What a beautiful sunny weather, filled with the warm rays of Spring.
Mettaton couldn’t contain his gleeful grin before the mirror. He’s moments away from reaching a new level in his career: the biggest livestream yet.
All the promotion,
All those long practice routines,
All that careful diplomatic maneuvering,
Everything will finally bear fruit!
…Or will it? Should things go wrong, that fruit may turn out rotten and spell disaster for the entire monster race.
Still, who could give up this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity?
‘What’s entertainment without danger?’ Such is the philosophy of Mettaton.
Therefore, the risk was worth it.
He put extra effort into preparing himself. Only perfection allowed. His suit must be free of wrinkles and stray thread. His hair must be in the right shape. His face, spotless and dazzling!
Last but not least, spare batteries. He already charged himself to max a few minutes ago, but it never hurts to be prepared.
“Time for a warmup, baby~”
Mettaton switched back into his box form. He stretched his wheels, spun himself around, and finished it off with a pose.
“So far, so good. Let’s give this a grand finale!”
With a spark of magic, he flipped the switch to transform back into his humanoid form.
He was SUPPOSED to return to his fantabulous two-legged self without a hitch… except he ended up having legs for arms and arms for legs!
Mettaton let out a high-pitched shriek.
“What in tarnation?!? No! T-this must be a nightmare!”
He tried to pinch his cheeks, but instead he received a boot to the face.
“Ow! Gosh darn, my systems still think I’m plugging in hands.”
Alphys rushed into the room without knocking on the door. She must have heard the ruckus and thought a terrible accident had befallen him. How right she was.
She screamed: “METTATON! Oh em gee! W-what happened to you?!”
“I wanted to ask the same, sweetie,” he said. “I was just testing my transformation and this… this… MISHAP MISHAPPENED!”
“O-okay. D-don’t panic. Transform back into your box form first.”
One puff of magical smoke later, Mettaton was back into the box… upside-down with his wheels in the air.
Mettaton cried out: “This is a disaster! Help me, Doctor Alphys!!!”
“Let me check the debug. Hold still.”
Alphys opened a diagnostic panel and plugged in her phone. She then scrolled through the data for the root of the problem.
“Wow…” She pushed up her glasses. “Your transformation program looks like scrambled eggs. Are you, like, super panicking inside?”
“Me? Panic?” Mettaton laughed. “I’m a veteran, baby. Taming the nerves is half the trade! I’ve rescued people from a burning building, so you know. That proves that I’m sturdier than I look! M-maybe I got a bit too excited…”
Unconvinced, Alphys narrowed her gaze, Toriel style.
Clearing his throat he added: “Well, I am maybe an incy wincy tiny bitty anxious that the internet backlash might set up a murderous mob intent on razing all remaining monsterkind to the ground. No big deal~”
Once second of silence later… Mettaton let out a huge, dramatic groan. “Blasted custard me, Alphys-darling. You are totally right. Nothing is more vicious than the world wide web after all.”
With a cynical smirk, she acknowledged the statement. “Yeah. I know that first-hand. From both sides.”
Catching the opportunity, Mettaton faked a gasp. “My oh my, are you finally admitting your bad habits? That all those shipping wars bring more heartache than satisfaction? That Mew Mew Kissy Cute 2 should be evaluated on its own merits instead of being bogged down by its predecessor?”
“H-hey!” She protested. “That was uncalled for! Since when are you the jokester?”
“I’m second to Sans, darling.”
“Laaaaaaaaaaaaaaame.”
The two exchanged a moment of chortling, then went back to troubleshooting.
* * *
Four o’ clock. The Magus Association gave Mettaton the approval to begin his broadcast.
However, the weather forecast predicted that it would rain after seven and thus bring a cold night. Best take the sun’s fairness while one still can.
Turning to the cameras, Mettaton got to work posthaste. He had a Mini carry around a tablet so he could read the livestream’s chatter.
Ever since he had that transformation mishap, Mettaton kept to his box form. His confidence suffered and he was not ready to face the music just yet. Perhaps a little passage of time might do the trick.
Onwards with the show!
“Beauties and Gentlebeauties,” he announced. “The MTT Behind The Scenes Feast of Fantasy Livestream is ON AIR, baby! How’s your Monday, my wonderful viewers?”
“Going well?” Pose!
“Not too shabby?” Pose!
“In the dumps?” Pose!
“Whichever it may be, your fantabulous host is here to spice it up! Make a bad day great, and a great day better!”
