The first thing I see when I squeeze through the crack is… barely anything. It’s too dark.

I look around, searching for light sources. There was ambient light illuminating the rest of the dungeon, but not here.

“It’s too dark…”

“There are wall lights, but some are broken and this green substance and moss hide the rest…”

Corp used the time while I struggled to pass through the crack to investigate the area. He could have helped me but instead decided to go and explore alone, the perfect recipe to get himself killed.

*Sigh!* I suspire.

You know what? I won’t care anymore… As long as I’m close enough to hear and see him cry when the time comes, I’ll take it.

“This area…” I scan our surroundings once more as I talk. “...feels very dangerous. My muscles are warning me of danger.”

Corp tilts his head. “Your muscles…?”

“Yes, my muscles.”

My muscles are tingling since I crossed the crack, giving me a mix of dread and excitement for what’s to come. This means there are very dangerous monsters in this place.

“Do you have some kind of sixth sense…?” Corp doesn’t seem to believe me. “Well, if this area is dangerous, it means we’ll have a great adventure!”

“Yes, you’re right. A great adventure is right in front of us.”

“Right? Then, let’s go! Forward, to the unknown!”

I don’t know if he’ll enjoy this kind of ‘adventure’, but I’m sure there’s ‘adventure’ awaiting us if we don’t go back right now.

Me, the orc, and the goblin mage follow after Corp as he walks in front.

With each step, there’s a splash sound as we step on the film of water that covers the floor. Underneath, I can see a mix of old and worn-out tiles and metal plates. The walls have signs of being excavated, and the ceiling is a perfect arc.

There’s no doubt this is a human-made area. This doesn’t fare well… the most dangerous stuff has always been in the laboratory areas, the only human-made ones in this dungeon. The other areas have traps and monsters that are more random and annoying, but the actually dangerous stuff is mostly in the laboratory areas.

But if this is a human-made area, why does it look like this? The water covering the ground, the moss and slimy substance on the walls and ceiling, and the broken lights…

No way! Is this supposed to be an abandoned and sealed area!?

If it is like that, I can’t stop myself from shuddering. This is really, really bad.

“Hey, Corp. Are you sure about this? We’re still on time to go back and see the rest of the dungeon.”

“What are you saying!? We’re the first to come here, our duty is to explore as far as we can and report what we saw!”

“Ok, fine by me.” Not like I really care. Then, in a lower voice, so he can’t hear, I add. “Don’t say I didn’t warn you later…”

We can hear cries and the sound of people talking. As we move forward, they grow louder.

The passage we’re in, the one that connects with the crack, splits into three more paths. We can see some rooms on both sides of each passage. About half of them have iron bars, and the rest have a wall with a glass window.

“Wow! Don’t you think it looks like an abandoned lab? This is so great! What mysteries will we find?”

Corp is very excited about the situation. On the other side, I…

“Now I’m sure about it, we’re screwed,” I mutter.

“Huh?” Corp didn’t hear me because he was shouting. “Did you say something, Leader?”

“No, I didn’t say anything…”

I did, but I don’t want to change his expectations. It’ll be funnier if he’s unaware of what’s to come.

Corp runs to the closest glass window and peeks inside. Now that we’re closer, I can see it’s one of those special chambers to isolate whatever is inside from the exterior.

“There’s nothing…” He turns around and says to me. “Do you think the others will be empty too?”

“No, look there. This one has a hole on that side, whatever was inside is no longer there. I’m sure there will be monsters inside the other rooms.”

“Nice!”

I’ve been thinking this for a while, but where did all this bravery come from, Corp? You were so scared at the beginning of the dungeon invasion…

Corp enters the left passage and runs toward the next room. I follow closely behind him.

“This one’s empty too… Ah, there’s something in this one! They’re rabbits! A bunch of rabbits!”

“Rabbits…?”

He’s right. Behind the thick iron bars, dense enough to stop the rabbits from leaving the prison cell, there’s a group of six rabbits.

The only rabbits in this damned dungeon should be the Not A Rabbits and the critter with the Death Curse skill. From my experience, there’s no way those are simple rabbits. Corp, you should be happy, I’m sure you’re going to have your first ‘discovery’ here.

When the rabbits hear Corp, they turn their heads to look at him. All of them. At the same time.

Scary… But Corp doesn’t seem to find this weird.

