“Yeeeees! Let’s go! Let’s crush them all! Humans, humans, humans! It’s time to feed on some tasty souls! Hahaha!”
I ignore Ricard, who’s excitedly jumping around and shouting annoying stuff, and observe our surroundings.
Clara and Laura are making similar faces to me while observing him. I’m not sure if they’re as annoyed as I am or not, but they sure don’t look that happy.
Right now, we’re standing in front of a human fortress. A boring stone wall with a fortified door. Boring ramparts filled with boring, useless humans pointing at us with their boring bows. Boring trebuchets and cannons being dragged around so they can aim them at us.
Where’s the fantasy? Where’s the fun!? This looks like a real-life medieval castle instead of a fantasy game!
Give me back my money!
From what I’ve seen so far, which is only the entrance, this dungeon can be described in one word. Boring. That’s the word.
“Haaa…” I exhale.
We haven’t taken the first step yet and I’m already tired. I turn to my support mobs and observe their bored faces. If you ask why they’re showing emotions… well, they aren’t. They’re making this expression because I changed their faces before coming here. Just so there’s no doubt this is boring.
This time, I only brought my Good Followers with me. I left Cyam at home. There’s no need to bring him over, as I don’t want to capture a single one of those boring and useless humans. There’s no need to purposely clutter my stasis capsules with them, it’ll only force me to waste cp to create monsters I don’t particularly enjoy.
If only this was a high-level dungeon, there might be a few griffins or even one or two dragons…!
But no, Ricard demanded to go into a low-tier dungeon so that he could find as many humans as possible. More humans mean more souls; more souls means he can achieve a higher ‘efficiency’.
Yeah, he’s still obsessed with that bullshit.
Haaaa… I knew nothing good came out of that mountain trip. I was ill, had to suffer from muscle pain, and now I have to delve into a human dungeon.
It went from bad to worse!
Haaa… let’s stop thinking about the past and focus on the present.
“Baldy, I’m glad you’re happy, but can we get going? The faster we move, the faster we’ll leave this boring place.”
He furrows his brows. “Boring? How can you call a human dungeon boring?” As he talks, he starts smiling like a fool. “Can’t you feel a shiver down your spine at the excitement? We’re playing DMA together! And we’re in a human dungeon! What could be better than this?”
I say silent, watching him with my mouth closed.
…yes, I can. I can feel the shiver.
But it isn’t because of the humans. Well… it’s technically because of a human, but since said human acts like a crazy undead, it doesn’t count.
Finally, after a while of holding his gaze, I open my mouth.
“...I’m sure you know humans are the most useless units for me, right? For me, it’s a waste of time coming here because I can’t use anything to advance my dungeon except the cp we obtain by defeating enemies.”
“Ah, you’re right.”
‘You’re right’, my ass! You know about it because I’ve told you a lot of times! You were too engrossed at the prospect of fighting humans to consider anything else.
“...fine, whatever. Let’s start moving already.”
Defeated, I signal Laura and Clara to start moving. They haven’t said anything so far, was it because they’re scared of Ricard? Or maybe they’re as bored as I am? Who knows.
“I’m going first!” Clara says and swings her arm around.
“First? What’s your plan?”
I ask with a raised brow. She hesitates, her voice trailing off as she answers.
“Ugh, I… I charge ahead by myself… and kill them all…?”
“Khm! I see two valid options. We can either bring the door down or climb the walls.”
It’s Laura who analyzes the situation. As usual, we can rely on our tactician when it comes to the strategy we must follow.
Me? Nah. Today my brain is shut off. Disconnected. Dead. I decided I wouldn’t use it since I heard the word ‘human’. I’ll keep acting as the leader, but I will leave all non-critical decisions to my team.
Laura continues her analysis. “I think it’ll be easier to break through the fortified door. I know there are lots of knights protecting it, and we’ll be attacked from the walls, but I think it’ll be easier than crossing the moat and reaching the ramparts. The distance is too great.”
She’s right. The wall is at least ten meters tall, and there’s the moat to take into consideration too. Unless you can fly, there’s no way to reach it with a jump or skill.
“Wait, fly… Baldy, can’t your specters fly?”
Before coming, he warned us to bring elite units instead of weak ones. Quality over quantity. This is because inside the castle the passages are narrow and there’s little space. It’s better to have fewer but stronger units because of the limited space.
It didn’t affect me because the Good Followers are already elite-ish units, but it did affect the rest of my team. This is why Ricard only brought two Specters and one Death Knight with him, Laura brought the Glutton and one Succubus instead of the usual Imps, and Clara brought… my sister brought…
You know what? I don’t want to look in that direction. I hope you don’t mind a little bit of mystery. You only need to know there are only two of them.
