“Hmm… so… this is the dungeon you told me about? Are you sure we’re in the right one? Everybody says how weird everything in this dungeon is, but aren’t we in a common, run-of-the-mill forest?”

My elf companion bites his lips before answering.

“This is… this is just the entrance. The calm before the storm. It isn’t until we enter the cave that the crazy stuff will begin.”

“Aha, I understand,” I nod, smiling. “It’s one of those warning things, right? I haven’t seen the entrance, but I already like it!”

“I knew you would like it… haha…”

This isn’t his first time. He came… two times, I believe? The first time he couldn’t reach the end, so he had to come again. He told me something about an orc player helping him, some expert or the like, but they died anyway.

I don’t know what happened the first two times, but he was reticent to guide me today. He asked me to find somebody else to guide me, but I could do nothing about it. This is work, and I need him here.

He tries to hide it, but I notice his hands are shaking. His eyes also don’t have the usual glint in them.

Is this dungeon really that scary?

I know he isn’t a habitual VR player, and that he isn’t very good at it, but still… He has been into many dungeons as our scout, he should be accustomed to it by now.

What could have happened for him to be like this…?

I feel my excitement grow. I’m not sure what to expect, but I’m sure it’ll be interesting.

“You know, Mon–”

“Don’t use my real name inside the game!” I cover his mouth with my hand before he says my full name. “Use my nickname instead.”

“O-ok! I’ll do it! Celmin, I’ll call you Celmin from now on!”

“Geez… how many times has it been already? You always forget.”

“I-I’m sorry. I-it’s t-the habit…” He stutters. If we were in real life, he would be blushing right now.

“Haaa… it’s fine, I won’t get angry for something like this…” If I were to, I would never be happy. “But when will you stop reacting like this all the time? We’ve been going out for a year now, and you still react like a cherry boy. It’s annoying! This is why the others are always joking about you!”

“Hahaha… it’s… i-it’s this dungeon, that puts me on e-e-edge… I’m sorry.”

With how reluctant he was to come, I’m sure he only agreed because it was me who came with him. If it was any other teammate, he’d do the impossible to avoid it.

He can be so sweet sometimes… He shoved his fear away to come with me and be my guide.

But this only makes me more curious.

*Sigh* “Let’s forget about it and move on.” I’m tired of his apologies, so I cut the conversation. “But I’m curious. What’s in this dungeon that you’re so scared of?”

“W-what? Scared? I-I’m not scared or–”

“It’s written on your face,” I interrupt him.

His stuttering; his swimming eyes, darting around to avoid my gaze; and the fact that he hasn’t taken a single step yet are evident signs. He tries to act though, but I know him too well to be deceived.

“Ah, haha… y-yeah, I knew it wouldn’t work…” He shudders. “If we don’t die, you’ll see it later. I know you love surprises, so I won’t tell you.”

Oh, how sweet of him… But I’m even more curious now!

Not sure if I should get angry or happy at him, for not telling me, I chain our arms together and start dragging him toward the dungeon cave’s entrance. There’s a path in this forest, you can’t get lost.

“Ooh!” I exclaim, surprised. “You told me the entrance looked like a mouth, but I didn’t expect this!”

“I don’t see what’s so good about it… To me, it only reminds me of the awful things that come after this…”

“Hahaha! Pay attention. I’m going to explain it to you so you can look out for things like this in the future; for when you go scouting for dungeons on your own.” I start my explanation, pointing at the important parts to make sure he follows. “As you said, this looks like a creepy mouth, but at the same time, it doesn’t, right?”

“Now that you say it, it does look natural…”

In our job, you need to quickly discern the good dungeons from those that aren’t worth the effort. The first sign of a good dungeon is the attention to the small details.

“I’ve seen many similar entrances where the creator overdid it and it ended up being too artificial. If it’s supposed to be sculpted or excavated, then, it could make sense, but otherwise…”

I signal him to continue the phrase. He hesitates for a moment before he opens his mouth. “...it’s not worth the attention and I should move to the next dungeon?”