“The chatroom will be opening soon. Standard rules apply. Remember folks, this is a family-friendly channel. There shall be no trollish spam!”
The first time he went live, his moderation team had to squash many an indecent picture. One can never trust the collective internet to behave.
“Let’s go in three, two, one~~”
A flurry of excited fans cheered in the form of text and emoticons.
“OOOOOOH YES!!!”
[MTT ☆ GOSSIP ☆ LIVE]
> Yay it’s mettaton!
> MTT MTT!!!
> WOHOOOOOOO!
> The Tontonman!
> [#|]-o [#|]-o [#|]-o [#|]-o [#|]-o [#|]-o [#|]-o
> :D:D:D:D:D:D
> woot! o-[|#] o-[|#] o-[|#]
> [#|]-o o-[|#] [#|]-o o-[|#] [#|]-o o-[|#]
> Text emoticons. Such nostalgia!
So far, so good.
“Thank you for the warm welcome beauties and gentlebeauties! Oh boy, am I delighted to see you! I can already tell today is going to go down into the history books.”
“As the title of the livestream says, you’re going to watch some EXCLUSIVE behind the scenes content brought to you by yours truly.”
“That’s right! No fancy makeup, no scripts! While the rest of the media can only wait at the front yard, we’re going to have private one-to-one chats with the big names backstage. All on King Asgore’s gracious graces!”
[MTT ☆ GOSSIP ☆ LIVE]
> What’s the event anyway?
> I know you said it’s some exclusive footage, but i don’t even know what we're even exclusiveing
> Something about a feast?
> Feast of Fantasy?
“You’re right, sweetheart. For the first time in FOREVER, Monster, Magi, and Gungnir are going to sit at the same table together! Imagine that! A momentous event for the world to witness, hosted right here in my hometown to boot~”
[MTT ☆ GOSSIP ☆ LIVE]
> So it’s like a summit?
> Pretty low profile for something so big
> is it really THAT big?
> The Magus Association and the Gungnir have been at odds since their inception.
> And the monsters, well, they got sealed under the mountain 1k years ago.
> Definitely a huge deal.
> Who are the Magi and Gungnir anyway? I see lots of magic promotion but… I don’t even know what they do.
“Well, well, The Magus Association deals with the regulation, protection, and proper education of all things magic! Did you know that humans are capable of magic too? I sure didn’t! My people always thought otherwise. Turns out that their magic is just a different brand.”
“As for the Gungnir… From what I understand, theirs is an ideological movement based on the teachings of the Legendary Hero of the Sealing Wars. They value a human’s innate strength to overcome and conquer, but dislike magic. To what extent? That is still up to debate.”
“Bonus info, darlings! The folk who will visit us today come from the mountain plateaus, far, far away from our Mount Ebott. I hear they’re among the most traditional of the Gungnir: the Aratet!”
[MTT ☆ GOSSIP ☆ LIVE]
> Philosophical movement? More like a cult.
> As if the Magi are much better.
> them and their spiritual new age nonsense
> It’s a religion
> all religions are cults
> …why are the Magi and Gungnir at odds for ages?
> Because the Gungnirs think magecraft is dangerous. Humans shouldn’t be dabbling in it nilly willy
> or making bombs out of it
> Only the Chosen Ones are privileged to use that kind of divine power.
> And The Vampire is absolutely NOT a Chosen One
> Magic is a form of science. If you’re anti magic, you’re anti science.
> What’s this? The Sealing Wars?
> Anti WEAPON SCIENCE more like it! Look at what abuse of science is capable off!
> Nukes, crazy ballistic weapons, mustard gas.
> DID I MENTION NUKES!
> I don’t think anyone is happy about guns that can shred you into pink dust in a second.
> Those things can push PLANES.
> The world doesn’t need magic.
> We don’t NEED magic persay. But it can be useful in productive ways.
> Like quantum physics
> No way man quantum physics are important! Where do you think your tiny electronics components come from?
> I… I don’t think it’s quantum physics?
“There’s a little bit of a complicated caveat here,” said Mettaton. “See, us monsters are literally made of magic. Therefore, The Gungnir see us as walking timebombs. The Magus Association -- being the primary protectors of this power -- never took kindly to the whole anti-magic deal.”
“Which is why this feast is the most important event to happen this century, baby! We’re gonna hash everything out tonight!”
[MTT ☆ GOSSIP ☆ LIVE]
> All the best MTT!
> You can do it!
Mettaton clapped his hands. “Thank you, thank you. Aaaallright darlings! Enough backstory. Let’s get ROLLING, shall we? Starting right here!”
