According to Chronographer Finnai’s personal preface:
Once upon a time, there was a Seer born with blurry sight. He would have had power, yet a fault in his genes prevented him from utilising his potential.
How he hated his blindness.
How he hated his weakness.
Instead of accepting fate, he sought to solve the puzzle. He cut out sections of his own ribs to create clones, modifying genetic data until he found the right specifications. Then, he’d harvest their organs for himself. Bones, eyes, and Psychia. No crueller monster has ever walked this earth.
His name was Doctor Weiss of House Ariella.
The Seraph System began rendering the images included with The Chronographer Record. It showed a young, bespectacled lad: the eponymous Doctor Weiss before his rise to infamy.
Sans thought Weiss in his youth was in every way ‘harmless’. Frail. Weak. Unassuming. His glasses were so big they made him look like a nerdy grasshopper. The boy was a total pushover in combat and in character. He had no charisma, no confidence, no presence, and no resistance to the wills of others.
He may have genuinely been the weakest monster in all of Lemuria, if not the whole wide world. There was no misleading trickery like Sans employed either. How weak was ‘weak’? Weiss’ parents had to buy human tools for their son, as he couldn’t even muster enough magic to use the most basic magitek device.
School age arrived. Bratty bullies tried to pick on him.
When they took his lunch, he didn’t fight back.
When they played pranks, he didn’t get angry.
When they called him names, he didn’t pay attention.
When they struck him with magic, he didn’t resist.
When they punched him, he didn’t try to brace his fall.
Through day after day of abuse, Weiss behaved as though he himself didn’t exist.
His parents quickly removed their son from school before he suffered anything worse. While he recovered in hospital, doctors monitored his condition with both curiosity and worry.
To call him a vegetable was wrong, as Weiss showed positive emotions to his parents, relatives, and even the hospital staff. It was more like he showed only positive emotions, taking the path of ‘don’t feed the trolls’ to the logical extreme.
Why? Because: ‘I can’t fight back’.
Weiss showed great interest in medicine ever since he was discharged from the wards. He spent the rest of his elementary education with private tutors, acing every subject. Over time, he became more capable of handling conflict. With coaching, of course. Secondary school went much better. He made friends, graduated, enrolled at medical university–
Sans heard Gaelic rip through the couch’s armchair with his sharp fingertips: “Why the FOOK are we watching this humdrum scrappalion nonsense o’ a past??? Ye expect me to pity this DEMON? Where be the secret lab? Where be our clues?? Where be the CRIMES???”
Rest in peace, beloved furniture. Still, the wildman had a point. Other than revealing some weird mental issues, the info didn’t uncover anything useful toward solving their present day predicaments.
“Welp. I personally wouldn’t mind taking my sweet time psychoanalysing this guy. But Thymer wants results as soon as possible. Let’s take the direct approach then.”
[GUEST 1]
[ACTIVE: R / B / G / C / P / Y]
[INACTIVE: O]
[DT: 29%]
Doctor Weiss’ True Name, Personal Universe Number, and SOUL was identified and recorded for future reference. At the very least, Sans knew that this child had to be The Handler’s original body.
[GUEST 1]
[ACTIVE: R / B / G / P]
[INACTIVE: O / C / Y ]
[DT: 28%]
[CALIBRATING TO WEISS SECRET LAB (LOCATION)]
The vision sheared and tore into white noise. After that, it showed the doctor in a lecture hall. Sans immediately recognised Lady Lucidia of House Berendin sitting among the other students, complete with her iconic curls and sapphire blue clothes. She had short hair, indicating that this must be her bachelorette pre-Mezil days.
It seemed that the doctor’s career had skyrocketed. He began teaching the best minds in Lemuria, Atlantis, and Mu about Seer physiology, Determination, and their relationship with The Fire of Humanity.
Dissatisfied with the outcome, Sans tried again with a different set.
[GUEST 1]
[ACTIVE: R / B / G / O]
[INACTIVE: P / C / Y]
[DT: 24%]
The vision distorted again. It still didn’t render the secret lab. Instead, it showed Weiss helping a grandparent and a little grandchild pick up fallen groceries on a busy crosswalk. Without his help, they might have held up traffic or gotten into an accident.
The family thanked him with joyous smiles. They exchanged waves and went on their way.
Lucidia’s colours didn’t work. Papyrus’ set didn’t work either. Challenge accepted. If either combination failed, he’d have to combine both – five colours total – and try that out.
[GUEST 1]
[ACTIVE: R / B / G / O / P]
[INACTIVE: C / Y]
[DT: 21%]
The vision warped and rippled harder than usual, threatening to combust Sans’ skull into a puff of dust.
For a split second, he saw what looked like a laboratory. A vague, red shadow lingered behind Weiss, haunting and whispering words into his ears. At the same time, his left Eye glowed Purple, while his right Eye burned intensely Green.
And then, the distortions returned. Immediately, Sans was forced out of the place.
Attempt failed. He read the DT meter and switched back to default.
[GUEST 1]
[ACTIVE: R / C / Y / P]
[INACTIVE: O / B / G]
[DT: 20%]
“…20%? Damn. Running empty pretty soon.”
Gaelic growled. “DEMON! Ah saw a DEMON! That cur be haunted by an evil spirit!”
“Yup. My Red factor caught that. It’s definitely someone’s presence there. Now, if only I can stay there long enough to use my Yellow.” Sans checked the batteries again. “Hmmm… The battery shouldn’t be draining this fast. Those distortions are chugging through my juice.”
Hissing, Gaelic added, “Ah sensed shifts o’ flows in our dives. Currents under the ocean. Loops and roundabouts. They be wasting effort while concealing his tracks, punishing the viewer to boot.”
“A poisoned stream full of red herrings, huh? That would be how Weissy here evaded The Magus Association for so long.”
Sans stretched his neck, arms, and shoulders, preparing himself for another long dive. “I don’t believe this has to be a dead end, though. We know for damn sure that the bad doctor experimented with Seer’s Eyes. He can’t be using an area-type, or else his own Eyes won’t work. We clearly saw flames there. His deterrents have some sort of perimeter-type, like The Barrier of Seer defences.”
“The Barrier, ya say? That stirs a memory about yer mad moon plan. M’lady once worked with Doctor Alphys to connect me to yer mentor. It went through yer fake Barrier mighty fine. Something to do with the properties o’ Determination.”