“You’re right!” I pat him on the shoulder. “It’s also a good thing that the forest turns redder the closer you get. It’s almost as if it were drenched in blood. It creates anticipation and warns about the weird stuff inside. …because you told me the weird stuff starts after this, right?”

“Y-yes, yes.”

I make the first step inside the cave and immediately notice something I didn’t expect. “What’s this hole?” I ask.

“I don’t know… it wasn’t here before…”

“How exciting! If I stick my hand inside, will something happen?”

“N-no! Stop!”

“Why?” I ask. “Don’t you want to know what’s inside?”

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He hesitates to answer. I’m sure it’s because he doesn’t want to hurt my feelings…

“I-it isn’t a good idea to poke unknown things in this dungeon.” He says. “We might die.”

… or maybe not and he’s just scared.

“All right, all right!” I say, shaking my head. “I won’t put my hand inside… for now. First comes finishing our work. We can always come back later.” I notice him shuddering, but I ignore him. “Oh, look! The first mushroom!”

Hey, look at this! It has a tiny face. And it’s distorted, almost as if it is screaming!

I’ve been working on this for more than two years now, but it continues to surprise me the level of detail this game has.

I know there are lots of memes about mushrooms and this dungeon, but I never understood them. I don’t think they’re about the screaming mushrooms, so I wonder where they come from… I guess I’ll discover it soon!

“It’s a shame there’s no sound effects,” I say, to nobody in particular. “We could ask the owner to add screams, or we could add them later in post-production…”

He tilts his head to the side. “Hmm? But there were screams when I came.”

“Is that so? Then this means the dungeon owner made some changes. How exciting! Let’s go, to the unknown!” I raise my fist and start walking forward.

“W-wait! Don’t rush ahead! D-don’t leave me behind!”

Hahaha, for a moment, I thought he wanted to stick to me like usual, but the truth is that he’s afraid. This only makes my interest grow even further.

“Oooh, look at these claw marks! They’re so huge! I know they’re decorations, but if they were real… do you think we’ll find the monster that made them?

“I-I…” He bites his lips and trembles.

Oooh, he knows something but doesn’t want to tell me! This is going to be so much fun! Hahaha!

I smile.

----------------------------------------

“So… can you explain to me again why do I have to come with you?”

I know we’ve talked about this quite a lot of times already, but I can’t understand her reasoning at all.

“Because Wizardess didn’t want to come with me, so I politely asked you to come.”

See? Don’t you think it’s a ridiculous reasoning? If she were to at least act her role as a barbarian and say something like ‘As battle brothers, we have to defeat the mad rat and take the spoils together!’, I would understand.

But this… this is way too unreasonable.

I’ll ask again, just in case. “And how does this relate to me? I know we’ve played together sometimes, but I’m not in your playgroup, so…”

“They didn’t want to come with me, so I had no other choice but to politely ask you.”

“Politely!? POLITELY!? You sent me more than fifty messages before I answered, and when I said no, you didn’t stop sending more until I reluctantly agreed! I have more than two hundred messages as proof!” I point at her with my finger. “You harassed me into it!”

She snorts. “Hah, don’t sweat the little things or you’ll grow old… Hahaha! Do you understand the joke? You’re already dead, so you can’t grow old! Puhahaha!”

The nerve… I feel my anger slowly rising at her actions.

At least she’s now acting more like a barbarian, doing whatever she pleases and justifying her actions with unreasonable explanations.

“...thanks for explaining the joke… I guess?”

But not everything is bad. With her on my side, I have more chances to be the first to beat this dungeon. Then, I’ll finally ask Andreu’s sister to teach me everything she knows, and I’ll be the greatest player in the whole world! Hahaha!

“Are you mad, Baldy? Are you mad at me? You’re making a sour face! It’s so funny!”

She strikes my back several times while laughing.

