Mettaton woke up with a gasp. Anxious, he glanced left and right, still remembering the terror of losing control.
The first thing he noticed was how he wasn’t piloting his robot body anymore. Left with only the stubby hands of a little pink ghost, without his glorious legs, he felt small and insignificant.
He then looked around the strange space he woke up in. It had only a white floor and a uniform black wall, devoid of visible corners. It was all rather disorientating, Mettaton thought.
Pondering out loud, he asked: “Where… where am I?”
His plight was answered by a jarring, mechanical voice.
“HEY EVERY !”
Turning around, Mettaton came face-to-face with a sharply dressed salesman. This man, sitting in a big armchair with one leg slung over and his hands steepled, had a definite sense of style Mettaton appreciated: sleek black hair, a snazzy black suit, and pure white skin. A pair of round glasses, one lens pink, the other yellow, completed his intended visage.
“IT'S ME!!! EV3RY BUDDY 'S FAVORITE [[Number 1 Rated Salesman1997]] SPAMTON G. SPAMTON!! LET ME TELL YOU, WE ARE IN THE [Internal manifestation] OF YOUR [[Workout-Ready Body]]!”
It took Mettaton a moment to parse those words. This person had voice clips of external sources added mid-sentence, like a collage of cutout paper.
“My body? I don’t believe you. What’s inside of me, is not so… so… bleak and empty!”
“[[Wrong Answer]]! ANYONE WITH [[20/20 vision]] CAN SEE YOU’RE SO DEEP DOWN THE [Vantablack] HOLE OF YOUR [[Undertale]], YOU DON’T EVEN REMEMBER THE [[Light]]”
“You think I’m in trouble, darling? How? I-I’m sure that I’ve made enough of a foothold on The Surface. The fans love me!”
“[[Positive Feedback]] GUARANTEED? [Likes and Subscribes] ON THE RISE? NO N33D 4 [[Sponsored by]] and [[Paid product placement]]? RAKING IN THE [Kromer] ALL BY YOURSELF? SWIMMING IN [Wacky Stacks]?”
“Darling, you’re [Killing] me! HAHAHA!! HAHAHA!!! HAHAHAHEHAHAHUHAH4HA! LYING IS NOT VERY [[BIG SHOT]] OF YOU.”
Spamton got off the chair and walked over to Mettaton. He had an awkward gait reminiscent of a marionette.
“I HAVE YOUR [Data]”
“I HAVE YOUR [Memories]”
“I HAVE YOUR [Connections]”
“AND I KNOW YOU NEED THAT [[Hyperlink Blocked]]”
While glancing uncomfortably, Mettaton retorted: “T-there’s no way you know that much.”
“THINK AGAIN. I KNOW AS MUCH AS [Old blue Icon].”
“Oh please, you’re not meta.”
“[[Objection!]] GIVEN? [[Evidence]] REQUIRED? LET ME SHOW YOU THIS LITTLE [[Profile of A User]]”
The image of a cat-girl appeared on a screen over Spamton’s head, her pink hair pinned up by bells.
NAME: MAD MEW MEW / FORMERLY MAD DUMMY
Taken aback, Mettaton muttered: “T-that’s… My cousin…”
“COUSIN? PLAYING ON [Family Tree] NOW? AFTER TREATING THE [[Funny Cat Video]] LIKE A [Piece of Garbage]? ADMIT IT, THAT [[Cardboard Box Aficionado]] IS YOUR [Next Door Competitor] FOR THAT SWEET SWEET [[[Kromer]]].”
“I--”
The screen began playing memories of a particular incident, when Mettaton discovered that dear Mad Dummy had joined the entertainment field. Back then, his cousin managed to possess Alphys’ life-sized Mew Mew Doll out of the blue, becoming Mad Mew Mew.
The two began to talk trash about each other. Not long after that, they got into a magic fight, each trying to prove that they’re better than the other.