The lightbulb of inspiration lit up in Sans’ mind. “That might just be the answer. Didn’t she also do something similar before my antagonist arc? If Lady Lucy can chronicle Frisk’s underground adventures, we should be able to bypass Weissy’s defences in exactly the same way. All we need is a stronger source of Determination, then we’ll be able to infiltrate his secret lab.”
“Like an anchor?” asked Gaelic.
“Yeah, exactly. Dude has to be able to make Philosopher’s Stones somehow. So, our new objective is to find this strong source of DT within Lady Finnai’s case files. We’re going to have to be economic and continue reviewing them using as little fuel as possible. That’s our best bet for now.”
“Ya thinkin’ there be something that only made sense from the future? Looking backwards?”
“Yup. Hindsight is 20/20, as they always say. It’s still gonna be rather time consuming, so don’t get too excited yet.”
When Sans went back into the recording, he was greeted with a curious statement:
Do not be deceived by the propaganda of the weak, nor the reputation of House Ariella. Weiss wore his facade of harmlessness and kindness like a master manipulator. A psychopath in every sense of the word.
Let the contrast between the gentle teacher and the heretical mad scientist be a lesson of caution. Blame not the humans. Blame not the Seers. Even in the least Determined, hatred, resentment, and wickedness exist.
Indeed, contrary to popular belief, evil lurks within all monsters, big and small.
Morals? Lessons? The way Lady Finnai pieced her Chronography was closer to a documentary or a commentary. Very old fashioned compared to Miss Lucy’s clinical recording. Sans had no issues with that. Different folks, different strokes.
However, when he checked the transcripts, he noticed that her statements came in three formats: audio, text, and a strange formatting of… dots? Lots and lots and lots of dots arranged in a deliberate manner. Lucidia’s reports never had these.
“Uhhhhh…. What the heck am I looking at?” Sans asked.
“That be what ah call ‘finger letters’. Not meant to be read, but to be touched. ‘Tis an alphabet fer the blind.”
“Oh. Huh. I remember seeing some of these in the human city, especially on elevator buttons. Did Ole James lose his sight somewhere?”
“Nay, nay, nay, those not be fer her boss, but fer Lady Finnai herself. She be completely blind.”
Hearing that shocked the short skeleton. “Huh? W-what? Really?! I thought becoming blind is an instant Game Over for a Seer.”
“Ya be thinking about the destruction o’ the Eye. Lady Finnai’s eyes still be in their sockets, just lacking in normal sight. Despite so, her visions be powerful and vivid. They come in the form o’ dreams. Tales. Patterns. Mysteries. Difficult to comprehend from the outside. Her interpretations always, always come true. The Gungnir called yer brother an Oracle, did they not? Methinks that label fits Lady Finnai better.”
“Does that mean Finnai here can only see the world through magical means?”
“Aye, indeed. With calibration and training, she be able to see and communicate in the ways o’ the sighted. Otherwise, without the aid o’ technology or machines, darkness be her constant companion.”
“If she has some vision, can’t she just read? This dot system seems pretty cumbersome.”
“Reading words be a double strain on her mind. Do ya not tire after staring at text fer a long time? Imagine that, but rendered as a vision. She would sooner listen to audio.”
“Point taken. That does sound like redundant processing. Interesting… No wonder she left a scathing review about Weissy here. She must have a Blue to be a Magus Chronographer, which means our woman has standards. I’m guessing this defect happens because of the whole human-approximate-replication thing from Lich Conversions.”
“The genes fer blindness be a slim rarity, yet a chance still be a chance.”
“Hmmm. That makes me curious about Weiss’ medical history.”
Since Sans knew he could read faster than he could listen, he chose the text transcripts.
In summary, the head of House Ariella and his wife were given terrible news one day. Two copies of the dreaded recessive gene for blindness were found. The extent of its severity: unknown. Their future firstborn son, although a Seer, may never be able to see. The full extent of his defect wouldn’t be known until he was born. The couple had to wrestle with the decision to either terminate the pregnancy or give the boy a chance to live a full life despite his disabilities.
The parents swore to each other that they would give their son the best they could offer. And so, the mother carried the term to completion. Shortly after their little boy was born, doctors examined his eyes.
The good news: his poor vision was correctable with standard glasses.
The bad news: his eyes lacked the means to burn Determination.
And so, the father named his son Weiss, ‘White’. His namesake came true when his powers awakened in an empty whimper at age 7. All the boy produced were thin, translucent vapours of magic, almost like smoke. The Fire of Humanity was bereft of fuel.
Both of Weiss’ Eyes were subsequently sealed, and the boy lived a humble existence ever since. His path in life seemed set: to live in the main house’s mansion, under the protection of his parents and his younger siblings, in the most safe, quiet, and comfortable circumstances they could provide.
As per the name of the family, members of House Ariella were descendants of the Green Sage. The Cyan Sage Visigoth, Gaster’s father, was her biological brother. This effectively made Weiss Gaster’s nephew by many generations.
Sans thought that Visigoth’s and Ariella’s dust had to be swirling in the aether in horror. They were the nicest people known to their generation, yet their descendants turned into absolute hellspawns.
Doctor Weiss’ invisible existence ended when, one day, he stepped out of his home sporting brand new Seer’s Eyes, burning in full colour. His personal research was the success that put him in the grand spotlight. He overcame the odds of a bad start in life to become a qualified doctor.
Sans glanced in Gaelic’s general direction. Although he couldn’t see the lanky bloke due to the active Seraph System, he could sense the growing anxiety from all that shuffling and grunting.
He asked: “You hanging in there, Snakeface? If you’re getting worn down from all that magic use, let me know.”
“It not be the burden…” Gaelic grunted. “But me chest feels… different. Something be amiss, aye. M’lord had yet to return. Silent. Lacking in orders.”
“Thinking about it, I agree with ya. I’m gonna give Thymer a ring and--”
When Sans tried to activate his telepathic radio, he realised that Mezil’s Mark had vanished. A bead of sweat rolled down his skull.
He’s dead. I’m sure of it.
I can’t disclose this to Snakeface. I don’t wanna risk causing a meltdown.
Except…
“…M’lord perished, did he not?”
Sans was genuinely surprised just how well Snakeface took the grim news.
“Heh. Caught ya off-guard? Ah be of Perseverance too. M’lord be a special case, since his death usually never lasts. Me heart can wait to grieve. Though, me composure be doubtful once I see his remains…”
The other Seer’s voice cracked at the very end of that sentence. Gaelic tried his damndest to hold himself together for the mission. Sans was sure the howling waterworks would flow wide open upon the first opportunity.
