“Here I am once again, in this insanely difficult dungeon! Huh, huh, huh!” How long has it been? Maybe two weeks? “Look at this! My muscles are excited about the incoming challenge! I’m ready to beat my archenemy once again! Huh, huh, huh!”
I flex in a few different poses, showing off my incredible muscles. Heh, nobody can beat this!
“...um, excuse me, Mr… Mr. ImAnOrc…” A skinny elf looks around in fear. “I-I heard this dungeon is ve-very dangerous… w-why are you acting like that?”
“Oh, this… There’s no danger here. The entrance is completely safe, hmm…” I scratch my head in thought. How was this guy called again? It was something about forced work… Ah, I remember. “... C0rp0rateSlave.”
Look at those twigs he has for arms. It’s impossible for him to beat this dungeon!
He’s lucky I’m here to help him because otherwise, he would die as soon as he enters the big cavern. And let’s not talk about the tunnels… poor scrawny elf…
“Is that so…?” He relaxes his expression but continues to look anxiously around.
“Huh, huh, huh! Don’t worry about anything, I’ll protect you with my amazing strength!”
I flex a few more times, demonstrating to him what I mean, but he turns his gaze away. How rude!
“And please don’t call me with my full name. Call me Leader, Boss, Master, or simply Orc. Yours is too long too. I’ll call you Corp. You fine with it?”
“Yeah, sure. I don’t mind, hmm… Leader?”
“You look very weak, but at least know how to show respect! Huh, huh, huh!” I say, patting his back a few times. “Let’s not waste time and go! The adventure awaits us!”
“B-but it was you who was wasting time flexing around…”
“What did you say, Corp!?” I feign annoyance at what he said, asking him in an angry tone.
“N-nothing! I said I’m lucky to have you with me! Hahaha…”
“Yes, you’re lucky. With my help, you’ll achieve whatever you want. Also…” I lower my voice and come near his face, intimidating him. “I heard what you said, you know? Something about flexing my muscles…”
“I-I’m sorry! I misspoke! I-I w-won’t say it again, I promise! Please, don’t leave me alone…!”
“Huh, huh, huh!” I explode into laughter at his reaction. “I’m just joking, you know!? Huh, huh, huh!” It’s hard to talk while laughing. “I’m not angry, not at all. Flexing around is a way for me to mentalize before challenging this damned dungeon. Also… I don’t mind if you want to look at my amazing muscles, you know? Huh, huh, huh!”
He forces a chuckle and awkwardly turns his head to the side, avoiding my muscles.
“So… Why did you want to come to The Mad Rat’s Lab? Curious about the crazy difficulty everybody is talking about?”
“No, no way. I’m here because my boss forced me to come… Everyone in the department refused the task and it ended up falling upon me. I hate all of them so much… why did it have to be me? They know I hate spooky stuff and surprises too…”
He starts grumbling, only stopping when he remembers I’m right next to him.
“Hahaha… sorry for that.”
“Don’t worry, I can understand.”
“...thank you. So as I was saying, I came here to check on this dungeon. My boss is interested in the Evil Mastermind myth, and I came to see it in person. They say you have to experience it for yourself to know what’s up, doubly so for this dungeon.”
“...I agree.”
This is good. Very good. It’s been some time since I met a normal person who wasn’t corrupted by this dungeon yet. I’m going to enjoy his reactions so much! Huh, huh, huh!
“But why didn’t you come alone? Why ask me to help you? It’s a lot more fun to experience it all by yourself…”
“Come on, I know what everyone says about this dungeon. There’s no way I could clear it alone! I needed somebody who already knew everything about it to help me.”
I nod. “Ah, that’s why you contacted me…”
It makes sense. There’s no player who knows more than me about The Mad Rat’s Lab. Except for the Mad Cultists… But nobody would want to ask them for help.
At least, not if they’re sane.
“Yes. I contacted you because you’re the author of the greatest guide to this dungeon, How to Stay Sane in The Mad Rat’s Lab. Though there were a few parts that worried me. You seemed… kind of crazy?”
“Huh, huh, huh! It’s all an act to attract more viewers. Yes, an act! If I pretend to be crazy when writing it, more people will read it. I’m just pretending.”
That’s a lie... Not a single line in the guide is a lie or an exaggeration. But I want to keep him fresh and see his first reactions to everything, so I’ll stay quiet.