The camera team panned the lens at Mettaton’s surroundings. It’s Alphys’ backyard, where Mettaton had the permission to park his studio’s trailer van.
“Every journey has a beginning, darlings!”
He led the crew inside. For a slight detour, he stopped by Napstablook’s desk. The ghost was managing a number of computers and sound equipment.
“Blookie-darling, say hi to the fans!”
The shy white ghost looked up to the cameras. “……Oh…… ooooh… hi… thanks for tuning in… uh sorry… I don’t mean to be rude… But I am very busy…”
“Sweetie, don’t worry. They understand your tireless effort to make sure everyone hears my wonderful voice. Isn’t that right, dearies?”
[MTT ☆ GOSSIP ☆ LIVE]
> Ganbatte kudasai blookie-chan!
> Yayaya!
> Give it your best you cute ghost you
> Don’t stress out too hard okay?
> aaaaaa he’s so cute <3
> [(8|)≈
The chatroom exploded with hearts and encouragement. Sweet Blookie had more fans than they would ever admit. The ghost’s mere existence exuded an irresistible adorableness.
“…Thank you… I hope everyone has a good time…”
Mettaton then walked over to the lobby of the Lab. He asked the viewers, “Do you guys still remember the wonderful Doctor Alphys? She appeared on my very first livestream.”
[MTT ☆ GOSSIP ☆ LIVE]
> yup seen her before
> Uh… no
> This is my first time on your channel
> if she is who I think she is, something's very fishy about her ;)
> Show us, M!
“You’re in luck! Today, she’s tagging along as my friend and personal technician. Actors will always have a first aid crew on standby. But, since I am a robot, the standard fare won’t do. It has to be someone who knows the inner workings, and there’s no better person for that than the one who built my fabulous MTT-brand body! My creator so to say.”
Alphys emerged from the workshop with a backpack of tools. “A-are we live?” she stammered.
“Mhmm, yes darling. Say hello to the fans.”
“U-um, hi!” said Alphys, forcing herself to be peppy. “D-don’t worry. I’m not gonna steal the show.”
“Fret not my brilliant friend. If anything, you’re going to enhance it.”
“Aww Mettaton, that's sweet.” After adjusting the straps one last time, Alphys asked: “Where are we going first?”
“To our shining Ambassador’s school, of course~"
“Oooh.” Alphys nodded. “I-I heard that The Magus Association is going to send some extra help there. A-after all, one can’t cook a feast by their lonesome! That’s crazy! In which case… maybe Papyrus could make a bit of time for us…?”
“Yup. That’s right Doctor Alphys! We might be able to catch our Master Chef in action!"
* * *
Alas, they were too late. When Mettaton’s crew arrived at the school’s cafeteria, they were greeted by the sounds of chopping and cleaning, and no Papyrus in sight.
From the kitchen, they then heard Papyrus yelling for more onions. It prompted one of the aides to haul a whole box of them into the cooking fray.
He seemed… frantic. Distressed.
“Wow,” Alphys commented. “It’s like, Papyrus is yelling in All Caps. Sure, he was already doing that, but it's way louder now.”
“Oh no! If it’s already that much of a HELL’S KITCHEN, I’m afraid we might not be able to meet our dear chef extraordinaire after all. I’m so sorry my darlings.”
[MTT ☆ GOSSIP ☆ LIVE]
> Bummer
> Nooooooooooooooooooo
> I really wanna see Master Chef Papyrus!
> Maybe we can ask him to come out for a little while?
Mettaton mused out loud. “I suppose that is something my charm COULD pull off~”
Ensure your favorite authors get the support they deserve. Read this novel on Royal Road.
From the back, there came a stern: “No.”
The camera swerved to the source. It’s the man himself: Supreme Judge Mezil Thyme. He’s as sharp-dressed as ever.
Putting his cane down, Mezil Thyme explained: “I’m certain Papyrus will drop everything to meet his favourite celebrity… which is why we can’t let Mister Mettaton interview him just yet.”
Trouble brewed in the chat. The fans were angered that they’re denied of their wishes.
[MTT ☆ GOSSIP ☆ LIVE]
> Boooooooo
> eff off dictator!
> Party pooper!
> Go back to your castle vampire >:(
> Who you gonna call? GHOSTBUSTERS!
> But The Vanqs are the ghostbusters :/
> He’s their boss!