“I appreciate it, bud.”
Thymer must have wanted us to focus on cracking the case.
I knew something was up when he dashed out in a hurry.
What did this mean in the grander scheme? From what Sans could remember, if a Red were to die, all their Marks would dissipate… unless they had a successor to pass everything down to. It wouldn’t just be their Claims either; this included any Marks that they choose to retain.
Sans paused the playback and switched his view back to the present day for a moment. “Show me your Psychia. I gotta know if you have any memory-retaining Marks for the next loop.”
Gaelic showed his SOUL as requested. The butterfly was replaced by a spiral… and not a star.
“Hold up,” said Sans. “That ain’t kiddo’s Mark.”
“It appears so.” The other Seer withdrew his SOUL into his chest. “M’lord has passed his crown to his nephew. A better outcome, in me opinion. A child like the wee bean should not be carrying the weight o’ the world. ‘Tis an adult’s duty. Furthermore, the fine lad been training the ways o’ the Supreme Judge fer many years.”
“My psychic comm line is gone, though. I don’t have any way to directly speak to Lucas.”
Sans’ phone began to play a jingle of farting trombones. It came from an unknown number; if it wasn’t a scam call, that had to be the new Supreme Judge.
Gaelic closed his ears in agony. “What in tarnation be THAT?!? Can ya pick it up already????”
“Ok ok ok, getting right to it.”
When he answered the call, he heard: “Supreme Judge Fennel speaking. Any updates, Chronographers?”
“Welp. It really is you, huh? There’s a better guy than me for that job.” Passing the phone over to Gaelic, he said: “Could you take over? Just do the same thing ya did for Thymer. I need to concentrate on Finnai’s case.”
“Aye, Leave it to me!”
While Gaelic reported to Lucas, Sans resumed his study.
Finnai’s records indicated that Doctor Weiss’ experiment on himself was a complete success. He claimed that he was able to fix his faulty genes, artificially grow a pair of Seer’s Eyes, and implant them into his own skull.
In response to the news, many Seer families brought their own children to him. Those blessed with good, clear eyes received advice on how to grow their talents, while those with poor, blurry ones received a modified transplant grown from their own genes. The waiting list was long, and the methods of reproduction suspiciously guarded.
There also were some special requests for ‘experimental-grade’ Eyes, so the records stated. The recipients signed a waiver, preventing them from suing Weiss should anything go wrong.
As Doctor Weiss’ fame grew, so did his opportunities. He even earned enough trust to access human lands. Truly, he had it all.
Lady Finnai, however, received a vision. She found herself wading through a vast farm of white potato flowers. When she touched one of the blooms, she found that it was made of cartilage. Organised patterns of bumps dotted the petals. Finnai noted that they were serial numbers written in ‘Braille’, the alphabet for the blind, what Gaelic had called ‘finger letters’.
Briny ocean winds blew over the fields. The flowers swayed with much rattling. Sobbing. Wailing. They belonged to the voices of children.
Then, the world rumbled. A great magitek machine rose from the ground until it towered high above the fields, blotting out the sky. Perched on the very top of the tower, a large upright eye glared down upon her, surrounded by carvings of smaller eyes. The imagery was quoted as: ‘disgusting, and eliciting a sense of trypophobia’.
Her vision ended prematurely with a splitting headache: a sign of anti-Seer interference. She warned The Grandmaster and the Supreme Judge about what she’d seen. Heretical skeleton experiments always posed a great threat against The Magus Association, be it in the form of powerful Seers or in the form of Philosopher’s Stone materials.
The Grandmaster then spoke of a strange legal case in recent days. A Lemurian auditing firm had filed a complaint against the honourable House Ariella. The crime: failing to provide transparent accounting. In the meantime, House Ariella insisted that they had already disclosed all of their purchases. The dispute almost escalated into a full lawsuit, with both sides accusing each other of fraud.
Too many suspicious factors coincided with each other: Doctor Weiss’ sudden wellness, his secretive yet lucrative treatment, missing money, a good reputation tarnished, and a grim omen. The Magus Association thus launched their investigation into House Ariella itself.
The Magi’s Investigators and some local law enforcement arrived at their estate. The owners were accommodating and cooperative. They had even asked for help to look for the whereabouts of Weiss, who had suddenly gone missing.
Everyone searched high and low for anything suspicious. Many hours later, deep in the mansion’s lowest basement, behind sacks of potatoes, they found a false wall. It led to Lemuria’s old and forgotten waterways.
Back in those days, the newly-made country had almost exploded into a civil war due to the tensions between the natural-born monsters and skeleton converts. House Ariella then migrated from Atlantis to Lemuria to serve as mediators. It took much effort for their kindness, modesty, and humility to successfully negotiate for peace.
The pathway was made as an escape route for the household in the case of failure. But, with the family’s continued successes, it was forgotten… perfect for Doctor Weiss to repurpose it for his own experiments.
Following the path, they found the secret lab in question. Much of the facility was already destroyed by fire. They were too late to catch the criminal red-handed.
Despite this, they found two skeleton children alive, close to the entrance. Stated to be starving, dehydrated, filthy, and crippled. They were forwarded to the paediatric department for further care.
While the survivors recovered, forensics got to work. They managed to dig up the evil doctor’s dusty old clothes from the charred rubble. Whatever remained of him anyway. It was difficult, but they had determined that the doctor had already been dead for at least three days, if not more. No foul play was ever found. The cause of death would eventually be finalised as suicide.
As for the mysterious accounting errors that started this rabbit hole, Doctor Weiss had cooked the books behind his family’s back. Not a single person knew about his true dark side: not his parents, not his siblings, not his elders, not his cousins, and not even the staff. House Ariella’s name was cleared. Unfortunately, Doctor Weiss had become a black stain on their prestigious family tree.
It would be a week before the children were strong enough to talk. And talked, they did. They introduced themselves as a pair of fraternal twins, labelled as ‘the original blueprint’. They revealed that they were cloned from Doctor Weiss’ ribs, a fact he made extremely clear to them.
The twins and many other children were forced into harsh situations and experimentations beyond their understanding. For example, they were often pitted into combat for ‘prizes’. A tasty meal. A new toy. Or whatever other perks that would entice their wants and needs. Denial of food or electric shocks were common punishments for failure. Sometimes, it would be the destruction of their treasure.
