ALPHYS:
omg lol guys guys guys
you won't believe this
gaster-sensei and the skeleparents are arguing over what to cook for dinner
with papyrus
like srsly
StrongFish91:
Pfft! Tell me more about it, Al!
ALPHYS:
i brought my stock of instant noodles for the project
gaster-sensei kinda just sighed and he said he’s okay with shortcuts
because we’re on crunch time
helvetica went like nope.jpg
when he tried to argue, the madam slapped him
it’s so hilarious i tried to not laugh
and failed
StrongFish91:
Oh man, Al. When I questioned him, she freaking splashed a cup of hot tea at his face.
That skelemom showed NO MERCY!
ALPHYS:
OMG!!!! :O
isn’t this kinda abusive though?
StrongFish91:
Eh, I think it’s overdue.
We’re talking about a mad goop who fucked up Sans and almost turned the entire Underground into some weird mass-cthulhu thing.
Can you imagine merging with JERRY????
FOREVER??????
ALPHYS:
oh god teh horror.
FabulousMTT:
About Jerry, the horror indeed.
Papyrus’ mother is one feisty chili pepper right there.
I like it~~~~~
I can see where our cinnamon roll got his dashing energy~
Please tell her I said this: ‘Knock ‘em dead, darling!’
ALPHYS:
pls dun kill sensei
although he can’t actually die…
HotAndSpicy:
Who’s Jerry?
FabulousMTT:
The most unmentionably annoying monster in the entire universe!
Oh darling, just the mere thought makes me cringe in disgust.
HotAndSpicy:
Oooookay. I get the idea.
Shining Star:
Mom gave you guys a care package though, didn’t she?
She bought some physical vegetables from a human farmer who set up a stall at the local market.
They won’t last long, so it’s best to finish them before they go bad.
ALPHYS:
o-oh!
you’re right, toriel packed the physical vegetables together with the cooking tools!
roman decided to make minestrone out of them.
gotta keep the vitamins flowing for maximum brainpower capacity!
CoolSkeleton95:
THAT’S AB-SO-LUTE-LY RIGHT!
NUTRITIOUS FOOD LEADS TO HEALTHY BONES!
AND HEALTHY BONES TO A HEALTHY BRAIN!
StrongFish91:
I… I think that only applies to you, Paps.
Sans burst out laughing at the conversation. “Oh man, I really miss reading their slice-of-life comedy skits.”
‘HotAndSpicy’? I can guess but… if that’s who I think it is, I’m not sure what to say.
“Enjoying your new phone, Mister Comedian?” Muffet hummed.
“Yeah. Thanks a bunch. Where did you get this anyway? It’s still sealed in its box.”
The spider woman laughed in her distinguished dignified style. “I won third prize in a sugar company’s lottery draw, ahuhu~~!”
“Wow, that’s lucky.”
“Lucky indeed, ahuhu! I was just waiting for the day where I can resell it to someone else. This model is lower than mine and I don’t need two phones.”
Muffet reached out one of her six arms toward Sans, wriggling her eyebrows in cheeky expectation.
If he must be honest with himself, he wondered if this was a good idea. But he owed it to the spider baker for helping out so much.
“Alright, one bottle of Determination coming right up.”
Sans passed the one whole canister of red glowing liquid to her. Be damned if he requires exactly 50 of those, because now he had one less. He would have made more if the container supply didn’t run out of stock.
“Handle it with care, Muffet,” he said. “I don’t wanna hear the news that you became a DT-flavoured icing spider on a cake.”
The lady wasted no time in securing her cut of the goods. Spiders crawled over the bottle and encased it in a soft cocoon of silk to protect the deadly shipment.
She said, “Ahuhuhu~~ You underestimate the safety records of a baker, mad scientist. Hot oil and sugar glazes are some of the most hazardous substances around!”
The thought of nasty burns reminded Sans why he never wanted to handle deep-frying on his own. Better leave the dangerous culinary procedures to experts like Grillby.
“Noted,” said Sans, “Let’s get this show on the road.”
Swarms of spiders hauled the containers from Alphys’ lab with a mixture of webbing and manual lifting power. With a little telekinetic assistance from Sans, they had managed to position Muffet’s van near enough to the warm zone of the entrance.
Joke?
Why not? After that incident in the sky, some funny bones need tickling.
