“Come on, come on… please, gods of chaos and luck! I need your help here!” I put my hands together and pray. “What I need is extremely simple! I just need the most ridiculous and absurd combination ever!”
I hesitatingly extend a hand to the lever and pull it. Then, the cryogenic-like chamber in front of me opens and white fog fills my vision.
“Come on… luck, be on my side…”
I wave my hand to disperse the fog – a futile effort since this is a game and the fog a visual effect.
“Ugh… another failure…” I drop to the ground, on my knees. “How many times has it been already? Isn’t this the sixth time…!?”
The chamber is empty.
If the chamber is empty, it means the experiment failed and I wasted yet another unit and some resources. It was a Stitched I lost, so it isn’t a problem… but still, I wanted to see it work at least once!
“Why do I have such bad luck when it matters the most?”
Haha, I’m sure Marta would explode if she heard me say this. I turn my head to the side, to the other three identical capsules right next to this one.
“Well, I at least have three more pulls, let’s hope for the best…”
Are you curious about what I’m doing right now? The answer is simple, I got tired of the shopping list, and since I didn’t want to start creating and modifying only a part of my dungeon, I got distracted by something else. Something I’ve been delaying for quite a lot of time.
If I’m not wrong, since the very first day I started playing the game. Though it isn’t like I had the extra cp or resources to play with this yet.
Also, I forgot, kind of.
It was on my to-do list, but I only write new stuff in it but never actually read it, so…
I’m talking about the Mutation vats. The MUTATION VATS! These machines can give one unit a random innate trait, but they have an extremely high chance of failure! You remember them, right!?
Just in case you forgot, here’s their description.
Mutation Vat Cost: 3,000 cp, 200 metal, 200 food Use cost: 100 food, 30 electricity You can put a humanoid or smaller unit inside for 24h and activate the device. Once it finishes, there is a 90% chance that the unit is destroyed and a 10% chance that the unit gains a random Innate skill. If successful, the unit’s cp value will be increased by 50 cp.
I’ve tried a few times already, but all my experiments ended in failure so far. This is why I was praying to the gods before.
…If this doesn’t work, I’ll soon start praying to the devil.
“I know there’s a 90% failure chance, but I can’t be this unlucky, right? And it takes a full day to finish! I can’t waste so much time with this! If it doesn’t work this time… I guess I can only… do it all again? Fufufu! Hahaha!”
Yeah… I don’t learn from my mistakes.
I stop in front of the second Mutation Vat and pull the lever to open it. Same as before, a white fog covers my vision for a moment and…
“There’s nothing inside, again!?” I start pulling my fur. “Aaaagh! This is so annoying! Do you know how much effort I put into this!?”
Literally, no effort. I only had to create a Stitched, put it inside the vat using the dungeon menu, and press a button.
But I can complain anyway, can’t I?
“Ok… I’m sure the next one is the one! I’m sure the next one is a success!”
I walk to the third Mutation Vat and quickly pull the lever. The fog disperses, but I cover my eyes with my hand.
“Ahh… I don’t dare to look… what if it disappears when I look?” Hesitating, I finally open my eyes, only to see the chamber is empty. “Noooooo! I was so sure this was the good one!”
I drop to my knees yet again. But this time, I start rolling on the floor too, like a kid throwing a tantrum.
“I don’t like this, this isn’t fair! What’s this shit!? Why am I so unlucky!? Usually, it would have succeeded at least once by now!”
Calm down, calm down, Andreu! You can’t behave like a kid! You’re a proper adult!
‘I don’t see why I shouldn’t behave like a child! I can, so I’ll do it!’
“Uaaah, this is so unfair! I don’t like it! Bwaaaaah!”
After a while of fooling around, I stand up and dust my tunic. “Ok, this was enough. Better open the last one and see if it’s a full miss or if I won the jackpot.”
I extend my hand toward the last lever but I hesitate to pull it.
“Wait. What if the problem is I didn’t pray enough? Maybe I should make a deal with the devil? Hmm… yes, let’s do it! Hey devil, are you there? If you are, I promise you this: I’m ready to give my life away as long as this last Mutation Vat works and the mutation is successful. Do you agree?”
