I have taken several classes on foreplay. I know how to seduce heroes,” I say, slowly rubbing up against Best Friend’s chest with my on.

“Then why practice on me?” asks Best Friend with a confused look.

“This isn’t doing anything for you? Not at all?” I ask Stalker, a little frustrated.

“Not in particular. What are you trying to do exactly?” asks Best Friend annoyed.

“Do you like girls? Do you like women? What do you like?” I ask curiously.

“I like pandas?”

“Huh?”

“Relax. It’s just an anime refrence. Honestly, I’m not sexually aroused by girls or women. As for what I like…well, blood is…warm,” says Best Friend with a genuine smile.

“Okay…so um…blood turns you on?” My hands stop rubbing his chest and I take a step back.

“I guess you could say that. Then again, I don’t know when the last time I was truly on,” says Best Friend solemnly.

“So, like when you’re fighting…you get sexually aroused?” I ask with a raised eyebrow.

“No, that’s TomCat’s kink. It’s only when I’m shedding blood, not inflicting pain. But it’s nothing sexual. It makes me feel warm inside. Like little moths are fluttering in my heart. Is that strange?” asks Best Friend.

“Not at all! Is there anything else?” asks Stalker weirded out.

“Well yes…but it’s rather odd,” says Best Friend before a flurry of knives shot toward him. He leaps off the ground, dodging the attack with ease. “Who is out there?” he asks, forming blood kunai between his fingers.

“I am General Mew Nyah! I am here for Stalker! Hand her over and no blood will be shed,” he says threateningly.

“That sounds boring. How about I skin you instead?” asks Best Friend, flinging the kunai into the cat’s skull.

The CatBoy general’s body is suddenly sliced to ribbons by a shadowy figure. “Surrender her now,” says a familiar voice.

Daddy?

Assailant emerges from his shadow.

And that’s where this episode is ending! Wow! Assailant betrayed his daughter!? You must have so many questions! I know I sure do! Well, you’ll have to wait till the next episode drops. We are nearing the end of the season so expect some big surprises!

This may seem rather sudden, but time for the ending song. I don’t really feel like it because I want Stalker to get captured already so I can rescue her. But I’ll do it anyway.

What is this? Is fate making fun of me again? It’s every member of Harem. They’re all wearing different sexy outfits! This is so tempting. But I must stay focused on my quest. I won’t be swayed by boobs. Wait a second, where is Boobs?

Next time on Main character: The last episode…of season one…maybe. There’s sure to be an epic battle with Flam! Assailant’s true colors will be revealed! There’s also a cute star thingy. Oh yeah and Stalker finally fights. All that and possibly more on the next episode of The Main Character!