“Hey Muffet. Hope ya don’t get ‘antsy’ with me but dang, if you told me they only have six legs I’ll totally believe you. ‘Cause your friends are certainly ‘handy’.” Finished it off with his classic wink.
The spiders stopped whatever they’re doing and stared in utter disbelief.
“Sans,” Muffet huffed. “That was so bad, it’s brilliant. Did you actually get better over the last month? Or worse?”
“Only goat knows.”
Muffet awarded Sans a 50% discount coupon as an offering for silence. “No more puns, or else the deal’s void. Ahuhu~~”
“Welp. It’s fun while it lasted.” Better than falling from the clouds at maximum velocity… But she didn’t need to know that.
At the back of the van, a team of spiders dusted the cocoons with flour so their shipment won’t stick together: a trick oft employed in candy making. Once they tallied all 49 bottles, the critters crammed themselves into any remaining space. They then locked the door from the inside.
“Take a seat, Sansypants. Don’t forget to buckle up~~”
Thus the duo and their swarm sped off onto the streets of Ebott.
Muffet was one of the few monsters who applied for a driving licence. Papyrus always dreamed of driving a car. On the other hand, the eight-limbed lady had a more practical idea. Running a cafe-bakery required her to buy ingredients in bulk and mail order wasn't always an option.
“Ahuhuhu~ I’m so happy that the weather is warming up! Soon we can bask in the sun again. We’ve heard all sorts of exciting things about the upcoming season and we can’t wait to see them!”
Everywhere they went, water dripped, trickled and rolled off from the edges of the rooftops. It’s a visual reminder of the inevitable passing of time.
“Are you excited?”
Sans shrugged. “Eh. No comment until I see the real thing.”
It’s good that Muffet’s a chatty person. It kept him awake. Who knows when he’d wake up again if he fell asleep now.
Stolen from Royal Road, this story should be reported if encountered on Amazon.
“We’re here~~”
It’s his Surface home. Sans unbuckled the safety belt, saying, “Wait for me. I gotta make sure we’re in the clear.”
First thing he did was to check for Papyrus’ presence. The tall skeleton should still be in the Underground, but one may never know if he popped back home to get supplies.
“Let’s see what’s going on in chat.” Sans muttered to himself.
It’s quiet. Everyone seemed busy, and that’s the best time to act.
He beckoned Muffet to his backyard, but there’s a choke point where the van can't enter. That’s fine since he’s not going to show her the interiors of his secret lab anyway. Too much confidential data lying about.
“Sorry if it’s chilly,” Sans said as he unlocked the door with his silver key. “But it’s really cramped here. Just pass them over and I’ll do the final arranging.”
“It’s alright, ahuhu~~” Muffet replied. “I’ll turn up the heater and have them rotate in teams. That way my little friends will have a chance to warm up.”
It’s a flawless arrangement of teamwork at its finest: the spiders unloaded the canisters in the orderly fashion of a living conveyor belt.
Maybe they’re a bit too efficient. Sans almost couldn’t keep up with the rate of transport. It’s tiring to float down so many cocoons and arrange them at the same time. At least the soft padding protected his precious cargo.
By the time he’s done, he had left just enough space to walk to the couch and to the shrouded remnants of the Chronograph.
“Job’s done, darling.” Muffet hummed. “It’s time for me to prepare my baking experiment, ahuhu~~”
“Good luck.” Sans replied, “Oh, and here’s a little something for your time.”
The skeleton placed a nice bundle of paper cash into Muffet’s hand. Her face lit up in sheer delight. Gold may be valuable, but the extra step of converting it into proper currency can be a hassle. It isn't instant money.
“Ooooooh! Thank you very, very much you sweet skeleton you. Ahuhuhuhuhuhu~~~ I’ll send a message once the goods are done.”
Then off she went. It’s silence at last, and silence equals to some much needed shut-eye.
After he completed his routine stock inspection, the skeleton collapsed on his secret lab’s couch. Times like these he wondered how his brother skipped sleep and still managed to function.
Surreal dreams of Papyrus’ high-school graduation mixed with the setting of Mew Mew Kissy Cute. Undyne and Alphys cosplayed as those characters to celebrate. Why? No reason. Dreams didn’t have to make sense.