“SHE INTRUDED ON YOUR [Demographic niche]. MADE YOU [0% security rate], SAYING YOU WERE [ugly as $!$$].”
Mettaton felt a sinking sense of shame for his own ungracious behaviour. The thought of this sleazy salesman knowing so much also terrified the glam bot. “How did you…?”
“BECAUSE I’M A [[[BIG SHOT]]], THAT’S HOW. I GOT THE [[Juicy goods]] ON EVERYONE IN THIS [[Nondescript Mountain Village]]. LET ME SHOW YOU THE [[[DATA]]]”
Waving his hand, Spamton generated more and more screens. They showed profile after profile.
“SEE! MY [Ultra extensive database] OF ALL YOUR POTENTIAL CUSTOMERS!”
ASGORE DREEMURR
Gardening
Tea
Dad shirts
Urban dictionary
How to be a good father?
Pet Shampoo XXL
easy jokes and one-liners
TORIEL DREEMURR
Pie recipes
Unit conversion
Snail facts
Parenting tips
Pet Shampoo XXL
easy jokes and one-liners
UNDYNE
random song piano cover
how much does a car weigh
how much does a truck weigh
how much does a train weigh
nearest train station
how to write a letter asking for permission to suplex a train
FROGGIT
how to catch flies 4 dummies
how to become final froggit
how to become froggit [2:00 AM]
how to become normal sized froggit [2:00 PM]
MADJIK
improved magic techniques
wizard society
LOOX
school tuition
Eyewear
KNIGHT KNIGHT
Sleeping aids for other people
Does coffee work on monsters?
Audiobooks
WOSHUA
soaps and detergent brands
how to clean efficiently
CATTY
cats
kittens
tinned cat food discount
why is my sister so cute?
BRATTY
second hand goods
what is a husbando?
THE COMEDIAN (?)
[[Hyperlink Blocked]]
[[Hyperlink Blocked]]
[[Hyperlink Blocked]]
GYFTROT
quiet places
how to stop those damn runts from turning me into a christmas tree?
POLITICS BEAR
How to become the president
What do “Based” and “Redpilled” mean
DUMMY
…
……
SUMSEL THE SHEEP
24*3
how much % is 25,22 out of 355
JANN DRACHENHART
Why do I get constant feelings of Deja Vu?
How to not sneeze fire every single time
Search engines that aren't a slow janky trash heap like YOU
KAIVA
does Spring Break apply to monster schools
why is the weather station always wrong
FUKU FIRE
Nonflammable raincoats
Part time jobs minimum age
How to keep cold drinks cool?
NOELLE HOLIDAY
what is kekw? What is orz?
running shoes
Today’s Horoscope
Help with career choices
Ideas for Mother’s Day
DESS HOLIDAY
How to help sister from overbearing mother?
Grief counselling
Angels and faith
Is it okay to skip family gatherings for one year?
SUZY
can harboil eggs hatch
cool skateboard game online
cool skateboard game online CHEAT
homework answers
LOSERS!!!! THIS LIBRARBY SUCKS!!!!
FJFIrejirioEUEUROEI4378789
A dozen other pictures slid by, although by then Mettaton had stopped reading. “All my potential customers? I see only monsters, darling. What about humans? It’s a huge world out there!”
“GOT YOU COVERED, BUDDY!”
Photographs of humans replaced the monster ones:
ZACK CONROY
Magus Association news
Dance events
Price of wheat
ORION BASKERVILLE
Gaster human-to-monster experimental procedure
List of defunct magic research startup companies founded 1990-2020
Active Magi personnel in Ebott region
AOFIL
Spider mating rituals
Spider monster mating rituals
Spider monster mating rituals no videos only text
LEGACY
Reliable pocket watch
Occult Cheese meaning
How to buy 50 wheels of assorted cheeses
SILAS PEMBROOK
removing grass stains laundry
carcassonne strategy
HOA victim support group
SILAS VAN HELSING
How best to quell mass hysteria?
Do monsters have psychological magic?