The weak perished, while the strong grew even more determined. Some opted for cooperation. Others betrayed each other. All were acceptable outcomes for the experiment as long as they improved their ability to use their Eyes.
Support the author by searching for the original publication of this novel.
Chronograph Finnai noted that the ‘original blueprints’ claimed to have luck on their side. They were the ‘control sample’, they said. Whatever they suffered was never fatal. The same couldn’t be said for the others.
The two knew nothing about the fire. When asked about their survival, they claimed that the spirit of an old grandmother woke them up. She told them that the door was unlocked and she urged them to flee. It was the first time they had ever seen her. Nonetheless, they saw it as a chance to escape. So, they ran away, surviving on puddle water, assorted critters, and cave moss for the next few days. Their wandering brought them back to the charred remains of Weiss’ secret lab. And that was when The Magi found them.
Lady Finnai noted that the twins told their tale as though it was nothing more than a normal adventure: too young and ignorant to grasp what they had endured. Their behaviour was noted as ‘the purest innocence’.
Their future didn’t look so bright either. The two were deemed as illegitimate existences by the noble court. They weren’t conceived through natural means and were part of a heretical experiment. Whatmore, with the scandal caused by Weiss, House Ariella’s reputation hit rock bottom. Their kindness had no power at that moment.
Therefore, through the wills of others, the children were denied their heritage and sent to the Ancientus Children’s Home as normal civilians. They would receive no special support from their original household in any official capacity.
The Chronographer wrote:
Years would pass before those poor twins would understand the injustice they suffered: from their twisted origins, to their permanent scars, to the birthright they were denied.
Would they forgive us for our failures as an act of mercy? Or would they plot their rightful vengeance?
Only time will tell.
And that was the end of Finnai’s record.
…But there were additional notes written by Lady Lucidia of House Berendin, dated 2043, two years before The War of the Red Victory.
Just seeing her name was enough to grab Gaelic’s attention. He paused his reporting to Lucas, gasped, and exclaimed: “What?! Why did M’lady even touch this case?! This cruel heresy be only worthy o’ being burned and buried!”
“Whoa there, zealot,” said Sans. “You’re not thinking like a scientist. As twisted and heinous that man was, knowledge is still knowledge. There must be a mystery in there that our Lil’ Miss was trying to solve. You trust her, right?”
“Mmmmgh… That be true, ah do trust M’lady. Carry on.”
“Thanks.”
[OBSERVATIONS FROM CHRONOGRAPHER LUCIDIA OF HOUSE BERENDIN]
This hypothesis is recreated by combining the knowledge of medical biology, monster physiology, advanced necromancy, Demontology, and the testimonies of the surviving siblings.
I will preface that Doctor Weiss of House Ariella may have a short lifespan. His lower than average levels of Determination puts him at high risk of ‘Falling Down’ later in life.
Monsters who’re unable to generate Determination would eventually enter a comatose state. This condition is terminal, and the patient will inevitably pass away.
The following is an estimated outline of the cloning process:
1. Extract the genetic data from donors.
2. Convert that data into protomateria, the monster equivalent of human stem cells.
3. Using an incubator, stimulate the protomateria into generating the Psychia, thus beginning the process of embryo formation.
4. Expedite the growth of the embryo with the use of accelerants. Nutrition and energy input must scale accordingly.
5. Once developed to the point where a subject could eat and drink independently, they are awakened and removed from the incubator.
6. Subjects undergo basic training during the early growth phase, emphasising mobility, walking, speaking, et cetera. Skipping this step will cause the subject to end up as a mentally deficient husk: devoid of hand-eye coordination, and cognitive thought.
7. Counteract accelerants once the subject has reached the maximum age. Failure to do so will cause the subject to self-terminate from fatal complications i.e premature ageing and malignant growth.
7a. Observation: with the technology available in the present era, the maximum age for accelerant use is right before the onset of puberty, about 8 to 10 years old in natural equivalence. It is hypothesised that hormonal changes cause a conflicting reaction with available accelerants.
Once the subject is confirmed to be fully functional, they’re ready for the next step. That is, the process to raise their capacity and generation of Determination.
The subject is placed in situations to foster willpower, either in the form of survival or desires. Success depends on the mixture of personality and chance. Identical twins or triplets, though genetically the same, may develop different personalities from a mixture of their own choices and environmental factors. This rule applies to artificial clones as well.
Subjects who have achieved the desired level of Determination are ultimately harvested as a sacrifice.
A) If the clone is a fragment of the experimenter, their Determination harvest serves as fuel for Weiss’ own Seer’s Eyes.
B) If the clone comes from an existing external client from his clinic, that child’s organs and Psychia are to become the client’s genetically compatible implants.
This brings us to the final part for step B): the transplant procedure. The biggest obstacle of a traditional transplant is the inability to find a compatible match. And even if a match is found, long-term maintenance is an uphill battle. The receiver’s original Psychia will constantly attempt to replace the healthy donor parts with its original faulty expressions.
Therefore, both the faulty organ and its corresponding part of the Psychia must be replaced by its closest genetic match at the same time. Soul Surgery is mandatory.
Based on these requirements, I believe Doctor Weiss executed the following steps for his treatment:
1. Prepare the patient’s donor clone for euthanization and extraction. This child must never be seen.
2. Prepare the receiving patient for both of the necessary surgeries.
3. Excise the faulty organ and the corresponding portion of the Psychia.
4. Inject the appropriate dose of Determination -- harvested from the clone -- into the patient for a temporary pseudo-Amalgamated state. This is required for softening the tissue just enough for the implants to fuse properly.
5. While the tissues are in a softened state, the donor parts are installed into the patient.
6. Extra Determination is burned or extracted until the patient returns to normal state.
7. The patient’s Psychia is given adequate time to heal.
I believe the process is simple enough for automation, which may be how Doctor Weiss first fixed his Seer’s Eyes. However, I do not yet know how he was able to maintain his Determination without succumbing to Falling Down Syndrome. His current methods are slow and inefficient. Even with the most conservative use, my graphs show it’s a gradual decline in net negative.
Can this procedure be used to clone natural born, non-Seer monsters? Question of dubious ethics aside, the answer is ‘yes’.
But, would I intentionally grow a whole clone just to save another person’s life?
Never.
Whether or not you adhere to The Almighty’s teachings, this procedure should still be considered barbaric and heretical. It is the modern medical version of occultic monster sacrifices. I refuse to participate in this gross violation against the sanctity of life.
