Right now, I’m walking through the dungeon with my newest (and only) disciple, Bil.

“Teacher, can you give me a nice idea for my dungeon?”

“Hmm… well, it depends on what you want to do…”

I stroke my nonexistent beard yet one more time. It’s a shame I don’t have one, because it would be so good for this situation…

“...have you decided on what will be your character? Your persona?”

“Not yet…” Bil looks down in shame. “I’ll need some more time to think about it…”

“Then, anything I tell you is a waste of time… Why are you so dumb? *Sigh!*”

Not everything must be good stuff. I also need to insult my disciple from time to time… Of course, it’s to avoid his idiotic and crazy ideas from coming out! Did you think I enjoy insulting people just because I can!?

…ok, ok… you got me. Maybe I do, but only a tiny bit. Agh! Don’t judge me with those accusing eyes! I enjoy it a lot! I confessed, so stop looking at me as if I were trash!

“...but I do have a few ideas… Oh, and I would like to keep using the Wereshark as my champion. I like how it looks!”

“Is that so…?”

I think a bit about his faction, the Wild Ferals. I know quite a lot about them because it was one of the two factions I was considering other than the Flesh Monstrosities.

The Wild Ferals is a very versatile faction with lots of ways to surprise the enemies invading the dungeon. Having monsters that can literally turn into exact copies of critters, as well as the critters they can turn into, allows for some wild and dangerous combos. If you do it right, the invaders will never know if the animal they have in front of them is a critter or a transformed werebeast.

Regardless of how good the faction is, as I said before, the first step is to decide on his character. Until he does, there’s no need to waste time explaining stuff to him.

“But I’m not sure about it, I don’t know how to create an underwater dungeon…”

“If you play as the Wild Ferals, I wouldn’t create an underwater dungeon. The thing is that playing as a wereshark without water would be very lame… Hahaha.”

I chuckle at the image of a wereshark ‘swimming’ in a desert.

As stupid as it sounds, it’s actually possible to create for me if I mix a wereshark with another unit that can tunnel through the ground… but it isn’t important right now.

“The faction shines because of the numerous units, including aerial, land, and aquatic units. Limiting yourself to a single type of terrain would be a shame… If I were you, I would think of something in the middle. Something with lots of water, abundant land for your other units, and open space for the flying ones. It would be a waste to miss the amazing units you can use and only stick with the few aquatic ones, adding only the hybrid ones like the werecrocodiles.”

“Then… I make half the dungeon underwater, and I put the rest of the units in the other half?”

“No! Never! Are you stupid!?” Well, he must be if he believes every stupid thing I say. “Do you really think this is a good idea!? How dumb can you be!?”

Again, I need to insult him, so that he learns properly. And it doesn’t have anything to do with me enjoying it, I swear.

“If you divide your dungeon into two halves, it would be the same as having two different dungeons! How lame is that!? Every invader will feel like you’re lazy, or stupid! You don’t want that, so you want it to be mixed, with both of them next to each other! Something like… like a swamp, or an island, a river, a lake… Maybe even something crazier like giant trees growing from the ocean and with giant lotus leaves as the ground for the land units… You know, the normal stuff.”

“Ooooooh!”

His face illuminates once again at my words. Hehe! Aren’t I a great teacher!?

I pause for a moment before continuing. Then, I change the way I speak to the one used to explain the greatest secret in the world and signal him to get closer.

“I won’t lie to you: a hybrid dungeon can be the most challenging to design. Not because it’s more difficult to plan or more expensive than the others, but because of how players react when they have to face both aquatic, land, and flying enemies at the same time. It’s incredibly difficult to balance everything properly so that there isn’t a single strategy that’s strictly better than the others…”

Once again, I stroke my nonexistent beard as I talk. This is growing upon me. If only I actually had one, my teacher image would raise to the next level.

I’m now tempted to add a dwarf as the next unit I fuse with my champion when I unlock the next upgrade, just so that I can have an amazing beard and stroke it as much as I want. It would be amazing! Hahaha!

Not that I’m going to fuse with a dwarf, or with any other unit, only to look cooler or to better fit the old and sage teacher stereotype… Do you think I’m crazy? The crazy guy is the one right next to me.

“...but this isn’t a thing you’re going to worry much about because… Having a hybrid dungeon is actually one of the easiest ways to make the invaders cry! Fufufu! Hahaha!”

“Because they can’t be good at both underwater and land at the same time?”