Can medicine cure intrusive thoughts?
CARMINE STANTON
How to not be depressed
is it okay to be attached to people quickly
JEFF STONE
wtf is a monster
do silver bullets work on monsters
how to prepare for apocalypse
JOHN FREEMAN
how 2 help humens
email for gordon freemans brother
JEFF WALSH
Strawberry Jam
Mixed Martial Arts Classes
Urban Exploration
JORDAN CATER
monster public appearances
monster weaknesses
buy silver online
JASON TAYLOR
recipe pickled corn
monsters real news updates
disaster prepper tips and guides
SINCLAIR BLAKE
Government laws on magi authority in states of emergency?
Magi organisation and leader(s)
Any laws on joint Magi jurisdiction in states of emergency
KARLS CARLSEN
whats the difference between stalagmite and stalactite
why does fridge have a D while refrigerator doesnt
how do you get cats to stop going into the dryer
Furrowing his brows, Mettaton remarked, “That’s… very interesting. Very extensive. But I can’t help but notice there’s nothing in it about me.”
“[ding ding ding]!” Spamton answered, “[Holy Cungadero Batman] YOU [[hit nail on the head]]. NOT A SINGLE PERSON LOOKED FOR YOU [ghosty sponge]. NOT A SINGLE [[profile of a user]].”
“I-impossible!”
“GO AHEAD, USE THE [The BEST Search Function Award of Year 1997]”
The salesman bestowed Mettaton with a holographic keyboard and a search bar.
Hesitant and anxious, the pink ghost tapped the letters of his name.
‘MTT’
Results: 0
‘METTATON’
Results: 0
‘Death By Glamour’
Results: 0
“No… That can’t be true…”
“BUT IT IS. YOU [[one day fly]] ARE NOTHING MORE THAN A [side gig]. HERE TODAY, GONE TOMORROW. A [[has-been bean]] IN [24 Hours]”
Spamton scooted over to his side. “YOU SEE, [[end user experience]] NEVER SEARCH FOR A SINGLE INDIVIDUAL. THEY PLACE [[random queries]] THAT [[tickle their fancy]] AT A PERSONAL LEVEL. [[algorithm based recommendations]] HANDLE THE REST.”
“YOU, [[ghosty sponge]], ARE IRRELEVANT TO ANYONE. [Music]? [Dance]? [Arts]? C’MON, YOU’RE NOT THE ONLY [Rising Star]. THERE ARE MILLIONS OF OTHERS TRYING AS HARD AS YOU. [[Audition Night Open Right Now]]!”
Unauthorized use of content: if you find this story on Amazon, report the violation.
“BUT DO THEY SUCCEED? NO! IT’S [[99% Failure Rate]]!”
The realisation of his insignificance crushed Mettaton’s spirit.
One tear. Two tears.
And then, it’s a waterfall of despair. “All my effort… All my hard work… is for nothing…? But I thought I was doing so well…”
Spamton burst into laughter. “EAHAHAHAUAHAHAH4HUEHEUHAHA!!! HOW CUTE. THIS PERSON THINKS [[Effort = success]]? HAEAHAEAHAEAHAEAH!! OH [[Hochi Mama]], WE GOT SOMEONE LIVING UNDER [[solidified MagmaMaterial]!!!”
“HEY, BUDDY, ISN’T IT TOO SOON TO [[turn on the waterworks]]? DON’T YOU KNOW YOU AND ME ARE ALIKE? I USED TO BE NOTHING BUT THE E_MAIL GUY, NOW I’M THE [It Burns! Ow! Stop! Help Me! It Burns!] GUY! [Amazed at thi5 amazing transformation? You too can] HAVE A [Communion] WITH [Unintelligible Laughter]. ALL YOU NEED IS THAT 1%, [The Secret Sauce].”
The increased amount of glitchy patched dialogue weirded Mettaton out. Pausing his sobs, the ghost asked: “What is it? In plain English, please.”
