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The Golden Quiche
Chapter 227: Adpocalypse

Chapter 227: Adpocalypse

You, Frisk Wanderstar, dropped your jaw when you looked up at the sky.

First, a glowing pink shot of magic parted the rainclouds and ruined your sister’s hard work.

Then, Mettaton NEO jetted out into the open air.

Freaking! Mettaton! NEO!

The glambot started flying and posing everywhere.

Was this part of the plan? Heck no! Something must have gone wrong somewhere! Your ‘bullshit senses’ had sharpened from the sheer number of moronic chaos that’s been plaguing your life as of late.

The bot spun in the air with the grace of a ballerina. Then, he fled towards Point Gamma -- towards you -- blasting some kind of strangely catchy music.

His shadow passed overhead. Right after that, Marks started popping up on every person! One also tried to invade you with its nonsense symbols. You easily overpowered the glitchy mess with your SOUL.

Huh… you noticed that the trash Mark was rather weak. But, just when you let your guard down, it spawned again!

You heard the humans scream in confused panic, both civilians and Magi.

“AAAAAAH WHAT’S GOING ON???”

“I’m seeing popup ads everywhere!”

“Nooooooooooo my deepest, darkest secrets!”

“GET IT OFF ME! GET IT OFF ME!”

They were right. Your vision too got rapidly crowded by fake advertisements of pies, knives, video games, and anime merchandise. It required active mental resistance to keep shoving them aside.

You searched for Mister Communicator: the trooper from Lucas’ Green Squad with the communication scroll around his arm.

He seemed to be doing fine, other than trying to swat away popups that didn’t exist.

“Yes, Crimson Keeper?”

You tell him that you want to contact Keeper Fennel and Judge Caraway.

“Affirmative.” Then, he reached his scroll-bound hand out towards you.

Initiating contact! Hello? Anyone there?

You heard Lucas answer your call, but his words were completely drowned out by the mass of advertisements. He soon diverted the connection to Cenna. You could hear her a bit better. Still, the noise continued to pose a problem.

“Frisky? What the heck is going on? I can barely hear you!”

You explained the situation the best you can, from Mettaton going bananas, to the weird Marks, to the goddamn spam ads invading everyone’s mind.

Cenna started to swear on the other end of the line, but she got censored by beeps.

She tried to tell you something. You couldn’t make it out, yelling back a loud ‘WHAT?’

And then you heard the following: “NO! SAVES!”

No SAVES? Why?

Wait.

You started to think. If everyone was hit by that weird Mark… they might all remember time travel. If you use any of your SAVES now, you’ll spark the biggest controversy in collective history!

You stood there, paralyzed, not knowing what to do.

* * *

Invasive forbidden advertisements blocked Alphys’ vision. The shame of late night surfing, merchandise splurging, and saucy fanart had come to haunt her. The lizard thought that she would die from embarrassment right there.

But then…

…She was saved by the voice of a pure, innocent youth, singing from the bottom of his heart.

When Alphys regained her senses, she found herself curled up on the floor.

Sitting back up, she examined her chest. The weird constantly-shifting gibberish Mark that used to be there had been replaced by a serene musical note.

“What…?” She muttered, “What just happened?”

Undyne widened her singular eye, exclaiming with proud confidence: “I get it now! So THAT is why Papyrus insisted that I bring the kid along! His Mark is the cure! See? I told ya he’s never wrong.”

When Niton stopped singing, however, he stood there with a lowered head.

“What’s wrong?”

The captured mastermind sneered. “Ha! You think this kid is the cure? So naive. He’s the source, you morons.”

A confused and alarmed Dayton ran up to the Gungnir spy. The elder brother grabbed his former comrade by the collar and yelled: “What did you do to my brother???”

“Why ask me? You should ask your sweet little bro instead.”

All eyes were soon fixated on the musician. The weight of his guilt, however big it may be, pushed down on his head.

“I…” said the boy. “I Chosen One… I give… I give blessing… so can leave village and help Uppa… Make special phone… Make special… spirit?…”

Dayton’s face turned red with fury. He proceeded to punch his aunt’s henchman square in the jaw. The adults jumped in to separate them, lest they lose an important clue to violence.

Alphys stood there with more and more question marks popping over her head. “Dayton? What’s going on? I thought we already knew he was once helping your dad.”

The elder brother replied, “My aunt corrupted my brother’s divine gift! Her mooks made an evil spirit out of his song! Unforgivable!”