> I HAVE A SILVER WHIP
For better or for worse, Mezil checked his phone. Narrowing his gaze square at the camera, he warned: “I am not oblivious to your misgivings. Behave, lest you bring shame to your celebrity.”
Mettaton wasn’t sure if this man had poor social skills, or if he’s intentionally painting himself as a ‘heel’ a.k.a ‘the bad guy’. Showbiz or not, there are lemons to turn into lemonade.
“Eherm! Beauties and Gentlebeauties! Hold on to your ghostbusting equipment and garlic-flavoured stakes! No misappropriation of silver jewelry either! Remember how my splendid studio got vandalized? Judge Thyme, bless his SOUL, paid for the cleaning services! I assure you, behind that sour face lies a generous heart.”
[MTT ☆ GOSSIP ☆ LIVE]
> Maybe he’s the one who dumped the trash on you
“Oh don’t be silly,” The celebrity huffed. “We all know that it’s the fault of--”
Mettaton had to catch his thoughts for a moment. He knew that the Gungnir are keeping a close watch on every word he says. Lambasting them now would disfavour Aiden and his young princes: a terrible idea to entertain.
“--Kids! That’s right! Angsty kids who didn’t get enough love or direction in their life. Maybe both. But, Uncle Tonton has a helpline for those precious folk who need an ear!”
Cue the display for the MTT-Brand Health Helpline on the bottom of his screen. It’s actually a redirect to the Surface’s mental health helpline. As much as he wanted to make his own true MTT counselling for the troubled, he didn’t have the qualifications to pass the legal red tape.
Judge Thyme doesn’t seem amused by the advertisement. Why? Not something Mettaton wanted to know on-camera.
Before the old Magus could shoot out any more fiery judgement, Mettaton switched topics: “Say, where’s your LOVELY wife?”
[MTT ☆ GOSSIP ☆ LIVE]
> Huh. He’s married????
> I thought it was a rumour
> Naaaah there’s no way a sourpuss like him can get a wife
> Maybe she’s a witch
> Or a [censored]
> I say he’s faking it.
Mezil hinted towards the right. When the camera panned in that direction, it captured the living presence of a STUNNING woman.
Behold, that retro chic dress coat!
That fine crafted porcelain mask!
Those soft white gloves!
And those slender black leather boots! Who needs heels with style like these?
Everything about her exuded CLASS to the world!
The chat went wild.
[MTT ☆ GOSSIP ☆ LIVE]
> OMG
> WHO’S THAT???
> It’s the wife!!!
> IT’S REALLY HER????
Presenting the lady, Mettaton hammed it up. “Remove your skeptical spectacles, my special specials. You’re not seeing any smokes and mirrors. This sweetheart in purple is none other than Lady Lucidia of House Berendin: Judge Thyme’s beloved wife~~~”
[MTT ☆ GOSSIP ☆ LIVE]
> No waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay
> Omgogmogmogmgogm
> [censored] he’s actually married?!
> If he’s married, I’m a wizard!
> Her hair, it defies gravity! :O
> What’s behind the mask?
> Creepy
> I thought it was cool. Like a masquerade.
> With that getup anyone can act as the wife. What gives?
> Is she wearing for winter? I think those are fur-lined.
> That coat looks warm.
> Looking at it is making me sweat yo
> Not that warm, unless it’s summer.
> Prepping for the cold night I guess?
> Is it me, or she looks kinda thin? Maybe she’s all bones?
> I say she's a fake. Magi parlour tricks again.
By now, Mettaton wanted to give the negative anon a boot. He didn’t need naysayers to bring down his show. Alas, he didn't employ an actual moderator to watch the chat. There's a tinge of regret for his overreliance on automation.
[MTT ☆ GOSSIP ☆ LIVE]
> wait, did you say ‘purple’?
> Purple?
> Uhh, Mettaton, she’s wearing blue.
> Could it be… that MTT is colourblind????
Puzzled, he asked: “Hm? What do you mean? She’s clearly wearing a very rich royal purple. Almost red to match her husband’s tastes.”
Alphys and the camera crew started to show all sorts of hand signals: ‘stop’, ‘halt’, ‘abort’.
“Excuuuuuuuse me for a moment.”
Mettaton wheeled away from the screen, and took a peek with his ghost form. Although he had fused with his body, the taser incident in The Spire broke that connection. It’ll take a while for him to heal.
Lucidia was indeed dressed in rich, royal, sapphire blue. Just like what others had said.
“Oh. Oh my. It is blue.”
