“Hahaha! Yes! Give her hell! Make her feel all my accumulated rage after so many years. Make her cry until blood leaves her eyes. Come on, my minions, I know you can do it!”
“Ugh, this is… Don’t run away. Stop! I said stop already!”
Marta is desperately chasing after the Goblimps as she shouts in anger. She’s going up and down the same area, but she isn’t able to kill a single one of them. They’ve been at it for some time already.
Meanwhile, Clara is sitting on the ground watching everything, her head going from left to right, before going back from right to left. Like watching a tennis match.
You see… to avoid all Goblimps behaving exactly the same while still having the same AI, I set it so that, randomly, each one prefers one type of action over the others.
There are those that are more aggressive and choose to attack if they can; then there are those that like stalking the players, and only attack when they’re busy with something else; and of course, there are those that like to run away as soon as they spot the tiniest danger.
So far, Marta has killed all Goblimps that dared come close enough for her to see, by using the same trick as before. But those were mostly the stalkers and the aggressive ones, leaving the scaredy-cats alive.
In this terrain that’s advantageous for them to hide, filled with obstacles that prevent Marta from chasing them properly… plus the fact that they hide or run away as soon as they stick their heads out and see Marta – or to be more specific, a Champion – closeby, she can’t manage to kill them.
If only she weren’t so proud, the situation would be different, but she just can’t turn around and leave them be.
It would be so easy if she just ignored them for a while and chose an advantageous location to kill them…
She could also split her support mobs to surround the Goblimps for an easy kill. But I’m sure she believes it’s too lame to mobilize her little army for such weak enemies, because she doesn’t do it either.
She can’t quite get them, even with the flying slashes, but her pride prevents her from turning around or seeking help. It’s the first time I’ve seen her doing something so stupid in a long time.
Now, I’m waiting for her patience to run low enough, at which point I’m sure she’ll do something crazy.
I’m actually looking forward to what she’ll do.
“All right, I’ve got enough of this shit!” Ooh, the show is starting! “Fear for your lives, for heaven’s wrath will fall upon you!”
As Marta shouts this, she raises her hands up high in a dramatic pose – which I have to admit is quite decent, though it doesn’t reach the epicness of my ‘lightning cast’ pose – and a blinding light orb starts to form on top of her.
Soon, the orb flashes, disappearing for an instant before reappearing near the place the Goblimp was hiding, and an explosion happens.
*Baaaam!*
The light covers about a quarter of the big cavern as everything in its area dies.
“Ha, ha, ha! Nobody can stop me! Ha, ha, ha!” Marta laughs as she confirms the Goblimp is dead.
Yeah, good job there, Marta… You managed to kill a little rat with a nuke. You sure can be proud of it. What did it take, only about a fifth of your maximum MP?
To be more precise, a fifth of a maximum-level Seraphim’s maximum MP.
Ridiculous.
*Clap, clap, clap!* “Oooooh!” Clara exclaims as she claps.
“Hahaha, good job! You finally managed to kill one of them!” I say through the speakers.
Yes, you’re right. The best part of this is that she only managed to kill one of Goblimp. There are two more alive that continue to play hide-and-seek with her.
“Don’t worry, Clara. Your big sis will finish this in an instant. Just look at this! Ha, ha, ha!”
No, we’re not worried about this situation. What we’re worried about is your sanity. Or lack of.
…I’m not sure about Clara, but I sure am.
Marta raises her hands up high once again and a new light orb appears. After the explosion, the process repeats for a third time, reducing the number of alive Goblimps to zero.
I say all Goblimps died, but in fact, not only the Goblimps but ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING inside the giant cave died, except for my sisters and their mobs. This includes all the critters as well as the few monsters that were hiding in some corner, and the Water Ants swimming in the underground lake.
And it only took three-fifths of Marta’s maximum MP. Let me repeat it because it’s important. To kill three Goblimps, it ‘only’ took three-fifths of a maximum-level Seraphim’s maximum MP.
Crazy, right?
“Ooh, nice job, Marta. You killed them all. Well, them and everything else in the cave too. But don’t worry, there are a lot more monsters ready to make you go crazy. It was really funny to see you running around like that! Fufufu! Hahaha!”
“How dare you taunt me! I’ll show you how I crush everything else!”
Yeah, keep dreaming.
“Umm… where do you want to go next? I’ll guide you!” Asks Clara.
Marta turns around to look at her with furrowed brows. “Didn’t I tell you I will do it myself?”
“Um… but I want to be of help too. And… and there are two paths now! I can guide you through the one you choose.”
“Ok… but you choose which one. I don’t want you to tell me anything in advance. Oh, and I want to see everything this dungeon has to offer, so don’t miss any part.”