Sans knew at a subconscious level that Papyrus never completed standard education. That’s about as wishful as it gets. But the two anime-fuelled ladies? Possible outcomes. Maybe. One day, if they take up tailoring. Or buy the costumes from the internet.
Toriel arrived with her famous cinnamon butterscotch pie. Placed it next to Papyrus’ iconic spaghetti meatballs.
‘Time to start the party,’ she said. Or she’s supposed to say. To think that she used to appear only as a disembodied voice. Ever since Sans had put a face behind her words, she’s a welcome sight.
Toriel was everything Sans could never be, and that’s why held her in high regards.
Love?
Admiration?
Honour?
All three?
Some teased that he’s in love. They may be right, but acting on any romantic feelings would only disgrace her. Boss Monsters are made for Boss Monsters. Playing into the speculations of others would hurt her in the long run.
He doesn’t want to do that.
He doesn't want Toriel to live with the burden of such negativity.
Deep inside, he knew that she would never be truly at peace unless she made amends with Asgore.
Sans loves her so much that he would do anything to give this best friend true happiness. Even if it means forgoing a life together.
The rest of his being may be tainted with violence, but his love for Papyrus and Toriel remained pure.
When everything was right in his world of dreams…
…A hail of knives pierced the ceiling. Their sharp cuts will turn everything to dust.
Sans’ bones worked on instinct to avoid the downpour. He could see where they’ll land first, the brevity of his safe spots, and how to navigate the hazardous terrain.
Is this one of those situations where he can only save a single person?
Can he even save anyone?
He reached out to Papyrus first… and watched a knife zip through his brother’s neck, lopping off the skull like in too many of those doomed timelines.
Sans snatched the dusty scarf in midair. There’s no time to grieve: he still had Toriel to save. Undyne will protect Alphys in the meantime.
No.
Since when do his efforts ever go right?
Try as he might, he couldn’t reach Toriel in time. The knives pierced her being and she exploded into dust.
As for the two star-struck lovers? Undyne endured the best she could, but eventually she too succumbed to her wounds. The ladies huddled together until their brutal demise.
The assault stopped. When Sans looked up he witnessed a shadow of humanity, complete with glowing Red SOUL.
They laughed, cacophonous: a unity of every man, woman, and child.
You think you’ll win just because you’re strong, huh?
Joke’s on you, buddy.
I know your weakness.
He reached down for one of the many weapons on the ground and yanked it out. It dripped red with the glow of Determination-infused blood.
I’m gonna FORCE you to quit, forever!
The laziest skeleton of all Ebott thus launched himself off the ground with humanity’s blade in hand.
His sole objective: elimination.
Sans then woke up to a whole lot of phone notification chimes. His bones, stiff and sore from bad couch-sleeping positions.
“Guh, more nightmares,” he groaned. “A fucked up one too.”
When Sans read the date on his phone, he rolled to his side to bury his face into the cushion.
It’s almost Tuesday afternoon.
Why? Why did I sleep for so many damn hours?
Just. Fucking. Why.
I don’t have time to be a piece of trash! Not right now!
Papyrus. If he tries to look for me in this lab, I am toastier than a Hotland toast. And what about Muffet?
There was nothing from Muffet. It seems that she’s still working on her new culinary discovery.
Huh, come to think of it… Paps’ being way too chill. Usually he’d fret over me from a mile away. Over 24 hours of absolutely no panic whatsoever? That’s a mystery in itself.
Man. I need to get up, get some grub and tell everyone I’m okay or something. Then start the lab work for real.
So Sans set his phone on mute and dragged himself up the stairs.
When he opened the backdoor, a tall shadow loomed over him. It wouldn’t surprise him if Papyrus stalked the entrance. Sounds exactly what his over-enthusiastic little brother would do.
Instead, he heard the voice of a familiar noir detective.
“Yo, ‘assassino’. Ya look beat.”
It’s the Cenna Caraway. Sans almost slammed the door shut in her face, and he would have done so if she didn’t show him an envelope.
A lovely calligraphic handwriting addressed the contents to ‘Sans Serif’.
“Uh,” he muttered. “Mail for me?”
“Yup!” Cenna replied, “From none other than my good friend, Lucy. You know. The lady who dropped you from the sky.”
“Jeez, you know about that too?”
“Well duh. If she could tell me all the ways I died without a blink, yesterday’s shenanigans ain’t a big issue.”