Alphys whispered: “I-I think I need to update your optics. Unlike the cam-crew, you're still using the old Underground salvage tech. I never thought it would have trouble rendering that colour.”
“Dear me, that’s quite a technical difficulty. On the bright side, at least we know what needs improvement!”
Mettaton wheeled back on-screen. “You were right, my perceptive fans! Lady Lucidia is indeed wearing blue instead of purple. I apologize for my colour-blindness. Good thing I’m a robot with swappable parts!”
[MTT ☆ GOSSIP ☆ LIVE]
> Hahaha
> That’s fine
> Man i wish i can swap out my faulty parts too
> maybe one day we’ll all become cyborgs
> Who cares about cyborgs when you can have NANOBOTS
> mmmmm nah don’t want a robot dystopia on us anytime soon
> killer robots are the worst!
Back to business. Showing the microphone to the Lady, he asked: “Anyhow Lady Lucidia darling, this is your grand debut! What do you want to say to YOUR future fans?”
In a somewhat stilted manner, Lucidia replied. “Hello, world.”
“Well, that’s quite simple yet effective.”
“Wait!" Doctor Alphys gasped. “Chotte matte yo! I-I think she’s making a reference. It’s the most basic programming lesson for newbies!”
[MTT ☆ GOSSIP ☆ LIVE]
> Hello
> Hello :)
> Hi :D
> doctor alphys is right!
> Hello, world.
> Ask lady lucy if she’s referring to that.
“Oooh my~ is that true?” asked Mettaton. “Are you making a programming reference?”
Lady Lucidia responded with a cheerful and natural tone: “Affirmative! It is indeed a nod to introductory syntaxes.”
[MTT ☆ GOSSIP ☆ LIVE]
> aaaaaaaaaaaaaa
> Aaa she’s cute
> V cute
> They’re both wearing butterfly brooches. So freaking adorable!
> Are you a programmer?
> She’s like the opposite of her grouchy husband
What a blessed turn of events! The mood had swung a full 180, from dissent to genuine interest.
“My oh my~ If you want to ask questions, we first need to garner their permission. Will our classy couple grace us with their answers?”
Husband and wife met on screen to discuss the issue. The man wasn’t keen on opening himself to the whims of the anonymous. On the other hand, the woman wanted to give the questionnaire a try.
In the end, the duo agreed. They sat down together on a cafeteria bench.
Mettaton got straight to work. “This is the moment you’re all waiting for, my lovely honeys: The Q and A! Questions are free. But! If you really, really, REALLY want your query to stand in the limelight, you gotta dress it up with some PREMIUM pricing. After all, time is money, baby~”
And just like that, the very first question had a glittering price tag. There’s no limit of viewers willing to throw money for priority treatment.
So Mettaton read that out, “Thank you for the contribution, darling! Your patronage is much appreciated. Now, for a grand total of 100 dollars… To ‘Mezyl’: Do you ever take any of your wife’s advice?”
Mezil's stoic front shattered into embarrassed flustering. Meanwhile, Lady Lucidia just couldn’t stop chuckling: her polite front nary containing the relatable headache of any married couple.
What a priceless reaction. Definitely worth the money spent.
“What was that for?!" The old man exclaimed, "First, why was my name bastardised into a mock pharmaceutical product? Second, do I look like a clueless stubborn fool to you?”
To which Lucidia jabbed: “Then explain to me why do you sometimes sneak out of the house to feast on toxic curry.”
“There is nothing toxic about Jungle Curry.”
“Your digestive systems disagree, dear.”
[MTT ☆ GOSSIP ☆ LIVE]
> Lolololololollolololloloo
> Omg ahahah
> Mezyl
> XD
> Wow
> Amaze
> I can’t believe the vampire is a curry addict
> Clearly he’s cursed to love spice even though he can’t digest it
> Mezil Thyme and fiery diarrhea. Bad Toilet Thymes, indeed.
> Mezil Thyme and the chronic fire-rrhea
> he can never live it down
> Now he has to deal with everyone’s bullshiet on top of his own crap
> that makes sense both as a metaphor and not
> Literal and metaphorical meanings
> My favorite
> I’ve known your pain since before the turn of the millennium.
> I can’t understand why my spouse loves chili either! They eat bird’s eye chili RAW!
> And then complain about all the burn in the toilet!
> SUFFER FOR SPICE
> It’s because chili releases the happy hormones
> That’s it we have a new meme
> The spice must flow
> nonono I meant the whole curry vampire deal. yours is a really really old one
> He totally needs to take a mezyl after downing the curry ;)
> Aww give him a break. Curries are THE BEST!