Of course, there’s no answer. I’ll take this silence as a yes.
“Here I go…” I pull the lever and the Mutation Vat opens. “This is… this… ooooooh! It’s a success! Yes! Yes! Finally, a success!” Oh, yeah! I can’t forget to say it. “It’s Alive! It’s ALIVE!!”
I laugh like a maniac. I even use my Chain Lightning spell and adopt my most famous and epic pose.
Then, I remember something and immediately stop.
“Hmm… ok, this is…” I scratch my head. I’m not sure what expression I should make. ”Wait a moment.” I make a signal with my hand to the nonexistent audience. “I must… first, I must keep my promise. Let’s inspect the Stitched and the mutation later. The last thing I want to do is anger the devil. It’s important for the future. Future pacts, I mean.”
I open the dungeon menu and teleport myself to a very special area. The same very special area I used to train my human-nuke when I was planning on defeating my older sister. Of course, this was before I knew she was my older sister, but it doesn’t matter.
This area can be described very easily: an extremely tall platform with nothing else in the room. Ready for me to jump and splatter myself on the ground after the fall.
I jump.
“Aaaaaaah!” I shout. You must shout when falling, right? “Aaaaaah!”
This brings back some memories…
Awful ones, sure, but it brings them back anyway. How many times did I do this before I learned when to time the Grand Finale skill properly…?
*Plof!*
My body hits the ground and my HP falls to 0. In my phantasmal form, I look up, at the platform where I jumped from. I can barely see it from here.
“Well, this is done.” I press the resurrect button and the game brings me back to full HP. “Now I can go look what I got! Hahaha! It must be something amazing, I’m sure!”
I rub my hands. Aah, it must be something amazing, I’m sure of it. It’s the result of a pact with the devil, so the Stitched must have gotten a crazy good skill.
I quickly teleport to the previous room, right in front of the last Mutation Vat.
The Stitched is still inside, not moving at all. Until I place it somewhere else, it will remain inside the machine.
“Let’s see, let’s see what we got…” I inspect the Stitched. “This is…”
Stitched (Lv 1) HP 60 (60) STA 5 (5) SOU 3 (3) EP 50 (50) MP 30 (30) STR 5 (5) CON 7 (7) AGI 2 (2) SPI 4 (4) WIL 4 (4) DEX 1 (1) SPD 3 INT 1 COM 0 Skills
Passive: Echolocation (Innate).
“...Echolocation. Are you fucking kidding me!? After all this time and tries, I finally got a hit, and the skill I got was Echolocation!? What the heck am I supposed to do with this shit!? This can’t be, I must have read it wrong. Let me read it again, just in case…”
Unauthorized content usage: if you discover this narrative on Amazon, report the violation.
I inspect the Stitched once again. It clearly says ‘Echolocation’.
“Fuck! What am I supposed to do with a Stitched with Echolocation!? Put it on the ceiling inside a dark room, and hope for it to kill somebody when it passes below it by dropping on top of the intruder? Hmmm… it might not be such a bad idea…”
No, stop your delusions, Andreu. This is awful! The lamest idea you ever had! There’s absolutely nothing you can do with a Stitched with Echolocation! Nothing useful, at least.
Maybe, if it were another unit it would be doable, but not a Stitched. They’re too dumb.
Yeah… I must agree with myself here.
“Ah, shit… there are so many cool innate skills it could get, but it had to be one of the most useless ones! And I was planning on unlocking the Cloning Vat and using it on the mutated Stitched if I got a good random Innate skill… What a shame.”
Cloning Vat Cost: 30.000 cp, 20.000 metal, 20.000 food Use cost: 1.000 food, 500 metal, 200 electricity, ? cp You can put a humanoid or smaller unit inside for 7 days and activate the device. Once it finishes, you will obtain a copy of the first unit. Activating this device costs cp equal to twice the cp value of the unit you want to copy.
The Cloning Vat is a new building I can now unlock. You can say it’s an essential building if you really want to go heavy on the random nature of the Mutation Vats. Getting the same mutation twice is close to impossible, so if you want more than one creature with the same extra innate skill, you must clone it after the mutation.