“Well, there’s also that… But I was thinking about those amazing ambushes you can create! The unexpected transformations in the middle of a battle! The reinforcements that can come literally from anywhere! Being assaulted by water units, but not being able to chase after them because they move faster, and the land units will take this chance to recover! Fufufu! Hahaha!”

“I see… And then I’ll be the king of despair! And the others will have to do what I say! Hahaha!”

Ok… his reaction is worrying. Maybe I should stop teaching him, and avoid future trouble…

Naaaah, what could go wrong with a group of deranged people that worship the despair given by my dungeon…? Everything’s going to be fine, so let’s continue with the amazing and absolutely proven explanations… also called ‘spouting bullshit’ for those who actually know about it.

“What’s more! Given your faction, the invaders won’t be able to relax, because any animal they see might be a normal animal or a camouflaged werebeast! If you do it properly, they won’t know until it’s too late!”

It’s something I would definitely do if I had chosen the Wild Ferals faction. Regardless of my chosen champion, I would exploit everything in the faction’s arsenal. And this means lots of surprises and ambushes!

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Players complain about the ambushes in my dungeon, but it’s nothing, less than a speck of dust, compared to what you can do with the Wild Ferals. In fact, in my dungeon, the ambushes are only there to add variety. It isn’t the focus at all, so it isn’t a surprise there’s this much of a difference.

He then proceeds to ask a lot more questions, and I try to answer them the best I can. Of course, while feigning I know what I’m talking about. Oh, and I don’t forget to insult him from time to time… so that his ego doesn’t grow too much.

We continue to walk and talk like this until…

“And this is why…”

“Hahaha! Finally found You again, Mad Rat! Now, it’s our time to show You despair! Fufufu! Hahaha! Al, prepare for battle!”

Ooooh, shit! I was so absorbed in the teacher roleplay that I forgot we were in the middle of the match…

You must understand my position too, freely talking with the enemy makes one lower their guard. Who wouldn’t when they treat you like a VIP? Ok… this is an excuse, but it isn’t completely false.

“Oh! Y-you… and you are? Did we meet before…?”

I make a surprised expression at the Leader. When in case of doubt, you feign ignorance. I’m now playing the ‘Who are you?’ card.

“Don’t talk bullshit like this, Mad Rat! There’s no way you can forget about this match!”

No, well… it’s true I’m saying stupid stuff and trying to win time to assess the situation. But it’s also true I forgot about everything about the match for a while.

Focus, Andreu, focus! Let’s make a quick recap.

Are there crazy guys in your dungeon, trying to destroy the core? Well, I’m not sure about the trying to destroy the core part, because who knows what their true purpose is, but… they sure are crazy. Check.

Did you lose track of the time and the situation and now are fucked up? Mostly yes, though I won’t admit it in front of anyone. Check.

Is this situation dangerous? There are two crazy guys in front of me, with several support mobs, and another guy who calls himself my disciple with some more monsters right behind me. So I’m not only surrounded, but surrounded by crazy guys, making this situation completely unpredictable. Check.

Something else you must take into account? Something else, something else… Oh, yeah! There’s this crazy swarm of electric flying piranhas from which I can only run away. They must be roaming through the dungeon at this time, and who knows where they are right now. Check.

Wait, where’s the fourth guy? I could swear there were four of them at the start… Ok, let’s add an extra point to the list. Do you know the whereabouts of all the enemy players? Nope, I don’t. And it worries me. No check.

Do you have a way to get out of this? …Fuck this! Why was I making the list again!? To get depressed!? Why isn’t there a single good thing on the list!?

I return to the situation at hand after making the useless list. It only served to make me more anxious and desperate.

First of all… let’s feign I’m fighting against Bil before he says something stupid. There’s no way to deceive the viewers, as they’ve seen everything until now… But I hope I can fool the Leader and the other guy into believing I’m surrounded and take this chance to escape.

“Hey, is that you, Leader?”

Bil asks a question to the deranged Leader. I must start my act before is too late.

“Oh, no! I got surrounded by enemies! What am I going to do now!? I’m screwed!”

I shout. Objectively speaking, this might be one of the worst performances ever. But they aren’t all there in their heads, so they might believe it.

“Is that you, Bil?”

The Leader looks behind me, in the direction of my stupid disciple. What are you doing, Bil!? Stop saluting like a fool and act as if you were fighting me!

“We got you surrounded!” It looks like he believed my performance. Hahaha, fool. “It’s finally time for us to show You, oh great Mad Rat, what we learned from Your teachings!”