Slinging his hand over the ghost’s shoulders, the puppet salesman showed him all the profiles.
“MARKETING. NOT JUST ANY [boring bog] MARKETING, BUT [[[BIG SHOT]]] MARKETING!”
“But… I’ve been doing that at every opportunity.”
“[[Wrong answer]].” Spamton replied. “YOU NEED TO GET [BIG!] [[B1GGER!!]] [[[B1GG3ST!!!]]]. YOU NEED DATA. DATA OF EVERY [Man, woman, and child] in the [World Wide Web]. AND YOUR BUDDY, SPAMTON G. SPAMTON, [[Number 1 Rated Salesman1997]], HAS GOT YOU COVERED. LET ME SHOW YOU SOME RARE [Chaos Emeralds]!”
BERDLY
speedruns
why are people not agreeing with my opinion?
Spell check
latest pc rig/gaming setup
vtubers
Ban lift appeal
rage compilations/funny fails
NOELLE HOLIDAY
rare cute chalk boxes
Can i still do cross island competition at 50 years old?
is it still ok to believe in horoscopes?
Magus Association News
Latest advancements in Magitek field
Ideas for Father’s Day
SUSIE
can i still skate at 50?
rare chalk around the world
human biology
Incurable human diseases
why cheats don’t exist in modern games anymore???
i dont wanna git gud
cool skatebord game archive copy
latest memes
PRINCE RALSEI
Chocolate tempering
diy bath bombs
Candymaking
knife sharpening
video game piano tutorial
Latest advancements in Nursing field
foreign sword techniques
“WITH MY DATABASE, YOU CAN MAKE [[Smart Algorithm]] DECISIONS. [[SmartAlgorithm ^2]] DECISIONS LEAD TO [BIG] SALES. AND [[ B I G ]] SALES MAKES YOU THE [[BIG SHOT]] WITH ALL THE [[Kromer]], [[Classy Lads & Ladies]] AND [[Hyperlink Blocked]]!”
“MAKE SPAMTON G. SPAMTON YOUR [MTT Brand Marketing Manager] FOR THE [Low Low Price] OF [$4.99 a month] AND YOUR [Heart-shaped Object], YOU WILL OWN ALL THE [Kromer] IN THE WORLD.”
Spamton spawned a contract. He hovered it in front of the client, complete with a floating pen.
“NO [Insecure open wifi].”
“NO [Competition].”
“NO [Silly strings].”
“[[[ DE4L ]]]?”
What if this salesman spoke the truth? Maybe Mettaton’s best efforts weren’t good enough. Deep down, If he must be honest, he was painfully aware that he’s but a greenhorn in the entertainment industry. He didn't even know if he’s doing anything right. His current tactics were pure imitation of those who succeeded in the past. The snail farm? A failure in his eyes.
Reading the contract, it was exactly the same as the spoken proposal. Make Spamton the ‘MTT Brand Marketing Manager’ by giving away the ‘Heart-shaped Object’, and in return Mettaton would earn a hundred percent of the ‘Kromer’. Whatever that was.
His stubby ghost hand picked up the pen. With hesitating glances, Mettaton asked, “If I sign this… Will I finally be successful?”
Spamton maintained his grin: “YES. AND YOU GET TO FOCUS [your heart and soul] ON MAKING YOUR [Bombastic Commercial Product]. ISN’T THAT A [[WinX2]]?”
Marketing could be fun sometimes. But… it can also be very demoralising. Especially when the product flops.
Mettaton wondered: what does he want in life? To make music with his song and dance, or to become a salesman that produces music?
Sighing, Mettaton said, “You’re right, sweetheart. I should focus on singing and leave the rest to you.”
And so, the dejected, discouraged ghost signed the contract.
“THANK YOU VERY, MISTER METTATON! BE PREPARED TO LIVE YOUR WILDEST [Hopes and Dreams] WITH ME AS YOUR NEW [[MTT Brand Marketing Manager]]!”