It can also help with the creation of normal units, if you’re too lazy to go capture the units to create them, but the doubled cp cost is so absurd it isn’t worth it.
“Ah… what am I going to do now… so much resources spent, only to get a useless Stitched…”
This is such a letdown. Why couldn’t I get… I don’t know, a Dragon’s Breath innate skill, for example?
Can you imagine? A Stitched with the same dragon breath as a real dragon? That would have been so amazing! So stupidly broken!
…If you ignore the fact the Stitched don’t have enough EP or MP to cast it, of course. But it can be solved with enough level-ups and stat-boosting skills!
“Well… I guess… there’s only one thing I can do now. Yes… only one thing. The only thing I can do now is prepare a new batch of Stitched and start a new round of mutations. I’m sure I’ll pull something good next time! Fufufu! Hahaha!”
Ladies and gentlemen, I suggest you don’t try this. Once you start, you can’t stop.
----------------------------------------
“What can I do now? I’ve prepared the next round of Mutation Vats, but there’s nothing more I can do here. I should go and continue with the ‘shopping list’ but I don’t want to. So… what else can I do to procrastinate…?”
I put a hand on my chin, thinking about some options. Then, I remember something very, extremely important. Something I almost forgot yet again.
“Oh, yeah! I still have to level up my champion and give myself another spell!”
It’s amazing how, sometimes, you can forget the most important things. And repeatedly!
Immediately forgetting about my repeated errors and failures, I open the status screen and press the level-up button.
“Now that I think about it… I could have done this at any time, and spent the skill point later… I could have gone ‘shopping’ with higher stats... Well, it’s already done, so who cares?”
I rub my hands together and crackle. “Hahaha! I feel stronger! My power is rising! Fufufu! Hahaha!”
It’s only a 10% increase over the basic stats, I know. But 10% can be a lot.
“I’m unstoppable now!” I laugh some more. Ok, that’s enough, me… let’s stop fooling around and focus on the task at hand. “Now for the new spell!”
I have two requirements for this new spell: that it deals damage, and that it deals high amounts of damage.
Ok… you got me... It’s the same requirement.
But it’s important to differentiate between the two! It isn’t the same to deal ‘some’ damage than a ‘huge amount’ of damage, after all!
I filter the list of all active skills so that it only shows spells – aka, skills that cost MP, and only MP – so that I can get the bonus damage, and only spells that can actually deal damage. I don’t want utility spells, healing spells, or anything similar. Burst spells! This is the only type of spell that is useful! Hahaha!
Immediately, a list of all the spells that deal damage appears in front of me. It’s so long… I guess I must spend some time to, at least, read the names of the spells.
“Fireball… nah, too classic and boring. Cone of Cold? No, the damage it deals is too little. Also, I already have a spell that deals ice damage. Magic Missiles…? This is yet another classic. But, it is… ok? I can increase the damage by spending extra MP, and choose to split or focus the damage on a single target. Yeah, let’s put it on the ‘might be good enough’ list for now...”
I continue browsing the list, writing the names of those spells I like, and discarding those I don’t, until…
“W-what the hell is this!? Chaos Bolt?” The name alone already sounds amazing. Let’s take a proper look at it… “Wow… this is… isn’t this…” I gulp. “...perfect…?”
Chaos Bolt (Active skill) Cost: 1.000 MP Deal (30 + 1,5 * SPI) damage five times. The damage type of this skill is selected at random from all the existing types every time it deals damage. Also, every time this skill deals damage, there’s a 15% chance to inflict one random negative status effect for 5 seconds. Against Bosses and Champions, the same status effect can only be applied once every minute. The timer resets after the status effect wears off.
“Fufufu! Hahaha!” I burst out laughing. “This is perfect! PERFECT! It can deal a stupid amount of damage, applies random status effects… and what’s more, this spell fits the mad scientist roleplay perfectly! The random damage types are so good! It meets all my needs! The PERFECT spell! Hahaha!”
I quickly open the calculator – which is part of the game’s menu, I’m sure you understand why – and start using it to calculate the damage and the chances to inflict status effects of this skill.