“...and here’s a red button. I’m sure it’s here to open the door.”

*Blip!*

Wow, he pressed it. He didn’t hesitate at all. He lacks so much experience when it comes to this dungeon… there isn’t a single player who would press a button, ANY button, without taking several precautionary measures. This applies to any dungeon, not only this one.

I decided I wouldn’t care anymore, so I won’t say anything to him, but still… he was so fast to press it I couldn’t have stopped even if I wanted to.

Stolen from its rightful author, this tale is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings.

Corp was right. After the ‘blip’ sound, the cell’s door opens and soon all the rabbits run in his direction.

Now we’ll see what monsters they, who are wearing a rabbit’s skin, actually are.

“They’re all coming at me to say thanks! They’re so cute!”

Cute my ass! Just wait until they transform!

I sneakily raise my battleaxe and prepare for combat as the rabbits surround Corp. It’s good they’re ignoring me, seems like I won’t have to suffer this time.

“Corp, be careful…” I try to warn him.

But he’s too busy with the rabbits to listen to me. “Aww, why were you inside that awful jail? Come here, I’ll take care of you.”

He knows this is a game, right? And that these rabbits aren’t real, right? Maybe he’s weak to rabbits and this is why he’s acting like this…?

Corp bends his knees and is about to pet one of the rabbits when, what was bound to happen, what I was waiting for to happen, happens.

The rabbits shake for an instant and all of them transform into their real forms. The process takes only an instant, but I see it clearly from my position. It’s one goblin, one kobold, two elves, one dwarf, and a mermaid. All of them have rabbit ears on their heads, and fluffy rabbit tails on their butts, indicating they aren’t normal monsters.

“W-what’s going on!? What’s this!?” Corp looks at me, eyes wide open, waiting for an answer. But before I can open my mouth, the rabbits jump at him from all sides. “Aaagh! Save me, Leader!”

He starts running around the passage, but the rabbit monstrosities are faster than him, there’s no way he can shake them off.

“Huh, huh, huh! I knew this would happen…” I laugh at the spectacle.

“Help me, please!”

As much as I enjoy the spectacle, I’m supposed to help him. “Ok, here I go... Combat is combat, after all. There’s no way I can renounce to one. My orc pride is at stake here!”

I order the goblin mage to support from a distance and me and the orc chase after Corp.

“Stop running away if you want me to save you!”

“I-I can’t!”

He’s so useless… There’s no other way, then. I’ll have to use my only ranged attack and hope I can get their aggro.

“Phantasmal Weapon!”

I use the skill and a phantasmal version of my axe flies in a straight line in the direction of the rabbits. It passes through three rabbits, and through Corp’s champion too.

“Ah, shit, I hit him too... I hope he doesn’t die because of me. The worst way to sully your honor is to kill your own allies.” The rabbits turn around and come at me. “It worked, I got their aggro!”

“I almost died because of your skill, Leader!”

“Oh, looks like you’re fine. I’m sorry Corp, it wasn’t on purpose, it was the only way to save you.” I shout.

Well, maybe it was… I had to release my accumulated stress somehow.

The orc and I clash against the rabbits. They’re fast, but that’s the only thing they have going for them.

I’m sure their purpose isn’t to kill us, there must be another and more evil purpose I can’t hope to understand. It’s the Evil Mastermind, there must be a plan hidden behind the surface, then the real reason is hidden behind this plan, which has a spin, bifurcates, then there’s another plan, hidden in plain sight. Finally, everything comes together into the most convoluted plot in all of history…

…I don’t know what I’m talking about anymore. Does it make sense? It doesn’t, right?

The only thing I understand of all this mess is that whatever I do, I’m screwed. So I better enjoy myself the best I can.

“Eat this, you weaklings! Let’s see if you can entertain me for a while! Huh, huh, huh!”

It’s two against six. But I don’t need to worry, because…

“Fireball!”

With a disgustingly high-pitched and distorted voice, the goblin mage shouts the name of the skill from behind, and the orc and I quickly retreat to avoid the area affected.

A huge ball of flame comes flying in our direction and bursts into an explosion as it hits the rabbits. The fire burns three of them, those who met my Phantasmal Weapon, to a crisp, and the others are left at about a quarter HP.

“Good job, goblin mage!”