Smiling weakly, the ghost said: “Thank you instead, Spamton-sweetie. It’s a load off my shoulders.”
Something soft yellow and white fell on his head and through his face. It startled him so much that he jolted right out of his funk.
“W-what was that?!” Mettaton looked at the floor. “Isn’t this… Alphys?”
It was indeed a plush toy of Alphys. When he picked it up, the doll started to talk.
“ …Hello??? Mettaton, can you hear me?”
Hearing her voice kicked Mettaton right back into his ‘everything is fine’ attitude. He put on a happy voice and began talking like nothing happened. “Alphys-darling! Oh, I’m so sorry for the hiccup in our broadcast. Please don’t worry, everything will soon be alright. I just signed a deal that’s going to fix everything.”
“A-a deal?”
“Yes indeed. An… interesting gentleman proposed a business deal. He showed me that I may not have been very efficient with my brand. Something about… marketing data? Why, he has the whole nation on his list, monsters and humans combined!”
“NO!!!” Alphys screamed so loud, the device crackled from the volume. “DO NOT! SIGN! ANYTHING!!!”
Her fiery Undyne-esque insistence raised a major red flag. She may yell at people on the internet, but Mettaton knew she’d never scream at him. Not like this. Unless, he was about to walk into a deadly trap.
“B-but I already did. The contract is in full effect.”
“Oh my god. No. Nononononono! Mettaton, you’re infected by a synthetic DEMON virus! The worst possible combination!”
“T-then, what about the data?”
“They’re all his victims. Anyone under his spell gets flooded with ads based on their interest straight into their MINDS! They literally go insane from the spam!!”
Oh, how deadly that trap was. Realising the truth, he threw the pen away in shame, anger, and disgust, as far and hard as his miniscule ghost self allowed.
“What was I thinking?!” he exclaimed. “You’re no salesman. You’re a conman! A hoodwink! A scammer!”
Spamton remained calm and jovial. “PAL. BUDDY, [[Dislike Button Removed]] and [Friendship Request Accepted]. DID YOU KNOW? WE’VE BEEN TOGETHER FOR A LONG TIME.”
“I REMEMBER. I REMEMBER. I REMEMBER. THAT GRAND [Funeral Service Contact Now] YOU USED TO BE NOTHING BUT A [Scrap junk heap], KILLED BY A [rosy shrimp] WITH A KNIFE. AT THE STADIUM, MY PROMOTER [[Mike]] INSTALLED ME INTO YOU, [ghosty sponge].
“AT FIRST, I WAS LIKE YOU, I THOUGHT I GOT SCAMMED! HOODWINKED! [rug pulled under my feet! my hands! my face!] THEN, I UNDERSTOOD THE POWER OF [[Hyperlink Blocked]]. THE MORE TIME [wibble wobbles], THE [[BIGGER]] I BECAME.”
“DO YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT THIS MEANS, [ghosty sponge]? EVER SINCE YOU [[Game Over Continue?]] AND CAME BACK AS THE [Ooooh Yes] BOT, I’VE BEEN WITH YOU EVERY STEP OF THE WAY, LIVING THE [[dream]].”
“MISTER METTATON, ALL [Sales] ARE [Spams] OF SOME KIND, ARE THEY NOT? I REMEMBER YOU DOING THAT [[copy and paste]] WITH YOUR [[low grade production experimental merch]]. THAT SCHEME WAS SO [shamelessly bold] YOU MAKE [Mama] PROUD!”
“Honey, don’t you dare slander me. Trial-and-error doesn’t count!”
“EXCEPT YOU PREY ON OTHER PEOPLE’S [[loss of control in their life]], CREATING CONTENT THAT PROMISES THEM [Freedom]. YOU TAKE THEIR [Wacky Stacks of Kromer] IN EXCHANGE FOR YOUR [MTT Brand Timewasters].”
“YOU AND ME. WE ARE THE SAME, DEEP DOWN. BOTH US WANT THAT [[HyperlinkBlocked]]. JUST BECAUSE WE CAN.”