“1,5 times SPI, add 30 to it, and multiply it by five… then add 40% bonus to it, from Maniac and Mana Attuned…” I quickly press the buttons. This is a common skill for anybody who plays the game. “This gives me, around 900 damage. 900 damage! And this is without the Champion’s bonus, which almost doubles it! Isn’t this skill as strong as Grand Finale? But I don’t need to cripple myself by using it.”
I review the numbers to make sure I didn’t screw it. It seems I didn’t.
“As for the probability to inflict status effects… Maniac doubles my chances, so it’s 30% instead of 15%.”
These calculations are a lot more complex, so I’ll spare you the details. But if I didn’t make a mistake, these are the results.
“Hmm… around 83% chance to inflict, at least, one status effect. And about a 0,2% chance to inflict all five of them. Not bad, not bad! Fufufu! Hahaha!”
I continue laughing like a madman, as usual, until I notice something I ignored the first time I read the spell’s description.
A tiny, insignificant detail, really.
“1.000 MP!? A fucking thousand MP!? It’s so fucking expensive! If I pick this spell, I’ll only be able to use it a single time. And this is only when I have the Champion’s buff!”
Well, maybe it isn’t such an insignificant detail.
“Aaah, what to do… this spell is so amazing! So perfect! But I can’t use it!”
This is… this is the worst! It’s like starving to death, and somebody giving you poisoned food. You really, really, REALLY want to eat it, but it’ll be worse if you do!
“I want to cry… such a shame… if only I was at a higher level… This wouldn’t happen if I had the same MP as Marta’s champion does…”
I slump on the ground, but then an idea comes to me and I quickly stand back up.
“This is it! The Chaos Bolt can’t be the only spell that has similar effects! There must be something similar, something I can actually use!”
I open the skill list once again. Now that I know what I’m looking for, it doesn’t take too long to find it.
“This! This is it! Fufufu! Hahaha! With this, I’ll rule the world!”
Chaotic Beam (Active skill) Cost: 220 MP Deal (10 + 0,7 * SPI) damage two times. The damage type of this skill is selected at random from all the existing types every time it deals damage. Also, every time this skill deals damage, there’s a 15% chance to inflict one random negative status effect for 5 seconds. Against Bosses and Champions, the same status effect can only be applied once every minute. The timer resets after the status effect wears off.
“Yes! YEEEEES! Huge amount of damage? Check! Random nature that might make the spell do nothing if unlucky? Check! Status effects? Check! Does it fit my roleplay? Hell yes, it does!”
I don’t waste any more time adding my skill to my skill list. Chaotic Beam… I think I fell in love today.
“Come forth my loyal minions! It’s time to go test my new skill on some unlucky peasants! And as we go, we might as well get some more units to turn into your future friends! Fufufu! Hahaha!”
I open the ‘shopping list’ and choose one of the remaining items on it before starting a new dungeon invasion.
Ah, in case you’re curious, this is my current champion’s status screen. Without the Champion’s buff, of course.
Mad Rat (Lv 7) HP 592 (370) STA 41 (26) SOU 51 (32) EP 480 (300) MP 656 (410) STR 40 (25) CON 56 (35) AGI 56 (35) SPI 67 (42) WIL 49 (31) DEX 51 (32) SPD 7
Mad Rat - Skills Active Triggered Passive
Rat Transformation (Innate)
Chain Lightning
Chaotic Beam
Cold Blast
Grand Finale
Shared Voltage - Lv 2 (Battery)
Lightning Shield
Mana Attuned (Innate)
Mana Core (Innate)
Maniac - Lv 2 (Expert)
[https://i.imgur.com/ZGSK4Pl.png]
“There are some skills you better not take. I like to call them noob traps. They’re skills that look amazing but can be awful depending on the situation. I generally recommend you don’t pick them unless you know what you’re doing.
The easiest example are the ‘chaotic’ spell series. Their damage output is usually higher than spells on the same level, but their chaotic nature can bring you lots of pain. For example, what happens if you hit a fire elemental with it, and it chooses fire as its damage type? Instead of doing a lot of damage, it does almost nothing. You want to avoid these situations from happening, so I’ll never recommend them.”
- A tip from a professional DMA player to newer players.