> Yeah it’s my country’s national dish!
> Bwahaha i think i know which restaurant he’s talking about
> this is an overly long gag
Mettaton chimed in his own opinions. “I must say, they do make some scrumptious curry. The coconut milk adds an exquisite tropical richness to the blend. I’m inspired to make a new brand of MTT products based on those flavours!”
In a last attempt to salvage his reputation, Mezil remarked: “That aside, of course I listen to my wife. She’s my trusted partner, both on the job and in our private life. We may not always agree, but that doesn’t mean I don’t pay attention to her wishes and well-being.”
[MTT ☆ GOSSIP ☆ LIVE]
> right right
> men, i tell you
> Snrk. I still can’t believe he’s a curry addict.
> heyheyheyhey we must ask THE QUESTION
> what question?
> Lady Luci, when did you two get married?
> and for how long did you two date?
> Oh! Ooooooooooh!
> Tell us! Tell us!
> YESH
Mettaton fanned himself. “My, my, my, my, my! Look at that, the world wide web is curious about your SPICY LOVE STORY!”
“Pardon?” she replied.
“Well, take a looksie darling.”
Due to the sheer amount of romance requests, Mettaton had the Mini show Lucidia the livestream chat. Her husband shook his head and muttered a complaint about ‘nosy people’.
“U-uh…” She fidgeted in shyness, blushing behind the mask for sure. “We’re married for 25 years. I first met him while I was on the run from danger. The situation is too complicated to give a simple and straight answer. Let’s just say I was involved in an internal conflict within the Magus Association, whereas my husband was an unarmed civilian with the right talents. Despite the odds, we ended up saving each other’s lives on more than one occasion.”
[MTT ☆ GOSSIP ☆ LIVE]
> oh wow
> So thriller
> Such amour
> Anime is real
“As for how long we dated before we married…” Lady Lucidia replied in a polite, factual manner: “Several weeks. It may be surprising, but we got to know each other quite well in a short span of time.”
[MTT ☆ GOSSIP ☆ LIVE]
> SO FAST???!?!
> I guess the vamp really is a shounen protagonist
> Gotta powerlevel those rep points when you’re in danger
> nonono you got it wrong. he has to get the right flags for the Good End of Lucidia's visual novel route
> I guess that means we’re living in the Lucy Timeline?
Metton wondered if there was any time-travelling at work here. In their memories, they would have dated much longer. He had a taste of that in the recent courtroom drama.
Of course, he did not disclose that to the public. Such a power should remain top-secret forever…
[MTT ☆ GOSSIP ☆ LIVE]
> [99$] lady lucy, would you smooch a Thyme Vampire? Last buck only when we see the smooch!
Mettaton switched on his ‘drumroll’ sound effect from his boxy self. “For 99 sparkling dollars, would our masked sweetheart smooch a Thyme Vampire???”
Mezil protested a bit; perhaps the ol’ boss of the Magi felt his fearsome reputation chip away. But, Lucidia pecked a kiss on her husband’s cheek. Her mask remained on, but Mettaton considered it as good as done!
[MTT ☆ GOSSIP ☆ LIVE]
> OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHH!!!
> THAT’S SO KAWAII
> TOTTEMO KAWAII
> aaaa my heart I cannot
> ROMANCE BABY
> ok i’m now convinced they’re a real couple
> I guess that makes me a real ‘wizard’.
> Which is accurate anyway because I’m 30+ without a girlfriend
> [1$] for the smooch
> I’m so jealous
“Romance, baby indeed! Next question,” said Mettaton. “For the contribution of 200 dollars, we have the following request. Eherm. To Mezil: Have you ever actually gone to outer space? Your exploits make it hard to distinguish between reality and the tall tales that get made up. Something about you fighting angry Moon ghosts or whatever version of it’s being told these days?”
Lady Lucidia giggled. “Who comes up with these?”
“I have no clue, honey, ” the celebrity shrugged. “I keep my chatroom anonymous for maximum freedom of expression.”
The grumpy Magus glared at the camera. “That is the oldest trick in the book. If I say ‘yes’, my answer would be taken as the absolute truth. If I say ‘no’, it would be deemed as a denial of a larger conspiracy. Neither confirming nor denying will also yield the same result.”
Alphys said, “D-did you really go to the moon? Are there really DEMONS on the dark side? M-maybe leftover experiments from decades ago???”
Mezil let out a long sigh. “You and your ludicrous expectations just proved my point."