It doesn’t have anything to do with fear, I swear.
Ricard finally calms down after my question. He looks at me and starts explaining… which just happens to be his second most favorite thing after ‘feeding on human souls’.
“They can. Why do you ask? They should be able to carry us one at a time. They’re weak to magic, though, and won’t survive if they’re targetted by the enemies.”
He points at several humans on the ramparts. Those that don’t wield bows, to be more precise. We can safely assume they’re mages.
“But they should be able to bring at least one of us to the top of the walls, right?” To my question, he shrugs. This must mean he’s not sure. I grin. “Well… I have a crazy idea. Do you want to hear it?”
After hearing my words, Laura facepalms. I’m sure she believes I’m going to say something stupid. To be honest, I am. Ricard, on the other side, tilts his head to the side, curious about what I’m going to say next.
Stolen story; please report.
But the one with the most exaggerated reaction is Clara. She grabs my arm and starts shaking it with glittering eyes. “Tell me, tell me!”
“Alright, so why don’t we…”
----------------------------------------
“I’m flying! Look at me, brother! I’m flying! Hehehe!”
My sister shakes her tentacles around as if they were wings as she rises from the ground. Of course, her actions have little significance, the actual reason she’s flying is the two specters that are holding her.
“Come on, look at me!”
“Yeah, good job, Lemon. You’re flying like a pro.”
“Noooo, you aren’t looking! Look at me, brother!”
Don’t blame me. There’s nothing I can do about it, it’s disgusting. Your Champion is.
When Clara reaches ten meters high, the specters start moving forward, in the direction of the wall. The plan is for them to drop my sister on top of the wall if possible. Otherwise, they should bring her close enough so she can extend her tentacles – which can extend up to five meters – to grab one of the humans on top and use it as a rope to climb up.
Laura comes closer and asks. “So… do you expect your plan to work or not? What’s the percentage?”
“Hmm…” I think for a while before answering. “I’d say it’s 80%? Yes, about 80%.”
“Oho! It isn’t as bad as I expected. If I take into account your previous plans, they usually have at most a fifty-fifty chance. Fufufu!”
“...it’s 80% that it fails. 20% to succeed.”
She stares at me with an incredulous expression. “20%!? Are you crazy!?”
“Well, maybe…? But it isn’t as bad as it sounds! Even if the plan fails, she’ll simply fall to the moat and then we can rescue her! At most, one or two of Baldy’s specters will die.”
This time it’s Ricard who gets angry.
“Hey! You only say this because it isn’t one of your monsters that’ll die for nothing.” You’re right. You got me there. “I only agreed because I thought we were going to succeed! We’re changing the plan now.”
What!? Change the plan? There’s no way I can accept it! I must see my plan through to the end!
“Oh, come on! It was you who decided to come to this damn dungeon, Baldy. Let me have some fun in this boring dungeon…!”
“Come back, Lemon!” He starts shouting. “We’re changing the plan. We’re charging through the main door.”
“No way! Don’t listen to him, Lemon!” I start shouting too. “We’re sticking to the plan!”
Observing us, Laura shakes her head. I’m sure she doesn’t know what to do right now. “He’s always like that, I shouldn’t be surprised anymore…” Who’s she talking about? I’m sure it’s Ricard. He’s incorrigible.
“I’m flying! Hehehe! Let’s go, specters! Let’s fly to our victory!”
Yes! As I expected, she’s ignoring Ricard completely and sticking to my plan.
Though I’m not sure if she’s doing this because she doesn’t want to come back or because she wants to follow my plan, the only thing that matters is that she continues flying toward the wall while avoiding the arrows and spells raining on them.
“Go, Lemon! Use your specters to reach the wall!”
“Specters, let’s fly faster. We’re almost there.”
Under the heavy rain of magic, the specters are starting to take a considerable amount of damage. At this rate, they might not reach the wall before they die.
Ricard takes a long breath and, with an incredibly loud voice and dark tone, orders his specters to come back.
“Specters! As your creator and owner, I order you to come back. You, mere remnants of your past selves don’t have a say in this! Come back immediately, before I destroy and eat your souls and feed them to my legions!”
Oh, no! I forgot he’s the actual owner of those specters! It doesn’t matter what I or Clara say, they’ll ultimately follow his orders.
I can’t allow this to happen! Before they turn back, I must make sure the plan works!
“Lemon, do it now! Don’t wait anymore! Otherwise, the specters will go back!”
Clara, upon hearing my order, immediately takes action. She gets free from the specters trying to drag her back and extends one of her tentacle-arms at the same time.