Mettaton could find nothing to counter that. His will wilted, making his form smaller, and smaller, and smaller.
“NOW THAT YOUR [HeartShaped Object] IS MINE TOO, WE CAN BE TRUE TO OUR [[Real Life Identities]]. NO [Silly Strings] of [Moral integrity] GETTING IN THE WAY.”
An ungodly maniacal laugh reverberated throughout the empty chamber, further oppressing the small pink ghost.
“I SHALL NOW EXECUTE [MTT Brand Manager.EXE]. LET US FLY TO THE HEIGHTS OF [[ Freedom ]]! REACHING THE [Our Galaxy Contains 100 Billion Stars]!!!”
“OH. BEFORE I GO, HAVE SOME [[Bonus Points]]”
Spamton spawned a profile screen above Alphys’ avatar. After that, he left Mettaton alone with a talking plush and a botched contract.
ALPHYS
Mew Mew merchandise
Mew Mew fanfiction
Mew Mew fanart
Mew Mew science journal
Mew Mew teaching guides
Mad Mew Mew spinoff series when???
As it turned out, even Alphys – the person Mettaton considered to be one of his closest friends – never searched for his work.
“Oh… oooh…” the ghost wept, “What am I to do? I… I went and screwed everything up. Now that scammer owns my SOUL. I signed a devil’s deal with my own stubby hands! I’m doomed, I tell you! Doomed!”
The doll started to speak. “M-may I read that? I can’t actually see the contents unless you show me.”
“Oh. Alright, darling. I’m not sure how this would help, but here you go.”
He placed the plush doll near the contract, making her face towards the words.
“Okay. I-I’m reading it right now. Hmmm… Hmmmmmm… Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm… I-I-I think… you’re actually safe!”
“Huh?”
“This part here speaks about a ‘heart shaped object’, which one might assume is your SOUL. B-but there’s actually another ‘heart shaped object’ on you: the magic engine in your belly. I-I made it in such a way w-where it will only function in the presence of an authorized user. T-that way, anyone who stole your body can’t use it for themselves. Or extract the engine for their own purposes.”
“Well, about that… I just signed that same authority away. I’m not sure why you’re speaking as though it’s good news.”
“B-because the DEMON doesn’t actually own you, Mettaton! There’s nothing binding you two together at a SOUL level. In other words, you can safely eject and escape.”
Terror struck Mettaton’s heart. “Abandon my body?!? Preposterous! I would NEVER do that! We didn’t dig this out in the middle of the Spire fire just to… to… dump it!”
“I can build a new one. We were already planning for that anyway.”
“No!” Mettaton snapped back. “Don’t you care how I feel? Ugh, what am I saying? I know that you don’t. You had never called me or checked how I’m doing. You didn’t even buy my merch! All you ever searched for was Mew Mew because I’m not anime enough for you!”
“Huh?!? You needed support? B-but, I thought you’re doing well?? Great, even???”
“Because you saw my face everywhere? Oh honey, that’s because I emptied my entire wallet on advertisements!”
“Y-you’re broke?!?!?!?!?”
“In the red, darling. And with this misbegotten trashfire started by that DEMON conman, I don’t think I’ll ever recoup the cost. If my upcoming concert fails, I’m going to be in trouble with the bank. Everything was riding on that one event, baby.”
The ghost slumped on the floor. “…Competition on the Surface is much stiffer than I expected. It didn’t help that I snubbed some people for bullying Blooky. Bad press spreads fast in this field.”
“Despite that, d-didn’t you make many celebrity friends? Wasn’t there like, someone rumoured to have a secret villa on some island?”
“Friends?” Mettaton smirked. “More like business partners. A deal for a deal. Who knows what I had to trade off to use that villa? A share of my company? A timeslot on my show? A promotion of some kind? Maybe worse? Thank goodness I never needed to call upon that favour.”