Conclusion: Doctor Weiss’ method is not suitable for ethical use. Instead, it highlights the importance of viable mechanical substitutes.
“Damn.” Sans muttered, “That woman really went all in. Maximum motherbrain mode.”
He squeezed his eyes shut and slumped into the sofa: tired from all that intense reading.
“Snakeface, tell the new Supreme Judge that I’ve found nothing directly helpful from reading Finnai’s records, nor Lucidia’s analysis. It’s an open-and-shut case. I’m gonna have to branch out. Take a different angle. I wanna check the names of every human Doctor Weiss has contacted over the years.”
Gaelic passed on the message. Shortly after, he told Sans: “Judge Fennel approves o’ yer plans. There should be a record in there. Us Seers cannae wander free in the human world without permission.”
“Work visits only, huh? That’s gonna make my life easier. Let’s see…”
Doctor Weiss’ list of human clients contained about two dozen names. Family name first. Alphabetical order. The variety of names fit the modern fast-transportation era, where people easily travelled and connected worldwide.
Sans didn’t recognise any of the names until he reached the very end.
‘Yuzukitsui, Shouji’
He stared at that one name for a couple of seconds. Then, he said: “Dude. Ain’t that the same family name as Kisei from The War of The Red Victory?”
“Aye!” Gaelic growled, “Indeed it be! Grrrrr, that family been a thorn fer House Berendin ever since that dreaded war! Oh? A moment, please.”
Sans felt Gaelic tap his shoulder using the corner of his phone. Judge Fennel wanted to speak with Sans directly. So, he took the device and placed his ear hole on the speaker. “‘Sup?”
“Did you just find Kisei’s name on the list?” asked Lucas.
“Not the same exact bugger. Looks like a relative. How do I even pronounce this? Shoo-ji? Show-ji? Soh-ji? I ain’t Alphys with her weeb knowledge.”
“You must be talking about Yuzukitsui Shouji, the current head of the clan. He’s Kisei’s father.”
“Why is he on the list?”
“The Yuzukitsui are a mage family. Their ancestors developed and passed down their own brand of magic, based on Eastern mysticism instead of Magi principles. I heard the knowledge almost died out in the era of rapid industrialisation, when they switched their focus from magic to machinery.”
“All that changed, though, when Judge Pashowar made magitek public to the world. The Yuzukitsui Clan began their research to combine their old arts with modern technology. Their attempt to join The Magus Association was an extension of that pursuit.”
Sans glanced to the side. “Did he ever know that his son was up to no good?”
“Based on Shouji’s reaction to the news of his son’s death… No, he didn’t. But he couldn’t accept Judge Thyme as the Magus Association’s new leader either. So, they cut off ties and shifted their loyalties to rival factions. We’ve found their products in the hands of our direct antagonists. I wouldn’t consider that to be a mere coincidence.”
“Never mess with a father’s love, eh? Indirect revenge is still revenge. Let’s see. Weiss’ case happened in 2039, six years before The War of The Red Victory. No wonder nobody noticed anything odd. Since hindsight is 20/20, we should look into their relationship further.”
“Good idea. Authorisation granted. Do what you must, but stay on the line. I’ll continue to monitor your progress live.”
“Alrighty. Switching to Papyrus’ set so we can jump to the most relevant point in history.”
[GUEST 1]
[ACTIVE: R / B / G / O]
[INACTIVE: P / C / Y]
[GUEST 2]
[ACTIVE: O / P / B]
[INACTIVE: C / G / Y]
[DT: 16%]
[CALIBRATING TO SHOUJI YUZUKITSUI, (HUMAN)]
The Seraph System began rendering details from sometime in March 2037. It recreated the rooftop Zen garden of a penthouse estate: one of the distinct signs of rich opulence for those from the Far East. Sans had seen such styles often in Alphys’ anime collection.
In the middle of the garden stood a raised platform designed to receive visitors. Whether they dined on fine food or mulled over documents, they could do so surrounded by the tranquil beauty of the garden.
Doctor Weiss sat cross-legged on the cushions of a low table, wearing the Magus approved clothing that hid all signs of his true skeletal form. His mask caught most of the attention, showing off the distinct grains and whorls of varnished wood.
Across from him sat a balding, middle-aged man wearing the traditional garb of his people. Though Sans himself didn’t know the name of the fashion, it reminded him of what that Hua fellow strutted around in.
Gaelic pointed out: “Their family emblem… it be the flower o’ the yuzu tree. Their citrus fruits be famed fer their zest, oils, and aroma. Said to be symbols o’ good fortune and prosperity.”
“They sure had a lot of prosperity, alright.” Sans said.
Sitting by the men’s side was a lady in crisp, clean office clothes, most likely there as an interpreter.
Bowing his head, Doctor Weiss said, “Thank you for having me here, Mister Yuzukitsui. You have a very beautiful place.”
The lady interpreter translated the words, and Mister Yuzukitsui smiled in delight. He began talking in a polite yet friendly manner.
The translator said: “The boss said that he prefers to be addressed as ‘Shouji-san’ instead of ‘Mister Yuzukitsui’. Is that alright with you?”
Weiss asked: “Is there a difference?”
“Yes. He sincerely wishes to conduct a more relaxed meeting.”
“Then I’m happy to oblige. Please tell him that being mindful of his comfort is my sign of respect as his guest.”
The message was passed, and Shouji replied. Sans noticed that the man was trying to hide his astonishment.
“My boss thanks you for your consideration. He’s also relieved that you like the Yuzukitsui Clan’s tastes. Many young people think they’re too old-fashioned. He had heard that the masked ones from The Magus Association are more appreciative of traditional designs, and so he chose this venue for you in particular. His only regret is that he’s not very good at foreign languages.”
Doctor Weiss replied: “The good sir is correct. Us masked ones rarely have the chance to stay in one place and properly explore other countries. At best, we experience pale imitations of the genuine article. As for the language barrier, please let him know that he shouldn’t be ashamed. Even native speakers sometimes struggle with the consistent inconsistencies of their mother tongue.”
They exchanged a round of chuckles together. The master of the house then spoke again.
The translator nodded and said: “Shouji-san is humbly requesting your ‘discerning eye’ to examine his son’s magical potential. He believes that the young master will go very far in The Magus Association. A letter of recommendation written by your own hands may be what he needs to get a good headstart in his future career. Should he succeed, he’ll help spread the influence of The Magus Association in the Eastern part of the world.”
