“Alright! It’s time to search for some absurdities!” I rub my hands together in excitement.
Once a week, I open all kinds of actioning sites in search of interesting stuff. But I’m not interested in the products themselves, no. I don’t want a cheap but amazing offer nor do I want to collect anything in particular.
What I’m interested in, is the humans’ stupidity.
How can someone spend thousands of euros to buy a towel that a famous used once? Or half a million on a potato chip that looks like their idol? Or my favorite: the toilet used by a singer?
Watching other people bet and raise the amount of money for such useless things brings me a mix of satisfaction, and shame at humanity, that I never get tired of. I know I should stop, but the feeling of superiority that grows on me at that moment is addicting.
I open the first page and start browsing the auctions. Finding the good ones is hard. Most of them are hidden and hard to find, either because not many people are bidding, or because the normal bidders don’t even consider taking a look at them.
“Let’s see what we can find today…”
I always start with the top and most popular bids. If an absurd item is there, it’s sure to make me laugh.
There isn’t any that immediately catches my attention. No toilets or food shaped like someone today. But there’s one that’s suspicious. It’s a signature, but I’ve never heard that nickname before.
Letter of apology: Evil Mastermind
The image shown in miniature is that of a normal paper, nothing interesting here. Not expecting much, I open the auction, even if just to know a bit more about that ‘Evil Mastermind’.
The auction’s description goes like this:
This is a letter of apology from the player called Evil Mastermind from DMA (Dungeon Masters Arena) to the cute, intelligent, and beautiful fairy player Balmy for the horrible crimes committed in his dungeon. It’s signed by the Evil Mastermind himself.
Video from the moment he made the promise to apologize as proof of this not being fake: Video link
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I immediately take a look at the current bid and open my eyes wide. “What the fuck!? I’ve struck gold!”
The bid isn’t very high yet, but there’s a reason why the auction is in the ‘most popular’ section. I can see in real-time as the bid increases, again and again, without stopping. The starting bid must have been quite low.
This might be better than the toilet one! But I can’t be sure yet, I must investigate a bit more.
I then open the video in the link. In there, a rat-headed humanoid reluctantly promises to a fairy player that he’ll sign the apology. Although it looks like he does so reluctantly, it doesn’t seem like he’s lying.
“If this were a serious auction, this wouldn’t serve as a valid proof, but… I’ve seen worse.” I shrug.
When it comes to fans and fanatics, it’s hard to understand their thought process. For example, fanatics can believe that a stain on the wall is a divine message because they found it first… but then you tell them that you got an identical one in your house and they tell you it’s fake, that you made it yourself.
“But that isn’t important.”
Anticipating that the best is yet to come, I go to the comment section of the bid and start reading the messages there. This is one of the best parts, second only to watching the bid on a stupid product rise uninterruptedly as time goes on.
‘Mad Cultists, rejoice! We’ve found our first Holy Relic!’
‘I’ll get it at all costs!’
“No, it’s mine! The holy relic will be mine!’
‘Stop fighting between ourselves! The church will buy it so everyone can enjoy it in person. We must unite our forces so that the Holy Relic doesn’t fall into the hands of unbelievers!’
Oh my god. All those comments about the Holy Relic are hilarious. But mixed between them, other ones go similar to these two.
‘I’ll bet just so they don’t get this. I’m tired of them and their annoying behavior in the forums and the game events.’
‘Yeah, me too. Let’s strike them where it hurts the most.’
This is too good! I’d normally spend the rest of my morning searching for more hidden gems, but… this is too good to move on to something else.
“Hahahaha! Fighting over a piece of paper and calling it a holy relic. I must see it to the end.”
Meanwhile, the bidding keeps rising. That lass might get rich from day to night without expecting it.
image [https://i.imgur.com/ZGSK4Pl.png]
Andreu was unaware how his actions would cause a huge ripple in the future. When the ripples got to him, he got one of his most painful headaches in a while.