“Aaah, I understand now… It makes sense because it’s a dungeon that’s supposed to bring despair and madness to the invaders! Good job, then. It was very realistic!”
“Thank you, I suppose…?”
I’m not sure if I should take offense or not.
We’re about to reach the entrance to the underground, the cave that looks like a mouth, when Corp opens his mouth again.
“I think I already said it, but thanks for the help once again. It looks terrifying and we didn’t encounter anything yet… The rumors about this dungeon aren’t exaggerated.”
“...”
I don’t want to spoil anything, so I stay quiet.
“Hey, Leader. What’s your reason to come here? They say you dive into this dungeon at least once a week. And also, that you’re the first one who reached the end after the Boss was introduced.”
“You’re right! I’m the best player when it comes to this dungeon! Huh, huh, huh! Also… the reason I come here is to put myself in unexpected situations and challenge my skills. To keep myself fit! There’s no better place than this one! The Evil Mastermind sure is something else!”
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“So you’re an adrenaline addict?”
“...You can also put it like this.” I deflate at his words, but I can’t deny them either.
We’re now about to reach the big cave entrance. Corp keeps turning his head around in fear every time he sees a ‘screaming mushroom’, and shudders when sees the giant scratches on the ground.
Heh, he’s a weakling, if he’s scared of this. There’s no way he could beat this dungeon if I’m not here.
“From now on, stay close to me. Do what I say, step where I step, and don’t ask questions, ok? If you want to reach the end of this dungeon, you must do all of the above, ok?”
“S-sure.”
“Fine then!” I say, rubbing my hands together.
Huh, huh, huh! The show is starting! I’m looking forward to this. Both to the challenge and possibly epic fights against strong monsters, as well as to Corp’s reactions.
----------------------------------------
*AaAaAaAa!*
It doesn’t take too long for the first enemy to spot us.
“Agh, my head’s going to burst! What’s that hellish noise!?”
“It’s one of the swarmers. Get ready for action. If you don’t deal with them accordingly, they’ll accumulate and you’ll have trouble.”
I order my orcs and goblins to set a defensive formation around Corp. I myself am standing alone, ready for some action.
Corp also has some support mobs with him, but it doesn’t look like he knows how to properly order them around. They’re standing there, doing nothing.
“Come here, you monstrosity!”
I swing my battleaxe once at the incoming half-elf half-dwarf, killing the dwarf in a single strike. With the next two swings, I finish the elf too, who got a power-up after the dwarf’s death.
I’ve been here quite a lot of times, but I still can’t understand how can they run, or even walk, when one half is twice the height of the other. Yet another one of this dungeon’s mysteries, I suppose.
“Who’s the next one? I’m ready for more!”
When I turn around, I see my orcs dealing with two more Demonic Swarmers. The goblins are helping by shooting arrows too.
I’m not worried about the situation because I know my orcs can deal with them, even if they receive the power-up, but there are already two dead elves and Corp is crouching, his hands on his head.
“I’m too young to die!”
“...”
I… I won’t comment on that.
I ignore his cries and rush at the two swarmers. To be safe, I’ll eliminate them before more can come.
Two swings are enough thanks to the support of my units.
“Hah, hah… Thank you. You truly saved me.”
“You’re welcome, but… you weren’t in danger at all, you know?”
“Huh…?”
He makes a stupid face and looks around. He then notices the orcs and goblins protecting him and finally understands.
“Ahaha… My bad. I got too scared.”
“Huh, huh, huh! You not only look weak but are actually weak too!”
“Don’t be so hard on me… I didn’t want to do this…”
This is so good! I got to see his panicked self, regret, and doubt. And it’s only the first fight!
How will he react if we find The Tunnel’s Nightmare? Will he run away first because of the fear status or because of real fear? I’m looking forward to it! Huh. huh, huh!
*AaAaAaAa!*
“Oh, here comes another one!”
“P-protect me, please…”
----------------------------------------
“Why are you making the goblin enter each tunnel first? Isn’t it dangerous if there’s a trap and they die?”
Before entering every passage, I make a goblin step inside and come out. It seems Corp is curious about it.
“A trap? Nah, I’m not worried about those. I’m more worried about the mimic worm.”
“The mimic worm… what’s that?”
“Are you kidding me!? Did you really not read anything about the Tunnel Mimic?”