“No, I’m fine… But since I’m helping you, you’ll have to treat me with the respect I deserve. First of all, stop calling me Baldy and call me by my full nickname instead: TheGreatBaldSage. You can also call me Great Sage instead. Or simply Sage. You can also call me senpai if you like it more, or–”

“No.”

Did I mishear? She didn’t allow me to finish, so I wasn’t listening. “What did you say?” I politely ask.

“I said no.”

“... what? Why not!? Can’t you see I’m suffering here because of the nickname? You owe me one for helping you today!”

She tilts her head to the side, in confusion. She’s faking it. I can see the nasty smile she’s desperately trying to hold back.

“Why should I change the way I call you? Everybody calls you Baldy, so I’m going to call you like this too. I’ve been calling you like that until now anyway, haven’t I?”

This unreasonableness and selfishness… the feeling of betrayal… That’s more like it! That’s how a barbarian should behave!

She has a long way to perfection and will need a lot of effort to reach my level, but it’s now decent enough.

“Hahaha! You’re now starting to act like a true barbarian.” I nod. “I like it.”

“Hey! What do you mean by ‘now’!? I’ve been acting like one since before I met you!”

“Yes, yes. Whatever you say. For me, you’re still a kid–”

I start patting her head, but she quickly pushes my hand away. “Stop it!” She pouts and covers her head with her hands so I can’t do it again.

She glares at me. Hahaha, how funny.

This dungeon invasion promises. If we win and I get to ask Anthemia any favor, it’ll be the best dungeon invasion ever!

I have a huge advantage over any other participant: I know everything about Andreu’s dungeon and I helped design some parts of it. This, paired with my game knowledge will surely give us an edge!

But it’s a shame I won’t be able to get a lot of human’s juicy, tasty souls…

“All right, it’s fine,” I say. “You can call me whatever you want, and I’ll still help you. But if we win, I’ll take the wish for me, ok?”

“I don’t mind. I want to do this to meet Anthemia. She’s my idol!”

She puffs out her chest. Then, she raises her axe and runs off, not waiting for me. “Let’s go! Battle awaits! If you don’t come fast, I won’t leave a single monster alive for you, you won’t eat any souls! Hahaha!”

How dare she!

“Hey, don’t run so fast, I can’t keep up!” It isn’t only me but our mobs who can’t keep up either. “I know everything about this dungeon, you must listen to everything I say! This incredibly knowledgeable undead will teach you everything you need to know… Do you know about the recently created slide that’ll save us a lot of time? We must strive for efficiency if we want to clear this dungeon as fast as possible and be the ones to win!”

“Let’s take the slide!” She shouts, ignoring the rest of what I said.

Urgh… the nerve…

Shortly after the two left the scene, in the same place…

“...Ummm… Hello…? I’m here too, you know…?”

Left behind by his two comrades, a languid elf lazily stands up from the ground.

“Did they forget I was here because I didn’t say anything? Really, they’re so impulsive…” He scratches his cheek. “Well… I should go after them, right? They’re going to die if I’m not there.”

Without hurrying, he picks up some kind of branch with creeping vines over its surface, and green leaves growing out of it. This staff, paired with the plants growing out of several parts of his robe, allows no possible error as to what character he plays: he’s a druid.

“Uaaaam…” He yawns. “...hmm… But man, what good sleep I had. They took so long arguing between themselves that I got bored and laid down. But then, as soon as they finished, they ran away… Barbarian is always like this…”

He stretches, looks in the direction they left, and takes a battle posture, ready for any surprise that might come his way. Finally, he starts walking.

“I hope there are no poison-resistant monsters today… I had enough in the tournament.” He strokes his beard in thought. “To think I’ll come here one day… Barbarian, you owe me one.”

He scans his surroundings, uneasy.

[https://i.imgur.com/ZGSK4Pl.png]

“Like moths to a flame, the players started entering The Mad Rat’s Lab, each with their own goals. Some were looking for the promised wish, and some for their own, unrelated reasons. But, like moths to a flame, the only thing most of those players would achieve is to burn to their deaths.”