Doctor Weiss was surprised. Lowering his head in apology, he replied: “At the risk of sounding rude, though I am one of the masked, I am but a Healer, not an appraiser. I can only offer you my honest assessment of his character and grades, nothing more. Moreover – within The Magus Association – that task normally falls under the jurisdiction of the Vanquishers or Crimson Keepers. I’m afraid to inform you that I’m not involved in either department.”
The Shouji guy waved his hand over his face and said ‘chigau’ a couple of times. Then, he explained himself.
“He believes that you’ve misunderstood,” said the lady, “He’s not enlisting his son as a combat mage or a soldier. Instead, he wants him to join the academic department. ‘Artificers’, he believes. The Yuzukitsui Clan specialises in the production of cars.”
“Ah, I see. Shouji-san is indeed correct: Healers belong to the Artificers division. Does his son wish to become a doctor? Or does he prefer to be more of a scientist? Perhaps even an engineer or an architect? My words hold the most weight in the medical department.”
The clan leader crossed his arms to think for a moment. Then…
The interpreter translated, “It would be best if his son could learn as much as he could from many departments. He’s at the age where he’s still exploring his potential.”
“A fine outlook. May I see his school records? At the very least, I will need some reference about his general abilities to make my assessment.”
“Ah, Shouji-san is going to call the young master to speak to you himself. It’s fairer that way. Please wait a minute.”
Before Kisei could step onto the scene, the vision stopped. Skipped. Ripped. An element in the past was interfering with their ability to peer into it.
[WARNING: CORRUPT DETERMINATION DETECTED]
[WARNING: ABNORMAL DT DRAIN]
[INITIATING EMERGENCY SHUTDOWN FOR CURRENT SESSION]
Sans glanced at his battery. It had dropped down to 10%. Lose any more of that juice and he might never be able to find out the truth about Weiss. He would need to think of the next step, and soon.
“What the heck just happened?” he asked. “I think my eyes are hurting too. Like I'm cutting raw onions.”
Gaelic coughed, hacked, grumbled, and groaned. He was wheezing so hard, Sans thought he was going to throw up. “Ugh, that brat and his cursed perfumes!”
Raising an eyebrow in amused interest, Sans said, “Really now? Perfumes?”
“Aye. ‘Tis a popular method in the East, more so in the days o’ old. Started out as lucky charms to prevent sickness and ill-fortune. Enchanted herbs be mixed with nice-smelling things, then stuffed into wee pouches. Oftentimes the pouch itself be weaved with spells. The brat’s pouch -- Pardon me.”
Gaelic made the most guttural gurgle. Then, it sounded like he spat the results on the floor. Whatever imaginary aftertaste stuck in his mouth must be so awful that he had to get rid of it mid-sentence.
He then continued his explanation. “The brat’s pouch be cursed with Corrupt Determination, punishing any focused magic on the owner. Headaches induced, eyes smarted, touch stung, taste fouled, and breaths choked. Ah had the misfortune o’ snorting those malicious particles up me nasals more than once.”
“That explains the weird feedback. So… Kisei was already capable of crafting tools good enough to torment Chronographers. Talk about talent. He just needed to be made known to the right people, hence the dad’s desire to get a letter of recommendation from Weiss.”
Lucas then issued an order: “Shift your focus to Shouji’s interpreter. She’s definitely a full-time staff member with high levels of trust. Any future correspondence from the Clan to Weiss would most likely go through her.”
“Huh. Rich people stuff, I guess. Welp, time to shift our gears.”
[CALIBRATING TO SHOUJI’S INTERPRETER, (HUMAN)]
The vision changed to a typical Far Eastern office. Shouji approached the same lady translator with a letter in hand.
[TRANSLATOR, ACTIVATED]
[DETECTING LANGUAGE]
“Banno-san?” The boss asked, “Could you check this for errors?”
The woman replied: “Definitely, sir. Oh, a letter of thanks to Doctor Weiss? Did the young master write this by himself?”
“Yes! That’s why I want to make sure he makes a good first impression. How was it? I know he scored top marks in school, but real life is always very different.”
“It has a good base. Though I can see parts where I can polish the text. Should I mark them with notes?”
“Of course! This is the perfect time for him to learn.”
Lucas made the right call. This Banno lady had so much of the boss’ trust, she was closer to a relative than an employee.
Sans tailed the work-in-progress letter to the finalised one that Kisei would one day deliver to Weiss.
[CALIBRATING TO LETTER FROM KISEI YUZUKITSUI (OBJECT)]
The visions stabilised into House Ariella’s office. It was a normal, nice looking office not fixed with anti-Seer mechanisms, used to receive and process mundane shipments, such as letters of correspondence.
The Magus Association had delivered a large box to Doctor Weiss, coming from ‘Kisei Yuzukitsui - Artificer Student’. When he unpacked the carboardy container, the letter sat on top of an assortment of snacks from Far Eastern brands.
Weiss opened the mail without even a smidgen of attention to the tasty treats.
To: Doctor Weiss of House Ariella.
Greetings Doctor,
Should you be able to read this mail, it means my gifts for House Ariella have arrived safe and sound. Once again, I want to extend my sincerest thanks for your recommendation to The Magus Association. Honto arigatou gozaimasu!
I’ve managed to secure the most elite class offered to the most talented of Magi. Artificer, of course. I was told that because I’ve been confirmed as a Red, I have the option to become a Crimson Keeper as well. However, I declined the offer. Their obligations will push me too far from my dreams.
Included in the box are enough snacks for the entire Ariella family: parents, children, grandchildren, staff members, and even the staff member’s children back home. There’s something for everyone!
The matcha stick has my personal recommendation. They’re bittersweet and refreshing, a true delicatesse for adults. I even wrote your name down on one of the packages with a permanent marker pen so that silly children won’t gobble it all up before you. In fact, I really suggest that you open that snack in the privacy of the office. Savour the sweet results of success by yourself.
I hope to correspond with you again, good doctor.
With gratitude, Yuzukitsui Kisei.
That snack in question was a green package of chocolate-coated cookie sticks, sitting right in the centre of the gift pile. Doctor Weiss picked it up and opened it without much effort. After unsealing the air-tight inner foil packet and trying one of the sticks, his brows rose with interest, liking the flavour.
Weiss sat down on his comfy office chair and started munching on his treat at a leisurely pace, one stick at a time.