The cogs started to click. “An evil spirit? Inside a robot? Wouldn’t that make it a computer virus? Oh no, a DEMON virus??? That explains why Mettaton was talking to himself!”

The henchman confirmed it. “Yep. It’s a virus, alright. And viruses require installation. Which schmuck do you think opened the gates? I wouldn’t have let Dayton run to the glam bot with his stupid dreams otherwise.”

“HUH???” The boy pointed to himself. “M-me?!?”

“Yeah. Surprised? I loaded copies of the virus onto every memory stick you own. You were the one who infected him.”

Undyne widened her singular eye at the kid, teeth gritting. “You little rat--!!”

It made Dayton panic. “Believe me!” He cried out, “I didn’t know.”

“But you wanted to, right? He was your sworn enemy.”

“No!!! I just want to share my brother’s music, I swear!”

The Gungnir spy continued to provoke the boy. “That’s not what you said before. You were really gung-ho in your quest to become a warrior. To make your papa proud.”

Unable to defend himself, Dayton fell as quiet as his little brother.

Alphys knew she had to say something, to be the voice of reason that she had promised the crowd. And so she gently approached her fishy girlfriend. “Undyne, that’s the past, b-before Papyrus changed their minds. Please don’t blame them.”

Clenching her fist, Undyne said, “It’s okay, Alphys. It’s. Just. Hits home really close, y’know. With how I used to think.”

Indeed, everyone in the monster community knew that Undyne was the one most hyped for the destruction of humanity. Getting angry at the Aratet boys would just be a pot calling the kettle black.

“Dayton, I’m sorry for blowing my top like that. It’s not your fault. Honest.” After the apology, Undyne turned to Edmund. “Detective, I’m leaving this scumbag to you. I gotta chase after Mettaton.”

And then, the Captain bolted out to the library to track down the runaway machine in gusto. Alphys felt her heart thump from admiration. Here she thought her favourite fish couldn’t get any cooler. Ever since she went for Roger’s mini-training, Undyne had gained more points in calm, collected savvy without losing her inner fire.

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Her momentary daydreaming was soon interrupted by the sounds of a small struggle. The human police force handcuffed the henchman and dragged him away. The Gungnir’s grand boasting might as well be a confession of crime.

Victor stretched his neck, relieved. “That’s a wrap. Justice is served.”

Chuckling, Edmund added, “It feels like the good ol’ days, alright. Now let us report back to the client.”

“Are you sure he’ll be okay with how things turned out?”

“All the more reason why we should hurry and stop him from doing anything drastic.”

Alphys was left alone with the Aratet boys. It was for the better too. Who knows what nonsense the henchman might say to provoke them. She already had a hard time resisting the urge to verbally strangle trolls on the internet, let alone a real-life version.

She turned towards the brothers. “D-do you two want to fight for peace? T-the better way?”

Her question puzzled Dayton. “You still trust us?”

“Of course. First, you didn’t infect Mettaton intentionally. I-I can’t blame you for falling to the scheming of adults. Secondly, I don’t think your aunt’s henchman is telling the whole truth. If you were truly the one who infected Mettaton, I would have found the problem during routine maintenance. There has to be a trick.”

“Last but not least,” she said, “Papyrus sent the both of you here. That means the solution is something only you can do. And it just so happens I’ve got a plan brewing. Don’t worry. I-it’s all science, not witchcraft. I promise your divine gift will be respected.”

Hope dawned upon their dejected faces. The cloud of assumptions got blown away by logic and compassion.

Niton lifted his head, smiling with tear-moistened eyes. His face radiated the gratefulness of a second chance.

Meanwhile, his brother was less weepy and more fired up. “The people here say, ‘grab the bull by the horns’! Gimme the bull, tell me what to do!”

Witnessing the innocence of youth motivated Alphys as well. It’s quite contagious, which must be part of the reason how Frisk moved the hearts of The Underground.

“Okay, first… I have to confirm your SOUL colours.”

Alphys reached her hand out to Niton’s chest and sent a pulse of magic. The boy’s Red SOUL glowed peacefully like a full moon: quite different from Frisk’s sheer brilliance.

Then, she moved on to Dayton and did the same. Unlike his brother, his Orange SOUL shone fierce. Just looking at it made her feel like she’s standing under a hot sun.

She placed them back in their respective chests. “Good news! Y-you have exactly what we need.”

It was around that time when Edmund, Victor, and the police force returned with their prisoner in tow. They then closed the library doors before barricading it with random objects.

“What’s happening outside?” asked Alphys.