[MTT ☆ GOSSIP ☆ LIVE]
> yep he totally went to the moon
> No, of course not. There’s nothing there! We didn't even land on it.
> only someone trying to hide something would say that. if we didn’t land on it, how do you know there's nothing there?
> Sigh we did LAND on the moon. We just didn’t BUILD anything there.
> Our space tech isn’t THAT advanced. We still don’t have a lunar colony
> but maybe a seeeeeecret lunar monster colony?
> if we had that kind of terraforming tech we would have solved 99% of our pollution problems already
“Oh darlings, the moon is at least good for one thing.” Mettaton struck a dramatic pose. “As a romantic backdrop for my greatest hits! Order today, and get a free MTT-Brand Extra Spark-tacular Lunar Poster for all your starstruck needs!”
“Speaking of romance, I think this next question fits the bill. To Lady Lucidia: what’s your secret to a happy marriage?”
Perceptive Alphys asked: “Why is she getting all the serious questions?”
Lucidia replied: “Closest match to query: shared experiences. We do things together, be it at work or at leisure. That includes housework. Since Mezil has lived on his own before, he has sufficient mindfulness in certain aspects of housekeeping.”
Doctor Alphys glowed with interest. “D-do you watch anime together?”
“Sometimes,” she replied, “But more often we play digital games. Not against each other, mind you. Sometimes I’d watch Mezil's gameplay. Sometimes he watches mine. Two different people playing the same title can yield very different results.”
“That’s delightfully adorable!” Mettaton squealed. “Do you see now my darlings? Beneath all that grim front is the fluffiest couple~”
[MTT ☆ GOSSIP ☆ LIVE]
> dawwww
> They’re so goth: dark on the outside, cute on the inside
> Wow. Never thought Mezil is actually a massive Type A Tsundere. That’s cool.
> He’s not as scary as he looks
> you guys kept bashing him, but he’s actually super good to retail workers
> he’s reasonable and patient. Nice tips for the service too
> just don’t piss him off by being a rude idiot. That’s really it.
The ‘image improvement’ master plan worked just as intended! The less the public sees anyone as enemies, the better. Watching perceptions shift to a lighter spectrum filled Mettaton with satisfaction.
“Oh? What is this?” He commented, “We have a new contributor! My oh my, this fan is quite generous. For 350 dollars we have another question addressed to Judge Thyme.”
After clearing his mechanical throat, Mettaton read it out loud: “Mezil: Are you sure you’re not an actual amnesiac vampire? I found several pictures of you from the 1940s! And, there’s also this one 15th-century painting that looks like you grew an impressive mustache.”
The old man exclaimed from sheer disbelief. “Excuse me?!?!”
Lady Lucidia laughed even harder. She must be having a field day with this session.
After regaining her composure, she commented, “Query: was the name of this man from the 1940s ‘William Winston’?”
Ding, ding! Correct. The participant posted a picture of a sharp looking man in a previous-century military uniform. Although the photograph was of someone in his twenties, Mettaton spotted enough similarities to understand the curiosity.
[MTT ☆ GOSSIP ☆ LIVE]
> I-is this for real?
> holy smokes
> It’s that era alright
> I see the similarities in the wavy hair.
> How am i supposed to compare an old dude with this hot youngster?
> He’s not THAT old! He’s only 50 years old despite his super white hair.
> and he's still hot
Mezil grumbled, “I am not sure if I should be impressed or disturbed. William Winston was my great-grandfather. He earned many medals for defending the border. If you paid attention in history class, you should know that this soil was almost lost to a dictator’s invasion. It’s thanks to men like him that we remained sovereign.”
[MTT ☆ GOSSIP ☆ LIVE]
> Wow! A descendant of a war hero!
> that’s like, everyone during that time though
> yeah i heard my great gramps signed up for war at 16 years old
> what about the ancient painting? i wanna see the painting!
Though reluctant, the man replied: “My wife is more versed in topics surrounding events of centuries past. Let her see it.”
Request, granted. It was an oil painting of what appears to be a high-ranking soldier in his forties. The contributor was not kidding about the plush moustache: well groomed and sculpted for maximum fashion points. Although the man did not wear armour, he tucked a helmet under his arm with great pride.
Lucidia’s tone of voice turned cold and factual. “Identity confirmed. However, this man does not match my husband’s genetic data. The similarities are pure coincidence. Furthermore, facial details register a lower matching percentage compared to William Winston.”
“What about his name?” Mettaton scratched the top of his boxy head.