Sans knew that man was wasting the time of any possible Chronographer spying on him. Blue was the compulsory colour, not Cyan. Many Chronographers were pressured into impatience by the strenuous and urgent nature of their job.
Joke’s on the bad doctor. The laziest man in the Underground had the patience to loaf around together, fuel permitting.
[DT: 7%]
Everything seemed mundane until Weiss finished his snack. He peered inside of the carton with the help of a torchlight. He then reached for a pair of scissors and cut through a corner.
“The sweet treat is a disguise,” Gaelic pointed out. “I be as certain as the sun rising from the East!”
When Weiss laid the cardboard flat on the table, he found a data chip in clear plastic taped to one of the surfaces.
“See? What did ah tell ya? How the fook did that get past security?! Did no one at least X-ray that bugger???”
Sans shrugged. “With enough charisma and money, you can get anything past anywhere. That Kisei dude had both. Compared to building a Soul Stealer right in Mu’s reactor, slipping a chip into a snack is no big deal.”
After carefully extracting the illegal item, Weiss used an adapter to hook it up to a computer. Based on the lack of cyber security measures taken by the doctor himself, he was fully expecting this arrival.
The chip contained a single executable file. When Weiss ran that program, it rendered an interactable 3D replica of a thick and ancient tome. Though the back was not visible, the bindings were made of red leather and its cover had been decorated with a brass Arcanagram. Assorted runic symbols adorned the spine, seemingly spelling out a title in an unreadable font.
When Weiss flipped the page of this digital recreation, the first sheet of aged parchment displayed an inverted variation of the Delta Rune: the winged circle was surrounded by three triangles, two upright at the bottom, one inverted at the top.
Shivers rattled through every bone in Sans’ being. He instantly recognised what he was looking at. He shouldn’t have known about its existence, yet he did: exactly like that time when Persona tried to summon The Celestial Calamity.
The second page revealed the summary of this tome’s dark, dreadful knowledge:
We, The Damned, curse our very existence.
We curse the heavens for the sun that scorches, for the rain that floods, for the snow that freezes, for the stars that seal our fate.
We curse the earth, for the hunger of famine, for the prowling beasts, for the pestilence of wings and worms, for the dusty grave that swallows us.
We curse the sea, for the calm waters that thirst, for the stormy waters that drown, for the dragons that lurk, for the confines it creates.
We curse the gods and fae, for their oppressive dogma, for their whimsical cruelty, for their forced hands, for their silence upon our prayers.
We curse our parents for bringing us into suffering, our siblings for the torment, our friends for their betrayal, our children for their abandonment.
We curse our humanity, for our frail fragility, for our falsehood, for our greed and gluttony, for our short finite lives.
We curse, we condemn, we spite.
And therefore, we dare to dream.
The echoes of warning from that nightmare world happened yet again.
“That’s The Book of Curses,” said Sans, “Seems Kisei’s clan owned a copy. This is their payment for getting their son into The Magus Association.”
The vision began skipping through time. Over the weeks and months, Weiss continued to correspond with Kisei via letters. They shared their research together through old-fashioned subtle and indirect means. Penpals.
Thus the boy learned about magitek.
And the man learned about Determination.
At one point, Weiss sent a primer about advanced magic to young Kisei, an opportunity to learn from the monsters themselves. Of course, the human-society approved version had the author’s name and origin redacted for security reasons.
No one would suspect anything odd if he slipped some extra ‘study material’ into the mix.
The vision stopped on one particular day and focused on this one particular letter.
Salutations Doctor,
Congratulations for joining the most elite of the elite! Our combined intellect has made this day possible for the both of us. I’m deeply grateful for your cordial partnership.
However, as we agreed upon, this will be my last correspondence to you. I will not mention your name in the future. Likewise, you won’t mention mine. This will be our shared and buried secret.
Rest assured, not even Banno-san or my father have seen this letter. I had the mail switched out right before sending.
I suppose this is ‘sayonara’. May our ambitions come to fruition.
Cheers, Yuzukitsui Kisei.
At that very moment, Gaelic started going crazy. He growled, hissed, and snapped with loud and aggravated breathing. From the sound of things, the poor couch continued to get ripped apart. He screamed: “DEMON! DEMONNNNNN!!!”
“Easy there, Snakeface. I don’t see that red shadow anywhere. Besides, we know Weiss turned himself into an Amalgamate, of course he’s gonna be filled to the brim with DT.”
Sans stopped when he realised what he had just said. The original Weiss was weaker than weak. Even if he repaired his Eyes, he wouldn’t be generating enough Determination to use them. That light was all show and no power: which was why he needed to harvest clones to replenish himself.
What if… he had a constant and powerful source instead? The proverbial lightbulb lit up in Sans’ thought.
Before Sans acted on his latest epiphany, he made sure to practise ‘safety first’. “Grillby, you there?”
“…I’m here…” the knight responded.
“On my signal, shut off Snakeface’s Eye. Restrain him if necessary.”
“…Ready when you are…”
[GUEST 1]
[ACTIVE: R / B / G / O]
[INACTIVE: P / C / Y]
[GUEST 2]
[ACTIVE: O / P / B / C / Y]
[INACTIVE: G ]
[DT: 5%]
The moment the sudden strain of five colours was added onto the worked up Seer, he screeched even louder. Pain and frenzied aggression fed into each other in a vicious cycle. He reached the point where he would lash out against everything and everyone around him.
In turn, Sans began to see what Gaelic sensed. By his Purple Eye, Doctor Weiss became translucent, making his SOUL and its auxiliary details visible.
And there it lay… a Mark in the shape of a chess piece: The Pawn. In the world of chess, it was the lowest, most humble, weakest, and most basic unit. Yet, if one managed to reach the other end of the board, they would ascend to new heights.
The symbol was perfect for Weiss.
When Kisei wrote about ‘the most elite of elite’, made possible by their combined intellect, he referred to Weiss joining the Determinator club, wielding a False Mark.
[GUEST 2 DISCONNECTED]
Sans jumped out of the couch and scurried away: “Now, Grillby!”
He then heard jostling and struggling, along with some clanks of metal. Precious seconds later, it quietened down to some audible heavy breathing.
Grillby then reported: “…He’s calming down… Do you want him back on duty?…”
“Nah. Let him rest. I’ll handle the last part of the dive by myself.” Furthermore, Sans knew that Gaelic would only lose his mind again in the corruptive presence of The Pawn.