“Sure thing!” Clara spins around before starting to walk toward the rabbit area. “Cute things here we go!”
“Didn’t I just tell you: no spoilers!? *Sigh!* It’s a lost cause, let’s not get angry at her for this…”
You’re ignoring some crucial information, Marta. Given that Clara considers the Octocats, as well as the Abyss aberrations as cute… Don’t you know she could be talking about literally anything?
Though this time she’s talking about actually cute rabbits… and their not-so-cute half-orc ambusher cousins.
Now that I think about it, this is one area that makes some players go crazy in anger. Either by the ambushes or because of the damage debuff.
Maybe Marta will get angry once again and blow everything up. It’ll be funny because it’s possible that, with the damage debuff stacked, her damage will be low enough that she can’t kill stuff in a single strike anymore.
I’m looking forward to seeing what happens. Hahaha!
“I’m not a lost cause!” Clara complains.
Unauthorized duplication: this tale has been taken without consent. Report sightings.
I look at Clara’s hand. She’s still hugging tightly the Octocat’s corpse. I notice that Marta’s gaze too lands on the poor creature’s corpse. I’m sure both of us are thinking the same: ‘She’s a lost cause’.
“O-of course you aren’t! I was joking, ha, ha, ha!”
You were right, Marta. She’s a lost cause. And you’re too. Me? Nah, I’m a perfectly normal and sane person.
“Fufufu! Hahaha!”
I start laughing for no apparent reason as I continue petting the Octocat that’s resting on my armrest.
I’m not crazy. ‘What am I doing, then?’, you ask. I’m practicing my ‘Evil Mastermind’ persona.
After being called like that so many times, and having the perfect chance to roleplay it – with the screens displaying the ‘heroes’, the comfy chair, and the ‘cat’ on the armrest – I had to try it.
Maybe I’ll roleplay as the Evil Mastermind in the future… Who knows.
----------------------------------------
Not long after blowing up the giant cavern, my sisters reach the rabbit area.
Curious about what happened in the mushroom-filled caves? Well… nothing much. Marta just ignored everything and pushed through with her high stats, and Clara followed her without saying anything.
“Hm… decent change of environment. But only decent. I can think of at least a thousand ways to make this better.” Marta nods sagely at her own words before turning around. “See this, Clara? This is what I told you when I was talking about new zones. In contrast to the previously dark, oppressive, and dangerous zones, this open area filled with harmless rabbits is a nice change of peace.”
Yeah, thanks. If you think this is a nice change of peace, I’m looking forward to what you’ll say when you reach the failed experiments area.
“But the rabbits aren’t–”
“Shhht!” Marta puts her finger over Clara’s lips. Or in the general area where they would be if she had lips. “Didn’t I tell you not to spoil anything?”
Clara nods.
“Then, let me discover it on my own.”
Downcast, Clara lowers her head. “Ok…”
Yes, Clara. Let Marta discover the ‘surprise’ on her own.
But she quickly recovers her mood. Then, she intently gazes in the direction of the closest rabbit. My eyes go back to the Octocat’s corpse in her grip. She isn’t going to do what I’m thinking she’s going to do, right…?
Whatever… Let’s feign ignorance.
Unaware of what’s happening behind her, Marta starts to walk into the natural valley filled with grass and rabbits munching on it.
“You know… It’s weird to have a safe area like this. It makes no sense. This shows how green you are, Andreu.”
Safe area? What ‘safe area’ are you talking about? I don’t see any.
“Also, it’s way too big. I was a fool to even think it was possible your dungeon would be decent. It’s clear you just smacked some random stuff together and got lucky with the results…”
Marta keeps talking bullshit about me and my dungeon. She bends her knees and focuses her gaze on a random rabbit.
“Sometimes, surprising the players with something they don’t expect, like a safe area, can be ok. But then you must have something on hand to exploit it, and it’s clear you don’t.” She continues her monologue. “They’re just normal rabbits… That’s what you want me to think!” Her expression changes to an angry one. “Hah! Do you think I wouldn’t notice this is a trap? As if I didn’t know how you like to do everything! Do you think I’m stupid!?”
She kicks the rabbit, which flies for a few meters until it hits a rock and dies.
“Ah, so it was an actual rabbit… What the hell, Andreu? I expected more of you…”
Can you make up your mind already? Are you praising or dissing me!?
Marta decides to ignore the rabbits and continue the dungeon exploration. Heh, she didn’t notice the damage debuff she got from killing that rabbit.
“W-wait for me! Don’t leave me behind.”
Clara runs to catch up with her. I can’t avoid noticing she’s now dragging two of my monster’s corpses instead of one.
Their numbers are growing!
I don’t know if she’s ever seen an Annoyer, but I wouldn’t be surprised if the canary with tiny goat horns and a goatee is her next victim.