“Madness,” the detective replied. “Pure madness.”

Victor added: “They’re all being driven insane by invasive advertising. This is why you use ad blockers. Always.”

The longer the chaos dragged on, the worse things became. All it would take was one severe injury or death to tarnish Ebott Town’s reputation forever.

Alphys looked over at the broadcasting crew. They too had just experienced the whole ordeal with Mettaton and didn’t quite know how to respond to it. Poor Napstablook cried in a corner, just barely visible.

The lizard scientist straightened her back. “A-attention! Everyone, I need your cooperation.”

The whole crew gazed on her as though she’s the queen, ready to lead them through the turmoils of war. What’s worse, she had two teenagers beneath her wing. The pressure made her break a bead of sweat. Yet, she remained steadfast.

“H-here’s what we’re going to do. First, I plan to project Niton’s Mark -- our ad blocker -- to as many people as possible. The sound equipment we have here is perfect for the job! Second, it might be possible to establish a remote connection with Mettaton via Niton’s Determination. Should he remain unresponsive to our efforts, I will then attempt to force his ghost-form out of the mecha.”

There was once a time where she had to use Gaster’s Determination in order to communicate with anyone on that Megalovania moon. Who would have thought that she would use a variation of that technology again so soon? Not Alphys, that was for sure.

“W-we need speakers pointed towards the crowd outside. Keep them wired to a Mini. A basic magic circle suffices to enchant the music. I-I can write the code, b-but I need some help finding something to draw with. Ink, chalk, or anything will do as long as it can transfer a fraction of magic.”

“And, Napstablook? Bring out your mixing table. The sound quality has to be crystal clear. Plus, adding beats to maintain the rhythm would help a million.”

The crew immediately got to work. Some carried a couple of wired speakers to a nearby window. The others searched the library for possible writing utensils, returning with a handful of whiteboard markers and sharpies from the staff room.

Sweet Blookie hugged Niton for a moment despite the ghost’s inherent shyness, offering some comfort to each other. Afterwards they practiced together while waiting for the rest to finish their setup.

Alphys started drawing on the floor, inscribing her commands into the lines with a small charge of magic. The process was similar to what Seers do to code using their bones.

For this particular purpose, she created a ‘unicursal’ hexagram: drawn in one single large stroke. Rather than having a traditional star shape, it instead resembled two overlapping arrowheads, each facing opposite directions. One of which was aimed directly at the speakers.

At the pointed end nearest to them, she drew a square overlaying a triangle, encasing them both in the same circle.

“Niton,” she pointed at that very spot while handing him a Mini MTT. “You’re going to stand there and sing to your heart’s content. I-if everything works as intended, your blessing should be sent from the Mini to the speakers and out into the crowd, replacing the chaos Mark. I-I don’t recommend lyrics. The simpler, the better.”

Then, Alphys added a square-circle extension off to the side. “Dayton, I programmed this part to tap into your Orange SOUL. Y-Yours is the Aspect of Bravery, known for its forward reach. Think of yourself as the bridge between your younger brother and his favourite musician. An indispensable task.”

“A-as for me,” One final triangle-circle opposite Dayton’s square-circle served to finish the Gram. “I will tweak the signal until we find the right frequency. Once it clicks, Niton’s song should also snap Mettaton out of his funk.”

image [https://file.garden/ZmI3KiOgiFXI9bf4/Extradoohickeys/AlphysArcanagram.png]

The boy blinked twice and asked, “How do you know this will work?”

“I don’t. But fundamentally, the virus is a branch of Niton’s power. They have the same roots and therefore follow the same rules. Is that understandable?”

“Yeah. I think I get it. We just need to try.”

Alphys looked towards the Gungnir henchman for a moment. The man was both perplexed and irritated about his plan being actively thwarted.

“Give it up. Why do you still struggle? Even if you get everything right, your reputation is in shambles.”

“I’ve already said,” said the scientist, “If anyone abuses or misuses magic, then we -- monsterkind -- will do anything we can to combat that. I-I mean what I say.”

* * *

Floating a Red Star above your head didn’t work. Indirect exposure to Determination was not enough, it seemed.

Then, you resorted to Marking every person you could reach. Those efforts were wiped out the moment Mettaton flew over the area.

“I-I-IT’S TIME TO BE A [[[BIG SHOT!!!]]]”

“EVERY [Big], EVERY [Shot], EVERY [Hyperlink Blocked], ALL YOURS!”

“DON’T FORGET TO [Like and Subscribe] FOR MORE [Hyperlink Blocked]!”