“Name, classified, confidential. He was a Vanquisher sent by the Magus Association to execute a DEMON on a throne. His target's cruelty was one of the key inspirations for classical vampire lore.”
“Oh my, he was a vampire hunter?”
“Acceptable approximate. Apologies. I can not disclose any further details. Query denied.”
An uncomfortable silence hovered over the chat…
[MTT ☆ GOSSIP ☆ LIVE]
> Uhhhhhhhhh
> what happened?
> is she offended?
> Did we make her angry?
> It’s like a switch.
> why does she sometimes start talking like a robot?
> Maybe she IS a robot???
> It’s the witch switch
> Hey, she’s known as The Sky Witch for a reason…
> Were you traumatized as a child?
> it’s gotta be something big
> don’t be afraid. we’re nice people
Mettaton resisted the urge to scream. And, judging from Alphys’ face, she had the same thought. The internet was as fickle and as intrusive as the legends say.
“D-darlings! Your concern is appreciated, but I think we’re going too fast too soon! I suggest a focused interview for such confessions. Maybe in a future livestream?”
[MTT ☆ GOSSIP ☆ LIVE]
> Ooooooooh
> An Interview With a Vampire (and His Wife)?
> nononono it’s An Interview With a Vampire and a Witch.
> I’m totes up for that session
What a big relief. “Thank you for your kind considerations, my darlings. In the meantime. I want to hear the conclusion to this doppelganger tale. Lady Lucidia, how does your classy husband look like in his prime?”
Like that, the warmth in her voice returned. “Mezzy dear, you have the best copy saved in your cloud, right? Upload that straight to the livestream.”
“Yes dear…”
And so, a reluctant, grumpy Mezil Thyme uploaded a picture of his youthful days. His fancy getup didn’t change much over the years.
Looking at it, Mettaton gasped.
Alphys gasped.
The whole camera crew gasped.
If the wild reactions of the livestream were anything to go by, even the viewers gasped at the reveal.
[MTT ☆ GOSSIP ☆ LIVE]
> omg
> [censored]
> oh my god
> Are you kidding me???
> Mezil looks EXACTLY like his great-grandfather?!?!?
> Oh no he’s hot
> He’s hot as an old dude too
> I TOLD YOU HE’S STILL HOT!!!
> wtf even is this
> impossibru
Alphys noted: “T-they could pass off as twins!”
“Or clones!” Mettaton added, “Maybe our contributor is right after all: what if the Supreme Judge secretly a benevolent vampire?! A war hero of legendary skills~”
In which Mezil doth protest: “Absolutely not!”
[MTT ☆ GOSSIP ☆ LIVE]
> There’s no such thing as a benevolent vampire.
> Like there’s no such thing as a war hero.
> you can’t ever call anyone a hero if they’re in war. There are only war criminals
> whether or not they’re on the winning or losing side doesn't matter
> Let me tell you. I know what he did.
> I know the people he killed.
> sod off edgelord
> 2edgy4me
> Have you considered earning the title of an edgemarquis? If you ask me, you sound more like a killer than Judge Thyme. Bet you're a psychopath.
> ad honenheim fallacy!
> Ad hominem you idiot
> this isn’t some alchemist cartoon
> Uuuuuuh family friendly channel here
> Yeah, guys. I don’t think this is allowed in MTT’s livestream
“Uuuhh…” Alphys started sweating. “M-Metta? I think you gotta close the chat.”
“No, dearie. I-it’s normal for chat get a little heated. I-l'm sure it'll moderate itself eventually. Look, my viewers are defending Judge Thyme! Thank you sweeties, for keeping the peace~"
And with that, everything returned to normal. The whole chat breathed a collective sigh of relief.
[MTT ☆ GOSSIP ☆ LIVE]
> ok ok
> no more fighting ok? :(
> fine
"Huh. What’s this? Another donation? It’s a whole grand! It reads…”
[MTT ☆ GOSSIP ☆ LIVE]
> [1000$] Your propaganda machine is laughable. We will not be silenced. You keep the corpses of dead children. Monster. Magi. Human. Any and all heretic sympathizers will die by our cleansing blade tonight!
> We will purge the world of your influence!
> Mark our words!
That’s the last straw. Mettaton cried out, “Reject that payment! I WILL NOT have anyone spew hate on MY channel. Time for a commercial break!”
“The MTT Behind The Scenes Feast of Fantasy Livestream is brought to you by the MTT Soda Line: Sparkle up your life with every sip of MTT!”
And so, the stream was cut short.