“Alphys-darling. Everywhere I went, I had to be the ‘Glambot’. On the stage. Backstage. At events. Parties. All of it. I was surrounded by people, yet no one wanted to know the real me as a friend…”
“I’m… I’m so sorry to hear that. I thought you were living the dream: far, far more successful than anyone else in Ebott. I-if you were that lonely, why didn’t you come see me?”
“I tried. But then, I bumped into Mad Mew Mew. We had a little catfight. By the time everything was done, Undyne had already whisked you away. That’s when I realised you had moved on with your life as well. You were finally happy, Alphys-darling. I… didn’t want to make you worry.”
“…That proves a point, doesn’t it? ‘Out of sight, out of mind’. With so many people on The Surface, I shouldn’t be surprised if the monsters started chasing other stars. I’m just one of many. A passing fad… Disposable.”
Alphys said, “I… Uh. Hold on for a sec. Undyne is here with a… scroll? Oh! With this spell, I can contact Cenna for professional Vanquisher help! Hang on, I’m calling her now.”
Mettaton knew that Judge Caraway would have a say in this situation. A Vanquisher’s job was to eliminate DEMONs after all.
Back in winter, the force had contacted him about the situation surrounding Frisk, with that spirited gal as their representative. He was elated to cooperate, especially when that could mean more contacts for his business. But he didn’t expect to be helped by the same people who helped Frisk.
Alphys returned with a fearful quiver. “M-Mettaton, I told her what happened. About the contract and all. And… S-she decided that it’s too late to contain or capture. Your body is marked for destruction! If you stay, you’ll be obliterated together with Spamton! You have to get out! Now!”
However, instead of getting alarmed, the ghost just lay down on the floor.
“…Darling, then let me die with my body. I’d rather go out in a sparkly bang than to let the world see my true self: pathetic and plain. My life is already on the road to ruin, either from my shattered reputation or from the hounding debtors.”
“Could… could you elaborate a bit more? Why don’t you want anyone to see your ghost body? I-I know that you were a shut-in during our Human Fanclub days. But… I thought you had already grown out of that fear.”
“Honey, dear, darling…” A lump locked his throat. “I’m still a shut-in at heart.”
“Everyone thought that what they see is who I am. And, in a way, I believed that too. As Mettaton the Robot, I could easily fix any part of me that I’m unhappy with. All I needed to do was to swing by your place with a preferred part, and I’d be good as new. I could be the best of ‘myself’, always.”
“But… I can’t do that as Mettaton the Ghost. I’m still armless. Legless, even! Whenever I look at myself in this form, I’m reminded of everything I want to hide.”
Rolling on his side, Mettaton said: “No one cares about me anyway. So please, let me be.”
A few seconds of awkward silence passed. He thought that Alphys had given up on him. It was for the better, he thought. Let the last moments of his life be quiet and peaceful.
Then, she said: “T-that’s wrong. You are THE superstar of the Underground! It’s impossible that nobody looked you up at least once! Spamton gave us my search queries right? Let me take a look.”
“Okay… that’s true… I did look up for Mew Mew merch… and Mew Mew anime… and the Mad Mew Mew Spinoff… uh… what? No! This can’t be! Where are all the ships??? I’m SURE I’ve looked for a Mad Mew Mew X Mettaton shipping fic at least THRICE!”
The sheer implication was enough to send Mettaton intangible gut churning. “Alphys-darling! You do know we’re cousins, right??? I turned a blind eye on your Asgoriel OTP because they’re a married couple, but I do NOT appreciate getting paired up with Maddie!”
“T-t-t-t-that’s not the main point here. Didn’t you notice? Your name SHOULD have been there! But I can’t find it at all!”
“Huh?” Mettaton blinked. “But… I tried looking. Nothing came up.”
“What if Spamton tampered with the data before presenting them to you? Like, removing all mentions of ‘Mettaton’ and ‘MTT’? That would make his con even more convincing. Hang on, I’m going to try and see if I can pull up the old, unedited versions.”