“Uh, ah! Right! Abyss Grasp, go! Please, reach it…!” Her tentacle stretches as far as possible. When it seems she’ll miss and fall into the water, it finally latches onto a random human. “Brother, I got it–”
*Plof!*
The sound of something soft hitting something hard reaches us in the distance. It’s the sound that my sister made upon contact with the wall while latched to the human on top of it.
“Owww, that must hurt…” I comment. “Will she be ok?”
“Brother, I’m fine, don’t worry!”
Or so she says. But her HP bar isn’t full, and all that damage didn’t come from the arrows and spells.
She starts crawling up with the help of her tentacles.
Ugh… I quickly look away. It’s like a cockroach, but more disgusting. After all, cockroaches don’t have tentacles wiggling around as if they had a life of their own.
“You can do it, Lemon! I believe in you!” I say while staring at the ground to avoid looking at her horrifying visage. “I know my little sister can achieve whatever she tries to!”
“I won’t let you down, brother.” When she reaches the top of the wall, she quickly climbs on top of it and turns to look at me. “I’m ready! Your living lightning rod is ready, so do it now!”
I stretch and twist my neck. “All right. My shining time has come. Chain Lighting!”
As I’m sure you expect by now, as she just revealed the name of my plan, my lightning crosses the moat, climbs the wall, and lands on my sister. Then, it starts spreading through the tens of humans stacked behind the ramparts.
My sister observes the spectacle on the other side of the wall before turning around in my direction.
“Do it again, brother. A few of them are still doing fine!”
“Ok!”
I prepare another Chain Lightning and release it, making sure it hits my sister who’s standing on top of the wall before spreading to our enemies.
“It’s fine now. They’re all down.” After the second Chain Lightning spreads, Clara tells us the combat has ended.
The tightly packed humans couldn’t stand against my Chain Lightning combo! Fufufu! Hahaha!
The problem with the rampart is that it makes it hard for us to hit them from here. Even with Chain Lighting, I need to hit something before it can start spreading. Hitting the wall does nothing.
So I came up with this solution: use my sister as a lightning pole.
You see… Chain Lighting only spreads to enemies, but I’ve never said it can’t target allies with the first strike. If I can’t reach the enemies directly, I only need to find something to make a bridge. In this case, my sister.
Easy, don’t you agree? Fufufu! Hahaha!
“Ahh… this feels so good. It feels amazing when plans go this smoothly.”
“No. However you look at it, it was sheer luck,” says Laura. “A plan with an 80% failure chance isn’t reliable at all. Ricard’s specters almost died and your sister was very close to falling to the moat.”
“The outcome is the only thing that matters.” I make a mysterious smile. Or at least, I hope it does look mysterious. “Plus, who said I wasn’t lying about the chance to fail… Fufufu! Hahaha!
“Fine, whatever you say…”
She shakes her head as if to say ‘You’re unbelievable’. But she can’t hide that smile from me.
Since there are no more archers or mages on the ramparts, Ricard’s specters start bringing us on top of the walls one at a time. Meanwhile, Clara finishes off the humans on the other side. They’re stunned and at 1 HP, it’s a job anyone can do.
As soon as they drop me on top of the rampart, I open my arms and proclaim. “And like this, we conquered the first obstacle!”
“How did I do it, brother? I was good, right?”
Clara runs closer and slightly lowers her head so I can pat her. Uugh… disgusting…
“Yes, you were perfect.”
“Hehehe…”
This is troublesome. I don’t know where to touch to make her happy.
But it sure was a short battle. All the humans had a similar strength and there was nothing like a trap, boss monster, or surprising stuff. If not for my plan, this would have been a prolonged and uneventful fight.
I knew it. In this dungeon, even the battles – which usually are the most interesting part of the game – are dull.
“Now we can move on, clear the rest of the dungeon, and leave this boring dungeon once and for all…
“I don’t think it’ll be that easy.” Laura points out my error. “I’ll take a long time for him to calm down…”
At the end of Laura’s finger, there’s a crazy undead standing on top of a pile of human corpses.
Oh, no, where did that guy come from? I thought this was a human dungeon. Ah, yes… it came with us…
“Hahahaha! Look at this mountain of corpses! This is so good! Tasty, tasty human souls to feed my legions! Hahahaha!”
“...”
Let’s ignore the crazy undead, shall we?
image [https://i.imgur.com/ZGSK4Pl.png]
“Spice your fights with something different. Maybe an unexpected monster, maybe a trap or area effect. You don’t want the players to feel like every single fight is the same as the previous ones, only with new monsters. You can achieve this by changing the formations, creating synergies between monsters, or anything you can imagine. Feel free to experiment until you find one that suits your tastes.”
- Fourth point from ‘10 things to do to improve your dungeon’.