It’s no use… no matter what you tried, the garbage Mark continued to harass everyone in the vicinity of Point Gamma. The humans around you had lost track of the environment, lost in spammy advertisements. They either lay curled up on the floor or started running around in panic. The police were not immune to it either, and neither were the Magi.

By now, only Lucas’ Green Squad had the strength to remain standing. Even then, their eyes started to glaze. They may be reaching their limit. You wondered if you would soon follow after them…

At least there were no active bonfires anymore. You shudder to think what would happen if anyone rolled into the real hot stuff.

In the midst of your worry, you heard a woman’s voice from a distance.

“HEY PUNK!!!”

There’s only one gal who’d call you ‘punk’ in public like that, and that’s Undyne! Huh, she had a red music note on her chest. And it wasn’t getting wiped away.

You waved while hollering for her.

Along the way, she dodged the running victims and carefully sidestepped the ones on the ground. You heard the fish complain: “Aw man, this place is in chaos too.”

It’s the same everywhere else?

“Yeah… Listen, Mettaton got infected by a virus that spreads through sound. The victims need to listen to it live. It refreshes whenever they hear it again unless you’re protected by this music note.”

That certainly explained why your efforts in Mark-switching failed whenever he flew by.

“We can’t risk him going outside of Ebott Town. Could you do your Living Victory thing? Then Alphys and I can restrain that pink bot before the virus activates.”

You understood what she meant but… you can’t. Your sister already warned you. If you do, every victim would remember what they shouldn’t. You’re not prepared to deal with the inevitable controversy. At all!

“Dang. I guess it’s time for Plan B. I’ll try to break his wings before he flies any further. Now where the hell did that bugger go?”

While she scouted the sky, a sudden sense of dread crawled across your skin. Not being able to LOAD your SAVE meant that death became very, very permanent.

What if someone else died?

What if YOU died?

“There! Okay, see ya later squirt--”

You grabbed Undyne by the wrist, refusing to let her go.

Confused, she asked: “Squirt?…”

You begged her to not leave you alone.

It would take but one bullet to kill you. Or one stroke of a knife. Heck, they could just grab a car and run you over, along with everyone else in the way!

You need Undyne’s strength, now more than ever.

Undyne got down on one knee and patted your head. A second later, she had a vice grip on your noggin.

“FRISK!!! You, afraid of DEATH?? Did you get too comfy with your superpower???”

Ah, that’s exactly the Undyne you knew. You were a bit worried that she had gotten too rational somewhere. There’s some comfort in knowing that some things will always remain the same.

“Listen here, punk! Non-Reds like me have only ONE LIFE! I can permanently die anytime, anywhere! Do you see me cower? NO!!! That’s because I. Have. A JOB TO DO!!!”

Although she made that grand anime speech, you felt her hand shiver over your head. You realised that she’s as scared as you are.

“Dying is easy, kid,” she said. “Living with the consequences is way harder. Papyrus taught me that much. So… If some scumbag tries to force you to take the easy way out… I want you to fight it. Even if that means exposing your secret to the world.”

Then, she pulled up a catty face. “Besides, we can always make up some bullcrap explanations like illusions or whatever.”

You giggled. True! Though, that doesn’t excuse you to get careless.

The Tsunderjudge would say: it’s time to tackle this problem in a ‘single pass’! Reserve your trump card for the biggest fail, and do your damndest to avoid it!

…………………

But how does one defeat a flying robot?

Undyne grumbled. “How do I know?! I’m not the one with brains here! I can only think about busting his wings. That’s it. Dammit, if only that stupid blackout didn’t prevent us from talking with the smarties…”

What about the communication scroll? You pointed at the member of the Green Squad who owned it. That guy can connect you to Lucas and Cenna back at The Lab.

“Erm,” her fins drooped. “I think his noggin is filled to the brim with ads by now. Doubt we’d get a clear signal.”

Judging from his dazed stare into nothingness, Undyne made a good point.

“Hold on… I’m gonna borrow that thing.”

She went over to the guy and unwrapped the communication scroll. Then, without any additional warning, the strongest fish picked you up and tucked you under her arm.

What gives?

“Well, if we can’t use this spell on our own, why not bring it over to the smartiest smartie of them all? I bet Al could figure out how to contact the other smarties. Hang tight!”

Just like that, you were whisked away from Point Gamma. Undyne’s boundless stamina never failed to amaze you.

You clasped your hand in prayer. Please, please have something go right for once.