What teachings!? I don’t remember teaching you anything! Maybe to Bil, if you can consider ‘that’ as teaching anything at all, but definitely not you!

He continues with his monologue.

“As fate called, the time has finally come, brothers! Because as His teachings say, All shall despair! Including him! Fufufu! Hahaha!”

Again, what teachings are you talking about!?

“All shall despair!”

Repeat Bil and the other guy next to the Leader. Did he call him Al? …I don’t care.

Hey Bil, what are you doing!? Didn’t you turn into my disciple now!? Why are you still in that damn sect!?

I suppose this is what you should expect from deranged guys… Anyway, let’s try to fool the Leader again. I adopt a fighting pose and prepare for combat.

“Oh, no! After fighting against this guy that was chasing me for so long, I’m out of MP and can’t do anything! What am I going to do now!?”

As I say it, I point at Bil. He… stares at me with a void expression. Why are you spacing out now!? Say something!

This won’t do… I tell him through hand gestures to feign to fight against me. First, he only tilts his head. I can almost see a question mark appearing on top of his head. But then he makes an ‘Oh, I understand!’ face and… drops to the floor, kneeling in front of me.

Nooooo, you fool!

I’m obviously telling you to fight against me! To be exact, to only do as if we were fighting so I can run away when the fight starts!

Meanwhile, the Leader and the other guy are just looking at me with sparkling eyes. I have a bad feeling about it…

“Hoh! Is that a surrender dance? We might need to practice those moves in the future, for our sacred dancing rituals…”

Is this what you think about this situation!? Didn’t you feel anything suspicious about your companion kneeling in front of me when we’re supposed to be fighting right now!?

You know what… Screw this! I don’t care anymore! I’ll just run away like the rat I am one more time.

It happens as I prepare to run away. Through the tunnel I’m supposed to use, the one where Bil is kneeling, I hear a thundering roar growing in volume. It’s an unmistakable sound because I was forced to run from it not too long ago… I’m talking about the Spark Swarm.

How did they catch up so fast!? Was it out of luck, or can they somehow track my movements?

I’m momentarily stunned by the situation. Why am I so unlucky!? Now I can’t run away because I have the Leader on one side and the Spark Swarm coming from the other…!

Bill, you ask? Who’s that…? Hahaha, I was joking. He’s my disciple now, so he won’t attack me. At least he won’t unless he wants to break our agreement.

“It looks like the Spark Swarm is coming, chasing after You! Oh, how great is this situation! I shudder in excitement! Fufufu! Hahaha!”

As I said before, stop imitating my laughing pose already! It’s copyrighted, you know!? And it’s disgusting to see others imitate what I do! Especially when they are crazy like you!

“Brothers! We’ll now witness the time when we can show the great Mad Rat, the Evil Mastermind, what we learned! Let’s enjoy this moment and engrave it in our souls! It all went according to our magnificent plan to show the world what true despair is! The prophecy will be fulfilled! Fufufu! Hahaha!”

What prophecy!? And what plan!? It was all coincidence and you know it, so stop spouting bullshit like I was doing a while ago! I’m the only one present who’s allowed to use that tactic!

But then I look at him and, listening to him as he continues to talk about prophecies and repeat ‘All shall despair’, I… smirk. Yeah, I SMIRK.

When he notices I’m smirking he involuntarily shudders. I can’t be sure if it’s because of excitement or fear, but I don’t care.

I smirk, because… I finally found IT. I found the monster I’d been looking for all this time. The Tunnels’ Nightmare is coming from behind the Leader and the other guy. As the Leader just said, everything went according to the plan. My nonexistent plan.

Now everything’s going to be ok. For me, I mean.

*Fiiu!* I exhale. Looks like I’m saved.

[https://i.imgur.com/ZGSK4Pl.png]

This day was the birth of the self-proclaimed ‘first apostle’. One of the stronger players in the Mad Rat’s Cult - stronger as in having one of the most dangerous dungeons - as well as the only direct disciple of the Mad Rat.

Although they weren’t Andreu’s disciples, from this day until DMA closed the game’s servers, the strongest players in the cult were called apostles too. And although the Leader maintained his position, from now on, he would need to ask the apostles for their opinions.

Andreu didn’t know yet, but this whole ‘apostle’ thing would only give him many more headaches in the future than he expected. He decided to play teacher, so he would have to face the consequences.