This isn’t a normal goblin to which I gave some magic skills, no. This is a true goblin mage: the Goblin Shaman. It is one of the rarest units in the Savage Horde faction because it’s a ranged unit, a mage unit at that. There’s a hard cap on how many of them I can have at a time, and each one needs a very expensive totem, but I always bring one with me into Dungeon Invasions because they’re very versatile.

It’s a shaman now, but I got used to calling it ‘mage’, so I still call it like that.

I finish the remaining rabbits with a few slashes. With every one or two attacks, a rabbit falls.

“Leader!” Corp runs at me as soon as the last rabbit dies. “T-thank you, you saved me!” His knees give way as he starts to cry. He then grabs my legs and continues sobbing. W-what’s wrong with this,*Snif*, d-dungeon?”

This is a very uncomfortable position…His head is too close to a very ‘special area’ and I don’t like it.

“Don’t cling to me. And this is nothing, I’m sure there’s stuff a lot more dangerous than those rabbits.”

He opens his eyes wide. “There’ll be… more!?”

*Sigh!* I suspire. This is why I don’t like noobs…

“Come on, man. You can’t be like this, you must get ready for what’s to come. Let’s start by standing back up.” I say, extending my hand.

Corp shudders but accepts my help to get back up. It’s a good thing this is a game because there are no tears, and my ‘special area’ isn’t soaked.

Huh, huh, huh! After being so excited and irritating me so much with the whole ‘exploration’ thing, he’s back to the scared mode. Nice! This way I’ll enjoy his reactions better.

“Bring it on, Evil Mastermind!” I say, trying to raise Corps’ morale, so that he doesn’t collapse before I can fully enjoy his reactions. “I don’t fear you, you can do whatever you want and I’ll defeat you and any monster you created! Huh, huh, huh!”

Corp opens his eyes wide in fear. He then looks around, as if wanting to spot any danger that might come because of my words.

“A-are you s-sure you should be taunting h-him like this? I’ve read that nothing good comes when you taunt the owner of this dungeon when in the m-m-middle of an i-invasion…”

“Why? What could go wrong with me saying it? Don’t you know he can’t be watching every single player invading his dungeon?”

Don’t worry, Corp. The bad stuff will come anyway… It doesn’t matter if I taunt him or not.

But then, as if to prove me wrong, all cries and shouts that filled the area, coming from who knows where, are extinguished at the same time; followed by a sound I’ll never forget.

*Blip!*

The ‘blip’ sound echoes through the passages. Who knows from where.

“I-is that…”

*Blip!*

Corp tries to ask me something, but gets interrupted by another similar sound. Followed by a third.

*Blip!*

After the three 'blip’ sounds, chaotic cries and shouts fill the dungeon once again.

W-was it done on purpose? D-did the Evil Mastermind actually come!? Oh, fuck. We’re so screwed right now! Why’s it always like this!? Why did I have to open my mouth!? Why am I always so unlucky!?

I never wanted to explore this new area, at least not when there’s somebody else who can see me despair! I only wanted to see Corp despair because of his ignorance! I never agreed to be part of it too!

“L-leader, everything’s a-a-alright, right?”

“...no, I don’t think so.”

I can’t bring myself to lie to him anymore. I’ll need his help from now on, even if it’s only his moral support, to avoid collapsing myself. We must both be on the same page right now.

“I think we’re screwed…” I add.

Like this, both I and Corp shudder, not knowing what awful things await us.

[https://i.imgur.com/ZGSK4Pl.png]

“The dumbest thing you can do in this damned dungeon is TAUNT the owner in some way. You can comment on how easy the dungeon is, call him stupid, yawn a few times as a sign of boredom… Whatever you do, from that moment on, YOU’RE SCREWED! Nobody knows how, or why, but the Evil Mastermind knows everything that happens in his dungeon and punishes everyone who belittles him or his dungeon.

My recommendation is to immediately flee the dungeon if possible. Press the surrender button. Otherwise, hope for your death to be as painless as possible. Because… YOU. WILL. DIE., that’s a fact. The only thing that changes is the ‘how’.

The only other thing you can do is somehow kill yourself. For this, I recommend bringing a skill that kills you when you use it, or area skills with which you can kill yourself. Believe me when I say this: YOU DON’T WANT TO STAY THERE AFTER TAUNTING THE EVIL MASTERMIND.”

- Extract from the Chapter ‘Unexpected dangers’ from ‘How to Stay Sane in The Mad Rat’s Lab’.