“Ah, that name! I d-didn’t relate the name with what you said… The Tunnel Mimic is that monster that imitates the tunnels and swallows you, right? You’re making the goblin enter first so it doesn’t eat one of us!”
He raises his head to look at my face, his eyes shining with expectation. He’s waiting for me to praise him, but his expression irks me and I feel the impulse to punch him instead.
It’ll be better if I don’t do either.
“You’re right.”
“But wasn’t it easy to spot them if you know every tunnel? Did you forget the map? Don’t you remember the way?”
Ugh… it hurts when they hit your weakness! I don’t have a map, and I don’t remember every passage, you’re right!
But I have the perfect excuse for it now! It’s true, so it technically isn’t an excuse, huh, huh, huh!
“That was before the Evil Mastermind changed their AI. Now they can camouflage as a real tunnel, opening their mouth where the real tunnel is.”
“Ah, I understand! But, aww, that’s nasty… So it doesn’t matter if you know the way or not, you might be swallowed by it anyway! It’s a good thing you know about it beforehand, Leader! I wouldn’t like to be left alone… Hahaha!”
“As I said before, trust in me. I’m the best expert when it comes to this dungeon! Huh, huh, huh!”
Yeah… I’ll let him believe it’s only because of it and that it has nothing to do with the fact I don’t remember the correct passages.
I enter the passage the goblin scouted, followed by Corp and the support mobs.
“I’m sure you’re checking your HP all the time, right?”
“My HP? Oh, you told me to check it before…” He opens the status screen before turning at me with wide-open eyes. “My HP is decreasing all the time! I’m taking damage! Save me, Leader!”
*Sigh!*
This guy… why is he like this? You know what? Let’s play with him a little bit or I’ll explode.
“I’m sorry, Corp. It’s already too late for you…” I put on a sad expression before turning away from him.
“W-what do you mean…? Leader?”
He looks at me with an anxious face, but I must do what must be done. I look at the goblin mage and give an order.
“Do it, attack him.”
“W-wait! Stop it! You were supposed to protect me!”
The goblin mage releases a small fire projectile. It flies to Corp and explodes upon contact.
“Hyaaaah! You liar!” Corp tries to run away, but he can’t because I grab him. “...huh? I’m, fine?” He looks incredulous at his body. Then, he turns his head and looks at me with the same expression.
“Huh, huh, huh!” I explode in laughter once again. “You fell for it! Huh, huh, huh!”
“What do you mean? Why did you attack me?”
I can’t stop laughing for a while, but I finally manage to say. “Look at the ground.”
“Is that… a butterfly? A butterfly…” He takes a ‘thinking’ pose. Omg, I can almost see smoke coming out of his head! “Aha, I remember! It’s the Death Butterfly! Thank you for saving me!”
I must tease him more. This is too funny. “You mean, saving you yet again, right?”
“Ahaha…” He scratches his head awkwardly because he knows I’m right. “It’s a good thing you’re an expert.”
“You’re right.”
I can confirm I’m the player who knows the most about the Death Butterflies. After all, I was the first player ever to die because of them. I checked it up, so I’m sure of it. If this doesn’t make me the most knowledgeable, what else will?
“Anyway, let’s go and… ugh.” As I’m about to continue, something hits me from behind. “Is it…” I turn around to see the attacker. Right after, I get attacked once again from the other side. “It’s them! Aaaagh!”
“Them?”
If there’s one thing, ONE SINGLE FUCKING THING, I truly hate in this whole dungeon, it’s them. THEM! The fucking annoying Goblimp Pests!
“Come here you little shits! I’m going to slaughter you all!”
Right after shouting, as if to mock me, another spell hits my back. I madly rush to the closest one while ordering the orcs and goblins to target the rest. I think there are three of them, but who knows?
I swear, I’m going to pester the DMA staff with messages until they implement a feature that allows the players to ban one unit from the Dungeon Invasions… I’ll keep asking them to implement it until they do, or until I die of accumulated rage, whatever happens first.
“Hey, what about me!? Don’t leave me behind!”
[https://i.imgur.com/ZGSK4Pl.png]
Soon, the DMA staff received a huge influx of messages from the same player, asking for the same thing. They answered they wouldn’t implement that game feature, but the messages continued. As expected, they ended up ignoring the messages and blacklisted the sender.