[GUEST 1]
[ACTIVE: R / B / G / P / Y]
[INACTIVE: O / C ]
[DT: 4%]
[RECALIBRATING TO FALSE MARK (PAWN)]
At long last, he managed to render Doctor Weiss in his secret lab. Vials of dust, harvested from his clones, dangled as a necklace from his neck. The False Mark -- formed into the shape of a pawn chess piece -- floated in his hand.
Standing near Weiss was a broad, stumpy woman dressed in green. She was translucent. Though her face hid behind a wooden mask, Sans had the feeling that she had a face type similar to his own. Her general body shape hinted so.
This was the true form of the shadowy entity that they had spotted earlier in the dive.
The entity spoke: “Weiss, my child. Please stop. Have you not already tortured enough souls?”
Weiss replied: “I know who you are… no, ‘what’ you are. You’re The Green Sage, Ariella, my ancestor. However, she’s long been dead. This makes you nothing more than a figment of imagination.”
“If I’m truly but a flight of fancy, then why is my presence limited to the descendants of House Ariella? I’ve even guided lost orphans back into our home.”
“How pitiful. You think you’re the original, but you’re not. You’re only a grafted memory embedded into our Green genes, a magical version of an artificial intelligence. The real Ariella would have long deserted me in disgust.”
The image didn’t react to his accusation. Instead, she said: “You can still repent. Turn over a new leaf. If you surrender now, your family will negotiate for a lighter sentence.”
The descent let out a scoffing chuckle. “And spend the rest of my life in either house arrest or an asylum? That’s no different than death itself.”
“Would you rather be a vagrant fugitive?! You could never remain in one place for long. You’ll live in paranoia and hunger. You’ll never have a single night’s restful sleep again. Above all, you’ll always be alone.”
“…And that’s where you’re wrong. I’ve joined the most elite of the elite! This means… I too can ascend above the pitiful existence that you’ve just described. Pawns are more powerful than they seem.”
“Weiss. Weiss! Don’t, please!”
Her pleas fell on deaf ears and a cold heart. Doctor Weiss lifted The Pawn high above his head.
“Doctor Weiss of House Ariella, embrace The Pawn! Shed your mortal shell! Destroy your ties to House Ariella and The Green Sage! By the King’s Decree: Begin your transcendence!”
The False Mark shone bright, rumbling. The command caused Doctor Weiss’ entire body to crack and snap. He screamed from the pain and crumbled into a pile of dusty clothes.
Soon after, a single eyeball slug slithered out of the remains. It had only a purple pure Eye. Weiss had discarded anything related to Ariella, including his Kindness.
Sans immediately crammed a Yellow Aspect into his own Eye.
[GUEST 1]
[ACTIVE: R / B / G / P / Y / C]
[INACTIVE: O ]
[DT: 1%]
This new entity had no SOUL. No True Name. The PUN was exactly the same as the rest of The Handler’s copies. The man who was once Weiss had become none other than a soulless, nameless DEMON.
[DT: 0%]
The Seraph System ran out of Determination and powered down. Exhausted as well, Sans sat down on the floor and leaned against the wall. He didn’t realise how drenched he was from his own sweat until now.
Gaelic had already regained his senses, no doubt with the help of the chivalrous fire elemental. Anxious, he crawled over to Sans’ side and asked: “Did ya crack the case?”
“Yeah…” Sans muttered, “Yeah, I did. Lucas is still on the line, so… Listen up. It’s super important.”
Sans testified to everything he had witnessed in those final moments: from Ariella’s influence, to the False Mark, to Weiss’ declaration, to the fact that he had become nothing more than a nameless existence.
“In other words,” he finished, “The Handler ain’t Weiss anymore. No SOUL to target and no original source to destroy. As long as a piece of him survives somewhere, he’ll just keep regenerating back into our good ol’ nightmare fuel. He’s more of a concept than a person by now.”
“A concept? Like the Old Gods o’ horror tales?” Perturbed and terrified by the realisation, Gaelic curled up on the floor. “A concept cannae truly be killed. We be doomed…”
But the short one thought of it differently. “Heh, you really don’t think like a scientist. That guy may pretend to be a god, but he ain’t the genuine article. Anyways… I’ve found out exactly what I wanted, where, and when. We’re ready for the next step.”
“Us? Ready?”
“Yup. So, chin up. We’re almost out of the woods.”
Right on cue, Sans’ phone started to play its farting trombone jingle yet again, much to the wildman’s displeasure. This time… it came from Papyrus.
“Welp. My brother is trying to call me. Sorry Judge Fen, gotta swipe you aside for a bit.”
Without waiting for a reply, he put Lucas on hold and answered. “Wassup bro?”
“SANS?” Papyrus asked in a frantic manner. “WHAT DOES IT MEAN IF MY EYE IS ON FIRE BUT I CAN’T SEE ANYTHING???”
“You… can’t ‘see’ anything?”
“YES! THAT’S RIGHT! ALL I SEE IS PITCH BLACK DARKNESS! I TRIED LISTENING FOR AUDIO CUES, BUT IT’S SO SILENT IT’S DEAFENING.”
“Answer my questions. Is it this timeline?”
“YES. I WAS LOOKING INTO OUR CURRENT FUTURE.”
“When did it happen?”
“I DON’T KNOW.”
“Any special event before the darkness?”
“THERE… WAS A LOT OF RUMBLING. S-SANS, I’M SCARED OF WHAT’S GOING TO HAPPEN. ARE WE ALL GOING TO DIE?”
Dreamlike, faint, grainy memories flashed by. Even so, Sans gleaned one vital piece of information from that moment: Papyrus seeing pure nothingness meant a certain dead end. ‘Game Over’.
“No way, Papyrus. Not if I can help it.” Sans touched the ground with his left hand. Faint tremors had started to stir beneath his palm, slowly growing stronger. “Gotta inform The Supreme Judge ASAP. Hang tight, bro.”
“BROTHER, I-I BELIEVE IN US! WE CAN SOLVE THIS TOGETHER! NYEH HEH HEH!”
Sans smiled at the little shimmer of his brother's bravery. “Yup. We definitely can.”
He ended the call and switched back posthaste. “Hey, Fennel, Celestial Calamity incoming. Use the Keys of Fate, pronto. This is your last chance.”
“Acknowledged, Sans Serif. Rewinding now. See you on the other side, soldiers.”