Let’s continue to feign ignorance…
Marta reaches the closed door with the lever next to it.
“Is this the door to the next area? Hmm.. it certainly looks like it is.”
“Yes! This door leads to the laboratory, skipping most of the tunnels! If you want to see everything, we can go back whenever you want to.”
“Clara, what did I say about telling me what’s next…?”
“...I’ll stay quiet.”
Marta pulls the lever and the door opens. They all enter the passage that leads to the laboratory, but…
It happens at this moment.
You see, the thing is that for some reason I can’t quite comprehend, Marta decided it was her duty to protect Clara and her mobs from danger, so her mobs are surrounding the group. They look like bodyguards.
And, because the group is so big and they’re placed like that, the Not A Rabbits don’t know when to attack. So they didn’t so far.
But things change when the last mob steps into the exit tunnel, which is also the first and only time they can confirm the condition I put for them to attack: the enemy runs away.
In short, the Not A Rabbits strike the same unlucky mob with the ambush damage bonus not once, not twice, but three times. And Marta’s ‘squishy’ mage dies.
Yeah, you’re right… It’s a ‘squishy’ mage. A ‘squishy’ mage with low HP and defense, that only needs three overpowered attacks to take down. Oh, how much I wished I was as ‘squishy’ as that angel mage…
“Stupid monsters! How dare you kill one of my precious subjects!?”
It’s one of your mobs, it isn’t the end of the world, you know?
“This is it, I’ve got enough of you! I’ll obliterate all of you for the sins you’ve committed!”
Is this the only way you know to solve things, Marta? I thought you were… I don’t know. Better?
Once again, the light orb appears on top of her before flying off and blowing up half of the rabbit area. It’s smaller than the giant cave, so even if the explosion comes from a corner, it still covers half of it.
As a result, all the Not A Rabbits, as well as five Curse Rabbits, die. And she gets a wonderful total of six stacks of the curse, reducing her damage by 60%.
This includes the one she killed before but didn’t notice.
“No! You shouldn’t have done this, Marta!”
“Huh? Why not?”
“It’s because of the curse! Look at your status, quickly! You’ve been cursed!”
“Cursed? Oh, shit, you’re right. This is…”
I believe it’s the first time I’ve seen Marta make an expression like that one. It’s an amazing mix of despair, anger and shame. She keeps opening and closing her mouth for a while without saying anything.
“This is… obnoxious.” Says Marta, when she finally recovers from the shock.
“Pfft! Hahaha! You did it! You did it again, Marta! Hahaha!” I can’t stop laughing.
“Shut up! I’ll show you this is but a tiny setback. Even with this debuff, I can still crush your whole dungeon!”
“Yeah, yeah… whatever you say. Pffthahaha! Look at your face! Stay still, I’m going to take a screenshot to save it forever and show it to everyone I know!”
“Don’t you dare!” She hides her face with her hands in embarrassment.
Too late, Marta. I’ve been recording the dungeon invasion the whole time. So I have everything recorded! Of course, this includes your face and reaction right now! Hahaha!
“Ugh… This means nothing! I was distracted. But from now on, I won’t fall for any of your tricks!”
“Yeah, yeah… Whatever you say…” I repeat the exact same words.
“If you want, I can warn you next time…”
Clara offers Marta a helping hand, but she doesn’t reply. I’m sure she’s now conflicted between her pride to do this alone, and the shame of falling for more of my tricks.
Oh, no! I must stop this deal before Marta agrees.
“Hey! That’s cheating! I thought you were a ‘pro’ player.” I make sure to put emphasis on the word ‘pro’. “And as the best player in our family, it’s obvious you won’t need any help, am I right?”
“Of course, I can do this without any help. You’ll see my true power from now on!”
“I’m looking forward to it.” I taunt.
Yes! It worked! My tactic, which is called ‘make her angry so she can’t think and continues to fall into my traps so I can laugh at her’ has worked perfectly.
It’s all going according to plan.
I’ve seen some of her replays and matches and she isn’t usually like this. I’m not sure if she wants to show off her ‘amazingness’ to us, or if she’s too nervous about having to face all my crazy stuff which, and I’m talking about proven facts, usually causes her to lose…
Regardless, the important part is that she’s playing worse than normal.
In her matches, she doesn’t accidentally blow up stuff, nor does she get angry and act recklessly. She wouldn’t be in the top rankings if she did.
Though I won’t complain if she’s like this today. It’s funnier this way.
[https://i.imgur.com/ZGSK4Pl.png]
It was a good thing the recording of this Dungeon Invasion never left Andreu’s hands because Marta would have died in embarrassment.
What’s more, not even her most devout fans would have been able to identify her if not for her Champion being the same she always used.