Sans stepped out, locked the door behind him and cautiously accepted the envelope. After a brief check of the cover, he slipped it into the inner pocket of his jacket.
“Hm?” Cenna raised a brow. “Not gonna check it out?”
“Nah,” he sighed. “Letters should be read in private anyways. So… why are you stalking my backyard? Trying to uncover some skeletons in my closet?”
“Har har, very funny. Have you been keeping contact with home lately? Like, get a new phone? Frisky told me you’ve been on radio silence for a good long while now. Makes me wonder if you’re in hiding or something.”
Sans snorted. “I think you’re way too caught up in your detective biz, lady. I’m just your standard lazybone. Too much effort to get a new one.”
Cenna’s sense of intuition is a little too spot on sometimes. Scary.
Either way, it’s a sign that I should check the chat. Scroll back up a little bit and figure out what the big ruckus is about.
ALPHYS:
has anyone seen sans?
because
i think we really need his help
StrongFish91:
…Sometimes, I wish I’m in an alternate universe where I honestly thought Sans was just a normal lazybone.
So I could yell ‘Sans is a scientist?!?!?’
Instead of this burning NGAAAAH forming between my teeth that screams:
WHERE THE FUCK IS SANS WHEN WE NEED HIM?????
WHERE?????
FabulousMTT:
Pipe down, you silly rambunctious fish.
Sansy darling will turn up whenever you least expect him to.
He always does. In his own wonderful way~
CoolSkeleton95:
OH! SANS WENT TO STUDY AT MISTER MAGUS’ HEADQUARTERS!
THEY HAVE THIS AWESOME COOL BUILDING WITH AN EVEN AWESOMER LIBRARY!
StrongFish91:
What?!
CoolSkeleton95:
YES!
HE SAID IT’S SOMETHING FOR FRISK’S EXAM.
FabulousMTT:
Gasp!
You don’t say, darling!
CoolSkeleton95:
I’M SO HAPPY!
HE’S GETTING HIS LIFE BACK TOGETHER BIT BY BIT!
MISTER MAGUS TOLD ME THAT THEY’LL TAKE CARE OF ALL OF HIS NEEDS, INCLUDING ROUND THE CLOCK PROTECTION!
SO I’LL LET SANS STUDY THERE FOR AS LONG AS HE NEEDS.
HotAndSpicy:
Serious, cinnamon roll?
Mez told ya that?
CoolSkeleton95:
YES MISS AUNT!
Shining Star:
Lol Papyrus!
You still call her that?
Cenna is my legit big sis.
It took a while for me to accept that, but facts are facts.
CoolSkeleton95:
I KNOW.
BUT IT’S THE GREAT PAPYRUS’ TITLE OF FOND FIRST IMPRESSIONS!
LIKE I STILL CALL YOU ‘HUMAN’ EVEN THOUGH I KNOW YOUR NAME IS FRISK.
…UNLESS MISS AUNT IS UNHAPPY WITH HER NICKNAME AND WISHES TO APPLY FOR A NEW ONE.
HotAndSpicy:
What are ya talking about?
I love it!
It reminds me of how my life turned around for the better, yeah?
Totally keeping that.
Sans stared at Cenna for a long, long while. “Damn, you climbed up that social ladder fast. Just like the hot spice you named yourself.”
The Magus threw her head back and laughed out loud. Amazing how her hat didn’t fall off.
“Wonders of connections, eh?” she said, “C’mon, assassino. Let’s have lunch and meet up with the rest of the gang. I bet hanging out with me will be a thousand percent easier to explain than your little sky adventure.”
“Yup. I can’t disagree with that,” said Sans. He’s grateful for the convenient alibi. “Hey, uh, you sure it’s okay to address me as an assassin so blatantly in public?”
“Pull your hood up.”
A strange request, but the blue skeleton did it anyway. Cenna then showed him a picture from her phone.
Sans was delightfully surprised. “Is that… a game character? Whoa, damn. Cowls and hoodies as their uniforms? They do look like what I’m wearing, but my colour doesn’t match.”
Cenna then said, “It’s all about the style! If I’m the noir detective, you’re the assassino. With the ‘no’ emphasised at the end. It’s our code you know.”
“The rest of the world is gonna think we’re just big nerds.”