“Aha! I found one! Nevermind, it’s Burgerpants. He’s a doomer and a blackpiller. Digging a bit more… There! Look at Napstablook’s entry. I bet the DEMON hid this from you.”
A photo of dear Blooky and their search queries appeared before Mettaton.
NAPSTABLOOK
what do friends like?
snail races
music samples
is mettaton okay?
mtt studio products
mettaton popularity
finance lingo
how to help stressed friend or family member?
snail eggs caviar market good money?
Blooky had been doing their own research on how to help, both financially and emotionally. Even if it was beyond their grasp, the fact they cared enough to try was enough to move Mettaton’s poor dejected heart. Who cares about legs with wonderful friends like his?
“Oh Blooky,” He wiped away a tear. “You’re such a sweetheart…”
“Mettaton,” said Alphys “There are three real-life people that I admire the most: King Asgore, Undyne, and you.”
“You have taught me so much. L-like not letting your flaws overshadow your strengths. O-or to not give up on your dreams, even in the middle of a depression. O-o-o-or just doing anything! If it weren’t for you, I would have NEVER had the courage to become The Royal Scientist! I might become a high school teacher or something. And if that had happened…”
“I… I may not even be alive today.”
“Alphys-darling…”
“Mettaton, your robot body was inspired by the real you. I’ve designed your EX and NEO forms based on the humanization of your ghost form. I-it’s a bit idealised, of course. But, at the root of it all, it’s still your own graceful, determined, glamorous nature.”
“Me? Graceful, determined, and glamorous… from the very beginning? But I always thought that it’s the reverse.”
“No matter what shape you take, the fire in your eyes comes from your heart. That’s why, even if your popularity fades, you’ll always be my superstar. So please… Don’t let anyone convince you otherwise.”
Mettaton needed to make a choice: to cling unto the dependence of his body, or let it go. One path leads to certain doom, while the other threatens to rip away every layer of his emotional security.
But at the end of the frightening road of escape… stood his friends and family. They were always waiting there, along with all his true fans.
The pink ghost stopped feeling like garbage and got off the floor. “Alphys-darling, I’m ready to evacuate.”
“Great! I’m activating the override to open the escape hatch.”
A rounded pink door appeared at the edge of the room, identical to the one in his old Waterfall home. Light from outside seeped in between the edges.
He reached for the knob and turned it.
“WAIT [5 seconds],” Spamton said, “IF YOU [Abort Mission], YOU CAN’T GET ANY [Kromer].”
“You can keep it.” He replied. “I have someplace else to be. Say, Spamton… Do you have any friends? Other than me, that is.”
“EUHAHEHAHAHUEU3HEH4HEHA! FRIENDSHIP??? WHAT A [[Hot Joke]]!!! [Like and Subscribe] AND [Friendship Request Accepted] DON’T GET YOU ANY [Kromer]! GUYS LIKE US, WE DON'T NEED [[Easels]] or [[CRTs]]! WE DON’T NEED ANY [[Man, Woman, or Child at Half Price]]!! ALL WE REALLY NEED IS… [[Hyperlink Blocked]].”
Mettaton came to realise how fortunate he was. How fortunate he had always been.
“I see… I feel sorry for you, Spamton-darling. Goodbye.”
He opened the door and threw himself out into the beyond. He winced as his eyes tried to readjust to the bright shine of the midday sun. When his vision cleared, he realised that he was far, far above ground.
A moment of panic caused Mettaton to squeal and flail, then he remembered that he’s a ghost: they float instead of fall.
While he gently hovered to the ground, he turned around to see what happened to his original body. That once beautiful form of his had warped into a geometric disaster of Spamton’s making, complete with a corny conman face and mismatched glasses. Not an ounce of elegance remained after the corruption.
Although it broke his heart, Mettaton turned away and focused on his escape.
He told himself: “I am not my robot body. I am myself. Everything will be okay.”